CH 36

Chapter 36: You Really Didn’t Love Me?

Lin Xiyu said, “There is nothing to discuss. I remember we agreed before we got married that we would divorce after we had the baby.”

“I haven’t thought about getting a divorce. Even if I promised you at that time, it was only a suitable measure at that time.”

Hearing this, Lin Xiyu’s heart became even colder. Where else did he lie to her and that she didn’t know?

“I lied to you, but I lied to you for a reason. If you really abort Chengmao, now Chengmao won’t exist, do you understand? I will make up for it later. As you can see, I’ve never treated your mother and son harshly. Anything can be worked out, don’t get divorce.”

He grabbed her hand, and didn’t let go. His panicked voice deliberately suppressed, as if he was coaxing her. Lin Xiyu didn’t even want to listen to him now. She jerked her hand away, packed the things and closed the suitcase. Lu Junting came back to his senses and said, “Do you really want to leave? Don’t want the child? He’s still so young, you don’t care about him?”

At the beginning, he was sure that she would not divorce if she had the child, so he agreed when she proposed to divorce after giving birth, because he knew that she could not run away, and having a child would be the bargaining chip to tie her. Not only could he control her life, he knew even her thoughts. He was really a man who was good at seeing people’s hearts ah.

Lin Xiyu turned to him with her suitcase. The sky outside the window was very good, blue sky and white clouds. Just like that day, they went out as a family. He bought a balloon she liked for her. He said that she was also a child, his eyebrows were gentle that day, making her heart soft, and the balloon he bought her was still hanging on her bedside.

“My mother is a university professor, an educator, she taught me to be independent and have self-esteem. Before I became the wife or mother of anyone, I was myself first. I’m an independent person, you don’t have to use the child to hold me back, I love him, but I will not ruin my own life for him, live with someone who is lying to me.”

After she said that, she pulled the suitcase and turned to leave.

Over the years, Lu Junting had worked hard in the business, his heart had long been trained to be indestructible, and he had become accustomed to being calm when things happen, but now, his indestructibility instantly shattered into pieces the moment he watched her turn and leave. His face was full of panic, and he caught up without thinking.

Lin Xiyu went downstairs, and Sister Wu was playing with the baby. Seeing her carrying a suitcase, she asked, “Where are you going?”

Seeing her, Little Baby hurriedly crawled over to her. Lin Xiyu walked over and picked him up. He didn’t know anything, a pair of innocent and ignorant eyes with a smile, he patted her with his fat little hand and called her, “Mom.”

Laughing while calling.

Lin Xiyu endured the choked sobs. She kissed his forehead, kissed his face, she pressed her face against his, and was reluctant to let go for a long time.

There were too much reluctant in her heart, but she knew that Lu Junting was watching from the sidelines, watching her struggle and resist, but in the end, she was still held in check.

With a pang in her heart, she didn’t want him to get his wish.

She gave the child to Sister Wu and told her, “Take good care of him.”

After speaking, she pulled the suitcase and walked out. As if noticing something, the baby was anxious, and called her with a crying voice.

“Mom, mom, mom.”

Voice after voice.

Lin Xiyu’s footsteps stopped. At that moment, she did have a struggle, or just let it go, or just stay with the baby. For the baby, she could compromise anything, even if she knew that she was being played.

But in the end, she still retained the last of her pride, she did not look back, pulled the suitcase out the door. There were hurried footsteps behind her, and her wrist was quickly grabbed by an iron claw-like arm.

Lu Junting pulled her around, and the man’s face was angry. However, there was a panic under his eyes like being crushed, he rushed her, “Did you hear him crying? Why did you just leave like that?”

The nanny had already carried Little Baby to the door. Little Baby was crying sadly when she saw his mother leaving. Lin Xiyu felt a pain in her heart, she didn’t want to say anything, suddenly broke away from Lu Junting’s hand and walked towards the gate.

She walked quickly. Lin Xiqian was waiting outside the gate, he helped her carry the suitcase to the car, and then Lin Xiyu told him to go quickly. The car quickly turned around and drove away, she saw Lu Junting quickly chasing out from the rearview mirror.

This man, who had always been confident and dignified, when he was in a hurry, his demeanor and movements showed a bit of embarrassment, as if after his confidence was broken, everything was out of his control, making it unacceptable for him.

Lu Junting stood on the side of the road, watching the car she was sitting in disappear. The freshly smoked wicker was swayed by the wind, and this street was planted with willow trees, full of green and full of life. It was a very good weather, he opened the window of the car when he went to work today, sniffed deeply, and the air had an aromatic and clean smell of spring, but now, at this time, his throat seemed to be stuck by something, and there was an unbearable tingling pain when he breathed.

