Volume 1 - CH 1

They say that idiots and smoke are attracted to high places, and fitting to that, the idiot that I was, insulted this way by the teachers, once again ran away to the place closest to the sky. Classes ended, with only the homeroom left before us students were free, we only had to listen to our homeroom teacher finishing his final complaint.

“How dumb can you guys be? Stop fooling around! Quit your clubs, too! Quit school or go straight to hell. You morons better be getting a grip soon…That’s all. Those of you who have yet to hand in your homework, you better not move from here.”

Following that, our homeroom teacher left the room, as my classmates opened their workbooks looking like rotting zombies from a movie set. Giving them a sideways glance, I quietly got up from my seat. And with my unfinished homework hopelessly waiting in my bag, I left the room with a sour face. I’d rather die than spend another second in that hellhole of a classroom.

I mixed in with the other students heading to the toilet and went my way to the usual place while avoiding any teachers on the way. The furthest down the hallway, I went up the dimly lit stairs around and around, until I finally reached the top floor. I was greed by a heavy iron door, pushing my arms against it. A pleasant breeze greeted me, as my view opened up. The first thing my eyes spotted was the sky and its setting sun with clouds scattered randomly. As well as the faintly dirty but white floor tiles at my feet. Between these two stood the tall and imposing safety fence a head taller than me.

This is the school’s rooftop. And strictly speaking, this palace is off-limits for students. I didn’t bother much with that, however, just closing the door behind me and then sitting against the wall right next to the door. I then took out a cigarette from my pocket, put it into my mouth, and lit it with a lighter I had on me. The tip began to glow red, then black, and finally converted into white smoke that left my mouth. But I made sure it didn’t get to my lungs, just playing with it inside my mouth.

“Fuuu…”

Breathing out, the white smoke left my mouth and disappeared into the sky. It felt like I was sullying the sky mixed in red and ultramarine on Halloween, filling me with a sense of guilty pleasure.

“Suuu…Phew…”

In elementary school, I learned about the feelings of someone who couldn’t fit into their group. In middle school, I understood the pain of someone falling asleep in class. And now, in high school, I found out what people who smoke feel. Every time I arrive at the rooftop, I smoke one cigarette I stole from my Dad’s room. Surely, there might be people who call me a dumbass if they saw me like this. They might look at me and insult me as a worthless nobody. But this very act of smoking a cigarette is an illegal activity that I—Natsume Ren—could not give up no matter what.

I could feel the warmth emitted by the setting sun, reminding me that things had begun to warm up around here. And I think I realized around early April that the lock of the metal door leading to the rooftop was never locked properly. Nonchalantly, I ponder about how quickly time flies, only to remember that nothing much of this place has changed since. Nobody’s here. Nobody comes up here, either. The space here on the rooftop yet again feels like time had stopped entirely.

“Quit school or go straight to hell…huh?”

I moved the cigarette away from my mouth, dispersing the white smoke inside my mouth into the open air. Like all the stress was being sucked out of me, I slowly breathed out. All the while I watched the white smoke mix with the sky. Nobody interrupted my alone time here. Oh, how wonderful it would be if I could just join the smoke and mix in with the air to vanish forever. This thought ran through my mind as a bit of smoke fell from my cigarette’s tip, to which I put it in my mouth again, breathing in—When it happened.

Together with a strong gust of wind, I heard a rusty creaking sound right beside me. It was the sound of the metallic door swinging open. This was bad for two reasons. First, my poor ears. And second, someone had arrived on the rooftop.

“Crap…!”

I grumbled in a panic, but it was already too late. Someone appeared from the open door. I tried to hide my body, but the smoke ratted me out. And the first thing that I could do was strike up a pointless conversation, as my eyes met with the perpetrator.

“Ah…Um…Sup?”

“…I believe a simple “Sup” is severely misplaced here. I didn’t expect to run into a delinquent of your level at a prestigious school like this. What a shock, what a shock,” said the female student as she looked at me.

Her slippers were red, telling me that she was in her first year. She has long eyelashes, glossy eyes that shone like jet-black crystals, lips colored in a faint pink, a round face that maintained a bit of its youthfulness, and black hair in a bob-cut hairstyle. She isn’t particularly tall, and I see no signs of makeup on her face, either. Despite it being plain, she was quite cute…and if I had to compare it, she seemed exactly what I would expect to see from a younger sister if I had one.

Man, what a mess. I didn’t expect somebody would come up here. I’ve really grown careless. I should’ve been more careful. From the looks of it, she seems pretty diligent, too. I wonder what she came up here for? I’m lucky she didn’t turn out to be a teacher, but…how do I fumble my way out of this?

“…Excuse me?”

As I was lost in my own thoughts, the girl looked at me from head to toe and called out to me.

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping my boundary here, but is there a reason you’re smoking?”

“…Huh? What? Um…A reason?”

“Yes. Unless I’ve been seeing things, you were just smoking a cigarette, right?”

“…I sure was, yeah.”

I nodded while perplexed, to which the girl showed me an oddly serious expression.

“And you’re alone, too. That means you weren’t trying to show off, yet risking the danger of being spotted by a teacher. I was just thinking that there must be a reason you’re smoking here at school, and I was hoping you could tell me.”

What? She sure is straightforward despite this being our first meeting.

“What’s the matter? Why are you asking me?”

“I’m just trying to test my own deduction abilities, so please. Tell me.” She still looked at me with no glimmer of hesitation in her gaze.

For real? Is she not scared or anything? She really wants me to answer, huh? Well, this is better than being lectured or even reported, so I might as well get this over with and then head home.

