CH 10

Once he finished saying this, he selected an appropriate size knife from the rack and cut the tomato into six slices. Without even raising his head, he asked her, “Is it, after I’m done slicing tomatoes, I can step down and hand things over?”

Tong Yan did not utter a sound. She seemed not to have heard him.

She had many emotions that she had never before exposed in front of anyone. Even when she was at home, she would still maintain an expression of always being unconcerned, unaware, and simple-minded. Crying or other similar expressions of emotion only occurred in times when she absolutely could not bear the pressure anymore.

Gu Pingsheng turned his head to the side so his eyes were on her. “What’s the matter?”

“Don’t know.” Tong Yan blew out a long breath. “I feel like I’m about to cry because of what you said.”

Hearing this, he was amused, and grabbing a tomato slice in passing, he fed it straight into her mouth. “Don’t cry. I don’t know how to console people.”

“Then why did you say such rousingly sentimental words? …” She blinked her eyes, sensing that she would not be able to hold herself together much longer. When her eyes were about to brim over with tears, she immediately buried her face into his chest. Gu Pingsheng had no choice but to set down his knife again and hold her in his arms, trying for a long time to coax her tears away.

Afterwards, when she thought about it, Tong Yan could not really remember what exactly he had said.

But, a very deep impression had been left on her that allowed her to verify something: he truly did not know how to console people.

The door was suddenly pulled open. Gu Pingfan was about to say something when she saw Tong Yan swiftly jump out of Gu Pingsheng’s arms, and with red eyes at that. Unable to contain a laugh, she said to them, “May I come in?”

Not bothering to pay her any attention, Gu Pingsheng offhandedly picked up a tomato slice and popped it into his mouth.

After closing the door, Gu Pingfan affectionately put an arm around Tong Yan’s shoulder and leaned in close to her ear, whispering, “I’ll tell you in secret, he’s never known how to comfort his girlfriend. One time, when I went to visit him, I personally witnessed a pretty blonde girl in his room, crying hysterically, and he just sat on the couch, reading his book and letting his girlfriend throw and break things.” Saying this, Gu Pingfan’s lips turned up in a grin. If it were me, I definitely would not be able to stand it. Being the type of guy that he is, when he dates someone, I’m guessing you need to nudge him every time for every little move you want him to make? Wouldn’t that be really boring?”

“It’s fine …” Tong Yan searched through her memory. It seemed Gu Pingsheng was actually quite good with words. “Teacher Gu is very good.”

“Good? In what way?” Gu Pingfan looked curiously at her.

Tong Yan was somewhat embarrassed. How was she supposed to respond to a question like that? Gu Pingfan’s gaze caused her cheeks to flush. Being asked such a question by a thirty year old woman, and furthermore, that person was Gu Pingsheng’s older cousin, was … really weird.

Fortunately, Gu Pingfan was not a very nosy person and merely flashed an evil grin at Gu Pingsheng before switching into her main topic. The general idea of what she said was that she had arranged a follow-up examination for him and other things along those lines.

The words spoken from both of them were few and vague. Tong Yan tossed several dumplings at a time into some boiling water, pretending she did not understand.

Because the stove was on, the kitchen soon heated up. When Gu Pingfan left, the water had just boiled for the second time. Filling a bowl with cool water, she poured it into the boiling pot, and the rolling dumplings inside once again settled down.

Every once in a while, Gu Pingsheng would feed her a small piece of tomato until eventually, even the two tomatoes that had been set aside to make the soup ended up being gobbled down by them. She turned around to glance at the cutting board, which had nothing remaining on it except for a light red mixture of juice and water, and then gazed poutingly at him. “If I had known you wanted to eat it raw, I would have at least added some sugar and dressed it as a cold dish.”

He smiled, his body very naturally leaning in closer to her. Right as he was about to give her a kiss, an alert sounded from Tong Yan’s mobile phone.

“I have a text.” Tong Yan twisted her head away to avoid him and pulled out her phone.

An unfamiliar phone number, but a tone of speaking that was most certainly familiar. It was Fang Yunyun: Do you have time in these next few days? I want to treat you to dinner.

The tone of the message was so normal and unperturbed it seemed as if it was sent by an ordinary old classmate. Had it not been for the connection through Lu Bei, perhaps she really would simply have been an old classmate, and even a pretty good friend.

Tong Yan held down the power-off button, slipped her phone back into her pocket, and carried on in all seriousness with cooking the dumplings. When the water came to a boil for the third time, it roiled and churned for a long while. She, however, merely kept her eyes on its surface and did not show any reaction.

Standing behind her, Gu Pingsheng set his chin on her shoulder and said softly, “Tong Yan Wuji, the dumplings are going to break apart soon.”

