CH 83

“Yes, very much.”

“It’s hilarious. What should we eat for dinner?”

There was also a small kitchen where you could cook, but I used to fill my stomach with food I had brought beforehand. It wasn’t much different today either, but there were ingredients I brought separately in advance.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Um, can I really say it?”

Valery’s eyes widened in surprise. I smiled at the obvious change in his expression.

“You did it last time. You said you wanted to eat the soup I made for you again. So I brought some ingredients… and thought I’d cook it for you if you’re okay with that.”

“I want to eat it.” He replied in less than a second, perhaps thinking I might change my words.

I burst out laughing even louder this time. “Okay, I will do it for you.”

“I’ll help you from the side.”

“Um, okay.”

I got up from the sofa, grabbed his hand, and led him toward the kitchen.

* * *

“Bella.”

A nobleman, who seemed to have gold in his hair, leaned his face against my thigh. After a simple but nice dinner, we walked on the beach, returned, and had time for ourselves.

If Valery was like a star getting higher and higher as time went by, I was like darkness gradually encroaching on the ground.

“Prince, no, Crown Prince, please get up now.”

“Call me by my name.”

As I tried to push him away, he came closer, demanding with a sweeter voice. I laughed a little at it.

How many times did he ask me to call his name last night? He said he liked it best when I called him by his first name. When I asked what was different from what other people called him, even though it was the same name, he slowly opened his eyes.

“It’s different.”

“And what’s the difference?”

“When you called my name, I felt like the only man loved by you.”

“What is that?”

He looked up at me as if he would wait until I called him. Eventually, I surrendered and called his name.

“Valery.”

“Yes, call me like that. I like it when you pat my hair.”

A calm face without a single speck of dust. It looked like he was wandering in a dream.

I pretended not to hear it but reluctantly brushed his hair carefully. That’s right, today I will listen to whatever my heart wants.

Then he let out a drowsy sigh of satisfaction. Perhaps because he was so big, it looked like a big dog was attached to me. Still, the reason my legs didn’t hurt or feel heavy was probably because of his consideration.

But the more I thought about it, the clearer the sound of the clock’s second hand in my ears.

“Bella, I would sell my soul to the devil if I could stay like this with you forever.”

It’s childish. But I knew for sure that his words were sincere. Actually, he might do something worse than that just by looking at what he has done so far.

He lifted his head, looked up, and pulled the palm of my hand, pressing his lips against it. His purple eyes looked like jewels, and his sculptural face was so stunningly beautiful. It felt like a tingling feeling ran up the palm of my hand and reached my heart.

He, who has risen to the highest position and put everyone under his feet, looked at me from the bottom. Maybe I’m the only person who could look at him from there. His appearance gave me a sense of satisfaction and victory, but it was something I shouldn’t have. 

“If you sell it to the devil, you won’t be yourself anymore.”

“If you don’t want that to happen, you shouldn’t leave me alone for the rest of your life. Right, Bella?”

“… ”

I kept my mouth shut at those words. It was clear that he wouldn’t buy such a vain promise.

It was then.

“You didn’t answer. Did you try to leave me? Or trying to make me fall asleep?”

“Uh, huh? What do you mean?”

D-did I get caught? I hid my nervousness with a smile, but a cold sweat broke out inside. Since when did he notice?

He continued to talk with a calm voice. “I had no choice but to drink it even though I knew about that. Because you gave it to me. But I hope you don’t think about leaving me. That makes me want to lock you up.”

My shoulders trembled at the words that he wanted to lock me up. As he drank the tea, I remembered the eyes that had encountered me unusually close. Even at that time, I looked at his throat and averted my gaze. 

“…”

“Then I will let it go for today. I’m talking about what you’ve done, Bella.”

I closed my eyes tight as I patted his soft hair. I already asked Shale for some herbs or potions to temporarily dull your nerves and put you to sleep. My plan was to walk away from him without saying anything, so I mixed a few drops in his tea. It seemed like today’s attempt was also a failure. The sleeping tea didn’t work.

Yes, I was already certain about what I wanted and my goals from the start. I just wanted to stop my stepmother’s evil deeds, succeed in escaping, and live a long life. Another reason was that I didn’t want to corrupt him.

However, I couldn’t do that. The past, which I didn’t know and found out belatedly, was the fact I couldn’t help it. It was full of things I couldn’t undo. So all I have is this ruined life. I made this decision because I didn’t want to ruin his life which shone brightly.  

But why couldn’t he let me go? Even though I didn’t imprint him…

Valery eventually rose from his seat. Afraid of what he would say, I lowered my legs from the bed and stood up. He turned me around and locked me in his arms as I was about to leave.

“Didn’t you say we’d be together? I promise to take you out of the shadow. Why are you thinking of leaving? Why? Something must have happened a few days before!”

“… It’s not like that.”

“Then tell me. Tell me what you were going to do after I fell asleep. Because I have to hear it from your own mouth.”

When I got away from him, he relaxed his arms. But that didn’t mean he completely let me go. Because he was a person who relaxed a little so that I could be held in his arms again at any time. His chest in front of me trembled slightly. The arms that wrapped around me were the same.

“I can’t do it.”

“…What?”

“I’m saying that I can’t play this kind of love game.”

I slowly raised my head up to his chest. His eyes were looking at me.

“I shouldn’t have saved you… back then.”

“…Bella.”

“I just had to pretend I didn’t know.”

“Bella.”

“Then it would have been enough for each of us to receive our punishment. How long are you going to pretend you don’t know? Everything I know, everything you know, Valery, were irreversible.”

His face contorted in pain.

“Do you really think I can become a crown princess? I’m the daughter of Lucellai Rudbihi. You know who she is.”

I said I would overcome it, and I said it was going to be okay, but it seemed like I was asking why I was doing it now. It was a natural thing. The more I did it, the more I felt crazy. When I realized it belatedly, he would be fine without me.

“Let’s end it here. In the first place, it was just a game. If you let me go and I let you, everything is fine. If I leave with my mother, everything will be fine.”

“…”

“You said you would do anything for me. Let’s end it here before it gets worse than now. Before it’s become irreversible.”

The moment he tried to say more, I had no choice but to force him to do my favor. “For the sake of me, whom you love. That way, I will be happy.”

* * *

I was the one who left the coral beach first. Riding alone inside the carriage made my whole body feel cold as if I had moved to the harsh northern cold.

Valery didn’t catch me. Just like I said, for my happiness. When I said that I would be happy without him, he burst into tears.

“…”

As I remembered him crying, my heart throbbed and numb. I unconsciously pressed my fist around my heart.

All I had to do now was leave as my mother had already changed her mind. I wanted to live a long life, and that’s it. Since I’ve experienced love once, I didn’t have to experience it anymore. And it was enough for me to live a comfortable life as if love didn’t exist in the first place.

I really thought so when I looked at the distant scenery. It was until I heard that there was an attempt to poison the emperor and empress last night.