CH 12.1

Arriving at the Ducal Residence of Montefeltra in the capital, Lila stepped out of the carriage, her face pale with exhaustion.

Escorted up to her room by Lucas, she pushed him away with a slender hand as he followed her in.

“Lala?”

‘Lala’ had become a term of endearment after the Hilda incident, and Lila had gotten used to it.

By the way.

“This, this…”

Lila stuttered and shuddered.

“Why are you like that? Why do you have such scary eyes?”

Lila screeched at Lucas’s impudent demeanor, knowing better than anyone why she was doing this.

“You shameless bastard!”

Lila clenched her fist and punched him in the chest. She strained her hand to give him a painful slap, but it only made her hand hurt.

“Haha!”

Lucas gently squeezed her fist, which didn’t even tickle. He squeezed her tiny fist, which was completely covered by his palm, and grinned widely.

“Shameless, isn’t that too harsh a word for your husband?”

“Then, isn’t what the Duke did too much?”

Lila thought back to the time they had come to the capital from the north. He had grabbed hold of her when they were in the carriage and wouldn’t let go, and when they arrived at the inn, he wouldn’t let her go either.

He’d been so insistent that she had wondered if he was even human. But shouldn’t he stop when he got tired of it?

Lila squeezed the corners of her eyes. ‘Let’s make it clear this time,’ she thought.

“No. We’ll set a date. I have a life, and the Duke has a job, don’t you agree?”

“You’re calling me Duke on purpose, aren’t you, to piss me off?”

“No, I’m not. I’m making a request to you as the Duchess.”

“But I’m not the only one at fault, am I, my lady?”

“Then you’re saying I’m at fault too? Where?”

“Well, you shouldn’t look so pretty. Nor smell so good. Either that or don’t smile so prettily.”

“…”

Lila blushed a bright red color up to the nape of her neck at Lucas’s comment.

“Aren’t you ashamed? what are you saying…”

Inside, she felt good, but she couldn’t show it now. If I showed the slightest hint of it, he will stop her again.

Leaning against the doorway, Lucas crossed his arms and hummed. As if he knew what she was thinking.

“Why should I be ashamed? I’m just saying my wife looks pretty?”

“Ah, really!”

Lila gasped. He sounded so sweet, she thought her ears were melting.

“Anyway, I’d like to be left alone now, don’t you have that much consideration left in you, Duke?”

Crossing her arms in defeat, Lila looked at Lucas and narrowed her eyes.

“Hm… if my wife says so, I can’t help it. I’ll just step back.”

He straightened up from where he’d been leaning against the doorway and took her hand. Leaving a kiss on the back of her hand with a light squeeze, Lucas said goodbye.

“Well, have a good time.”

Lila watched him for a moment as he went to his room, then closed the door behind him. She went straight to her bedroom and undressed.

She slipped into the bedding, wearing nothing but the undergarments she’d tucked in. She wasn’t lying, she was really tired.

As soon as she closed her eyes, Lila was fast asleep.

And then she woke up.

Her eyelids moved slowly in her groggy mind, and she was startled by the change in scenery.

She sat up in bed and shuddered as she took in the colorful room.

She recognized it from somewhere.

“Is that you?”

A voice came from right next to her. The familiar voice made her turn around, creaking like a broken machine.

It was like looking in a mirror. A woman with an identical face to her own stared back at her with a pale face and a depressed expression.

“You’re me…”

The woman in front of her blinked very slowly. She spoke so slowly that it was almost impossible to understand what she was saying unless you listen closely.

She couldn’t get any words out. The nightmare had come again, and the look on her face was so horrible, so identical to her own, that she couldn’t get any words out.

As she stared at herself with her lips pressed tightly together and her eyes shaking, the woman spoke again.

It was so slow, her voice so fragile.

“I want to die…”

With a windy sob, tears fell from the woman’s dark blue eyes. The tears fell like glass beads and landed on the back of her hand.

Drop, drop.

Even though she knew it was a dream, she reached out as if mesmerized by the hot tears on the back of her hand.

A face identical to hers gently enveloped her, dark blue eyes darting around and then locking onto hers.

“I’m so tired…”

She leaned her cheek against the warm palm and spoke again.

“I miss my dad…”

The woman’s breath seemed to fade with each word, and she reached out and pulled him into a hug.