“The students who haven’t finished their homework get blocked off by the teachers at the shoe lockers and dragged back to their classrooms, right? That’s why I’m hiding up here waiting until the school closes for the day.”

“I believe that is not an answer for why you’re smoking up here.”

“…”

I tried to hide it, but inside my mind, I looked up at the sky. Of course I had to get caught by some annoying weirdo. What even is this test she’s doing here? Just leave me alone…Oh, well. I might as well tell her. I feel like things would only go south if I dared to ignore her. I took another whiff of my cigarette and then began explaining myself.

“Smoking a cigarette here…makes me feel at peace. It’s refreshing.”

“Can’t you just wait until you get home? Or are you just that addicted?”

“No, it’s got nothing to do with that. I’m not even breathing it in completely.”

The girl looked at me with a gaze like she was asking “Then why?” without saying a word herself.

“I really despise this school.”

“…Oh?”

“You may be in your first year, but you should’ve realized by now. This school only cares about grades and achievements. Those of us who aren’t top-grade students get insulted by the teachers, and those in the lower-ranking classes are treated like slaves by the higher-ranking classes. This school measures your worth as a human solely based on your academic abilities and grades, and I utterly despise it.”

“Hm. I see. Good, good. Please, continue.”

“There’s no delinquent here at this high-level school that is smoking cigarettes, right? So if I do that, it makes me feel like I’ve reached rock bottom, making me feel at peace. Like I’m laughing at all the teachers who insult us for failing an exam or not handing in any homework. It feels like I’m laughing in the face of this school’s ridiculous discrimination based on grades. That’s why it’s refreshing.”

These were my genuine feelings. Smoking cigarettes at school boils down to such a ridiculous and worthless reason. Hiding up here until school closes is just an excuse. It’s my secondary reason. Smoking up here makes me feel good, because I’m secretly rebelling against the teachers. And needless to say, I understand that smoking cigarettes just for that is utterly messed up. But even so, I have to deal with this stress I’ve been bottling up one way or another. And it’s not the only thing. Faking being sick to take time off school, failing exams left and right, and getting close to repeating the year, I’ve been committing countless mistakes already. I’m living a horrible life. So at the very least, let me smoke my cigarettes.

I’m riddled with mistakes and errors. Even if I were to stop, nothing would change. But, I wonder if that girl is satisfied with my answer? Looking over, she had her arms crossed, one hand on her chin as she seemed to be lost in thought. She then nodded to herself, mumbling things like “I see. It’s refreshing…” and so on. She then turned toward me again quickly after, speaking up with an awfully cold expression.

“I get it, I get it. I think I understand. Thank you very much. How sissy of you.”

“…Huh? Wait, what?!”

The girl was about to leave the rooftop, only to turn around when she heard me protest.

“What? Do you need something else from me?”

Ah, crap. Her final comment just hit me right where it hurts even though I didn’t understand why, so I called out to her without realizing it.

“So…Um…What did you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said. You hate this school, so in your own way of rebelling, you’re smoking cigarettes up here. But since you don’t want to fight the teachers, you do it secretly. That’s pretty much it.”

“Well…I mean, you’re not wrong.”

“I understand just how much you despise this school. I understand your disdain for the treatment of the lower-ranking classes, as well as the teachers insulting the students on a daily basis. I really do, however…” She continued with a fierce tone. “All you do is smoke cigarettes in secrecy…That’s the same as punching the person you hate, except it’s all in your head. You’re not doing anything. You’re sulking here because you hate the school. That’s why I called you sissy.”

“Huuuuh?”

Met with this harsh accusation, I couldn’t maintain my composure. I mean, she’s not wrong. All I’m doing right now is having an imaginary fight. But, that didn’t mean some random person I’ve never talked to before can just waltz up here to call me sissy. I’m doing my part. I’m rebelling against what is unfair.

“Stop spitting poison when you don’t even know the full picture. Sure, I may be venting out my stress and hate for this school by smoking up here. But, it’s not like I’ve never done anything.”

“…Meaning?”

“I tried to fight the school. I told the teachers that being insulted and treated like I have no value as a human being just because my grades aren’t up to snuff is utterly appalling.”

The girl’s eyes changed shape ever so slightly. It’s not like they shot wide open, but it was less like she looked at garbage, and more like I had turned into a human being.

“Could you…tell me about that in greater detail?”

“In greater detail, huh?”

Well, I’ve always told her this much, I might as well go all the way.

“Two months ago…so roughly around the beginning of this year, I reached my limit from all the stress and insulting the teachers put on us, so I asked to talk to one of the teachers who seemed to have some level of reason left, and said ‘I’d like you to stop being so aggressive and violent with everything you say.’ And I added ‘You’re not doing the students any favors by acting this toxic,’ too.”

“Oh, really? So…what happened?”

“They seemed to have accepted my request and promised to talk with the other teachers.”

“And then?”

“From that day on, the teacher’s insults and degrading language stopped entirely.”

The girl’s eyes opened wide for good this time.

“Wait, for real? At this school? That’s close to a miracle. Good for you.”

“Nothing’s good about this, you moron.”

I didn’t even mean to use such a harsh tone, but my emotions got the better of me. I took another whiff of my cigarette and breathed out white smoke to calm myself.

“Sure, they stopped acting that way—But only towards me.”

Hearing my response, the girl went silent immediately. After a brief moment of silence passed, she mumbled “Ah, I see,” and showed a wry smile.

“You’re saying that their violent and aggressive insults still remain towards your classmates.”

