Chapter 379 Realization

"... It was the power that you obtained once you thought that some people deserved to die for having what you didn't have when you thought of it numerous times. Your thoughts became strong enough once that happened."

Jake lowered his head when he heard that, but then he smiled and laughed. That was absolutely true… he thought of that many times. His harsh life wasn't an excuse for him to think like that, so he wondered why he had never felt disgusted by himself until now. Maybe because he never said that out loud or never heard anyone telling him that, it wasn't normal, after all.

"Jake? That isn't true, right?" Lana asked. "You are better than that!"

"No way, I am worse than this," Jake replied after he stopped laughing. "Putting my edgelord phase aside, I thought of that many times, especially to those who I hated the most. Such a person is such an asshole… why does he have a better life than mine? Why does he have what I can't have? He should just die. That way of thinking was normal to me… no wonder I became such a recluse."

,m "But you didn't do anything to others even with those thoughts, did you?" Arilene asked. "Even if you have your flaws, you can't be like this guy who destroyed so many worlds."

"I got pretty close since I was always looking for the chance to let loose. I didn't do it because I didn't want to go to jail," Jake replied. "Still, that doesn't make things better. In the end, I have an ugly power because I am an ugly person just like him."

Lana and Louise recalled the day that they heard that Jake had fought Justin. He probably beat him pretty badly since he held a grudge for many months. The atmosphere of the area was getting heavier since Jake was admitting such things without care… human beings are flawed creatures, but no one would admit their flaws like that unless they truly liked them or they didn't care even a bit about those around…

'This chapter is updated by N(o)V(e)lB(i)n.',

"Have you finally come to accept your true nature? You don't have to feel bad about being like that. Your environment changed you to become like that… while you could have become someone who would ignore all that, you aren't that stupid. Why would you accept so much hate from the people around you for no reason? If someone hates you, it is only fair to hate them. If they try to kill you, it is only fair to take their lives and everything else they have."

"You are absolutely right," Jake said.

"No! He is not!" Arilene shouted. "People have to be better than their enemies! Otherwise, the conflict will never end."

"Conflict will never end until assholes exist and are created every day," Jake said. "People like me and him will be born as long as sapient species exist. The world, the universe, is a nasty place, after all."

"... The real Jake that I know would continue with that and quote Rock IV," Lana said while forcing a smile.

"Now isn't the time to joke around," Jake said. "I don't have to wear the mask of a clown to hide who I am anymore. Besides, I can't run away from my demons anymore. Running away from them for two lifetimes would be too much."

"Your words don't match with your actions. How can you give up on your powers when you consider what gave them to you something troublesome as demons?"

"When I said that I was going to give up?" Jake asked. "I just realized something… thanks to you, actually. A wise man once said: I am lame. Therefore, I exist. There is no reason to pretend to be cool. Let's show our lame sides. That is actually what we are, after all."

'',

The enemy furrowed his eyebrows and then looked at Jake, raising his right hand, and from it, some small spheres of energy emerged… the enemy couldn't believe that Jake had such willpower that he was able to turn upside down the nature of his power.

Jake sent the spheres to the others nearby, Louise got the red sphere, Lana got the pink one, Karina got the yellow one, Julian got the orange, and Arilene got the purple one. Jake still had his green and the brown one. If Virgilius had been there, he would have gotten that one, but it was fine. Jake was going to use his envy and pride to win.

"Thanks to you, I realized that something like this can be done. I never liked magic, to begin with, but if magic is molded by our will, experiences, and feelings, then this is easy. I didn't fight for so long and ended my journey with a weak will, after all," Jake said. "I am also filled with experiences, and even if they are dark, feelings are still feelings."

"You reversed the power of your envy… instead of taking it, you gave it away. Still, what do you think you can accomplish without them?"

"I still have my envy and pride," Jake said. "Do you know what Hugo's pride was able to do? That moron caused me a lot of trouble… if his will were only a bit stronger, then I wouldn't have been able to defeat you."

"You will only destroy yourself before you can achieve anything. Besides, the differences in our powers are just too big for a single skill to make a difference."

"The current me is definitely weaker than you, but what about the past me?" Jake asked.

"What?"

"You wanted my power… but you killed me the other time, so why do I still have the Envy's power, and why do you still want to kill me?" Jake asked. "I can only assume that you killed me, but you didn't get my powers, not even my experience… my powers are still buried inside me… and I will use pride to revive them."