Chapter 330: South Park (5)

Chapter 330: South Park (5)

Five minutes earlier, at Stan’s home...

Stan’s mother, Sharon, was on the phone with a deeply concerned look on her face. “Please, I do not know where else to turn. The police haven’t been any help. I think our boys might really in trouble this time.”

The person on the other line also said something in return. Sharon then replied, “Yes... Yes... Please check and call me right back. Thank you.”

After saying that, she hung up the phone. After putting down the phone, the expression of concern and worry had not left her face. Sharon could be considered one of the more normal characters in South Park. Therefore, after her son mysteriously disappeared, it was normal for her to panic, just as most parents would do in her position.

But... in this room, there was someone else who was not so normal, and that person was Stan’s father, Randy, the god of crossing the line in South Park.

Randy normally dressed up in blue shirt. He had black hair that was parted down the middle and a small mustache on his lips, the kind that was slightly wider than the president of China. The man’s official job was a geologist, but there were rarely any scenes where he was seriously at work. Most of the time, he was busy trying to push down everyone’s bottom line. At that moment, while his wife was worried sick about their son that had gone missing, Randy was walking around the house with a video camera, taking down everything in the shot.

In these two episodes of South Park, Randy had just recently purchased a new video camera, so he had been using it to capture everything that was happening around him. The content was extremely boring and repetitive... It included footage of his family members eating, showering, watching the television, using the toilet, and so on. Other than that, he would complement the recording with his own narration.

“Randy! I swear to God, if you do not put that thing away...” Sharon yelled angrily at him. Over these past few days, she had suffered more than enough harassment from her husband.

However, Randy replied to her in the same way as usual when she got angry about this situation. “Sharon, you are going to be pretty glad when I have footage of this family someday.”

“I mean it, Randy, that is enough!” Sharon stood up from her chair and lambasted her husband. “You do not have to video tape every single minute...”

Suddenly, a low growl came from outside the house... Sharon’s scolding was interrupted, and her expression became colored by uncertainty and confusion.

“What the hell was that?” Randy also commented. He did not put the video camera down but entered the Cloverfield cinematography mode.

Cloverfield, for those unaware, is a 2008 American science-fiction, monster-horror film directed by Matt Reeves, produced by J.J. Abrams, and written by Drew Goddard. The film is presented as found footage from a personal camcorder recovered by the United States Department of Defense in the area ‘formerly known as Central Park’, bearing a disclaimer stating multiple sightings of a case designated ‘Cloverfield’. The film’s shaky camera style of cinematography, dubbed ‘La Shakily Queasy-Cam’ by Roger Ebert, caused some viewers, particularly in darkened movie theaters, to experience motion sickness.

After sensing the earth-shaking footsteps, Sharon uttered in fear, “Oh my God.”

“Something is going on outside...” Randy said urgently. “Stay here.”

He then turned around with his trusty video camera in his hands and headed out the front door. When he reached the front door, Stan’s violent big sister Shelly was coming down from the second floor. She stood at the stairs to ask, “What’s going on, dad?”

“Get back to your room, Shelly!” Randy ordered sternly. Then, Randy ran out from the house. Once he opened the door, he could see the screaming throng of people, and there was sound of helicopters circling coming from the sky. He lifted his head to look and saw two Chinooks hovering in the air.

Among the bustling crowd, Randy saw a familiar face. It was Stan’s homeroom teacher, Mr. Garrison. The second worst character at South Park, he was only second to Randy. He was bald, wore spectacles, and dressed in green. The man had been through two gender-adjustment surgeries, and throughout that period, he had assumed the role of a male heterosexual, male homosexual, female heterosexual, and female homosexual; whenever he changed his sexual orientation, he would join the support group and rallies of said group, but when it got involved with his personal benefits, he would instantly change his stance to violate and attack and humiliate the groups that he had represented in the past or would represent in the future. He was the typical case of ‘the ass deciding what the brain thinks’.

Randy ran forward to pull at the man to ask, “What’s going on?”

Garrison replied with dread and alarm, “They are all over the place!”

“What? What are?” Randy followed it up with another question.

“They are really furry...” Garrison shouted in reply. Then, after shouting that, he shook loose from Randy’s grasp and followed the rest of the crowd to escape to safety.