“Exactly. The students sitting in front of me, sitting behind me, sitting next to me, they still get insulted…Their humanity is denied…but they don’t say anything when it comes to me. Are you kidding me? This isn’t what I was asking for.”

I realized this two months ago, and it didn’t take long for despair to set in.

“Those teachers didn’t have a change of heart after listening to my plea. They just saw me as some annoying Karen and started leaving me out so I would leave them alone.”

“Oh, wow…Yes, I can understand how that must weigh down on you.”

The girl’s lips formed a devious smile. But, it didn’t look like she was ridiculing me, and rather that this was her own twisted way of praising me. I closed my eyes and continued.

“Since then, shit’s been going down the drain. My classmates have been giving me deadly stares, wondering why I’m the only one who’s saved from this mistreatment. Thanks to that, they’ve been pretty much excluding me from the class.”

“Oh dear, now that is one step forward but three steps backward. They must have grown closer by fighting against a common enemy, yes?”

“Probably. Not like I would know.”

I don’t know how people who dance along with the teacher’s twisted values would feel in this context.

“And me sitting here smoking cigarettes is the result of my attempt at a rebellion. I couldn’t change reality in the direction I wanted, so I’ve given up and stayed with my trusted cigarettes. Do you get it now?”

“Yes, plenty so. Thank you very much. I’m sorry for my previous attitude, Senpai.” She still kept her devious smile as she deeply lowered her head.

“Ah, well, it’s fine. I’m sorry, too. My pride just wouldn’t allow me to shut up there.”

Why would she suddenly apologize like that? Her expression hasn’t even changed much, yet she’s smiling and actually being polite. Just what happened in the past few minutes? I can’t read her emotions whatsoever. At first, I thought this was a case of her reveling in another person’s misfortune, but her words made it seem different.

“A straight rebellion is meaningless…is it? I guess this place really is rotten to the core…”

With a swift movement, she approached the fence close to me. She grabbed the iron bars, looking down at the sports ground with a melancholic expression on her face. Something inside of me urged me to ask her.

“Hey, you.”

The girl turned toward me and tilted her head.

“Yes? What is it?”

“Why did you even come up here? Entry to the rooftop is permitted, and you may call me a delinquent, you’re not much better.”

“Please, don’t treat me like some accomplice, I didn’t come here to smoke.”

“Then you’re half-guilty.”

The girl narrowed her eyes with an “I guess so,” and smiled.

“How do I say this…If our crime is similar, then I guess our reasons may be the same.”

“That’s a roundabout way of describing things. What are you getting at?”

“I ran away because I can’t stand this school.”

“Haha…Yeah. I guess that makes us similar.”

The deduction test she mentioned suddenly makes a lot more sense. Our eyes met as a strong gust of wind ran past us.

“Wanna smoke one?” I offered her the blue box of cigarettes, but she declined with “I’d rather not,” seeming not really interested at all.

Hearing that, my mind was filled with half disappointment, but half relief at the same time. I tapped the tip of the cigarette with my finger to drop the ash and muttered.

“…I don’t know what happened, but I bet you’ve got it rough.”

“Well, somewhat.”

“Don’t end up like me…I pray that you don’t break during the next three years.”

I was hoping to send a few thoughts and prayers her way in hopes that she would not fall victim to this hellhole of a school, but she completely one-upped me with ease.

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m going to drop out of school.”

“Pft! Argh…Cough…Cough! Blegh…!”

I coughed up the air inside my lungs, almost throwing up. Her statement completely caught me out of the left field, I accidentally breathed in the smoke I meant to keep in my mouth.

“Are you okay?” she asked, but I put one hand between us and tried to regain my composure.

“Drop out of school…? Are you being serious right now?”

“Super serious. Here’s proof if you’d like some.”

She said so and took out a brown envelope from her pocket—a similar pocket to where I keep my cigarettes. Inside was a paper folded three times, which she showed me. At the top, I could see the name of the document was ‘Appeal for Withdrawal.’

“…First time I’ve seen a document like that. Is it genuine?”

“Don’t worry, I know when something is genuine, I don’t have to look for it.”

She acted like this was nothing to be so surprised over, putting the envelope away again. It seemed like she had no particular opinion when it came to withdrawing from school. But to me, it was like the descent of a hero. I can understand why she would call me sissy.

“The teachers here have no problem telling their students to die straight to their faces, and the discrimination is no joke, either,” she said and shook her head. “They’re not even teachers. They’re lumps of meat that have lost their humanity. No matter how talented or well-achieved they may be, there is nothing that they could teach me.”

I had to show sympathy to that statement…or rather, I was forced to agree. All the teachers at this school are something unholy that should be the ones proclaimed to have humanity left. And learning that someone agreed with me on that, I was happy. I felt relieved.

“And since I realized there was nothing they could teach me, I opted to withdraw from this school.”

“Right…You’ve got guts and drive to actually pull through with that, too.”

“No, not really. I haven’t done anything worthy of respect like this. On the contrary, I’m running away.”

So she said, but I genuinely believed her to be someone amazing. And at the same time, I felt pathetic. She can show off her appeal while I’m just a little kiddo running away and smoking cigarettes without anybody knowing. Truly, how sissy. I’m worthless.

“…No, I really think you’re something else,” I said and had to repeat myself.

In that one moment, I genuinely began to admire this girl whose name I didn’t even know. But, that didn’t mean that I could just completely turn my life around in a single day. All that was possible for me at this very moment was to press the cigarette butt into my phone’s ashtray. Once the fire completely disappeared, I put the ashtray back into my pocket and looked up at the girl standing next to me.

