CH 135

Chapter 135: Jin Yang’s Letter

When I think of you, your words come to me as if you were right in front of me:

When we first met, you were sitting in the seventh row of the lecture hall, near the aisle. The lecture hall was crowded, and as I stood on the stage giving my graduation speech, I saw a sea of faces, but only you stood out.

I used to think that “love at first sight” was a silly phrase, not worthy of serious consideration. I believed that what we see at first is only skin-deep and not worth our attention.

However, that all changed one day when I realized that there might be some truth to it.

To be honest, I do not think of what exists between us as mere love, but rather as a life shared by husband and wife.

You know about my background, and you understand that “living together” is much more important to me than “being in love.”

To me, you are the person closest to my heart, and I treasure and value you deeply.

However, I have been busy with work in recent years, and I regret that I have not been able to treat you as well as you deserve.

I have no relatives other than my older brother. And we grew up in such an environment that, to be honest, I don’t really know how to properly love and take care of someone, to make you happy and live a good life with me.

In one’s lifetime, fate is not the only thing that matters. How should we describe the relationship between us?

I never believed in class differences and always thought that love was a matter between two people, but reality is never that simple.

Yuanyang Technologies was founded with all my hopes. For me, it is not just a company, but half a lifetime’s worth of dreams and achievements.

You may not understand the feeling of worrying about whether you will have enough to eat or if you can afford to go to school next semester or if you will have enough food for the next day.

I used to live a frugal life due to the ingrained habit of being too cautious. Living a life of trembling and fighting for every meal and every piece of paper, relying on the kindness of others.

To be honest with you, when I was around ten years old, I calculated the food supplies for the orphanage for the next six months. I took into account whether anyone would donate and whether anyone would adopt children to alleviate the burden on the orphanage. All these factors determined whether we could eat enough.

You may find it strange, but if we go back 20 years, were there really people who couldn’t eat enough?

Half a steamed bun and a small portion of vegetables for each meal may not starve a person to death, but it was a difficult time to live in.

I often think back to when I was a child and my brother would often give me his portion of food.

He always used the excuse of not liking the food that day.

But in that environment, who had the luxury of liking or not liking the food?

Radishes, cabbage, boiled bean sprouts, and always and forever shredded potatoes – as long as there was food, it was good.

Before starting my own business, I worked many odd jobs, the best of which was helping out in a restaurant kitchen because the boss provided meals and I could eat until I was full.

Before founding Yuanyang Technology, I always lived in fear and uncertainty, even more so than before.

In the past, it was just my brother and me, but later we had Ranran, such a tiny and fragile little thing.

I really didn’t want her to end up like us, worrying about not having enough to eat every day and constantly struggling to pay for next semester’s tuition.

Now in the workplace, many people say, “Director Jin is young and talented, with exceptional abilities.” Every time I hear this, I just smile seemingly casually, but who knows the difficulties behind this praise?

Many of the people who can achieve my position are from business families. They have established eyesight and judgment since childhood, but I have nothing.

Things that others can easily get, I have to go and move chairs, stack books on the chairs, and step on them little by little to reach.

While they can easily reach out for what they need, I still have to search around for chairs that can be used and books that can be placed on them.

I am not cynical or resentful towards those who are inherently superior to me.

Yuanyang Technology is an important turning point in my life, and I have put in 120% effort to manage it. I used to be so pathetic that I would stare at the constantly changing balance in my bank account for days.

Even if it’s just an increase of one dollar, it still brings joy to people.

When it earned me two thousand dollars in a month, it wasn’t even considered a company yet. But, I felt like the whole world had become clearer.

Although I knew that two thousand dollars was actually very little, it was enough to rent a small rental house and have food for a month. I could survive by my own efforts.

When we met, Yuanyang Technology was already making considerable profits, at least for me.

It was progressing steadily, and I felt like I was the owner of a small convenience store. I didn’t become rich, but it was enough to live a good life.

But all of this came to an abrupt end.

I found out a few days ago what had happened. Your mother and brother, who had lived a life of abundance since childhood, probably didn’t understand what it feels like to crush the hopes of those who struggled to grow in the mud.

Under the malicious oppression, it was no longer a matter of leaving me with nothing. The several million dollars of debt was like a hand, tightly squeezing my neck, able to easily crush my life at any moment.

How could I let you follow me and live a life like this?

You have such a pair of clean and gentle eyes. You should enjoy your life well, instead of standing on the edge of a cliff like me, risking your life at any moment.

After Yuanyang Technology was gone, I rented a shared room in an old residential area.

Dirty tenants, noisy atmosphere, and always scattered instant noodle cups. And the clinical calls in the middle of the night made me even more grateful that we broke up.

During the busiest time, I worked four jobs a day.

I went to work as a part-time employee at the steamed bun shop downstairs at 5:30 in the morning, worked until 7:30, then went to work, took two hours off at noon to handle some side gigs on the Internet, and worked as a night shift clerk at the convenience store from 7 pm to 11 pm.

Too much work can really drive a person crazy, but I have no choice. It’s either death or paying off my debts, but I can’t die.

Mushi, if you were me, how would you choose after knowing all of this?

I know it’s not your fault, but sometimes, one cannot deceive oneself. It’s not like I can cover it up by pretending not to know.

Life is already difficult enough. I don’t want to torture myself, nor do I want to torture you in the long run.

By the time you receive this letter, I will have resigned from my job at Yucheng Group and gone to a distant place.

Let’s both move on from each other and live our own lives. From now on, we’ll go our separate ways and there’s no need to see each other again.

End of Chapter 135

TL/Note: just why? (T⌓T)