CH 61

By Antoinette Vanessa December 16, 2022

—I want to spend every day just like any normal girl.

Those were the last words of that child before she perished. As she said that, a gentle smile spread across her face.

…Such was the fate of the girl who was once shunned and tried for being a witch.

Surely, only I was aware of her final wish.

The last wish she uttered as she passed on in my arms.

Despite being a god, I wasn’t omnipotent.

As such, I could neither perceive all the tens and thousands of lives that passed before my eyes, nor manipulate the gazillion cycles of life. Thus, I went through the motion of processing them—unconsciously, indifferently.

Process it. Process it. Process it.

The thousand years that passed were filled with nothing but emptiness.

While not present in this world, a god was akin to a cog in a machine. In a colorless, scentless world, all I could ponder about was the regrets I had when I was alive, and the emptiness and meaningless drivels I had now.

How did I become a god?

I, a disgraced and tarnished hero, was unfortunately chosen to become a god instead of entering samsara. As such, if my time as a god had any meaning, then it must be that my soul wasn’t worth returning.

Well, I’m sorry about that.

The life saved by that child was about to be engraved in history—along with my regret of 1500 years.

—At that time, I noticed a girl in my hindsight.

She was a pitiful girl who’d die in 100 days. During her entire life, all she had was her ‘responsibility as the future queen.’ However, the girl—who wore her smile like a mask, would end up being stabbed by the man she was about to marry.

In the presence of that girl, my dormant senses were gradually resurrected, as my entire body stirred.

…Aah, why are you burdened with such a fate again?

Why are you living such an unhappy life again?

Why—can I only watch you die?

My sinking consciousness resurfaced—

—After that, I couldn’t bear to sit idly and watch.

Apparently, even after 1500 years, I still hadn’t changed. I was still the biggest moron in history.

Since then, I still hadn’t changed in the slightest—I still blindly reached out to help you.

Damn, why aren’t I omnipotent despite being a god—!

If such was the case—even if it meant sacrificing the world, I’d save your life. However, because I couldn’t perform such a miracle…

In the end, all I could do was to act self-righteously and hypocritically.

“—You’ll die in a hundred days.”

In order to make you chase after what I believed constituted as happiness, I exaggerated your fate.

Oh, how arrogant of me.

Even that wish of mine was nothing but hypocrisy.

In the first place, after reincarnating, she had already become an entirely different entity than that child.

Her memories were different, along with her circumstances. Even if she was born with the same soul, they were two different people.

…Regardless, after seeing your strong, dignified, and proud figure—

—I, who pretended to be an almighty god, fell in love with your new self all over again.

The girl named Lelouche Elcage stood tall and beautifully until the moment she was reborn. She curtsied and showed me a cunning smile. Behind her smile was a compelling sense of pressure. Then, she told me to come for her—

—As for me, I had no reason to object.

…But did you realize?

If you were reborn, you’d inadvertently lose your memories again. Therefore, even that promise of yours might end in oblivion. After all, you were about to start a different life than that of Lelouche Elcage.

—Which was why, even if you wished to see me again…

…Even if I had arbitrarily become human due to my abiding to your wish, and then I went to see you—

—You might not remember me at all.

Nevertheless, I’ll come for you.

Even if you don’t remember anything—no, there was a chance that I might forget myself, as well. However, I’d definitely find you, and make what you wished for us come true.

But before that, I decided to do a bit of sightseeing and visit the children you cherished.

‘But it’s your Idle Monologue—!’ You’d definitely say, to which I’d laugh at.

Although, in a way, I did see everything. Well, it was just for my own satisfaction.

Generally speaking, everyone ended happily.

After drawing many paintings of his older sister, your little brother became a spotlight. Later, he became a master painter almost of the same standing as Andre Oscar. ‘Lelouche’s Smile’—such was the name of his masterpiece. As for your parents, they were on good terms until the end of their lives.

Then, about your friends—

—what, will you consider this as a waste of your time, as well?

Unable to bear the sight of the second prince, who was moping in a tavern while hiding from his brother and the country, I bought him some alcohol. Do you want to know what our conversation entailed? Well, it was mostly me boasting about how the woman I’d been in love for a long time confessed to me. I was just that proud of myself.

But somehow (or maybe because of the drinks we shared…) he somewhat recovered. Afterwards, he traveled around the world using his innate talent for swordsmanship and charisma. Along the way, when the threat of war loomed over his homeland, he secretly manipulated the rumors to help with his brother’s reign.

Thus, he was renowned as a hero. Although, from his own perspective, the title itself sounded deprecating.

Nevertheless, thanks to his secret maneuvers, the period where Sazanjill Lukino Lapisenta governed became a peaceful era that would go down in history. Then, inside the will of the former queen of the time, she wrote that she’d like to wear a white shell bracelet when laid in her coffin.

Hey, Lelouch.

I know best that no true miracles existed in this world. Despite that, the trail you left behind was engraved into the world.

Even so, would you still digress, calling it a mere Idle Monologue?

***

When I finally met you, it was about time for us to fall in love by the sea.

The only reason my memories remained intact was because I struggled a lot. It was a worthwhile struggle. Of course, I didn’t pass on as cool as she did. Moreover, I still didn’t believe in miracles enough to let fate run its course.

On the white sandy beach, where the waves were ebbing and flowing, I went to find my lover. If you were to ask me, “Who are you?” with a cold stare, I wondered how disappointed I would be. Nevertheless, I’d remind you over and over again.

As I was about to stand up, a shadow expanded under the blue sky. The person responsible for it held out her delicate hand to me.

A girl wearing a simple, pure white dress. With black hair over her ears, she smiled at me, looking more beautiful than anyone else—

“Pfft, I’ve been waiting for so long?”

Instinctively, I felt grateful towards the miracle.

—Now, until the moment we die, let’s enjoy our most enjoyable future together.

***T/N: GOOOSH IM SO SATISFIEDD YOU GUYSSSSSSS