When Lu Junting returned home, the nanny was holding the crying Lu Chengmao. Lu Junting was sitting on the sofa, and this crying made him a little irritable. He looked up and was about to reprimand, but in his eyes was his son’s face wet with tears, and his eyes were also red.

He felt the same way, his heart suddenly cramped. He walked over and stretched out his hand to take the child. He held him on the sofa, helped him wipe away his tears, hugged him tightly, and rubbed his head.

“Don’t cry, Little Baby, dad promised you, dad will get your mom back, don’t cry, okay?”

Lin Xiyu found a house next to the club to live in, she didn’t sleep well for three days in a row. It was really scary to get used to this kind of thing, she had become accustomed to being Lu Junting’s wife, accustomed to having Little Baby to accompany her every day, and now she moved out alone, she could not adapt to this lonely life for a while. Lying in bed at night, she repeatedly flipped through the photos of her Little Baby, thinking in her heart, whether he cried, did he sleep well, did he eat obediently, whether he would miss her when his mother was not around, and even thought about whether to secretly run back to see him.

She knew that just leaving was the hardest time, and she was afraid that Lu Junting was still waiting for her to turn back. He was now silently watching her struggle, watching her cornered and finally sending her to the door for him to use.

Three days later, Lin Xiyu came home from work and saw a familiar car downstairs where she lived. He moved so fast that he found out where she lived in just three days.

Lin Xiyu pretended not to see it, turned around and walked to the community and saw the rear car door pushed open. Lu Junting came out from the inside and directly stopped her, “Lin Xiyu.”

Lin Xiyu looked sideways at him. She rented an old neighborhood, the houses and the ground looked dilapidated, he was dressed in a couture suit, shiny leather shoes, and well-dressed. The man with outstanding temperament contrasts with the shabby neighborhood next to him, appearing so incongruous.

Lu Junting stepped forward and said to her, “I have something to say to you.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

Her attitude was cold and he remembered that she used to greet him timidly when she saw him and would call him ‘Brother Junting’.

“Isn’t it about divorce? Don’t want to say anything about divorce either?”

Lin Xiyu glanced at him, and Lu Junting said again, “I don’t want to talk about divorce on the street.”

This surprised Lin Xiyu, but thinking about it carefully, they also had no feelings, right? She wouldn’t believe that Lu Junting liked her, it was nonsense. Her child had also been born, and the task had been completed. He might have found another tool person, it was not surprising that he would agree to divorce.

Lin Xiyu thought for a while and said, “Come with me.”

Lin Xiyu lived on the third floor. Although the community was dilapidated, but the stairs were quite clean, Lin Xiyu took out the key and opened the door, Lu Junting followed her in. He glanced at it casually, a very small apartment, there were her slippers at the door, only a pair, so she should live alone. He secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

Lin Xiyu didn’t want to talk nonsense, and asked him directly, “Say, when will you sign the divorce agreement?”

“I didn’t think about getting a divorce.”

Lin Xiyu glanced at him, and he spoke calmly.

“You didn’t think about getting a divorce, why did you tell me that you came to me to discuss divorce?”

He didn’t speak, his gaze fell on her. Lin Xiyu understood and said, “People who lie by nature will never forget to lie.”

Lu Junting was not angry, but said to her in a deliberative tone, “Let’s discuss how to solve it. It’s not the only way to divorce. Chengmao is still so young, he needs his mother, you have to leave him ruthlessly?”

“If you really think he shouldn’t lose his mother, then you give him to me. I have the ability to raise him.”

“Giving him to you? Do you think that’s possible?”

“Since it’s impossible, don’t say such things again. I won’t go back.”

Her attitude was resolute and her expression was cold. This little girl really surprised him. She obviously looked soft, but when raised her edge, it hurt people’s hearts.

“You won’t forgive me at all? We have been together for so long, don’t you have any feelings for me? It’s not right for me to deceive you, and are you not even willing to give me the opportunity to make amends for my mistakes?”

He stood in her room, the small room was filled with his strong aura. The words of forgiveness, smudged by his aura, gave people a strong sense of oppression, as if in the face of his apology, they should obediently bow their heads and accept.

Lin Xiyu didn’t want to be the person he arbitrarily manipulated anymore, she was silent for a while, and then said to him in a very calm tone, “I think about it, I think I probably didn’t have any feelings for you. If I really liked you, I would probably forgive your deception, and probably turn a blind eye to your play. But I realized I don’t even like you, so I don’t want to forgive or continue with you. I just want to end everything and avoid you, a dangerous person, as far away as possible.”