“When are you gonna quit school, then?”

“Right before summer break starts. I received the application and all, but the procedure is a pain.”

“So two more months…Well, I doubt it means much, but good luck.”

“Of course. I don’t need your support,” she nodded and then turned her face back toward the sports ground.

Even from her profile like this, I could see her strong gaze, yet wavering in the setting sun’s colors. She may seem determined and convinced, but something must still be weighing down on her.

“…”

“…”

Silence followed until she took out her smartphone from her pocket, and checked the time.

“It’s almost time for the school to close down so I’ll be heading back,” she said, turned around, and walked back to the door.

“Hey.” I called out to her back right as she passed me by. “Are you gonna come back here sometime?”

The girl had her hand on the doorknob, freezing up. She then turned around to ask me.

“Would you like me to come to see you again?”

…I didn’t expect that turnaround. What would even be the right answer to that question? I personally had no idea.

“Hee hee, what are you acting all flustered for?”

While I was hard-pressed on finding an answer, the girl whose name I still didn’t know showed another devilish smile.

“Don’t you worry, I won’t be coming here again.”

*

The school I’m attending—Saigou High School—is a private and equally high-level school. However, it’s not just any preparatory school. It’s a distinguished school that’s famous for its high deviation value. On top of that, it was formed twenty years ago by one of Japan’s representative corporations, Saigou Business Affairs, giving it an established reputation. As a preparatory high school, their achievements are something to boast about.

Put in simple terms, more than ten people managed to get accepted to Tokyo’s most prestigious university. And this year, they’re looking at twenty and counting. Thanks to that, reviews are great, too, which made it close to an elitist high school in Japan…

However, all that is simply the facade from the outside. In reality, this school is a pointless and meaningless hellhole for everybody involved. Even if a single girl were to withdraw from here, it wouldn’t change a damn thing. After my conversation with that mysterious girl, insults and curses were thrown at the students of this school.

“Okay. We’re starting the first period.”

Stand. Be careful. Be seated—Our morning routine was a bit different, as our math teacher waited for us to finish the greeting.

“Next. All of you haven’t finished your homework since yesterday, stand up.”

In return, the students were used to this procedure. You quickly heard the clattering of chairs being moved. Looking around the classroom, it was packed with people standing. The number of people who stood up in accord with the teacher’s demand was 37. The reason I could easily identify this number was that they were the vast majority compared to the people still seated. We had 40 students in this class, with three of them sitting on their chairs, so the rest was quick math. The teacher looked around the classroom and continued with a cold voice.

“…For crying out loud. Then as always, we’re starting with the outer seats and I’m gonna hear how much you haven’t done.”

This was another standard practice at Saigou High. The report session of any homework yet to hand in. Starting at the front of the classroom, each student would state how much of the homework they didn’t do, or what revision they have yet to finish. Maybe one hasn’t done page 30 to 40 from the textbook, another hasn’t done page 70 to the end in Math 1. All the students just spoke the truth without questioning it much. The teacher walked through the rows, spitting poison at each report.

“If you’re not gonna finish your homework, then why are you even part of a club? I bet your advisor’s telling you to quit, too. Why are you in the sucker club anyway? You got better things to do than run after a ball like a monkey. Don’t think this’ll get you anywhere in life.”

Of course, the lecture and insults were on an entirely different level. And these were still on the softer side of things.

“You have yet to hand in even the Math 1 homework from page 60. Get a grip already. You think all your shit from the first year is gonna disappear? Get that crap out of your head or I’ll kill you with my own hands. Okay, next.”

Harsh insults or threats of violence like these were much more the norm.

“You can’t even do the regular tasks after class. And your homework from last year’s summer break is where, exactly? You’re a failure of a human being. I’d love to see the faces of your parents. Well, they’re probably as worthless as their own child.”

In the worst case, the teachers would even drag the students’ parents into this mess.

“Why are you acting so confident? Do you think this is some sort of joke, you worthless moron?!”

Sometimes, they’d even kick the students’ desks over in anger. Yeah, no matter how many times I see it, this meaningless rotten scenery devoid of any value makes me want to throw up. How many more times do I have to go through this same crap? Just thinking about it makes me sick.

“Tsk. Fix your desk and sit down already, you’re obstructing class. Okay, next.”

And of course, I’m one of the people who hasn’t done their homework, so the teacher walked up to my desk, looking me in the eyes.

“…”

“…”

A brief silence followed, as our eyes met. The teacher looked at me like I was some worthless insect, but that’s about it.

“That’s enough, Natsume-san. Please, feel free to sit down again.”

The teacher said, clearly not speaking her true mind, but I abided by this instruction and sat down. I could still feel a gaze staring down at me, although I didn’t know if that was the teacher who felt dissatisfied not being able to insult me, or my other classmates angry that I got off easy. Then again, I didn’t want to find out, either. But even after my turn was done, the other students declared their status on homework left over, which earned them a row of insults and acts of violence against their desks. Thanks to that, the actual time we had for class only continued to lessen, but that was the same as always.

“Okay, today’s homework is to do page 470 to 500. Those who have still other homework left over are to stay after school. If you dare to go home without doing shit, I’m seriously going to slaughter you. Pull yourselves together.”

Just so that we’re clear on this, this math teacher isn’t some exception. This is the standard here at Saigou High, it is the elite school that we all know it for. Excluding me, almost all students get insulted by pretty much every teacher, have their humanity denied, and spend their school days in utter depression and despair. And eventually, nobody even starts to question this situation any longer.

