CH 31

Translation checker: Rin

Editor: Junyans

“Were you forcibly kissed by Yu Ran?” 

This was already the fourth time Chu Mian was asked this question by his classmates on QQ during the weekend review period.

His left hand held up his phone to reply perfunctorily, while his right hand wrote these gossipers’ names on his notebook.

“Fortunately, Teacher Wang usually walks around in class. I took advantage of the time she walked past me, and quietly stood up to pull out the paper plane!” Cui He described her experience of “pulling a tooth from a tiger’s mouth” in detail to a small group of five, and was applauded by Yu Ran and the others.

[Diuge Yizhen Ling]: I think Teacher Wang should have discovered it at that time, but she was in a hurry to give the lecture, so didn’t bother to pay attention to you. 

[Whale Song.]: It’s none of my business! It was Yu Ran who had thrown the paper plane. Anyway, he had already been standing in the corridor for punishment, it was useless for the teacher to scold him either.

[Diuge Yizhen Ling]: He was not at all well-behaved outside. Didn’t he still forcefully kiss Chu Mian?

[misaki]: Huh huh huh huh?

Chu Mian looked at the chat history helplessly and sent an ellipsis. He waited for Yu Ran to take the initiative to explain, but the other party seemed to have disappeared, as he didn’t participate in the discussion for a long time.

Chu Mian had no choice but to chat with him privately, and after a few minutes, Yu Ran replied, “I’m thinking of an essay.”

“With the style of your writing, you don’t need to think ahead, do you?”

Yu Ran said with quite modesty, “Aiya, as a human, we can’t just rely on our talents and not work hard!”

Chu Mian was speechless. Sometimes he admired Yu Ran’s unshakable confidence. Others had to rack their brains to write the correct answers in exams, but Yu Ran let his imagination run wild during exams, allowing his own ideas to override the scope of all the answers. 

Especially in the liberal arts.

Chu Mian had taken the time to teach him about geography a few days ago, and when they had sorted out three pages of notes in detail… a brand new earth had slowly been born in Yu Ran’s mind.

After three consecutive days of midterm exams, Chengjun Middle School ushered in the annual school art festival.

Yu Ran knew that Fang Zhao was going to sing on stage. As a good brother, of course he had to show his support. He first went to a ten yuan store and distributed a bunch of hand clappers to his classmates, and then went to a toy store to buy a few water guns that could spray bubbles. He even put on a whistle, waiting for Fang Zhao to come on stage to liven up the auditorium. 

Two or three students had already performed, and Yu Ran suddenly found that he had overlooked an important support item: “Oh no, Chu Mian! Look, they have people going to the stage and presenting flowers when they are only halfway through their singing, just like in a fucking celebrity’s concert.”

Chu Mian was sleepy in the afternoon, and lazily echoed: “Can’t you also blow bubbles then?”

“How can this compare to giving flowers? If there are fans on stage halfway through the song, won’t they look more popular?” Yu Ran’s expression was grave, and after thinking about it deeply, he decided to give flowers to Fang Zhao himself. “This won’t do. I’ll go out and do it for him now.”

Chu Mian had already closed his eyes and fallen asleep. He was completely unaware that Yu Ran had already slipped away. A few moments later, he was directly awakened by Yu Ran’s shouts in his ears: “Wow, this performer is so cool. He has yet to start singing and I already feel that his voice is going to be heavenly!” 

Chu Mian rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. He found that Fang Zhao had just stepped on the stage, so he picked up a bubble water gun and sprayed it on the stage with Yu Ran.

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The song Fang Zhao sang was Jolin Tsai‘s “Rewind”. His usual voice was very clean and bright and now, when he was singing from his diaphragm, it sounded full of spirit. He became the focus of everyone’s attention within seconds of opening his mouth.

After the chorus ended and entered the accompaniment, Yu Ran left his seat and prepared to go to the stage to present flowers. 

Chu Mian didn’t know how he had found the chance to buy a bouquet of flowers just now. He turned his head curiously, only to find Yu Ran picking up a pot of spider plant from the ground before rushing to the stage.

Fang Zhao was caught off guard when he saw him running head-on from the auditorium. After Yu Ran came on the stage, he stuffed the potted plant borrowed from the security room into Fang Zhao’s arms. He then turned into an emotional fan who had seen his idol, clutching his chest and exclaiming loudly: “Ah! You sing so well! I grew up listening to your songs since I was a child, and my whole family likes you very much!”

After speaking, he didn’t forget to cover his face and pretend to cry.

The audience burst into laughter. Fang Zhao held a pot of spider plant and almost forgot the words in the second half of the song. 

After he sang the whole song, Yu Ran was so tired that he leaned on Chu Mian and panted breathlessly, his arms drooping weakly.

However, his exaggerated performance just now had effectively enlivened the atmosphere. At the end of the accompaniment, all the teachers and students in the auditorium applauded enthusiastically, not only because of Fang Zhao’s outstanding talent, but also to support the “fan” Yu Ran.

After the cultural performance, the students went back to their respective classes. Fang Zhao received a lot of praise along the way. Even the Music teacher said that he was suitable for singing.

Yu Ran wrapped his arms around Fang Zhao’s shoulders and persuaded him, “You should just go to the Central Conservatory of Music. When we graduate, we will all go to Beijing. How amazing is that?” 

“Do you think it’s easy to pass the exams in this kind of school? Music has to be practiced since childhood, and mine is just a pure hobby.” Fang Zhao smiled. “And even if I wanted to, my parents would definitely disagree. I still have to take the college entrance examination seriously.”

Yu Ran didn’t know much about music, but he would 100% believe in Fang Zhao: “It’s okay. If the worst comes to the worst, you can participate in “The Voice of China” in the future, and then hold 32 concerts a year like Yang Kun. I’ll go to your every concert.”

Even if he was fantasizing about the future like this jokingly, Fang Zhao’s mood suddenly brightened up, and he said with a smile, “At that time, you can bring your wife and children to attend.”

Chu Mian didn’t listen to their conversation carefully at first, but when Fang Zhao mentioned the words “wife and children”, he couldn’t help but come back to his senses and begin to pay attention to the content of their chat. 

However, their next topic did not revolve around “wife and children” anymore. It seemed that they had just mentioned it casually right now.

Chu Mian looked at Yu Ran’s profile and all of a sudden, he strongly felt out of sorts.

Just like during the military training, he really couldn’t associate the word “love” with Yu Ran, and now he couldn’t imagine Yu Ran having any connection with major life events such as ”getting married and having children.” He felt that it just didn’t fit with Yu Ran’s disposition.

In Chu Mian’s opinion, even as an adult, Yu Ran should be an ignorant one, the kind of idiot who didn’t know how to please girls before the age of twenty-five, and a dumbass who went on blind dates every day after the age of twenty-five. 

How was it possible to get married and have children smoothly?

Chu Mian even had this kind of illusion — Yu Ran would never grow up in this life.

Not only would his mind stop growing, but it seemed that even his appearance would be fifteen years old for a lifetime… This was his impression of “normal” Yu Ran.

After another week of intensive classes, it was time to announce the results of the midterm exams. 

Due to the district-wide ranking in this exam, the results were published a day late. The evening of the day when the students learned of their scores was the parent-teacher meeting.

During the big break, Teacher Wang passed by their class and handed out the exam papers by the way. She stood at the door and after she saw Yu Ran, she asked loudly: “Yu Ran, didn’t I give you a few essay templates before the exam? Why didn’t you memorize and use them?”

Yu Ran replied timidly, “I did use them. Didn’t you tell me to change it myself and retouch it…”

“Did you only ‘retouch it’? You directly gave it plastic surgery!” Teacher Wang adjusted her glasses. “And what did you answer in the reading questions? Okay, I won’t criticize you today, I’ll directly talk to your parents in the evening.” 

She said it heavily and left in a hurry.

After the Language exam papers were handed out, Chu Mian found several classmates walking towards Yu Ran at the same time, seemingly wanting to make fun of his essay again. Chu Mian had to get up and be the first to get the paper in his hands.

The essay requirement this time was to choose a genre other than poetry, and the title was half-named: That one time when I really ____.

Many classmates wrote “That one time when I really shed tears”, “I really regretted”, “I really felt happy”, gave full play to their subjective initiative, and made up one touching or warm story after another. 

Chu Mian mentally prepared himself before slowly opening Yu Ran’s essay paper—

“That One Time When I Really Went Crazy”

Chu Mian took a deep breath and slowly closed Yu Ran’s essay paper.

“Why won’t you share with us when there are good things?” Cui He walked over and pressed Chu Mian’s arm, and grabbed the essay paper. “Come on, let me have the pleasure of reading Yu Ran’s latest masterpiece. Huh, twenty-six points, doesn’t this round up a perfect score? Amazing, Yu Ran!” 

She immediately gave a thumbs up, and then read out the content in cadence: “‘Gol D. Roger, a famous British scientist, once said that family love is a double-edged sword, it will give you bliss out of the blue, but also force you into abyss without you having a clue…'”

As soon as the words fell, Yu Ran couldn’t help applauding. “It’s so good, it all rhymes.”

Cui He quietly rolled her eyes and continued to read aloud: “‘When I was young, I encountered a very strange incident, and it puzzles me even today. One day after school, I pestered my mother to go to the vegetable market to buy me three chicks. They were as yellow as ducks, naughty and cute, which made my heart pound. When I got home, my brother and I made a small nest out of cardboard for the chicks, and let them sing and dance in it.'”

“‘But soon, my mother became dissatisfied with the chicks, because they still chattered and talked in the middle of the night, which was noisier than the old ladies who loved to play cards downstairs. My mother went to the bathroom every night to scold the chicks, threatening that if they talked again, she would kill them and stew them into a soup! The frightened chicks no longer dared to chat at night.'” 

“‘At that time, my family was struggling to make ends meet. We often ate the next meal as if it was our last, and we only had meat once a week. So when I heard my mother threatening the chicks like that, I suspected that she would actually kill them, for my mother is usually a cruel and ruthless woman.'”

Cui He paused, glanced at Yu Ran sympathetically, and asked with concern. “Was it really that difficult for your family back then?”