As if snapping awake from a dream, Tong Yan hastily shut off the stove and scooped out the dumplings for him. Then, she began in a flurry to search for some vinegar. Once everything was at last ready, she handed a pair of chopsticks to him.

Gu Pingsheng took them from her, ate a dumpling, and then, amid the white, hot steam, pulled her over toward himself, lifting her into his lap. “I don’t eat garlic chives. I’m allergic.”

With a cry of “ah,” she pointed at the plate of dumplings. “Those all have garlic chives in them?”

“No.” He recollected, “There should be some that are pork with bok choy filling. I forgot to tell you just now.”

Actually, these two different fillings could approximately be ascertained from the difference in color that could be seen through the doughy skin. However, after hearing him say that, Tong Yan felt uneasy, and picking one up with her chopsticks, she took a small bite from it. “This one is pork with bok choy.”

Immediately after the words came out, she realized there was something wrong with this. She had taken a bite and then given it to him to eat …

A faint smile touched Gu Pingsheng’s face as he bit down on the half a dumpling held between her chopsticks and ate it. “This is a pretty good method.”

“You’re not … going to have me bite all of them before you eat them, right?” Tong Yan felt that, it was the middle of the night in the kitchen of his grandfather’s home, and doing that would truly be too improper and suggestive of other things.

“There is another way.” Taking his chopstick, Gu Pingsheng poked a hole into one of the dumplings. “I’m guessing this might be a little simpler.”

Tong Yan gnawed at the end of her chopsticks, staring at him with an expression that seemed at a loss over whether to laugh or cry.

Why didn’t you say so earlier? …

Lowering his head, he began to eat his dumplings in a focused manner.

Tong Yan loved observing him as he ate. His table mannerisms were very pleasant to watch, yet at the same time, the manner in which he ate was not the type that exuded a haughty air either. Every time she watched him eat, she would feel that the food she cooked was exceptionally delicious.

Since they both were rather famished, the food was quickly finished, and they began to go to work washing the dishes.

These types of operations were always lead by Gu Pingsheng, and at most, Tong Yan merely took a clean dishcloth, wiped each of the dishes dry, and neatly stacked them in the cupboards.

All that work and busyness, but actually, they had simply had a dinner together and then he needed to take her home.

Because it was such a late hour, Gu Pingsheng was worried that they would not be able to catch a taxi and decided to drive her home himself. When their vehicle came to a stop downstairs of her home, she suddenly did not want to part from him yet, so she simply chatted idly with him, not wanting to get out of the car.

The heat in the vehicle was very warm. He wore only a button-up shirt, and the top two buttons were not even fastened. From her angle, she could his tattoo through his open neckline.

She had never carefully looked over the entire tattoo design that was on his body, and now, with great curiosity, she pointed at his shoulder. “Your tattoo goes from your forearm up to your shoulder? What’s the complete design?”

He followed the direction her finger was pointing and looked down at himself. “I need to take off my shirt before you can see the entire thing.”

Tong Yan blinked. And blinked again. And then blushed.

She swore, that was not what she meant. The notion of taking the opportunity to come on to him[1] had absolutely not crossed her mind at all …

Seeing into her thoughts, Gu Pingsheng lightly flicked her forehead with his fingers. “What’s that little brain of yours thinking?”

She rubbed her forehead. Suddenly, she remembered what Gu Pingfan had told her. “I’m thinking, it seems you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which one?”

“Your ex.” Her curiosity was definitely suppressing her desire to be jealous. “Your cousin said that your ex-girlfriend is a blonde? And a pretty girl?”

He likely had not expected that she would change the topic so abruptly and seemed to be recollecting for quite some time before he finally replied, “I think so, but that was a long time ago.”

Besides the foreign exchange students and foreign teachers at their university, as yet, she had not really come into contact with other foreigners, and in particular, she truly had not seen a pretty blonde girl before. She visualized some of the scenes from western television dramas, trying to insert Gu Pingsheng into them, but no matter how she imagined them, they just felt awkward and wrong …

“Why ‘a long time ago’?” Could it be that his heart had once been hurt because of love?

“When she saw that particular girlfriend of mine, it should have been when I was in high school.” He truly began to sincerely explain to her, “Back then, I was young, and for a few years, I really liked girls. Later, I suddenly felt that that sort of stuff was really troublesome, and I gradually started to shift my interests elsewhere.”

“High school?” Tong Yan silently did the calculation. “That really is the distant past.”

No wonder, on their first date after they had finished dinner, he had very honestly sighed that he lacked experience. And then, he had actually ended up bringing her to Mass … Tong Yan wanted to laugh as she offhandedly fiddled to and fro with the car vents. The warm air blew against her palm. It felt very comfortable.

