Chapter 77: Can't Fix Stupid

Chapter 77: Can't Fix Stupid

The way up had never seemed so long. Every step was difficult. His hands were shaking and his legs wobbled. Finally, after what seemed like an age, he stumbled into the great Guild Hall as was shown to a room where the heads of the Miner's Guild, Mechanics ‘Guild, Dwarven Engineer's Guild, Pipefitter's Guild, and Toolmaker's Guild were meeting. It was a mess of yelling humans, dwarves, halflings and even a few ogres.

"We're the duly sponsored Guilds in this city, you can't come out of nowhere and refuse to pay your hundreds of years of back dues!"

"Dues? And what about fines for breaking regulations, new guild fees, and drayage."

"This violates all the new rules! We wrote the rules and voted on them last night!"

"You can't just run around with spanners that don't have a tool-makers stamp."

"Did you have clearance for that project? You can't just trap a World Boss without having us clear the project!"

"You can all keep your grubby hands off that loot! Miners fought and died, and we're going to get first crack at it!"

"All loot needs to be brought to this guildhall and we can vote on how to distribute it."

Milo slumped into the room, took a back seat and ignored all the yelling. Sadly, someone noticed him.

"Oh, here he is now. Let's see what he has to say for himself?"

Milo was pushed forward to a large table where two dozen people sat or stood. The table was at least twenty foot long, and six foot wide. The Engineer and Throttlecog were seated in large chairs. Throttlecog was ignoring the room and polishing his armor. At random times he deployed dangerous looking tools or weapons (hard to tell which) and then snapped them back into their sockets.

The Engineer was on a slow burn. He had a half smile on his face, but his eyes were hard and mean. He nodded to Milo, as if to say "Sorry for dragging you into this mess."

Milo didn't like being around this many people. Especially this many people talking at once. One dwarf with a tool makers badge and gold beads in his beard yelled at him. "Well, you heard us! What do you have to say?"

Milo looked around the room. Fine, today he'd deal with people. How hard could this social stuff be? Just another problem.

"Say about what? You haven't given me a question worth answering, just shouting."

More shouting occurred. It stopped when Throttlecog brought his armored fist down upon the foot thick granite table top. Cracks appeared, radiating out from the divot of crushed stone where his fist had slammed down.

"Enough of this. Time to be civil. We have three Senior Engineers of the Deep Rock Engineer's Guild present. That constitutes a quorum and we can address all the sensible questions you’re asking. Pick someone to go first."

Five minutes later it was decided that somehow the Mechanics had precedent.

"Very well. First, justify how constructing such a massive contraption of cables and pulleys without a permit is justified in the rules. You didn't use guild mechanics or submit any of the needed forms."

“Plus operating an uninspected death machine, forming an army, mixing guilds, adding in a church, and adding a raid of adventurers to the mix.”N0v3lTr0ve served as the original host for this chapter's release on N0v3l--B1n.

Eyes turned to the Deep Rock Engineers. Throttlecog stopped The Engineer from talking, and nodded to Milo. Milo sighed, he hated answering questions without the right background.

"I assume you have those regulations listed somewhere?" The Mechanics Guild Leader smiled and pointed to a thick book. "Of course, right here."

"Hand it to me please. In fact, hand me ALL the regulations"

Several people started to argue, and Throttlecog raised his fist. Things got quiet and the five large books were slid across the table to Milo. He picked up the first, and began to thumb through the pages, looking at two pages ever couple of seconds.

Without pausing he said. "I want a cheese sandwich and a large mug of something to drink, and I'd like it now." His words were flat and without emotion, quieting the room further.

It took Milo less than an hour to go through all five of the huge volumes, scanning each page quickly. He moved faster and faster as he went, each regulation fitting into the obscure pattern that the guilds worked by. Throttlecog and the Engineer had seen him do the same thing when he was taking his entrance exams and later working on the machines they gave to him to fix.

Everyone else was either scared, or thought it was a hoax, but the threat of violence from all three Deep Rock Engineers was real. People only interrupted once.

He finished his sandwich quickly, drank the hot, strong tea, and set aside the last book.