“Ah!” A harrowing shriek caught Randy’s attention. He turned his head toward it and saw a man wearing a yellow t-shirt and jeans flying through the air from a far, and then with a splat, he landed right before him. The man’s body was mangled from the fall. His left leg was twisted like a pretzel, and both of his arms were folded behind him. The ribs on the left side of his body were poking through his chest, and the bone was also protruding out from his right wrist. Almost at the same second as he landed on the ground, the man took his last breath. Blood burst out from his mouth and nose, and he died with his eyes wide open.

“What did that?” Randy cursed with shock.

Wu!

Then came another groan. Randy lifted his eyes to see. Behind the group of escaping people, he saw it... there was a giant guinea pig.

“What is that thing?” Randy shouted with his voice breaking.

That did not seem to hurt Craig at all. He continued to mock the rest of them with his expressionless face. “I am being a dick...”

Stan confirmed. “Yes!”

Craig continued like he did not hear that. “You guys took my birthday money, then got me arrested and sent to Miami with no way home except to take down the country of Peru... and I am being a dick?”

The money that was used to the start the Peruvian Flute Band by the kids had been swindled by the kids from Craig.

Cartman then pointed at Craig and told his other pals, “There is no talking to this guy.”

“Alright, fine, Craig, when we get back home, we will give your money back, and we will never talk to you again. How’s that?” asked a frustrated Stan.

“That would be great, thank you,” Craig answered.

“This is wrong. This just doesn’t make any sense. Why would Homeland Security send us into Peru?” Kyle pointed out.

Kenny mumbled something that only his friends would be able to understand. In any case, Kyle got it clearly because he continued. “I don’t know. It just feels like there has to be something else going on here.”

Craig was not going to let him have the last word on this, so he pointed out. “Do you know why no one at school likes hanging out with the four of you? Because you are always doing things like this... You come up with these crazy ideas, and something bad will happen, then you will be escorted out of the country or tossed into space. And that is why... no one likes playing with any of you.”

“You are being too pessimistic, Craig. I’m sure everything will work out in the end,” Cartman replied like it was nothing.

...

At the same time, the conference room for the American Department of Homeland Security was empty except for one person, who stood quietly next to the podium that was at the center of the room. It was that balding commander from the previous chapter, and he was the head of homeland security. Before him was the picture of a world map. At that moment, he had his hands behind his back, studying the map. There was a proud smile that curled up the sides of his lips.

An African American soldier in military gear walked in from the door holding a document in his hands, and he said with urgency, “Sir, we’ve got a bigger problem.”

“Oh?” In contrast, the tone of the head of Homeland Security could not have been more relaxed. “And what might that be?”

“New reports are coming in from major cities all over the world. Word of massive destruction and death by what appears to be...” The African American officer hesitated for a moment.

The Head of Homeland Department did not wait for the man to finish. He turned around and uttered with a chilling smile, “Guinea pigs?”

When the African American officer heard that, he was shocked beyond belief. “Er... Yes sir. How did you know?”

The Head of Homeland Security turned back and said with a cheery smile. “You were so close to figuring it all out, Davis. Did you know that? Haha...”

“Er, sir?” Davis really did not understand what his superior was telling him.

“I really thought you had me in Miami, but you just could not quite put the pieces together,” the Head of Homeland Security said again.

“You... you knew this was going to happen?” Davis stuttered through his shock.

“Oh, this is just the beginning, Davis.” The Head of Homeland Security raised one of his arms and lifted one of his fingers to wave around as he stressed his point. “And... I cannot let you interfere.”

As he finished, the Head of Homeland Security suddenly opened his mouth wide. The tongue shot out from the hole of his mouth like a lance, and it reached the length of about four to five meters within one second. With the tip of his tongue, the head of Homeland Security killed Davis by poking through his eye socket. His tongue shot through the man’s eyeball and entered his brain.

Davis did not even have the time to react. His body stood frozen for several seconds as his brain was being turned into mush. Then his body collapsed weakly to the ground, and he was officially a dead person.

The Head of Homeland Security pulled back his lance of a tongue and explained to the dead body before him very calmly, “Sorry, my friend. But I have worked too hard to make all this happen.

“The flute bands are on their way to their deaths, and the guinea pigs are rising.”

He bent over slightly to pick up the document that Davis was holding earlier.

“And the only person who could have stopped all this is on his way into the middle of nowhere...”

At the moment, the first page of the document had a picture pinned to it, and the person in the picture was Craig...