As for me, I’ve been drenched in this disgusting slump of worthlessness for the past year and two months. Even now, I cannot get used to whatever this hell is supposed to be.

*

Needless to say, there’s a reason this environment is close to one of the deeper layers of hell. Known as a high-level and preparatory high school, Saigou High had a peculiar position amongst all the high schools in this prefecture. Namely—It is the ‘Highest-level Back-up Option’ out of all the high schools. Living here in the area, those who attempt to go for high schools with connections to prestigious universities, all take the entrance exams here at our school in the event that they fail to get into their first choice. As a result, our Saigou high school became a gathering spot for all the losers who failed to make it into their first choice and all those difficult schools.

The students here were told by their parents to study, made to believe they could actually achieve something, taking the entrance exams of those high-level high schools…only to fail pathetically. And all these students then evacuate here. This creates a school environment that is like a lump of complexes. The teachers of this school don’t have a single shed of trust in their students. They don’t believe that students who failed entrance exams could possibly be taking their studies seriously. They don’t expect their grades to improve at all. That’s why they insult them like this. Lecture them, force them to study, and try to get at least one more person to get accepted into a good university. All so that they could raise their own evaluation.

Meanwhile, a majority of the students already carry a profound scar in their hearts after failing the entrance exams, which means they don’t bat an eye at all these insults and abuse. They assume it’s their fault they failed because they can’t study, accepting this treatment. As a result, the teachers have no faith in their students, whereas the students have no faith in themselves. Two types of people from different positions mix here at Saigou High to create this twisted sense of values. The classroom, the hallways, the path to school, everything was filled with depression and pressure. That’s the kind of shitty school this place is.

*

Lunch break arrived, and I headed to the school cafeteria after what must have been a full year of not going there. I usually buy some nutritious food on the way to school from a convenience store, but I happened to oversleep today, so I had no time for my typical shopping trip in the morning. Going to the school store was not an option either because 4th period dragged on for longer than usual, leaving all the food sold out already. And since I overslept, I already had to skip out on breakfast, so making it through afternoon classes would be way too harsh on an empty stomach.

After pondering on it for a moment, I decided to visit the cafeteria that I had avoided all this time. I get that I can’t beat my empty stomach, but this is some horrible luck I’ve got today. And to my non-surprise, a large line had already been built at the ticket machine at the entrance of the cafeteria on the school’s first floor. Yet, all I could do was line up, after all, waiting until my turn came around. I went with some classic broth udon and then entered the cafeteria with my ticket in hand.

“Here you go. Come again.”

I stood in the next line at the counter when I handed the elderly lady my ticket, receiving the exact order I was hoping for. I accepted the tray and then headed over to the space with the tables. I looked around and wondered where to sit, and immediately was reminded of why I hated this place with a burning passion. Here at Saigou High, the cafeteria is under the influence of an ominous rule—”The seats on the terrace and near the sunny spots belong to the higher-ranking classes, and the seats with no sunshine or fresh air are to be used by students from the lower-ranking classes.” If I had to guess, nobody in particular set up this rule. Rather, the higher-ranking students chose to take these spots for themselves, and the people from the lower-ranking classes had no other choice but to make room. That was one of the facets of this school caste. The hierarchy of grades, once again.

“…”

And this ominous rule, or you could call it a principle of discrimination, was active today as well. The seats on the terrace located in the courtyard and the ones here in the cafeteria were all full to the brim, looking happy and energetic, whereas the students in the darker areas looked like exhausted salarymen. It’s not rare to see some of the higher-ranking classes spilling their drinks or throwing their trash on the seats of the lower-ranking classes, forcing them to clean up instead. But of course, not a single student part of those lower-ranking classes dared to fight against that. I’ve grown tired of this scenery at this point.

And of course, the teachers and their twisted values always stand with the higher-ranking classes, which only solidified this discriminatory situation where grades are everything. It gives the higher-ranking classes all the freedom in the world to be just as violent as the school itself. Meanwhile, the lower-ranking classes had given up. They have lost their pride as human beings, yet have enough drive to swear their revenge after they get into the higher-ranking classes. With this clear separation, you have more than enough stimulus for an endless competitive spirit, discrimination, and the darkness that only exists at Saigou High.

“…”

I hesitated for a few seconds, but eventually opted to go with the darker seats in the cafeteria. Deciding a human being’s worth simply based on their academic knowledge and abilities is utterly ridiculous. I should just sit on whatever seat I prefer. But, I don’t have the energy to fight against this illogical rule. I’ve given up already. There’s nothing here for me to gain, so I won’t try to fight it.

Plus, if some of my classmates saw me sitting at a seat usually reserved for higher-ranking classes, it would only make things worse for me. I don’t want to stand out even more than I already am. So, I opted to sit the furthest in the back and just focused on my udon, slurping up the noodles. I’m gonna get this done and get out of here, making sure I don’t ever oversleep starting tomorrow, and buy my lunch from a convenience store. I’ll forget about this place, too. Perfect, isn’t it? I just want to live my life without breaking down from all the stress. With that decision made, I started moving my chopsticks, but an incident occurred not soon after.

“Huh? Hold on, are we missing a chair?”

“Oh, for real? Whatever, let’s just grab a chair from over there!”

Such unpleasant voices disrupted my lunch. Raising my head and looking around, I spotted a group of girls belonging to the higher-ranking classes, complaining about a lack of chairs, as they grabbed one from the darker space in the cafeteria. That, also, was more than enough. However, this very act right now had a certain problem attached to it. Mainly, the seat from which they stole the chair had unfinished lunch standing on it. That obviously meant this place was previously used by someone.

