Chapter 45 Final Attempt. (Part One)

"Alice, I'm seriously exhausted right now. If it's not urgent then please leave it for another time."

Seeing how bad his condition was, Alice realized that she chose the wrong time to visit. There was no reason behind it, Really. She just felt like spending some time with her childhood friend that's all.

That's right. The commander thought. I definitely didn't come here expecting anything!

After what happened the last time she had him comfort her, Alice was very hesitant to contact Sam. The kiss she received from him made her forget all about her broken engagement and ever since he was the only man on her mind.

Today she finally gathered the courage to go see him herself. She hoped that he would make a move while they were alone in his room, and that things would develop from there. Sadly seeing Sam's condition she could tell that the likelihood of anything occurring was nonexistent.

"I understand." Alice said with a weak smile. "Let's leave it for another time."

As she was about to stand, Sam let out a sigh, scratching the back of his head furiously.

"Listen, Alice, I'm sure you're going through a lot, but you can't just pop up whenever you feel like it." Sam said. "You are the commander of this base. It would be bad for both our reputations if wierd rumors begin to spread."

"Well, that's logical, I guess." Alice said. "I will make sure to be careful."

"You must keep in mind that I have my own life as well. I almost invited Shizuru over earlier. What do you think would've happened if she saw you on my bed?"

"That's…" Alice suddenly went stiff, turning to Sam with a questioning look. "Shizuru?"

"Hm? Oh! Yeah, I forgot to tell you, didn't I?" Sam spoke, wondering what made him forget something so important. "Her name is Shizuru Kurokami. We transferred here around the same time and were hanging out together ever since. Recently we decided to start dating and it's been working out pretty well."

Unbeknownst to her, Alice stumbled a step backwards.

"Y-you have a girlfriend…?"

"Of course I do." Sam replied, her reaction irritating him. "What? Did you expect me to be a loser who would never find anyone?"

"N-no! That's not what I meant!" Alice's voice was shaking. An uncomfortable feeling was slowly growing through her heart. "I mean, I know you had girlfriends before but…"

I thought you didn't have anyone right now… Alice thought, her eyes becoming moist. If you had someon then why… why did you kiss me back then…?

Noticing that the emotions she was doing her best to suppress were going out of control, Alice turned around intending to leave before Sam notices.

"Well, I guess I was just surprised. You need to rest now, right? You can tell me everything another time so… I will be going now."

With heavy steps and a heart that threatened to stop, the white haired woman headed for the door.

What was I even thinking? What did I come here for?

Her thoughts began to run wild, mocking her for ever thinking that she still has a chance. She ignored him all this time and now that her youth is fading and other men got to have her first she still had the audacity to think he might give her a chance.

I'm an idiot… I'm such an idiot!

As she reached for the door knob, fighting the tears that were about to overflow, Alice felt something grasp her arm forcing her to stop.

Knowing the state her face was in at the moment she didn't want anyone to see her, especially him.

"Um… Sam, I think it's better if I leave now. You don't want any misunderstandings, right?"

Though she did her best to act normally, the trembling in her voice was hard to miss. Sam who wasn't in the mood to deal with her usual emotional bullshit just yanked her toward him and before she knew it she was in his arms.

A moment of silence passed.

As she realized what was happening Alice felt that she had to push him away, however her body refused to move. It had grown used to the warmth of his embrace, so much that every part of her relaxes when he is holding her.

"Um… Sam, I… don't know what you're thinking but… don't you-"

"Oh shut up!" Sam interrupted, his tone telling of how annoyed he was. "You never cared before so why would you care now?"

Even though he spoke as if he couldn't stand her sight, the arms wrapped around her and the hand slowly caressing her hair were as gentle as ever.

Now that I think about it… the only one who has ever held me like this was him…

"Seriously. I know you're a woman but…" Sam sighed, trying to reign in his anger. "You need to get a better grip on your emotions. You're this base's commander, you know."

Unable to hold back anymore, Alice let her tears silently fall.

~◇~

"Here." Sam said, handing a cup steaming black coffee.

"Thanks." Alice said accepting it gratefully. Bringing it close to her face she blew on it a little before taking a sip.

The taste was as bitter as it could get. She was used to drinking it like this all the time, however after crying her eyes out she felt like having something sweet for a change.

She was rather ashamed of her behavior, however her heart was finally at peace. Sam's embrace never failed to ease her aching heart. She wondered why she never realized it before even though the same had happened dozens of times.

"You feeling better?" Sam asked, casually taking a seat beside her.

And just like that Alice's heart almost jumped out of her chest, this time beating faster than ever before. The two were on his bed right now. She didn't pay it much mind while crying on his chest, but now that she thinks about it they had been in a somewhat dangerous area for a quite while.

No, it's not like that. Alice thought, taking a sip of her coffee. Just because he hugged me a little doesn't mean we will suddenly start doing things. I mean, it's not like this is the first time this happened. And he has a girlfriend now too. There is no way he would do anything.

'Maybe I should just ra.pe you'

"Alice?"

"Eh? Ah! Sorry! I was just spacing out for a moment!"

Remembering the words he spoke that night, Alice froze for just a moment.

N-no, I'm just overthinking it. There is no way… she tried to shake the idea out of her head but to no avail I need to calm down. Think of something else!

"B-by the way!" Her mind was rather chaotic at the moment so she could think of only one thing to ask. "What's your girlfriend like?"

"What's she like? Hmm…" Sam closed his eyes and thought for a moment before answering. "She is a petite Asian girl a year or two younger than me. She has short black hair and a small face with large eyes. The way she speaks and act is simply cute. Her smile is one of the few things that make life here bearable."

"... you sure made it sound like she's perfect."

"Well, she might not be but I would say she's close." Sam said before taking a sip from his cup. "I will introduce her to you later. You will see for yourself."

"I will look forward to it, then."

For some reason the negative emotions she released a couple of minutes ago began to gradually return. She didn't understand why but hearing him talk about another woman like that made her heart ache.

No, Sam is right. I can't keep going like this. I need to be mature about this.

Alice understood that she had no right to feel jealous of the girl named Shizuru. She had her chance and never took it. It was only a matter of time before someone with better eyes came along and swept him away.

"But… I guess I can't really help it." Alice muttered, smiling wryly.

"Did you say something?" Sam asked.

Taking a deep breath, Alice decided it's time to put an end to this mess. It was nice when it lasted, however the two of them were never fated to be together.

"Hey, Sam…" but before going through with it, the white haired woman decided to make a final attempt. "You used to have a crush on me, right?"

Alice was a fighter. She never let anything get in her way, always doing her best to achieve success, romance was the only thing she failed at. She felt a little guilty for doing this to the girl named Shizuru, but that wasn't enough to stop her. She didn't like the idea of giving up without a fight.

"Yeah, at some point." Sam said after a short moment of silence.

Although she had braced herself for his answer, when he spoke it so nonchalantly she felt like a bucket of cold water was spilled on her head. It wasn't even close to the reaction she expected him to have when faced with such question.

"But, well, that was a long time ago. We are grown ups now, we can't let the past keep binding us."

"... yeah, I guess that makes sense." Alice said while forcing herself to smile.

Well, of course he's over it. She thought, taking another sip from her cup. As she stared at the surface of the black liquid she began to feel something wasn't right about what he said.

If that was the case then why did he…