CH 143

Does she leave the house? (3) – unedited”

“Miss Erina is delusional right now.”

I don’t know why the Saint’s words suddenly come to mind. Ironically, when the vision of the smiling Saint appeared in front of my eyes, I swung it away with my hand.

And in the place where her face was erased, another face emerges. I couldn’t bear to shake my hand away.

“I am not Kayle. I’m Merson… I will live the way Erina wants.”

Even if I try to deny that his heart is sincere, I cannot deny it, and he was extremely pure to be said false.

I know everything. Merson loves me.

But it was scary. Even though I was sure that Merson loved me, everything I believed in for three years turned out to be a lie.

It was like the movie ‘The Truman Show’. It was as if I was trapped in a certain space, with thousands and hundreds of millions of eyes watching me, and I was put on their experiment table and swayed at random in various situations.

“Aren’t you even going to say hello?”

“Oh, you surprised me”

The Emperor, who touched my shoulder, looked down at me with his characteristic smirk.

“It’s been a while since I’m here. What were you thinking of?”

“… Just this and that.”

The Emperor didn’t seem to like my answer, but he didn’t ask me, perhaps he was considerate of me.

He led me to a tea table with beautifully plated refreshments. He pulls out the chair, sits me down, and even places the cookie in my hand, treating me like a child.

“I’m surprised? You went away as if you would never come again.”

“I am also surprised.”

“Need help? Money? Power? Men?”

“Are you always so rude to your guests?”

“It’s especially for you.”

“It is an honor.”

“Don’t mention it.”

I shove the cookie in my hand into my mouth. I had never properly learned manners, so I wouldn’t try. Because that would be more ridiculous.

“I need men, power and money. Can you give it to me?”

“I don’t have any hobbies to force myself to give things to others.”

“I need it.”

“Really desperate people don’t talk with their backs in their chairs like that. Not even with eyes that went out of focus. It’s not the sincere tone of voice while talking along the air.”

“… Then why did you even ask?”

I muttered like I was talking to myself, but it wasn’t so low that the Emperor couldn’t hear it.

“Because you don’t seem to want anything.”

“You’re totally mistaken? I have awesome ambitions.”

A very meticulous ambition to pass the civil service exam, receive a stable salary, enjoy all the government benefits provided by the government, and then close one’s eyes to a sufficient old age with a pension!

“Did you come here to show off your ambitions?”

“Your Majesty spoke of ambitions first, right?”

“You are the one who took the context of the question.”

I picked up the cookie and handed it to the Emperor. He takes it and pushes it into my mouth without eating it himself. It was delicious, but I was a little embarrassed because it was a different development than I intended.

I gave it to him because I thought that if I put something in his mouth, he could stop talking … Rather, he shut my mouth instead. Am I too simple minded?

It was a bit bigger than before, so it took me a while to chew through it.

The Emperor watched without talking to me until I finished eating, and only then opened his mouth again when I had enough time to lick the powder on my mouth with my tongue.

“Did the cerebral cortex doctor misdiagnose?”

“It’s similar. I trusted him more than anything else in the world, but I made a fool of myself.”

“That’s too bad. I wanted to see that doctor.”

“I told you. It’s his specialty.”

The Emperor got up and stood next to me. The Emperor patted me on the shoulder and his face approached right next to my ear.

“There will be many other great doctor. Let me introduce you.”

“Are you sure?”

The Emperor spoke to me in a sincere but playful tone. I turned my head towards the Emperor who was whispering right next to my ear and looked at him. He was so close, I can see everything, even the flinch in his eyes.

“… what?”

“That the doctor is great. Are you sure?”

It’s the first time I’ve seen him hesitate in surprise. But I wasn’t in the mood to tease him with the feelings that he was annoying. His breath is unsteadily choppy, and the exhalation touches my lips.

“You can be sure he has excellent skills as many people who have been treated want to find him again despite the high price.”

“I see. If he is a doctor that many people believe in, it is worth it. I guess it wasn’t because you trusted it on your own.”

I turned my head away from the Emperor and looked at my hands resting on the table. The sensations of touching Merson began to emerge.

“Everything I believed in was denied. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is there really no such thing as a way to get home? Actually, I am Erina Holden herself. I even thought that everything I had experienced in the past was a delusion. In that brief moment… But you know what’s more miserable? When he told me that he actually remembered everything, I was relieved. The cowardly reassurance of ‘whether he has his memories or not, our relationship will not change’.”

The Emperor wouldn’t understand it at all, but I poured out the story I had stored inside like a flood. Tears don’t come out. Rather than feeling it was like a complaint, it would be more accurate to say that I organized my thoughts through words.