Book 5: Chapter 34: Hope and Fear

Book 5: Chapter 34: Hope and Fear

Sen had planned to wait until the next day and take his plan to Fu Ruolan, but it nagged at him as he tried to focus on reading the primer. He found himself rereading the same passages over and over again as his attention slipped from the book to the possibility that he might finally crack the problem of pill refining. Of course, that came with equal parts excitement and trepidation. If it worked, it would be a fantastic triumph. If it failed, Sen cringed to imagine the blow that might deliver. While he and Fu Ruolan had spoken optimistically about finding some new approach or idea, Sen didnt think it was going to happen. He was pretty sure that they had exhausted the list of likely and unlikely options, and there had been plenty.

He had thought that perhaps his passive qi gathering was interfering with the process somehow. While Fu Ruolan had been a little startled by the revelation that he was doing such a thing, she had agreed it was worth exploring. Then, she had suggested that his aura might be muddying up the process. That had taken a little explanation. While Sen was aware that there were such things as auras and had even used his to some extent, the dragon hadnt been big on explaining exactly what auras were or how they functioned under normal circumstances. It turned out that it was simply a small field of energy around a person. Cultivators generally enjoyed more powerful ones that were also much more tightly controlled, which was what allowed for things like auric imposition. Sen had tried to bypass that problem by hiding. He assumed that whatever it was that he was drawing inside himself included his aura. That much had been true but didnt yield success.

They had tried changing to ingredients grown in different locations. They had tried other simple recipes. They had tried changing cauldrons, changing locations, and even using flames generated entirely from fire qi. Fu Ruolan had even made some of the alchemical recipes under identical conditions, only to end up with perfectly functional pills. He wasnt sure who was more upset by that, him or her. He thought he might have edged her out with his despair, but it was still a close thing. With so many ideas coming up empty for them, it was hard to feel like this idea was any better, but any idea beat no idea. And it might work. That was what had kept him going more than anything else, the distant possibility that something might actually let him make a pill.

He had even entertained the idea that his disdain for pills had somehow poisoned the process. After examining his feelings on the matter, though, he had to dismiss it. Whatever hard feelings he once possessed had been burned away by the fact of his overwhelming need. No matter what he might have thought before, he hadnt been so bought into those ideas that he was ready to die for the principle. He was no saint who had taken a vow to forsake pills forever. Hed probably always view them askance, but hed taken pills in the intervening time since his first, traumatic experiences with them. They were just another tool that cultivators employed. He would always default to elixirs when given the option, though. He had a strong sentimental attachment to them that he didnt expect to ever lose.Ñ00v€l--ß1n hosted the premiere release of this chapter.

The part of Sen that took hope in the possibility of success urged him to go and simply try to do it. There was no benefit to waiting since he had a new idea to test. The sooner he knew, the sooner he could take appropriate next steps. If it worked, he had a viable pathway forward and could start testing out other recipes in the manual. That would let him both build confidence and develop his own skill base with the new approach. The part of him that had been lashed by failure wanted to wait. Granted, if he failed again, which seemed far more likely, it would only be him there to see the failure. It would still cut, but maybe it would wound him a little less deeply. That part argued that it would be to try with Fu Ruolan there. Even if he failed, she might spot something that would give her an idea about how to move forward.

The process didnt fight him anymore. He didnt feel failure loom at every moment. Instead, he felt the ingredients fusing and merging in ways that he didnt think the recipe writer ever anticipated. He suspected that whoever had come up with the recipe would have abandoned the process long since under the mistaken belief that it would fail. With each passing moment, though, Sen became more and more certain it was working. He didnt celebrate victory early. He knew better than to declare success before he had the pill in hand but worry stopped nibbling away at his confidence. He entered into what he might think of as a dance with the contents of the cauldron. The components tried to move one way and, if it felt right, he let them. If it felt wrong, he guided them back to where they needed to be. He was a partner in the movements, not a king to dictate motion.

He lost himself in that dance, releasing his conscious mind more and more until silence reigned inside of him. He let instincts guide his qi until, abruptly, there was nothing more to do. His eyes snapped open and he swept the cauldron off the stove, bleeding the heat away with a swift application of fire qi. He set the cauldron on the counter and took a deep breath as he tried to ward off both hope and fear. When hed steadied himself, he lifted the lid from the cauldron. His eyes scanned for the charred mush hed come to expect and, instead, locked onto a perfectly spherical object that gave off a dull blue glow. With a trembling hand, he reached down and gently picked up the pill between two fingers. He let it roll back into his palm and just looked at it. Disbelief and joy did a little dance inside his soul as his hand closed around the pill. He lifted his fist over his head.

Yes! he screamed in a voice that shook the galehouse.

One second later, Falling Leaf crashed through the kitchen door, eyes wild and barely conscious. Her eyes locked on him and relief flooded her expression. Then, her gaze tracked from his face to his arm and his upraised fist. A feeling of deep dread took root in Sen, as the relief on her face transformed into a murderous glare. He scurried back as she stalked toward him with shadow claws forming around her fingers.

Oh shit, said Sen.