Chapter 354 Unseen Memories [4]

[Trigger warning. The following chap has some stuff about self-harm and suicide so just be mindful]

“AHH—!”

A piercing screech tried to leave his mouth. But he quickly bit his tongue to stop it.

Even if he was an idiot, even he knew that making so much sound would only attract more beasts to his location.

“Mmph…agh…”

Muffled noises intermittently left his mouth as he tried to cope with the pain coming from his left leg.

It was burning but also cold. With his body stuck in such a tight space, his leg kept bumping against the rocks, making the pain even worse.

“Haa…agh…”

Before he even realized it, tears began to spill from his eyes.

‘It hurts. It hurts so much. Why…why is this happening…I just want to live…why…’

His thoughts were incoherent. The dizziness in his head was only getting worse as his blood loss intensified.

He remembered scenes from a few movies he watched.

Looking at his shirt, he moved his arms and tore off the sleeves. Then, he wrapped them around the wounded area and tied them up.

“Blegh…!”

It was his first time seeing the wound. It was horrifying. There were three massive gashes running down from his knee to his ankle. Whenever a space opened up in the blood leaking from them, he could clearly see the white bone inside.

The fact that his own leg could look so mangled…he almost vomited on the spot.

But he swallowed back the vomit that forced its way into his mouth. He was already hungry, he couldn’t let any food out of his grasp.

“Hsss…”

The pain only became worse. He didn’t even know if the shirt pieces would help. But he didn’t want to look at the wound again.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t do anything about it.

His consciousness was fading.

With tears still streaming down his cheek and blood still spilling from his leg, he passed out.

It was his luck that he survived.

He had a regeneration skill from the moment the system awakened.

It was a slow process, but the muscles in his leg were being pulled back together and healed.

By the time he woke up, the bleeding had already stopped.

The gashes were still there, though. He couldn’t walk without limping anymore.

He wanted to stay in this spot forever. He didn’t want to go back outside and risk suffering so much again.

But just like before, he didn’t have a choice.

If he didn’t go out and level, he would starve. If he starved, he’d die an even worse death.

He didn’t have resolve. He only had a basic human craving for survival.

That was the only thing pushing him forward.

But it was enough.

He was able to get up and return to that rabbit from before.

But he decided to do things differently.

To kill it in one strike, that’s what he had to do if he wanted to be successful.

Of course, he had the capability to do it, but it was a double-edged sword. But he didn’t have any other choice.

He used his skill. A skill that would’ve been enough to make him a top hunter on Earth if he had a body that could handle it.

He hid behind a rock and watched the rabbit. When he saw an opening, he teleported.

His blades pierced the rabbit before it could react. Then, he teleported back to his original spot.

“Kak…!”

He coughed up a mouthful of blood. His insides were churning from just that much teleportation.

How was he supposed to keep doing this?

But even while thinking so, he still did it.

He waited for his injuries to become lighter and used the same strategy to hunt.

And as he did so, he gained a level.

At that moment, he felt some of his hunger alleviating. At the same time, he felt his injuries become somewhat better.

It was reinvigorating.

Capitalizing on his current adrenaline rush, he kept going.

He made sure that the feeling of adrenaline washing away his fear never left his body.

Instead of facing reality, he forced himself to ignore it.

But it worked.

And he found that the more he leveled up, the more he could teleport without facing injury.

And so, he continued. In the back of his mind, he hoped that the situation where his adrenaline wore off would never come.

***

‘I can’t sleep.’

Time passed. He hunted often and slowly got used to the feeling. But because of the fact that he kept himself in an adrenaline-crazed state at all times, he couldn’t sleep at all.

‘Sleep? There’s an easy way to sleep.’

He picked up his shortsword and placed the blade on his neck.

‘This way, I can sleep in peace, right? Haha, who am I kidding…’

Despite his thoughts, the shortsword didn’t leave his neck. The blade pushed into his skin, drawing a line of blood.

‘If I just…’

He had somewhat adapted to the dungeon, but it hadn’t even been two full days yet.

There was always a voice in the back of his mind.

Why not just end it?

What’s the point of suffering?

It’s easier to just end it all.

Nobody will miss me anyway.

It’s not like I had a good life to return to even if I survive.

Why should I survive?

It’s all pointless.

Just end it.

The blade pushed into his neck even further. His breathing felt restricted by its weight.

End it.

End it.

End it.

It wasn’t the first time he’d considered it. In the past day and a half, he’d considered it multiple times.

But he was a coward. He didn’t even have the courage to kill himself.

But he felt that in this moment, if he kept pushing the blade forward, he wouldn’t be lucid enough to stop himself.

If he wanted, he could really end it all.

Drops of blood trickled down the side of his neck and softly landed on the cold ground below.

He stayed in this position for a while. The blade didn’t move forward, but he didn’t pull it away either.

The drops soon accumulated into a small puddle.

I should just…

‘Stop!’

He violently threw the blade to the side. It fell to the ground and the cracks on its surface became slightly bigger.

‘Stop! Stop! Stop!’

He clutched his head. The voice within wouldn’t go away.

‘I won’t! I won’t end it! I won’t!’

He vehemently shook his head.

Die.

End it.

Everything is pointless.

Even if I level up, my body is still too weak.

I won’t ever be able to escape.

This dungeon is my grave.

So I should just end it all myself.

It’s better than being eaten by beasts.

Why be stubborn?

‘Stop! Stop! Stop! Get out of my head!’

He staggered over to a nearby wall.

What’s the point of revenge?

Jin Horten isn’t a person someone like me can touch.

Elena probably moved on already.

Mom was doomed from the second I fell into the dungeon.

There’s no hope left.

So why struggle?

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

He screamed it out loud.

His body moved forward.

Bang!

His head heavily collided with the wall in front of him.

“Get out! Get out! Get out!”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The impacts were loud. Dull sounds rang out with every one. Blood oozed from his forehead.

“Just…FUCKING LEAVE!”

Crack!

His skull cracked slightly.

His consciousness could no longer hold on.

He slumped to the ground, the light in his eyes gone.

It was now the third day since he was trapped in this dungeon.