“What about your first love?” Unwilling to give up and just let things go, she followed up with another question. “Do you still remember?”

“She was a Chinese girl.” He gave her a concise answer. Then, with a little smile, he unfastened her seat belt for her. “Satisfied?”

Where would the satisfaction come from? … She narrowed her eyes, feeling that she was simply a glutton for punishment. Look, look at you. You’re jealous again. And you asked for it yourself.

Tong Yan glanced at the watch on his wrist. 11:15 p.m.

“This whole winter break, I’ll be really free.” Leaning sideways against the passenger seat, she gazed at him. “What about you?”

As she thought over this entire night, she realized that she really seemed not to have done anything that was useful or proper. With an empty stomach, she had run out to somewhere near his home, charged her phone, and just stared blankly in a bakery. And in the end, she had only seen him for not even one hour and eaten a plate of dumplings …

But, because of this one meeting, the edgy, unsettled feeling from the daytime was now soothed.

As she looked at him, she felt that nothing else mattered. So long as they were together, then everything was good.

“After these next few days, I don’t have anything either.” He took her down jacket from the back seat and handed it to her. “So, as long as you are able to come out, you can just let me know at any time.”

With an “mm,” she took the jacket from him and slipped it on. She was about to say something when she heard someone knocking lightly on the car window behind her.

When Tong Yan turned around, her heart gave an abrupt thud.

At a time unknown to them, Grandmother had come downstairs, and now, she was standing by the door on Tong Yan’s side of the vehicle. Had she not tapped on the window, even Gu Pingsheng would not have noticed her.

Only when Gu Pingsheng prompted her to get out of the vehicle first did Tong Yan snap out from her daze, and she opened the car door. “Why did you come downstairs? It’s so cold outside …”

A rather stern expression covered Grandmother’s face, and after she helped Tong Yan pull the hood of her jacket up over her head, she turned her eyes to Gu Pingsheng, who had stepped out of the vehicle on the other side. “Teacher Gu, do you have time to talk?”

Gu Pingsheng had gotten out of the car immediately after Tong Yan and had not even had the opportunity to put on his coat. In the strong northerly wind, the hem of his button-up shirt was being blown upward, but he showed no intention of going back to the car to retrieve his coat and merely nodded as he answered, “Yes. Would you like to talk here or go upstairs?”

Afterwards, he and Grandmother talked for a long time downstairs.

Through the window of the third floor corridor, Tong Yan watched them from afar. Even though Tong Yan could not hear their dialogue, she understood that Grandmother would never agree to their relationship. But what would he say? How would he say it?

She was unable to guess.

The discussion that occurred after she was back inside her home was, in her memory, the first time her family member had expressed a stance on her relationship with Gu Pingsheng.

“During the school years, there will always be many students who hold a special type of reverence for their teacher. After you are out of school, you will discover that he is just like any other ordinary person, and he is not for you.”

Although Grandmother had been a primary school teacher, because of the uniqueness of that type of career, she still would always hear many stories of teacher-student romances. The majority of these were about a female student who became infatuated with a male teacher, and eventually, this not only affected her studies; the impact it brought about to the entire school was also very negative. In short, they were all examples that brought about sighs in people of what should not be done.

“He is one of your schoolteachers and furthermore, a teaching instructor of one of your classes. Were it not for the fact that I can tell he is a good boy, I certainly would not have even said anything to him. Yan Yan, in the teaching profession, there are many things that are not allowed. The relationship between a teacher and a student … can only ever be teacher and student.”

The entire time, she did not say anything.

From when her parents divorced in her first year of middle school, she had lived with Grandmother. She had once had a two-year period of rebellion in which, day in and day out, she had roved aimlessly outside, not caring about her studies, and her elderly grandmother had secretly wiped away many, many tears because of her. Later, she had gradually matured and learned, and she had once resolved to herself that she would never again sadden the one and only kin who had ever poured herself wholeheartedly into her.

And so, now, she would not argue.

Only when Grandmother stated that she would bring her to their relatives’ home for the winter break did she finally hesitantly ask, “When will we be back?”

Grandmother went to heat up a bowl of rice porridge for her. Setting a pair of chopsticks on the bowl, she replied, “After the Lunar New Year.” She set another small plate of pickled vegetables beside the bowl of rice porridge and even very thoughtfully sprinkled it with some freshly diced cilantro. “We will come back when it’s about time for you to start school.”

With her chopsticks, Tong Yan picked up a big bunch of pickled vegetables, mixed it in with the rice porridge, and began to eat, one mouthful at a time. Her mobile phone in her pocket lay very still. He had not sent her any messages.