Yu Ran shook his head and said: “There is only one sentence in this essay that is true. Guess which sentence it is?”

Chu Mian mused, “The chicks were as yellow as ducks.” 

“Wrong!” Yu Ran denied. “It’s ‘my mother is usually a cruel and ruthless woman’!”

“…” Cui He continued reading. “‘Sure enough, when I woke up one morning, the three chicks had really died mysteriously! I squatted beside their dead bodies and cried, but my mother was indifferent. She picked them up, and directly took them to the kitchen to make soup.'”

“‘I won’t drink it! I shouted angrily. The house was overflowing with the smell of meat. I was hungry, but thinking of the chicks that were brutally murdered by my mother, I had no appetite at all. I rushed out the door, and ran through the streets crying. Suddenly, the rain poured down, as if even God was shedding tears for the chicks. I yelled, fell to my knees, and gradually lost consciousness…'”

“‘When I woke up again, I was already delirious. I had forgotten my memories at that time, and later heard my mother say that I could only learn to crow like a chicken at that time, and I kept pecking people with my mouth. It was horrible as hell! As if I was crazy.'” 

“‘But there was one thing I remembered very clearly. That is, I had a dream that night, which had been given to me by the chicks. The strange thing was that they were obviously chirping, but I could understand what they were talking about. After waking up, I followed their instructions and went to lift my brother’s pillow, and sure enough — there were light yellow chicken feathers all over the bottom!'”

“‘What’s going on? Why do you have chicken feathers here? I questioned my brother, but he was stumped for an answer. At that moment, I noticed that the corners of his mouth were yellowish, so I forcefully opened his mouth and was surprised to find that it was filled with blood!'”

“‘I smelled it and found that it actually smelled like chicken blood! ‘You… you actually!’ I looked at my brother in shock and couldn’t believe that the chicks had actually been bitten to death by him. Because he hadn’t eaten meat for a long time, my mother’s threat of stewing the chickens if they were disobedient may have inspired him to kill the chicks. I was very disappointed with my brother, and I fainted from anger.'”

“‘When I woke up again, it was three days later. I heard from my mother that for the past three days, I couldn’t speak any human words. As if I were a chicken, I kept on pecking my brother and pulling his hair. Only when he cried and knelt down to apologize did I let him go. After listening to my mother’s words, I couldn’t calm down for a long time. Then I remembered the thing about the chicks giving me dreams before. It seemed that they were attached to me this time to take revenge!'” 

In the middle of reading, Cui He suddenly sighed wearily: “Fuck, it’s too miserable to be your younger brother. In just a few months, his hair was pulled out by you twice.”

At the end of the essay, Yu Ran did not forget to summarize and sublimate: “Many people say that animals are psychic, and it suddenly dawned on me that it’s no wonder that men’s vital organ is called cock. It seems that our ancestors used to be like me, they also used to resonate with the chickens!”

After Chu Mian listened to it completely, he asked sincerely: “Yu Ran, your score on math and science in the senior high school entrance examination should be very high, right?”

“Fuck, how do you know? I got a hundred and one in my math exam!” 

The corner of Chu Mian’s mouth held a perfunctory smile. “Well, it’s to be expected.”

“Hey, you found out so quickly.”

Yu Ran straightened his back and said profoundly: “Sure enough, seeing whether a person is smart or not is like seeing if they have hair on their head. Such exposed things cannot be hidden…”

After the last class was over, the parent-teacher meeting was about to begin, and more and more bicycles were parked outside the school building. 

Yu Ran and Chu Mian stood at the entrance to meet their respective guardians. Chu Heng had been catching up with her draft at home, and she arrived at school a few minutes late. She hastily asked Chu Mian about the meeting location.

Yu Ran stood next to him and felt that he should take the initiative to say hello so he would appear polite. But he saw that Chu Mian’s aunt was quite young, and it was inappropriate to call her “Auntie”, so he had to shout “Hello, big sister”.

He hesitated for a moment before opening his mouth again: “Woof woof.”

Chu Mian was stunned when he heard him suddenly learn to bark like a dog. Then he realized that his aunt had accidentally called him “Miēmiē” again just now. 

…In the end, did Yu Ran take this as a code language?

Chu Heng didn’t have time to talk to them, so she only softly smiled at Yu Ran before hurrying to the classroom.

“Bye bye, big sister!” Yu Ran waved goodbye. “Meow meow!”

Chu Mian laughed loudly, and gently pushed Yu Ran’s head. 

The moment the palm of his hand touched the young man’s soft hair, the illusion that he had had not long ago gradually became clear at this moment. In a trance, Chu Mian realized that he didn’t mistakenly think that Yu Ran “won’t grow up”, but faintly hoped that he would simply “not grow up”.

Having a foolish brain was no big deal. Whether it was writing ridiculous essays that made people laugh, or communicating with others without any common sense, at least his world was simple, at least his happiness was pure, at least…

At least he could make me laugh along with him from the bottom of my heart.

Chu Mian curled up his five fingers gently, and when he clenched them a little bit, he felt a stream of heat in his palm. 

— It was better if he always remained a Muggle.