“Huh? Um…”

As you would expect, a single boy returned to that table. Judging from his red slippers, he must be a first-year student, and he probably went off to grab a pair of chopsticks. He looked around in confusion, trying to figure out what had happened. And with the cafeteria being crowded like it was, he had no other open seat available to use. On top of that, he seemed to be aware of just who had stolen his seat from him. Understandably so, because the table close to him had more chairs than usual. It looked like they were holding a birthday party of sorts.

Then again, even if he realized who the perpetrator was, there wasn’t anything he could do. The students from the lower-ranking classes can’t go against those higher than them. This is the unwritten law of the school. But what can I say other than him being unlucky? I guess the best I can do is eat quickly and open up space for him. With that decided, I was about to work on my dinner again, when the unthinkable happened. The boy called out to the group of girls that stole his chair.

“U-Um, excuse me?”

All five girls of the group turned around to look at him immediately.

“…What do you want?”

“I think that’s my chair.”

The girl you could assume to be the leader didn’t honor the boy’s courage and just responded with a cold voice.

“Huh? Your chair? But you weren’t sitting on it?”

“I mean, I had my tray right next to it, so…”

The girl then proceeded to look at the boy’s slippers, letting out a faint but arrogant snort.

“You’re a first-year, huh? I guess you still don’t get it.”

“Get what? I’m confused.”

“The rules of this school. Ah, teacher! Excuse me!”

The girl called out to a nearby male teacher who was indulging in his own lunch. He turned around with an annoyed look on his face and got between the two.

“I’m in the middle of eating here…What’s going on?”

“This first-year student here suddenly started picking trouble with us!”

“What? But you just grabbed the chair that was right next to my tray…”

The teacher sighed and then asked the male student a very particular question.

“Which class are you from?”

“Me? Class four…?”

“Huh? That’s a lower-rank class. Don’t go around causing problems, I swear…”

“Wait, what? This is my fault?”

“That’s right, you’re the one at fault. Now come with me.” The teacher grabbed the boy’s collar and dragged him out of the cafeteria.

“Bye-bye!”

Meanwhile, the girls just laughed and waved at the leaving teacher and student.

“Oh, right. Let’s get rid of his food, too. It’s just in the way.”

And then, they returned to their lunch like nothing ever happened…Man, I can’t stand this. It’s grossing me out. These idiots probably don’t even know sayings like “The frog in the well knows nothing of the ocean” or “King of the mountain”. Or maybe they do, looking at their supposed awesome grades, after all. I know, I know. Nothing will change at me mentally insulting them. And even if I argued with them, they would just shun me away, saying my grades suck. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

There’s lots of places that are under the control of the top-ranking classes, and only high-ranking classes are allowed to enter the student council, allowing them to completely ridicule and invalidate the existence of the lower-ranking classes. Of course, the teachers don’t go against this treatment. They only care about students who show results. And if those poor students didn’t want to get bullied, they should work on their grades. As you can see, Saigou High’s discrimination happens based on grades, and there are no repercussions for those snobby brats. This group mentality matches with the harsh school regulations of the school, which creates a single law—The “Saigou Law.” But for a preparatory school like ours, this wonderful law of discrimination is just perfect, don’t you think?

“…How utterly ridiculous.”

Now that my mood had gone completely ruined, I stopped my lunch mid-way and stood up. I brought my tray to the trash station and was about to head my way back to the classroom, when…

“…?”

I felt a gaze directed at me so I stopped in my tracks. Turning around, I spotted the girl I just talked with yesterday when we met on the rooftop. She stared at me with no emotion on her face whatsoever. I was about to ask what she wanted, calling out to her.

“Hey, you…”

But right as I opened my mouth, she just averted her gaze and walked away to an area used by the lower-ranking classes…Seriously, what was that about?

*

Eventually, afternoon classes—or more accurately, the final few hours of torture—came to an end, freeing the students. No matter how much you despise this school, no matter how much you can’t stand the system in place, you have no place to direct your emotions at. So today, I once again headed up to the rooftop to run from doing my unfinished homework. As yesterday, the place was empty, surrounded by a tall fence that I could not overcome.

I leaned against the wall right next to the door, taking out another cigarette from my pocket. No matter how used I am to this place, even if you call me sissy, I still end up here. I put the cigarette in my mouth, lit it with my fire, and then remembered yesterday’s impactful encounter. What would that girl say if she were to see me like this? Probably something along the lines of “Smoking cigarettes like a crybaby again?” while flashing her typical devious smile. Well, there’s nothing else for her to tell me, so thinking about it is pointless.

I spewed out the smoke from my mouth, tapping on the tip of the cigarette with my fingertips, and dropping the top ash. But when I went for another whiff, I heard the metallic door open next to me. I tried to reflexively hide my body but quickly realized that there was no need to do so. Speak of the devil, or whatever you wanna call it. The person who appeared was the girl in question. But contrary to my expectations, she actually came to talk to me.

“Hello there, Senpai. Been since this afternoon?”

“…I thought you weren’t gonna come here again?”

“Well, I just felt like…No, the situation has changed.”

She didn’t explain any further than that and simply headed for the part of the fence closest to me. She grabbed the same metal bar as yesterday, looking beyond it like she was locked up in a cage. Did she come up here to run away from this rotten school again? She must have known that I would be here, so…she shouldn’t get angry at me even if I started talking to her, right? I moved the cigarette from my mouth and began striking up a conversation.

“Oh yeah, did you fill out that application yesterday?”