It was past one o’clock before she finally returned to her room. In that moment when she pulled out her phone, she suddenly grew nervous. What had he said? What decision had he made?

Pulling back the window curtains on this particular side of her home, she stared out upon the blocks of buildings that were covered by a veil of darkness and sent a text message to him: It seems, the outcome was not very ideal?

A text was very quickly returned: As I had expected. TK

What did you expect?

There is no such thing as a free lunch in this world. You need to pay for your meal. TK

……

Tong Yan stared wryly at her mobile phone: Did a math teacher teach you your Chinese?

Even though his statement was not at all fitting, it did manage to ease her downcast mood somewhat. Turning on her table lamp, Tong Yan chatted back and forth with him for a little while before asking him whether he was home yet.

Gu Pingsheng nonchalantly replied with one sentence: I’m still near your home.

Tong Yan paused in surprise for a moment and then automatically looked out the window. There was no car.

After searching hard for a while, she realized she had confused her directions. He should be on the living room side. When this thought floated up in her mind, her heart seemed to follow along and started beating more heavily. It was fortunate that Grandmother was already asleep at this hour of the night.

Opening her bedroom door, she carefully slipped through the narrow living room and walked over to the window.

She pulled open the curtain.

This was the side of the building that was facing the road.

The traffic was as before, the lights were as before, and the position of that car was as before.

He had put on his coat now but was still next to the vehicle. As if he could sense that she would appear there, when the corner of the curtain was lifted up, he quickly brought his right index and middle fingers together and touched their tips to his forehead.

Someone walked by him and curiously followed his gaze to look up at the building …

Tong Yan could not see the expressions of the people, but she felt that those onlookers must be jealous of her.

Fine. With him around, she always had a valid reason to be a little narcissistic. It was because he was always so wonderful.

The corner of her lips could not help curling upwards. She leaned her forehead against the window, and for once, she felt that the cold touch of the glass in the winter was so very comfortable. Perhaps it was because there was a warmth in her heart.

The following day, Tong Yan went to Tianjin. Because she was with Grandmother for long stretches of time, she could not simply pull out her mobile phone at any time to communicate with him. It was not a long train ride, and the entire train compartment was brimming with the excited joy of being able to return home. Grandmother was smilingly conversing with a mother beside her, who was holding her child.

Tong Yan opened her insulated mug and took a drink of hot tea, remembering what he had later told her.

He had said, he wholly understood this reaction coming from someone who had once been a teacher. Even he had once resisted such a relationship, and for a very short period of time, he had tried to run from it.

He had said, nothing would truly be an issue.

He had said, “I will wait in Beijing for you to come back.”

She rested herself against the window and closed her eyes. Never before had she felt as she did now, where she longed to be able to graduate immediately.

It had been many years since she saw this relative who lived in Beijing, but that relative seemed to have long since heard that she was studying in a prestigious university. Holding Tong Yan’s hand, she pulled her along to introduce her to every person, and incessant praises were heard. Tong Yan could only smile and listen until someone asked her a question along the the lines of whether she had a boyfriend or not. She wavered on how to answer, but before she had an opportunity to speak, Grandmother had already interjected with a smile, “Her studies are the utmost priority.”

And then, what followed was the occasionally lively, occasionally quiet lifestyle that comes during the Lunar New Year period.

When Lunar New Year’s Eve arrived, the family reunion dinner[1] was surprisingly a ten-table banquet held in a hotel. A Spring Festival[2] celebrated with more than ninety people. In all her years of memories, this was a first for her.

Tong Yan had a distant cousin, three or four years younger than her, who had once stayed at Tong Yan’s home when she was a child. As a result, when she saw Tong Yan, she was rather warm and affectionate and insisted on dragging Tong Yan out with her to the hotel lobby, where they sat on a sofa, watching fireworks and chatting.

The conversation topics of young girls, no matter how they may twist or stray, always seem to end up being about romance and relationships.

The last time this little girl cousin went to Beijing, Lu Bei had been the one who had taken her around everywhere, so her impression of Lu Bei had always been especially good, and she could not resist asking Tong Yan how this “big brother-in-law” was doing.

Tong Yan quickly stated that they had broken up.

Her little cousin was astonished by this. She seemed to be thinking, he was such a good person; why would they break up?

Tong Yan watched as a flash of light rocketed up into the sky, rapidly exploding apart and blossoming into a giant firework.

Perhaps it was because, for so many days now, she had been missing someone greatly. Or perhaps it was because she had run into a person who knew the Tong Yan and Lu Bei of the past, but in a certain sense, this person’s life also did not intersect with hers, so this finally gave Tong Yan the desire to pour out some of the things in her heart.

