Chapter 230: On Patrol

Chapter 230: On Patrol

Rogarth wondered how much the approaching people had drunk. They had linked arms and were hoping forward together, stopping for little kicks and sidesteps while singing a drinking song. The little guy in the center was so drunk the other two held him in the air. They kept coming until they were fifty feet away. The little guy must be a mess; he could barely hold his halberd, and his helmet was crooked. The other two laughed and pointed at him before he yelled at them to stand at attention and straighten up.

They were close enough for him to see how big the other two were. When they quit slouching, they were at least as six-feet tall but were wide and heavily muscled. He wasn't worried; they didn't have much skill with their weapons or fighting in armor. They stood straight while the little guy took a step closer and thumped the butt of his halberd on the ground for attention. "Greetings! Do you need assistance? I see many tombstones in your camp. Are you having trouble with the moles? If it is too dangerous for you, perhaps you should return to the human city."

The voice was a little high and had a strange accent to it. Rogarth had heard that accent a lot in the Hollow. Mystery solved; this guy was a ratkin from the Hollow sent to hassle them. He gave the signal to be ready to fight. Both Ardvus and Black John gave the return signal. Willy, of course, was off in the shadows somewhere and hadn't been able to memorize hand signals in the first place. Ardvus was focusing on his spells and having the same problem as always: Where was Willy? The enemy was perfectly grouped for a fireball, but the half-orc was probably nearby. That's all he needed was a deep-fried Willy complaining to his dad. Black John was ready with his shield and Sword of Ravaging. The thing was already humming and buffing up his strength. Necrobarb was hiding behind John's shield. She needed to get close for her bow to gain the most damage. Rogarth hated that bow, even if Barb loved it. What good was a bow that put you near the enemy, no matter how extra damage it did? He shook off his annoyance and yelled back.

"Thanks, we could use some help. The moles killed some of our party members, and we're waiting for them to return. Need a drink? We've got some beer and a little brandy left. Come share it with us while we wait for the moles to respawn."

One of the big fighters yelled out in a high-pitched voice that sounded like a little girl. "Do you have candy? I like candy!"

The other started yelling as well, also mimicking a little girl. "Or cheese! Do you have cheese?"

"That's Bad! Mama says no asking for cheese!"

"That's Hollow Rules. We are brave guards patrolling tunnels."

"What would Mama say?"

.....

"What would Mama say?!!"

"...Momma would say no cheese. I want candy, then!"

"We both want candy. Candy for brave guards who kill moles!"

Rogarth had trouble keeping a straight face. Barb was giggling and even sour-faced-Joe had a smile. These guys were a comedy troop. He turned to the group. "I'm tempted to let them live. These guys are funny. Does anyone have candy? When we split the loot from the moles, we pay them candy. If they argue, we can always kill them then."

Barb whispered back. "I have some licorice in my pack, and Joe is hiding those sugar cookies he likes." Joe glared at her.

Rogarth was about to yell back when Willy stood up from the shadows at the feet of the guy in the lead, plunged two daggers into his chest, and then rolled between the two fighters—disappearing back into the shadows. "Willy Wonky has your candy right here! Have a double dose!"

Barb and Joe advanced together to take out one of the fighters. Rogarth charged the other. Ardvus let loose a spell of Battle Blessing, giving all of them a boost to their damage. This fight was going to be over quickly. One guy was down already. Willy might be a crazy shithead, but he packed a punch. Each of those daggers carried enough poison to do 1000 points of damage in only two rounds.

He wasn't quite dead and must have said something to his bodyguards. The two had started to look for Willy but turned and charged forward.

Ardvus held up his hands in surrender. "How about some black licorice and some nice sugar cookies? And I have some lemon candy in my pocket and more in my pack! Please, take it! I'll leave and not come back! I'll be good! It was Willy's fault!"

The girls suddenly turned, hearing a moan from under a rock.

"Tallsqueak? May we go play with Willie? You have to get our candy for us!"

"Yes. Save it, please. We can't eat until we wash up. Mama's Rules!"

"Sure, go play. Remember to remove all his clothes and weapons before you play with him. If he isn't dead, he has some good stuff on him. I'll have a talk with Ardvus here about how to behave in the Hollow."

Ardvus spent the next ten minutes finding candy and sweets, piling up the group's loot, and helping Tallsqueak separate what had come from the other group. Once he realized he wasn't going to die, they had a polite conversation about proper etiquette in the Hollow and the area around it. He was even helpful in pointing out the magic items that belonged to Barb, Rogarth, and Joe. He had a question, though.

"Can you give me a hint of how high those two are? I can tell your third tier, and it amazes me you can already use runes, but my group was Levels 14 to 16. Willy and Rogarth are in the fourth tier, and we outnumbered you five to three."

"Hmm, hard to say. But I think six."

The mage paled. "They are in the 6th tier. Oh god, we screwed up."

Tallsqueak shook his head. "No, six years old. We're going to celebrate their seventh birthday in a week. Would you like to come to the party? Remember, they like candy."

Ardvus swallowed hard. He really didn't want to deal with the rest of the group again. Especially, Willy, the guy drove him nuts. "Um...could I help you return the gear to the other group? I'd love to apologize, take my lumps, and maybe stick around the Hollow for a while. I can see some advantages of polite society."

Milo thought it over. "Sure. Everyone deserves a second chance."

They watched as the girls freed an injured Willy from his rocky prison and stripped him to his underwear before making him play tag with them. When it was his turn, he pulled a dagger from somewhere and threw it at Buttercup, sticking it into her shoulder. "Ha! Tag! Your It! Willy Wonky Wins!" He didn't survive the tag back.

Ardvus shook his head. "Everyone except Willy."

It was late when a tired group of brave guards returned from patrol. They delivered a repentant mage and a pile of loot to the half-naked group sleeping by the campfire. The girls were sleepy and exhausted but wanted to tell Mama Gendifur about their adventures. She listened while she cleaned them up and let them eat their sweets. After putting them to bed, she returned to the living room and glared at Tallsqueak. "Did you really take them out and attack a group of players?"

He spread his hands. "You did say you didn't care."

She relaxed and sighed. "I did, and it was a nice break. But now they're making up stories about fighting a giant mole named Tunnel Tyrant. Is that a new story for bedtime?"

Milo shook his head. "No, he charged us as we were about to leave. He was a level 19 Elite and really tough. We let the girls play with him while Ardvus and I whittled him down with spells. We all earned 18 Bonus points from the fight. I had them buy three INT and three WIS. It helped a lot." He yawned twice, excused himself, and took a nap.

Gendifur sat down next to Brutus. The two of them looked at each other, and he said. "Looks like I'll be taking the girls on patrol with me some."