“Ah, yes. I filled it out. Look.”

She showed me the application in question. Even the line for her name that was empty yesterday was now filled out, and her name read Hoshimiya Kurumi. So that’s her name, huh? It’s a pointless thought to have, but I’m pretty sure I’m the one and only person in this whole world who finds out about a girl’s name through a withdrawal application.

“You said that the situation’s changed, but is it related to your withdrawal?”

“Well…You could say that, but it’s not entirely true.”

Could you keep it any more vague? Now I’m just more curious…But, I guess it’s a delicate story. I probably shouldn’t overstep my boundaries here. She’ll tell me herself once the time comes, surely.

“I see.”

I responded with just these few words and then smoked my cigarette again. I closed my eyes, felt the heat in my mouth, and breathed out. The ash fell off the tip of my cigarette, as I realized Hoshimiya Kurumi was staring at me.

“Is there something on my face?”

“Please don’t throw in some template question, it’s gross.”

“…My bad. But, what is it? Why are you staring at me?”

Listening to my question, she looked like she had made up her mind like she would leave her boyfriend standing in the cold.

“I have a question of my own, Senpai. Are you always like that?”

“Like that? What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about what happened at the cafeteria. When those two parties were fighting, you seemed extremely displeased at the whole ordeal.”

So…she did hear me mumbling to myself, huh?

“Do you always get that angry whenever you’re confronted with the disgusting side of this school?”

“Hm…I never really thought about it, but maybe?”

“Don’t you get exhausted living your life like that?”

Oddly enough, her tone of voice didn’t implement her telling me to stop. She simply was curious if it tired me out. And for me, it was my first time being asked that. Yet, I had my answer ready.

“Of course I get exhausted. But I can’t just help it. I’ve given up at this point.”

Hoshimiya Kurumi looked at me with question marks popping up on her head, so I decided to open up a bit more.

“I’ve never really been understood in that regard, but I’m actually really sensitive.”

“Sensitive…in what way?”

“I can’t stand being in the same room as my classmates when they get fiercely insulted by the teachers. When I see people arguing at the train station, I get angry just watching. It scares me to watch these things.”

This sensitive mindset and personality of mine stem from my family’s environment, but that’s not relevant right now.

“The Natsume Ren that people don’t know is someone who can’t stand the pressure that’s ruling over this school. Watching people get abused by teachers, and bullied by higher-ranking classes, this whole atmosphere of the school, I can’t fit in at all. I can’t swallow this horrible air and just pretend like I don’t care.”

Unlike other students, I also don’t have some complex that’s related to studying, either. I just have to study as much as the average person. Through that, I’ll get into a decent university and get a decent job. That’s the kind of life that will leave most people without any complaints. But that’s also why I won’t play along with this school’s harsh abuse and crooked morals. Even after a whole year and a bit more has passed, this school still fails to fully brainwash me. I don’t think that studies aren’t what should define a person’s worth. Because calling the people who aren’t excelling at studying worthless is not right.

“And since I’m sensitive, I can’t just go along with this. Whenever I witness a scene like that, it makes me sick to the stomach.”

“And it’s been like this since your first year here?”

“Mhm, about right, yeah. And I doubt that’ll change.”

Hoshimiya Kurumi looked at me with her gemstone eyes, listening to my story in earnest. And I enjoyed that feeling, so I just rambled on for longer than necessary. Now I feel embarrassed…I looked away from Hoshimiya Kurumi and once again bit down on the cigarette. I honestly didn’t expect much in terms of a response, either, but…

“…Senpai.”

After three whiffs of my cigarette, Hoshimiya Kurumi suddenly returned the following words, which threw me off.

“If you could get rid of these feelings, what would you do?”

“…What do you mean?”

I returned the question, but she suddenly went quiet. She instead began speaking of something else.

“There’s something I have left to do at this school.”

…Where did that come from? She’s gonna leave in a few months anyway, so maybe some final regret?

“What is it? I will tell you though, you shouldn’t expect some blooming romance or any other youth nonsense at this school. Relationships are prohibited, after all.”

“…Yes, I’m well aware of that.”

She looked at me with an expression of “Please don’t joke around.” I just shrugged and showed her I was joking.

“My bad. So out with it, I’ll hear you out.”

Hoshimiya Kurumi sighed in annoyance once and then looked into my eyes while answering.

“What I have left to do here…is to get revenge.”

Hearing that word, I could feel my breathing accelerate. It was almost like her words turned into a sharp blade that stabbed me right into the deepest part of my chest.

“…Revenge? That revenge?”

“Yes. There could only be one. I want to get my revenge on all the people I despise.”

“No. Let’s not jump the gun. That’s a bit much, don’t you think? Who’s your target anyway?”

“The teachers of this school. As well as all the people who abide by the laws of this place. Although I have yet to decide what exactly I’m going to do.”

Unlike me, it didn’t sound like Hoshimiya Kurumi was joking around. At the very least, she seemed genuine when saying that she had no particular plan in mind. While she looked down at her fist, she began speaking of the dark feelings she had bottled up inside of her.

“Enrolling at this school, the teachers didn’t waste a moment to abuse me, treating me like I was some animal with no value, and after reaching my limit, I decided to quit this school.”

“…Yeah.”

“But, I was thinking…This is the same as me admitting defeat, no? Even though this discrimination is rotten beyond belief, and these teachers are all scum for abiding by it, why would I have to be the one to run away?”

Her eyes were glimmering with determination, as the setting sun illuminated her back.