"Each guild agreed to abide by the City Charter. The city’s charter gives broad leeway to stopping, and I quote: "Threats of such a nature that any delay could result in the death of a large number of citizens, sinking of ships, or loss of trade routes and commerce."

"You can find supportive language on page 5 of the Mechanics Guild Regulations, page 57 of the Engineer's Guild Regulation, page 1 of the Miner's Guild regulations, and page 23 of the Toolmaker's Guild Regulations.”

"And in the margins of page 237, at the left bottom corner, written by hand in green ink of the Pipefitters Guild Regulations.”

"You all agreed to those rules. The city was notified of the problem, and most of you ran to save your own skins, sailed away, or left by airship. Only one Household brought troops to fight. Only one guild from the city stayed to fight. We formed a coalition and were joined by hundreds from the Adventurers Guild. Working together we trapped the boss."

The kulag shook his head. "Down at the docks knocking heads together. Be back in a couple of hours."

Milo handed him the boy. "Give him to Squint, tell him to add it to Milo's tab. I'll be back soon to talk about the job.

Having delt with that problem, Milo headed for the cheese shop. The gnawing in his body was getting worse. He was tired of dealing with people and just wanted to sit in a corner with a few wheels of his favorite snack.

The cheese shop was a disappointment. Jethro was there, but there was hardly any cheese! None of the other halflings were around. The shop looked dusty, with cobwebs in the rafters. A disheveled and unshaven Jethro ushered him in. "You're back! That's great! I've got a special order, just for you. The rest of the family is at the warehouse. Pardon the dust. We almost left the city for something safer. How about you wait here. Help yourself to some of the gouda over there? Delish! On the house! I'll run get your order."

Milo shrugged. He didn't understand humans, let alone halflings. He missed the straight-forward insanity of the Engineers. He was heading back down as soon as he could. He needed away from the city.

And Harry! Had he survived? No one had mentioned the troll. Harry had told Milo how hard trolls were to kill, but he'd been reduced to large chunks.

He sat on a broken crate, gnawing on the gouda. It was bland and unaged, with some stupid seeds in it. Why would you mix stuff inside of good cheese? Well, not that this was good cheese. He was feeling a bit better, but exhaustion was catching up with him. His reflexes slow, and his mind exhausted, he failed to notice the dark-haired wizard and dragonling.

"Encasio Viriculum Transciobella!"

Milo heard the words and a small glass ball struck him in the chest as he turned. Everything went strange as he spun down into the darkness.

"Ah, Tasha's Transcendent Entrapment. Never leave home without one." Philistron bent down and picked up the small glass ball with an even smaller Milo trapped inside.

"Excellent work, Jethro." He tossed a small pouch of silver coins to the halfling. "I'll say hi to your family for you."

Jethro caught the money, but seemed surprised at the words. "My family? you're letting them go, right? That was the deal! I help you catch him, you let them go!"

"Ah, Jethro, poor Jethro. You're forgetting your own words. You wanted so much. Respect, money, to be the head of your family, to make them think differently of you. And I've done all that for you." He waved to the dilapidated shop. "It's all your now. And you're in charge. Head of what's left of the family. And I guarantee they think differently of you now."

He smiled with malice at the halfling. "I kept my word. Say differently, and Krysofolax will rip out your tongue and eat your eyes. Good day Jethro."

The wizard strode down through the town, talking to his companion. "That ties things up nicely, don't you think?"

"........"

"What do you mean, not the same rat? Of course, it's the same rat. Use your eyes."

"........"

"No, I can't smell the difference. You said he smelled of 'old bone and enemies' before. What does he smell like now?"

"........"

"Family? Are you serious? That's a scruffy, cheese addicted rat-kin. And I can tell it's the same one. How many do you think have completed the Quest for the Eye of Wonder?"

"........"

"Well, yes, there are others! But not rat-kin. It's the same one I say. You didn't like the other one at all, now you're telling me you're related? You've been eating too many pickled herring. I never should have let you load that many jars of it into the ship."

"........"

"Now that's just rude! Let's get back to the ship, slice him up, and we can settle this. Dragon-kin indeed"

"........"

"I'm just going to ignore you now"

"........"

"Rude little lizard. Half a mind to trade you for a Gerbil!"

"........"

"........"

"........"

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