The words were too direct, so direct that it seemed like every word had a needle hidden in it, needle after needle, densely piercing him, piercing him from the inside out.

There seemed to be a crack in that powerful aura, his eyebrows contained anger, but the corners of his mouth hooked out a smiling arc, “Do you really have no feelings for me at all? Not oven when you have sex with me? Is the person who made love to me in the first place a piece of wood? If it’s a piece of wood, how can it be done? Which time have I not made you feel good?”

He was pricked by her, his heart ached, and the pain was so painful that he only felt a stream of fire rushing straight to his head. He almost said it through gritted teeth.

He pressed over step by step, Lin Xiyu subconsciously retreated. She looked at the man in front of her with a stunned expression, how could he say such words?

“You’ve really refreshed my perception of you time and time again.”

He paused in his steps, and looked at her cold and mocking gaze. He obviously had such strong self-control, but he was so easily provoked by her.

He sneered, “Is that so?”

After he said that, he suddenly reached out and hooked her waist. He pulled her closer, lowered his head and kissed her. Lin Xiyu was startled, subconsciously blocked him, she said angrily, “Lu Junting, what are you going to do?”

Lu Junting stopped her and put her over his shoulder, carrying her towards the bed, he threw her on the bed. His tall body pressed down, he tugged her hands up to her head and greeted her lips without saying a word.

“I’m going to try and see if you really don’t feel anything to me at all.”

He pouted her lips, kissed her fiercely. At first, Lin Xiyu was still struggling, but he pressed her hand hard, she couldn’t fight him at all, and finally gave up and didn’t move by him.

Lu Junting kissed her for a while but she didn’t respond. He looked down and saw her staring at the ceiling, her eyes were empty, which was not at all the expression of kissing with people.

This made him very frustrated. His confidence collapsed again and again in front of her. He was angry, furious and panicked, he asked, “Really don’t feel anything at all? Really don’t like me at all?”

She shook her head calmly and said, “No, you’re not my type. I’ve never liked you.”

The scarlet color appeared under his eyes. He almost gritted his teeth and asked her, “If you don’t like me, why do you agree to sleep with me? Why did you agree, you say!”

“Because of the child. I want to stay with the child, all because of the child.”

He was stunned for a moment, and when he was out of focus, she broke away from him, ran away a few steps and distanced herself from him. Lu Junting maintained the action of being pushed away by her, sitting motionless on the bed.

He looked up at her, there was a clear pain in his eyes, like a seriously injured beast. His expression surprised her, after all, this was the first time she saw Lu Junting show an injured expression similar to fragile. This person had always been very confident, he could even lie without changing face.

Showing such an expression, it was as if he was really injured, really stabbed by her words.

He slowly got up from the bed, didn’t say another word, opened the door and walked out.

Lu Junting got into the car and unbuttoned his shirt to make breathing easier. He instructed the driver to go straight back to the company, and the car slowly drove away from the dilapidated neighborhood, but her words still lingered in his mind.

“I think about it, I think I probably didn’t have any feelings for you.”

“I realized I don’t even like you.”

“No, you’re not my type. I’ve never liked you.”

Lu Junting frowned uncomfortably, and rubbed his forehead with his slender thumb and forefinger, but this elegant and dignified man in front of outsiders couldn’t help but burst into foul language at this time.

Lu Junting liked to work, he didn’t like that boring empty state, and work did give him a lot of sense of accomplishment. After getting married and having children, he intended to work less, but there was never a workday without work.

However, today, Lu Junting deliberately came out for half a day, and he had already told the nanny last night, so the nanny was ready the next morning.

Little Baby had already changed into clothes to go out, and was sitting on a cushion playing with toys at the moment. Lu Junting walked over and picked him up and said, “Shall I take you to your mom?”

When he heard that he was looking for his mother, his eyes lit up, and he nodded his head vigorously with a smile. His soft and cute appearance really made people happy in their hearts. Lu Junting couldn’t help but laugh and tease him, “Just like to find your mom? Hmm?”

He took Little Baby to the club where Lin Xiyu worked, and he knew that she would come to eat at a restaurant near the club at noon. He had driven here to secretly see her.

He took Little Baby and wanted to have a meal with her, but it was too early. She hadn’t left work, Little Baby couldn’t stay in the car. There happened to be a commercial street nearby. Little Baby liked to be lively, pointed to the crowded commercial street and wanted to go shopping.

Lu Junting glanced at the time, it was still half an hour for her to leave work, and it would be okay to take his son to go shopping. The little guy was very excited as soon as he arrived in a crowded place, looking at this and that with big eyes. The little meat pointed to a certain place, babbling and not knowing what he was telling him.