“It’s frustrating. I can’t forgive those teachers for continuing their nonchalant lives while I’m forced to run. That’s why I want to get revenge on this school. I want to leave my mark.”

“…”

“I want to leave this school after telling the world about all the people who suffer at this school.”

A strong breeze blew between us. Yet, it felt like the determination in her voice was wavering. She wants to leave a mark…sne wants to tell people that there are students who suffer at this school, and then, she wants to quit. No, that’s not right. She will leave a mark, tell people about the students suffering at this school, and then quit. That’s what this sounds like. If I leave her alone, she’s gonna cause a problem. The aura around her made it clear to a stranger like me that she would go overboard, and it worried me. Should I…say something? Should I try and stop her? Amidst my confusion, I only muttered the first thing that came to my mind.

“Even if the teachers abuse us and the higher-ranking classes bully us…Isn’t it our fault because we suck at studying and our grades are awful?”

“Very true.”

“And you decided to attend this school, too. Yet, you’re gunning for revenge?”

“Yes, of course.” Hoshimiya Kurumi calmly nodded. “Even if our grades aren’t good enough for their standards, that’s not an excuse to abuse us like that. And if they had openly stated ‘Our school uses abuse and discrimination as part of our education’ during my orientation, then I wouldn’t have enrolled here. It’s all the school’s fault.”

“That may be true, but even so…”

“And more than anything, I don’t like it, so I’m getting revenge. That’s plenty of a reason, no? Logic and reason can go rot in hell with the teachers of this school.”

Met with an argument like that, I couldn’t argue back.

“What I want to do isn’t some face-to-face rebellion. It’s revenge based on personal grudges and a twisted sense of justice,” she said as she formed a devilish smile. “And don’t try to argue against me, Senpai. I know how much you hate this school.”

“…My bad.”

I give up. I surrender. I can’t stop her. Revenge, personal grudges, twisted sense of justice…All the words I was just told completely threw me for a loop, I couldn’t say anything. After all, my attempt at fighting the system head-on already failed.

“I want to change this school. So that someone like me would never appear again…”

“…”

“I want to quit once I’ve made sure that someone like you never gets tortured at this school again.”

What she spoke of was nothing short of a pipe dream. Even if two specks of dirt like us tried to fight this system, not even sacrificing ourselves would be enough to change a thing. People don’t change. The world doesn’t change. I knew that. I thought I knew that…But for a split second, I caught myself thinking that we’re the same.

Tormented by mountains of homework, yet my grades show no signs of improving. And for that reason, the teachers deem it right to abuse you. Spending days like that filled with insults and abuse, paired with the pressure of the school, your mental health takes a dip. I tried to fight this situation but only made things worse for me. And once the stress became too much to bear, I started smoking. If an existence as trash and garbage as mine would not be born again at this school, then that would be a good thing. So, I muttered.

“…If this school could be changed, then that’d be great, yeah.”

I realized that I spoke with zero responsibility. But I said it nonetheless—Because I couldn’t help admiring Hoshimiya Kurumi. She might actually be able to avoid another person like me being shaped at this school. And in the same sense, maybe she could even change me altogether? That expectation started to build up inside of me. I’m not mature, or an adult. I’m still young and naive. My attempt at taking responsibility was pathetic. That’s why I felt my blood chill when I heard what Hoshimiya Kurumi had to say. What felt like somebody else’s problems now became my own, making my head cool down drastically.

“If you really feel that way, then won’t you help me?”

“…Say what?”

“Help me fulfill my revenge.”

I raised my head, spotting Hoshimiya Kurumi smile at me with the final bit of sunlight lighting up her back.

“I’ve been looking for a partner in crime for a while now. That’s why I came here to talk with you today.”

“No, hold on. A partner-in-crime?”

“I’ve been curious about you ever since you told me about your attempt at rebelling against this school. And today, the sight at the cafeteria only convinced me further. You’re perfect. You hate this school and have the strength to act in order to change something. Very good. Exceptionally good. You’re the exact type of person I was hoping to find.”

“And I told you to chill! What are you on about? Relax.”

Hoshimiya Kurumi kept on moving closer towards me, so I pushed my arms ahead to stop her path. She clearly didn’t like that, as she pouted. And then, she clapped her hands together.

“Ah, this is perfect. I’ll show you something great,” she said and suddenly wrapped her hands behind the back of her head.

She pushed her hands inside her black hair, moving her fingers like she was playing with her hair.

“…What are you doing?”

“Hee hee, just wait and see.”

After a brief moment passed, I could see something falling down from her hair. It hit the ground, creating a metallic sound. Looking close, these objects turned out to be hairpins, and there were a lot of them falling.

“Your previous attempt at a revolution was pathetic. But don’t worry, I will be by your side to support you from now on.”

Each time a hairpin fell, her fiendish smile grew even stronger.

“That’s why…Don’t worry. Just give in to your instincts and nod, Senpai.”

As if to say she was ready, she pushed up her hair with both her hands. But what was lifted up must come down, as her hair swayed in the breeze. She shook her head left and right, undoing her hair, as it created waves until it returned to its original shape. And for the first time, I realized just what she attempted to show me with all this.

“You…That’s…”

Inside her black bob cut, I could see glimmering white. It’s an inner color in ash gray. She had dyed the inside of her hair, hiding it with hairpins from the eyes of others.

“And? Are you surprised?”

Looking at her teasing grin, I understood the meaning behind this fact. I see now…She has dyed her hair despite this school’s strict regulations. This is similar to me smoking up here in secret. Her own way of rebelling.

“Senpai, let me say it again. I really…have started to want you now.” Having revealed her true self, