CH 61

Chapter 61: I wish you all the best

Ernesta walked down the hallway with the ambassador. They deliberately moved at a normal speed, since running would attract attention and cause them trouble even if they passed someone. Finally, they arrived at a shabby, isolated cottage in a corner of the palace.

“Please change into the maid costume and stole here.”

Inside the cottage, there were maid costumes and stoles prepared. Following Engeberg’s instructions, Ernesta changed into them and went outside, where Engeberg showed an impressed expression.

“With this, no one will notice. Ernesta-sama, you are good at disguising yourself.”

“I am a commoner. This is more suitable for me.”

Ernesta smiled brightly. Engeberg seemed relieved by her poised attitude, and he also smiled.

“Ernesta-sama, thank you so much. I will never forget this favor.”

“Oh, no. I am also deeply grateful for curing my mother’s illness.”

“No, we were originally in a position where we had to treat Isolte-sama as gratitude for raising you. We were, in fact, taking her hostage.”

Those were words that exposed his own guilt. Even though he didn’t have to say it, he was one of those who carried out his work while being tormented by his conscience.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about. The fact that you helped me is sufficient.”

Ernesta had caused this kind and serious ambassador a lot of trouble and always relied on his help. As she parted ways with the person with whom she had shared secrets for over two months, her tear ducts loosened once again.

“I couldn’t do anything… I caused you a lot of worry too.”

“Indeed, I was always concerned. Miss, you always handle everything according to your own judgment.”

“Uh… I’m sorry.”

Ernesta lowered her at the last minute. But the light in Engeberg’s eyes was kind and he immediately smiled and shook his head.

“You have done your best, and you have even won everyone’s trust. Please stop belittling yourself. You have done everything in your power to behave as a queen, and you have only responded to our selfish demands. There is no fault in that.”

“Count Engeberg…”

“Thank you again, Ernesta-sama. I pray for your happiness from now on.”

Realizing that he was encouraging her to bear the suffering of a substitute, Ernesta had nothing more to say.

The last smile on her face must have been distorted. After giving a deep bow, Ernesta finally turned on her heel and began to walk away.

Finally, she went out through the back door and got into the carriage that was waiting in the distance. There were the imperial guards who had taken care of her on the way, and they made a deep bow to her.

The wheels creaked as the carriage began to move. Ernesta gazed absent-mindedly at the gradually flowing cityscape at dawn.

While she had been so anxious when she first arrived, the journey back was filled with a sense of loss.

Ernesta had no idea it would be this difficult. She hadn’t even imagined how hard it would be when she accepted the mission.

When Engeberg first explained the plan to her and said, “Keep a distance of neither too close nor too far.” She had argued back then, wondering why he would say such a thing, but now she understood.

Those were words to save Ernesta. It was his kindness to prevent her from experiencing such hardship.

Her eyes throbbing with pain, everything she had endured so far surged into her, breaking through the dam easily. Without even wiping away the overflowing tears, Ernesta closed her eyes, unable to fight the misty view.

In the darkness, all she could think of were the faces of the people who had taken care of her, particularly the man she had loved most in her life, whose memory burned her chest like a fever.

Ivan would touch Ermengard, gazing at her with kind eyes and giving her awkward words. Maybe one day he will love and be loved by his real wife who has an unfathomable charm.

Ernesta finally broke down, burying her face in her knees. Earlier, she had pretended to be obedient and listened, but in truth, she was in so much pain and wanted to scream out how much she hated every inch of her body.

Her chest hurt. It hurt so much that it was unbearable.

She would carry this guilt for the rest of her life. So at least she wished to offer her love for the country, who she knew would never return her feelings.

Please forgive me. She would pray for “his” military exploits from afar and wish for his happiness.

Ernesta continued to hold back tears. She could tell that the guard sitting across from her had a solemn look, but she couldn’t stop crying.

The carriage, carrying the end of one chapter, quietly made its way through the town in the early morning. No one knew who was inside.

❂❂❂

“…Yes. I promise. I’ll wait for you here.”

Bathed in the blue-white light of the full moon, his delicate and beautiful wife smiled.

Everything about her had become an irreplaceable treasure to Ivan. Even though he knew she only touched him to prove that he would not be hurt, the joy he felt for her kindness and the warmth he faintly felt on his lips was just as great.

“Ah, I promise.”

The softest voice he’s ever heard.

He couldn’t indulge in this warmth. And yet, the thorn that had pierced his heart fell away without his permission.

In the end, his pride and duty as a king meant nothing in front of her.

Suppressing his emotions and distancing himself from gentle days was much easier than feeling guilty for enjoying them. But if it meant making her happy, he felt he could even accept the things he had refused to see until now.

How arrogant he was to force her to make such a promise to wait for him. But no matter how much self-loathing he felt, He couldn’t leave her side without keeping that promise. He felt like she would vanish like an illusion if he took his eyes off her, not knowing what kind of life she had lived, what she liked, or what she desired.

Nevertheless, Ivan swore to believe in her. So he had to depart with that promise in his heart, trusting her.

Her deep green eyes stared straight at him. Their color was crystal clear, reflecting the sad face of the wolf.

“Ivan. I would like you to have this.”

She suddenly goes through the pockets of her gown and hands him something.

Ivan gently took the wrap from her slender fingers, covered in wolf fur.

When he opened it, he found many candy balls inside. Each one was wrapped in thin cloth, giving a rustic appearance. Ivan raised his head in surprise.

“I thought it would be nice to have something sweet that would last a while, so I made it. After finishing helping with the expedition, I borrowed the kitchen… in the end, everyone helped me, and we made a lot of it, so I put it in the provisions.”

She smiled shyly, and he felt a little disappointed.

It wasn’t just made for me? Ivan was shocked at the selfishness of his thought.

What was I thinking? She had taken care of the preparations for the expedition. Moreover, she had shown such consideration even for a husband she did not love.

“You like apricots, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Good. I actually made apricot-flavored candy only for Ivan. It’s just that I couldn’t couldn’t make many, so keep it a secret.”

He couldn’t help but be shaken by her words.

The disappointment he felt earlier turned into excitement, and a crazy feeling began to build up.

“If you’re tired, eat something sweet. Take it easy. And… I’m sure you’ll come back safely.”

As he looked at her poignant smile, he felt like he wanted to scream for no reason, and he tightened his grip on the package.

If these claws and fangs hadn’t been present tonight, I might have hurt you terribly.

You say I’m kind and sincere, but that’s far from the truth.

I’m a rogue who almost forgets even the promise to wait for you every time I sleep with you. I think I can’t bear to be hated by you. I’m nothing but a beast.

“Thank you, Ellie.”

Surely, she’s worried. Even though she doesn’t say anything, her kind heart is not aching for the war, being the kind person that she is.

So Ivan made a vow in his heart.

I don’t know who you are.

But for now, I would simply protect you. For this country, and for the person waiting for me.

❂

When he opened his eyes, Ivan’s field of vision was filled with a tasteless tent.

He closed his blurry vision, trying to chase the remnants of his dream. But the delicate figure melted like mist, and even the content of the dream became obscure.

“… I hope you are well.”

His passionate murmur was thrown out into the dim tent and fell.

After taking a candy from his luggage and putting it in his mouth, Ivan headed outside to start his work.