“When he was in high school, he was driving and got in an accident and killed someone. Even though that person was the one in the wrong and had been jaywalking, the other side would not accept any out of court settlements and was adamant that he must go to jail. That family had people who worked in the municipal taxation department, so of course their tone and stance were uncompromising. His family asked for help from many people, but to no avail. So, at the time, everything had already seemed inevitable. He would first go to reform school for one year before being sent into prison.”

“And then what happened?”

“And then,” Tong Yan fell silent for several seconds before she carried on, “very much like out of a drama, one of my high school classmates said she wanted to help him. Later, after a lot of things … the problem was resolved smoothly. And then, he and my high school classmate got engaged. Last year, they were married.”

She could remember every word his mother had said to her.

She also remembered that, in her time of despair, when this scene, which had seemed as if it had been taken from a drama, unfolded before her eyes, she had even felt that she must be in a dream. Fang Yunyun had stated that Lu Bei was a rare type of man and that she absolutely had to marry him. It had been that simple.

That was the first time she discovered that a vast gulf truly can exist between different types of people.

While she was merely crying all day long, a girl of her same age could actually sob and whine, simply because there was a boy she wanted for herself, to have her family pull strings and utilize connections to higher up authorities to pressure others to resolve the issue.

“A privileged family[3] is the deciding factor for everything.” Her younger cousin heaved a long sigh.

“Oh yes.” Tong Yan grinned and continued, “And so, I lost my love.”

And so, just like that, her first love came to an end.

Perhaps it had simply been too dramatic and the shift in events in this story had been too great, for to this day, when she thought about it, she still found it unbelievable.

The image of Lu Bei on that night — the night of his engagement — where he had sat on the roadside, his head buried in his hands as he sobbed disconsolately, would likely be etched into her mind for the rest of her life. That night, she had even wondered, had she been born simply to suffer? Although she had never experienced extremely impoverished days, time after time, life had stripped her of the love and care that should have rightfully belonged to her and that she should not have to beseech for.

“It’s no big deal.” Her younger cousin waved her hand at this, trying hard to console her. “My big sis is pretty, sings well, and is graduating from a prestigious school. She will definitely marry a good man.”

Tong Yan leaned back into the sofa, her thoughts turning to Gu Pingsheng.

“And what about your current boyfriend?” Her cousin quickly switched the topic. “Don’t tell me you still don’t have one. I won’t believe you.”

Tong Yan looked at her with a smile, not giving any answer. After a while, she pulled out her mobile phone and sent a text message to him: Happy Spring Festival. How was your day today?

Happy Spring Festival. I spent the whole day eating with people. So tired from eating. TK

More than ten days had slipped by where they had not seen each other.

This winter break that had originally been all planned out had, just like that, ended up being wasted. She thought about the many plans she had made: They would use a few days to visit the scenic places and historical sites, then another several days to be close and snuggly with one another, and then … She imagined he would not find it boring if they just kept on snuggling together like that.

But, for some reason, things had ended up as they were now.

Because Grandmother had been by her side all along, even their messaging had been very limited.

I miss you.

She suddenly very honestly sent out this message.

Very shortly, he called her on her mobile phone.

Tong Yan answered it directly.

Against the deafening sound of firecrackers in the background, his voice was extremely unclear.

“The temperature in Beijing these last few days has been around ten degrees below zero. I checked the weather report for Tianjin, and I think it said it’s snowing there. Make sure you dress warm. Don’t catch a cold.” After these simple caring instructions, he paused briefly and then carried on again. “These last few days, I have been communicating with the dean. A teacher has been found to take over teaching next semester’s Maritime Law. I will not be teaching your year anymore and will assume responsibility for some second year courses.”

Since picking up the call, she had not said a single word.

Her cousin looked at her somewhat puzzledly and silently mouthed to her, “Is it some call from the Intermediate People’s Courts? Don’t believe it at all. They’re all scams.”

Tong Yan shook her head at her.

“I won’t say much more. There are a lot of other people in the room, and if they see me talking on the phone, they’ll find it very strange.” An obvious smile could be heard in his voice. “I miss you, too. Very much.”

Tong Yan could not hold back the smile that broke across her face. And then, she saw her younger cousin’s even more baffled expression.

The call was very quickly hung up. She brought her mobile phone back down from her ear, still thinking about the words he had said. The topic of changing courses had come up so suddenly, yet it also seemed as if this was something he had planned long ago to do.

“Who was that? How come you didn’t say anything the whole time?”

Tong Yan pondered for a moment before answering with a show of seriousness, “A really, really, really good-looking guy who sings better than me and who went to a better university than me was just professing his love to me.”