The woman, who had the same body but looked more fragile than her own, didn’t resist, but relaxed into the embrace.

“I made a promise. To the man in black.”

The woman in her arms said.

“Promised what?”

She spoke for the first time, her voice full of life, unlike the woman in her arms.

“He said he’d help me die, because I’m so tired…”

“…Who?”

She shuddered, remembering the blood that had soaked the bed, like the crimson paint she’d seen before.

Unable to tell if it was a dream or a scene from a novel, she said.

“Why do you want to die, Lila, when you can live?”

She couldn’t help but ask the original Lila.

“If I come into your body and I can’t come back out…”

She suddenly remembered the word ‘regression’ she’d seen in her journal, and stammered, just in case.

“If that’s the case, then… I…”

I’ll leave you.

She truly thought so. It was an unjust death, but she was the one who had to die.

Sensing her sincerity, Lila slowly raised her head.

Then, very slowly, she shook her head.

“It’s what I wanted. I don’t want to go back and live. I’ve been through all this… and you want me to go back and see those horrible, regretful, hateful people again?”

Lila, who had been meekly in her arms, broke free in an instant. Lila didn’t have the same dazed look on her face that she’d grown accustomed to.

Her face was filled with resentment and hatred, and she looked vicious.

“I want to kill them! I want to kill them for breaking me like this! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I only have one chance, and it’s now.”

She stared blankly at Lila, who slowly backed away. Lila’s bony body looked so different from her own now.

It must have been the same…

Lila, the heroine of the novel ⎡Birds are happy when they are trapped in a cage,⎦ who must have been more beautiful than she was, was dried up and shriveled, looking like a discarded flower on the ground.

Suddenly, a sharp piece of mirror in her hand reflects the sunlight.

“Lil…”

As she called, Lila opened her mouth. The face that had been filled with resentment and hatred was now filled with joy.

“I’m going to get back at Alfonso for trying to own me like a toy, at Theobald for turning me into an idiot and liking it… And to Heinrich, who had only glazed over saying he loved me…”

As she listened to Lila’s voice, she was distracted by a distant voice.

She wanted to stop her, but a clear sound, like the tinkling of a bell, like the rolling of a glass ball, kept shaking her.

“To them–revenge–is the best. –Buy the most–do me–this is…”

She shook her head, but it was no use. A clear voice grew louder and louder in her head.

Now she couldn’t hear Lila talking. The scene seemed unreal, with only her mouth moving.

Lila smiled a grotesque smile and threw her hands up in the air. The reflection of the sunlight made the mirror shine fiercely.

She reached out in anticipation, but her hand strangely failed to reach Lila. She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the dizzying sensation of being turned upside down.

All she could hear now was a steady stream of crystal clear sound that completely occupied her head.

“Heuhk!”

Lila opened her eyes, drenched in sweat.

Her heart was pounding so hard, she thought it might jump out of her mouth. She clamped her hand over her mouth and sucked in a breath.

Thump, thump, thump, thump. It wasn’t enough to keep her breathing. Through her foggy mind, she heard a clear sound that awakened her senses.

The clear sound, like marbles rolling around in a glass jar, was coming from Michael’s video communications tool.

Without realizing it, Lila, with tears streaming down her face, leaned over and grabbed the tool from the nightstand.

She pressed the blue button which was the same color as her eyes.

—Lila, why are you so late? Were you asleep?

A cheerful voice reached her ears. Lila took a deep breath and answered, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yes, I slept.”

—Are you in the capital?

Clinging to the only thing that glowed dimly in the darkened room while she slept, Lila calmed her frantically beating heart.

“Yes, we’re in a room in the capital mansion.”

—I can’t see your face in the dark. You’ve been sleeping since you arrived, haven’t you?

“Yes.”

—Well, call me tomorrow. Okay?

“Yeah, okay.”

The faint glow of the device was extinguished, and the room was plunged into pitch blackness.

Except for the faintest glimmer of light from the balcony beyond, Lila curled up in the darkness of her bedroom and muttered softly.

“Lila…”

Even though she knew it was a dream, Lila wanted to mourn the original Lila. Her grief felt like her own, her resentment like her own.

And the fierce look in her eyes, as she cursed the three lords, was etched into Lila’s eyes.

For a time, Lila remained like that, holding her grief and resentment in her body.