Passing by an ornament stall, the boss put a shelf outside the door, with silk scarves and hats hanging on it. Passing by the stall, Little Baby grabbed people’s hats and did not let go.

“You want the hat?”

The little meat hand clutched the hat tightly, and looked at him with big eyes expectantly, which meant he wanted it.

Seeing that there was business, the boss hurriedly came out and introduced Lu Junting, “This is a parent-child at, suitable for a family to wear.” The boss picked up the smaller one below to help the baby put it on, and said with a smile, “This one is for children.”

Lu Junting glanced at the other two, a men’s hat and a women’s hat, a boy was printed on the men’s hat, a girl was printed on the women’s hat. The one worn by Little Baby was printed with a heart.

The family was in love, and they looked very affectionate.

Lu Junting said, “Take the other two hats as well.”

The boss immediately packed the bag for him, Lu Junting put on the male hat, looked at his son, and Little Baby touched the hat on his head and touched his father’s hat, giggling, probably very happy to wear the same hat as his father.

“Shall we give this hat to your mom?”

Little Baby’s happy eyes bent into two crescents, “Mom, mom.”

“Okay, give it to mom.”

Lu Junting came back with Little Baby, Lin Xiyu also happened to come out to eat. Lu Junting saw her at a glance, she happened to be sitting by the window, a whole floor-to-ceiling window. He could see her clearly.

It was just that she was not alone, and Lin Xiqian was still sitting opposite her.

Lin Xiqian also came to Lin Xiyu for a meal. Lin Xiyu told him about meeting Lu Junting yesterday, she sighed and said, “Lu Junting does not agree to divorce, I don’t know what to do now.”

“If you can’t think of what to do for the time being, don’t think about it first, be happy.”

Lin Xiyu nodded, but she still couldn’t really be happy because she had something in mind, so Lin Xiqian said to her, “Why don’t I tell you a joke?”

“...”

“There's sugar, it’s walking around the North Pole, and then it turns into rock sugar.”

Lin Xiyu snorted a laugh, Lin Xiqian then continued, “A black cat rescued a white cat from the river, guess what the white cat will say.”

“What? Thank you?”

“Meow~”

“...”

Lin Xiyu was successfully amused.

Lu Junting stood outside looking at the scene, she was in a relaxed state and smiled with relief. Such a smile would never appear when facing him, she was afraid of him, and even if she later shared a room with him, she smiled at him with guards and reservations.

And she never looked at him when she kissed him. She closed her eyes every time she had sex with him, or she had to turn off the light. She only opened her eyes when he forced her.

He thought about the conversation he had once with her.

“If you don’t like me, why do you agree to sleep with me? Why did you agree, you say!”

“Because of the child. I want to stay with the child, all because of the child.”

It was because of the child that she stayed.

At this moment, he suddenly understood that she really didn’t love him, not at all. She didn’t love him, so she didn’t want to look at him more when kissing. She didn’t love him, so every time she made love with him, she had to close her eyes. She didn’t love him, so as long as he made a little mistake, she could just walk away, completely regardless of whether he was once good to her. 

Like fate, she didn’t love him, and even though he tried his best to get her to marry him, she still didn’t love him.

Why would he feel that she would like him somewhat during this period of time? Wasn’t it doomed to be this kind of thing from the beginning?

He still remembered that time he overheard her talking to Lu Yuan. Lu Yuan asked her, “What kind of man do you want to marry in the future?”

She held her face and thought about it seriously. It was the season of spring blossoms, and the appearance of her face was like a blooming flower, and she said, “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about what kind of man I want to marry.”

“Then do you have anyone you don’t want to marry? This is the kind of person who will never be considered in your selection criteria.”

She didn’t even think about it and said, “Like that brother Junting.” She said that as her body shivered very cooperatively, “Of course, I didn’t mean that brother Junting is bad. That is, compared to me, I feel that being with someone like brother Junting is too depressing.”

She never wanted to be with him, she never liked him from the beginning, and she had no feelings for him even after so long together.

He closed his eyes and felt a soreness coming from his ribs, as if he had been punched so hard that it hurt to breathe. He didn’t know how long it took, he gradually opened his eyes, and there was scarlet spreading out under his eyes.

What if she didn’t want to marry him, she would still marry him in the end. If she didn’t like it, she would always be Lu Junting’s wife.

As long as he didn’t die, she would always be his.

Either did or didn’t. Since he wanted it, it would be meant for a lifetime.

This marriage, no matter what, he would not divorce!