Chapter 24: Cultivation (2)

Chapter 24: Cultivation (2)

Sen watched a startling array of emotions cross Master Feng’s face. He saw disbelief, confusion, a moment of anger, realization, and some guilt. All of that passed over the old cultivator’s face before the man schooled his expression into something like calm. Sen tried to make sense of it. He knew that he probably should have asked about his dantian, but he really hadn’t seen it as a big deal until Master Feng had reacted so badly. Now, he realized that this had to have something important to do with cultivation, but he still didn’t know what. That left him unsure about how to measure the size of his mistake. He didn’t know if it was the kind of mistake that would have him cleaning up leaves in the courtyard for the next week or the kind of mistake that Master Feng might never forgive him for. That uncertainty left Sen feeling very, very unsettled. It also meant that he didn’t want to be the one to break the sudden silence in the room. Master Feng didn’t make him wait for long.

“I’m a very old man, Sen,” offered Master Feng, rubbing at his eyes like he was exhausted. “I’m so old that you might not even believe me if I told you just how old I really am. When you get to be that old, it’s easy to think that you’ve left making mistakes behind you. Let this be a lesson. You can always make mistakes, no matter how old you get.”This essence is securely nested within the heart of Nøv€lß¡n★

Sen nodded. “I’ll try to remember that, master.”

“Do that because I’ve made several mistakes of late. Unfortunately, you made some mistakes too. Some of that was my fault, but not all of it. So, don’t breathe too easily. You aren’t off the hook.”

Sen swallowed hard and nodded. “I understand.”

“You don’t yet. The fact that you don’t understand, couldn’t understand, is a big part of the reason why I can’t be that angry with you. So, let me explain a bit about the mistakes I made. Once I do, I think you’ll understand a bit more about the size of your mistakes.”

Sen knew that he wasn’t going to like where this all led. A part of him desperately wished that he just be somewhere else for a little while. Then, the foolishness of that idea really struck home. If he could be somewhere else, he’d just put off the conversation. Putting off conversations hadn’t served him especially well in the recent past. There was little reason to believe that putting off this conversation would make anything better, either. Armed with that little bit of insight, Sen braced himself for the bad news and gave Master Feng a firm nod.

“Please help me understand what went wrong,” said Sen.

“The biggest mistake I made was assuming that you were at least a little bit like other cultivation students. I know that you’re not. The massive gaps in your knowledge told me that you’re not, but it’s rare that any cultivator has a student who truly knows nothing about cultivation. The most ignorant students still come in with basic information about their dantians, about qi, and about the types of qi. Almost all of them have at least some notions about how to restore qi in their dantian. Some even have a few thoughts about how to circulate their qi. I withheld all information about cultivating because I kept assuming you knew at least those foundational bits of information.”

Sen thought he was starting to see the bigger picture. “Except, I didn’t know even those things.”

“I assumed you were already filling your dantian on a daily basis and hadn’t mentioned it for reasons of your own. So, in my ignorance, I pushed you to use your qi. I wanted to evaluate your progress with it. Cultivators know how to restore their qi when they drain their dantian, so there is minimal risk to them. With you, though...”

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“Drain too much qi from your body and fail to restore it, it can harm your body or even your mind. It can even sap years from your life. If the drain is too much, it can even kill you.”

Sen felt sick. He hadn’t meant to put himself at risk. He hadn’t understood the risks that he’d taken. He hadn’t known that his secrets would encourage Master Feng to take actions he might otherwise have avoided. He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He was certain Master Feng hadn’t intended for any of it to happen, either. Yet, it had happened. Master Feng had made mistakes. He’d made mistakes. Add those mistakes together and the results could have been pure disaster. Sen had simply gotten lucky. He’d been lucky that he hadn’t permanently hurt himself. He’d been lucky that Master Feng remained calm and knew what to do. He’d been lucky that he could do what Master Feng had instructed him to do. If luck had a way of balancing out over a person's life, Sen was certain that a great deal of the bad luck he’d suffered was just wiped away.

He also realized that he couldn’t depend on good luck like that to save him, to spare him, a second time. Fate could be kind and bestow luck or blessings, but it could also be cruel and cast a person into turmoil and terrible danger. Most of all, it could not be avoided. All he could do was prepare himself as well as he could to brave that turmoil and danger should it come to him. There was no room in those preparations for childish embarrassment. Sen bowed low to Master Feng.

“Master, I beg your forgiveness for my foolishness. I won’t let it happen again.”

“You will,” said Feng with a wry smile. “You will be foolish many times in your life. All men are. Just wait until you start meeting women your age. I will be satisfied if you can avoid being foolish again in this way. I must beg your forgiveness, as well, for not seeing what was so plainly displayed before these eyes. I can’t pretend I’ll avoid all other mistakes. I will make every effort to ensure that you have the information you need to make wise choices as you step onto the path of the cultivator.”

With that, Master Feng offered Sen a deep bow. It was so deep that Sen felt immediately uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Master,” said Sen, unsure what else he could offer.

Feng rose and gave the boy a rueful look. “Now, come along. It seems that we have much to discuss.”