Wanting Only to Be Together (3)

After Gu Pingsheng hung up his phone, he continued sitting in the brightly lit and vibrant lobby. Around him, there were many people who had stepped out midway for a cigarette. He was sitting in a very comfortable, relaxed position on the sofa, watching the hotel’s fireworks display.

Countless streaks of white light launched up into the sky and in an instant, exploded into a wide display of brilliance.

What was Tianjin like? He still had not yet visited that city.

Gu Pingfan came over to him, took a seat, and patted him on the back of his hand. When he turned toward her, she smiled and said, “Just now, [paternal] Granddad asked about your girlfriend. I didn’t mention that she was your student. You know … he is quite against romantic relationships between teacher and student.”

“I know.” He was not overly concerned. “I used to be against this type of relationship as well. Remember, you once asked me, did I fall for Tong Yan because of the similarities to my mother? In fact, it was the exact opposite. It was because of my mother that there was a period where I wavered over whether I should begin this sort of relationship.”

During that time, he had used a period of two weeks to avoid her.

He had even privately asked Zhao Yin to take over her tutoring lessons. He had thought that everything had been well arranged, that perhaps his heart had merely by chance been stirred and so long as he avoided her for a longer period, he would be fine. In any case, it would be better than coming along and disturbing her life.

But on that afternoon, when he had sat down beside her and told her that he would no longer be tutoring her, the disappointment that could faintly be seen in her eyes had, just like that, caused his heart to soften.

He remembered, that day, sitting there beside the window, she had been facing the rays of sun shining in through the glass. Her features had been blurred, except her eyes, which had been so arresting. At the time, he had not known about her family and her past relationship, but he had sensed that she must have met with many unbearable disappointments and pain in her life.

Yet even so, the feelings he saw inside those eyes were still warm and sincere.

So sincere it was as if she had never before been hurt.

Gu Pingfan handed the cup of hot water she was holding to him. He took it from her and said thank you but did not drink from it.

“The results, this time, from your check-up were not very good. Do you have any plans for going back to the U.S. for your surgery?” Gu Pingfan decided to nonetheless try to persuade him one more time. “Even though there are a lot of clinical cases of this in China, I still feel you should choose the place that provides the better medical environment …”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted Gu Pingfan’s words. “I want to have my surgery in Peking Union.”

Gu Pingfan fixed her eyes intently on him for some time until finally, she breathed a lengthy sigh. “Fine. You can sometimes be really annoying. On the surface, you seem easygoing but in reality, you are so stubborn it can be scary. Just like how you’ve always refused to accept using a hearing aid, and no matter who talks to you about it, it still makes no difference.”

“Thank you, Pingfan.”

Smilingly, he gave his thanks to her, stopping all of her words that, outwardly, seemed to be complaints but in fact were expressions of her heartache for him.

The start of school happened to fall before the Lantern Festival[1].

Grandmother was very sad to see her go and had made yuanxiao[2] [glutinous rice balls], both the fried and the boiled type, in advance. She had eaten them for two whole days and by the end, felt that she was about to turn into a rice ball herself.

Only when she had towed her luggage out the door of her home did she finally pull out her mobile phone and look at the flight information he had sent her.

She had never been on an airplane before, and when Gu Pingsheng made the suggestion, she had hesitated over whether to decline his offer. If she became too dependent on his money, this would make her feel that they were not equal in their relationship.

However, when she had very solemnly and properly expressed her reason back to him in a text, Gu Pingsheng had not been too concerned and had quickly returned her message: Even if we save the money for the flight this time around, it’s still all going to be yours in the future. Don’t worry too much about it.

At the time when she received this message, a grin had covered her face for an entire afternoon.

He was always able, with just a few words, to make her ponder on the meaning behind them and then, afterwards, feel as if she was brimming with happiness.

Tong Yan was afraid she would be late so she had estimated an hour and a half for her to get there, but the unexpected result was that she ended up arriving very early.

At boarding gate 10 of Terminal 2, she pulled out her mobile phone from her pocket, but right as she was lowering her head and typing a few words, she felt her entire body being enveloped into an embrace until all the surrounding chill and cold was isolated from her.

Tong Yan received quite a fright, and her heart pounded fiercely several times before it gradually settled back down.

“Why are you here so early?” Gu Pingsheng’s voice was by her ear.

It had been more than twenty days since they had last seen each other. There was a remarkable sense of unfamiliarity mingled with a slight, unexplainable stirring of her heart.

A saying silently rose in Tong Yan’s mind: absence makes the heart grow fonder[3]…

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” He followed up with another question.

She hurriedly turned around. His face, which had come into her view, carried a smile. He was really, truly before her eyes.

“I’m suddenly not really used to this.” She smiled a little embarrassedly. “Don’t know how to describe this feeling …”

Gu Pingsheng took her suitcase from her and, putting on an air of seriousness, he smiled, “I know. Just now, I saw you walking this way from inside, and my heart started beating a little faster.”

