Chapter 243 Painful Paradox

When the messengers came back with the lists of names, Nazneen was surprised to see how many people had applied. She was also happy to see many female names and hoped that they would make it through the tests. A mix of fear and excitement bubbled in her. She was excited about the future changes but she also had some concerns. They were subdued now that she was surrounded by men who supported her but also lightened her mood.

She put the paper aside to prepare for bed. Tomorrow the trails would start and she felt her heart beat faster. She would again have to speak in front of all those people who didn't like her. Pushing the thought aside, she changed to only wear her robe and then got into bed.

As soon she was in bed, she thought of Ares. She had gotten so used to sleeping next to him but his men were here now and she also wished she could control herself and keep a distance for a while. She had never chased a man before and now she was clinging to him. Enough!

But her mind had other plans and as she lay under the covers, it had to torture her with the memories of his arms around her, his chest against her, his hand between her legs, and his lips on her neck. She turned back and forth in bed, unable to fall asleep.

At last she gave up and sat upward. She reached for the book on the bedstand, the one that Ravina recommended to her. It had been a long time since she read a book. It brought back bad memories. Memories of when she tried to study just to impress her father.

Ignoring those feelings, she opened the book and began to read the first page. It started with the queen making a deal with the devil. She wanted her son to become the greatest ruler of all and for that wish to be granted she had to sacrifice something. Her son would be powerful and intelligent but he would look hideous and so the prince who would wear a mask for the rest of his life was born. And the greatest ruler of all time.

Nazneen got emerged into his story, the tragedies of his life, his failures, and his triumph. His journey was filled with many lessons, the best of them learned through mistakes. Nazneen paid attention to how his power was acquired because of his voice. He was loud, clear, and inspirational but also very relatable. She found herself even sobbing a few times and halfway through her eyes begged her to stop.

Shutting the book, she put it back on the bedstand to try and sleep again when she sensed someone outside her room. Getting out of bed, she went to the door and opened it. To her surprise she found Tenzin pacing outside in the hall. He halted and turned to her.

"Tenzin? What are you doing? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

He remained quiet for a moment, "I... I want to make sure you are safe."

"I can protect myself."

"I know, I just..." he looked almost guilty.

Nazneen stepped out into the hall. "What is wrong?" She asked him.

Tenzin had been very loyal to her parents.

"Before your father went to fight, he made me promise to protect you." He looked down, "your parents never came back and I lost you. I couldn't find you anywhere. I had heard the rumors but I found nothing inside the cave. I couldn't find the witch either."

"Father wanted you to protect me?"

"Yes."

She scoffed. "Father never hid the fact that he would rather I am dead."

Tenzin stiffened. "I believe your father grew out of his restricted mindset. I think he came to love you and regret his actions. He wanted to make amends."

"Stop!" She said shaking her head. She didn't want to know that.

"He made amends with your mother. That was why she went with him to fight and when they came back, he wanted to make amends with you. He had changed, Nazneen."

Her eyes burned. "It doesn't matter now. Father already scarred me deeply. I lived hating myself."

Tenzin nodded understandably. "I am sorry."

"He was late," she said, feeling the tears threaten her eyes.

Why did he have to tell her this?

"I am sorry," he repeated.

"Being locked away, I thought father would at least get his wish come true. I wanted him to feel what it would be like without me and even imagined him missing me." Oh, god. This was absurd and made her even more angry and sad admitting it. A tear slipped from her eye. "I imagined him searching for me and then bringing me back home to take good care of me. But he didn't even know..."

Tenzin looked down, not knowing what to say while another tear slipped quickly followed by more.

Nazneen wiped them away. "Mother, again had to choose to go with him. Had she stayed, we could have met again."

Tenzin looked up at her, his eyes swirling with sympathy.

"Now they left me all alone."

He shook his head and stepped forward. "You won't be alone."

Her shoulders dropped, sadness rolling off of her body. She remembered all that she did because of her father. How useless he made her feel and how desperate she turned out to be. All she wanted was for him to acknowledge her. Even once but she never got to experience that. He was better off gone! He was not even worth her tears. Why was she crying? She hated herself for this and it only made her cry more.

"Naz..." Tenzin didn't know what to do as he stepped forward. Hesitantly he placed a hand on her shoulder and she leaned into him. Tenzin stiffened but Nazneen was too hurt to notice. Her hands curled into fists as she tried to defy the tears.

Wrapped in a comforting embrace, neither of them noticed Ares watching them from a distance. His feet? Mind? No. Heart had led him here only to have it wrecked. He had himself to blame for wanting to see her. He had only wanted to make sure she went to bed. Here! Now he got to see her wrapped in another man's arms.

He stepped back into the shadows carefully, knowing they had good hearing and he didn't want to find himself in this situation. It was like sitting in front of Ravina and Malachi for the first time, all over again.

Ares turned around and walked away. It wouldn't be the first time he let go. He would survive the pain. And this was what he wanted after all. He had wanted to find someone for Nazneen and Tenzin he liked, unlike Joel. He seemed loyal and rational. Someone who could take care of her because clearly, his life didn't involve taking care of a woman. If only...

No! He shook his head dreading these thoughts that began to creep into his mind but they were loud now.

If only...

He walked down the hall with a sharp pained breath, as if the seen he had seen had wounded him physically. He clutched his chest. This was physical pain. He felt as if an invisible hand squeezed his heart and he gasped for breath. The weight of his impending death settled in, slowing his steps and then he stopped when he felt a warm wet sensationen trickle down from his nose. He touched above his lips and saw blood on his fingers.

Again?

His chest felt tight and he felt out of breath so he hurried to step outside as he wiped the blood with a handkerchief. As if running away while breathless, he continued to walk, his feet taking him to the river that a bit away. He contemplated diving for a moment but for the first time, it felt useless fighting. It was as if deep down, he knew this was his time.

"Ares?" A familiar voice made his head turn. It was Ankine. She smiled as she walked over. "What are you doing alone here at night?"

"Thinking of death," he said nonchalantly but still she took him seriously and frowned.

"Why? Is she making you give up already?" She tried to joke.

​ He smiled. "Well, you should be ready to take my job soon. I don't have much time left."

"What do you mean?"

"Nazneen came to you. I am sure she told you what I am."

Ankine nodded and he told her the rest feeling a bit relaxed that he could tell someone who didn't only know one fact or the other. She knew what he was and now she knew about his death as well.

Ankine frowned. "Well, the magic thing is true but... how long have you been having symptoms?"

Ares tried to think, "Since five years back," when he first began to experiment.

"Oh..." she said as if disappointed by the answer and he knew he was doomed. If someone who lived as long as she did had no solution then there was no hope. So no more "if only.."

He could see Ankine thinking hard and he smiled. "It is alright." He said. "I have accepted it. I have lived a good life."

As if she didn't hear anything he said, "the only ones who can control magic beyond what occurs naturally are witches. Maybe we could meet with that witch again."

Ares shook his head. "He will bargain."

"And you are good at it."

"I am sure the cunning witch is better."

"You have to try. Let's see what he offers." She suggested.