A “huh?” slipped from her lips, but before she could react, her hand was already enclosed in his and they had stepped through the large glass doors.

When the two of them were on the plane and Tong Yan was sitting in a well-behaved and proper manner next to Gu Pingsheng, she at last began to adjust to the fact that Gu Pingsheng was indeed there beside her.

Gu Pingsheng discovered, as he was leaning over slightly and fastening her seatbelt for her, that her eyes were on him the entire time.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

Tong Yan blinked her eyes deliberately and told him softly, “I missed you. Really, really missed you. I missed you for twenty-something days.” Her voice was very quiet, to the point that she was nearly mouthing the words.

With an “mm,” he answered, “Me too.”

Possibly because the plane was going to takeoff soon, there were not many people left walking about in the aisle. Only a few flight attendants were walking up and down, checking passengers’ luggage and patiently reminding each person to fasten his or her seat belt.

Tong Yan was leaning back against the window while he was turned sideways so that he was facing her.

Out of the blue, she remembered, that first time in the cinema, it had been at this same angle when his sudden kiss had ended their simple teacher-and-student relationship … Or perhaps it had been even earlier. From the moment she had fallen for him, their whole relationship had changed.

“Why did you all of a sudden change courses?” she asked the question that had been on her mind all this time.

“Because your grandmother wishes that, at the very least, I would not be the direct instructor of your course and the person who decides your actual grades.” After saying this, he added with an innocent expression, “But I don’t feel I would have used my position for personal reasons and to help you.”

His voice had also purposely been lowered a little.

Tong Yan gave an “mm” in agreement. “You’re always the most fair and impartial …”

He turned his lips upward in a rightful smile. “What would you like to do when we get to Shanghai?”

She pondered for a moment. “Let’s go to Jing’an Temple[4] and offer up incense, how about that? It’s still not past the fifteenth of the first lunar month yet.[5]”

“What would you like to pray and ask for?”

To pray for safety, peace, and wellness. To pray that all the people she loved would be safe, peaceful, and well.

But she did not tell him this. She merely pretended to mull over her answer before saying, “To pray that I can always be together with you. That no amazingly gorgeous girl will appear and fall for you, say, for example, a pretty blonde girl or something.”

He intentionally played along with her and joked, “If that’s the case, it seems there’s really nothing for me to ask for. You probably won’t ever meet someone better.”

She could not help laughing at this, but still, she nodded in sincerity and agreed, “I think so, too.”

Since they had taken a morning flight, it was only one o’clock in the afternoon when they arrived at Shanghai Hongqiao Airport.

However, although it was still so early, when they reached Jing’an Temple, there were not many genuine worshipers remaining who were there to offer incense, and many of the people inside were actually foreigners. This was her first time inside this temple that was situated in the city’s core, and by the time she had gotten her incense, she discovered that this place was, in fact, very small. There were only the few large, main halls, and if you were to stand in the main courtyard in the center of the temple and look up, you would be able to see Jiuguang Department Store[6] next to the temple.

Jing’an Temple. Counterclockwise from top: view of main entrance (image credit); the temple located in the busy core of Shanghai (image credit); courtyard in the temple (image credit)

Merely a single wall.

Inside the wall was the heavy aroma of incense while outside the wall was Shanghai’s most bustling road.

She stepped up to the burner, intending on lighting her joss sticks in it, but beside her, several foreign tourists surrounding it had occupied the upwind position. As a result, she only managed to stand there for several seconds before she was choking from the smoke and tears were forming in her eyes. With the back of her hand, she hastily wiped a couple times at her tears, then glanced miserably at Gu Pingsheng, who immediately understood and took the joss sticks from her hand.

When those several foreigner girls saw him approaching, they cordially made room for him straightaway.

Glumly, Tong Yan watched him. After he returned to her side, she gazed at him at last and said, “I finally understand that ‘Pretty Lady’s Bane’ is not a reputation that goes undeserved.”

He handed her a bunch of joss sticks and, ignoring her teasing, gave a long sigh. “On this sacred site of Buddhism,shizhu[7], please conduct yourself respectfully.” Then after saying this, he placed the joss sticks between his palms and pressed his palms together. Facing the main hall and the statue of Buddha, which stood a dozen or so metres tall within, he closed his eyes.

The afternoon sunlight fell upon him and cast a faint shadow on the ground.

So peaceful, and also so reverent.

Tong Yan even forgot to present her wish and simply stared at the side profile of his face until he had opened his eyes again. When he lowered his head to look at her, she curiously inquired, “What did you ask for?”

Gu Pingsheng did not answer her and merely indicated with his eyes that she should not neglect this time in which the incense was burning.

By the time they stepped out through the temple doors and were once again standing on the side of the vibrant and affluent thoroughfare, she was still preoccupied with what he may have prayed for. Rather absentmindedly, she followed him as they strolled, and even after they had come to a halt, she was not aware of where she had now arrived at.

“What would you like to eat?” Gu Pingsheng was eyeing the glass display case before him with great interest. “Takoyaki [octopus balls]? This grilled squid here looks quite good. Want [Hiroshima-style] okonomiyaki, too?”

Left: 章鱼小丸子, which is the Chinese name for takoyaki (image credit). Right: 广岛烧, which is the Chinese name for Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki (image credit)

“I want to eat that.” She pointed at the octopus balls. “Six of them. That way, you and I can each have three.”

Gu Pingsheng thought for a moment. “The number three is not auspicious. How about eight instead? So four each? Hmm, that’s no good, either.”

“Then let’s buy twelve.” Tong Yan rapidly ran through various combinations in her mind. “Six for each of us.”

Listening to them, the cashier could not hold back a snicker and cast a couple of extra glances at them, unable to understand why this handsome fellow and pretty girl were so superstitious that they needed to be so particular, even when simply eating octopus balls.

As normal, Gu Pingsheng bought lots of food. The two of them found some empty seats and sat down, dividing up these foods that, to Tong Yan, were fascinating and bizarre.

“This one is really tasty.” Tong Yan was very pleased with her choice. “The one that you chose with the grilled squid is basically a variation of a Shandong jianbing[8], and it tastes a little fishy, too.”

Smiling, Gu Pingsheng watched her eat. Some time passed when he suddenly said, “My wish I prayed for earlier was that I would be kept safe and healthy, that I would have the ability to continue taking care of you.”

These words sounded very strange, but they instantly caused Tong Yan to remember what that auntie who was a doctor had said. She did not utter a sound and merely stopped, waiting for him to continue what he was saying.

“During my internship in Peking Union, some unfortunate circumstances occurred. What you can see is that I lost my hearing, but there are many other issues that you cannot see.” He seemed to really like the octopus balls as well, and with a bamboo skewer, he randomly stabbed one and put it in his mouth. “Osteonecrosis of the femoral head. Bone death in the head of the femur caused by lack of blood supply. Advanced stage. Surgery is needed to replace the hip joint with an artificial one.”

Tong Yan gazed at him, still not speaking.

During the winter break, she had already looked up the long-term side effects of SARS, and she was mentally prepared for any symptom, including this femoral head osteonecrosis he was speaking of now. The use of mega-doses of hormones may have saved a life, but they also brought with them boundless pain and suffering for the second half of that life.

Hip pain, back pain, knee joint pain, buttock pain, and groin pain …

Since he said it was advanced stage, then that meant he must have already experienced these symptoms of the earlier stages. Although artificial joints are a form of treatment, the long-term effectiveness of this surgery is not ideal. More specifically, after the initial replacement, when the implant has experienced ten to twenty years of friction and wear and is starting to loosen, further treatment will be even more difficult.

She did not study medicine, so she could only read some information off of the Internet. But, she was very glad she had learned of these things in advance so that at this time, she could remain so calm.

She believed that Gu Pingsheng was like her, that he did not need anyone’s unnecessary worry and only wanted a surrounding that was free of any pressure on him so that he could go resolve the things that he, himself, needed to resolve.

“So next term, I am not changing courses but rather, I’m preparing to take a leave from teaching for one semester.” He was munching on that octopus ball, and his voice was somewhat indistinct. “I thought over it for a long time. I should tell you plainly and make all these things clear to you.”

After he had said all that was to be said, he seemed unable to find anything to do. With his bamboo skewer, he speared the final octopus ball, but before he could pick it up, Tong Yan had already snatched it from him.

Crinkling her nose, she complained in a displeased tone, “You’re already starting to fight for food with me. You be careful that when you’re old and can’t walk, I won’t take you outside to get some sun.”

Upon saying this, she, in a very natural motion, popped the little ball into her mouth.

She had long since lost her initial mood for eating, and now, everything seemed somewhat tasteless.

While she was pretending to be smug, he suddenly moved in closer to her. And then, amid the bustling crowd of people, he cupped her head in his hands, lowered his face, and kissed her.

A long, deep kiss. Tong Yan had never thought she would be so bold, that in a busy place where people were coming and going, she would do this with him …

When they had at last pulled apart, she did not even dare look at the reactions of the people around them. Grabbing his hand, she kept her head down, and they wound their way through numerous tables and chairs. Only after they had completely left that place behind did she slow her steps.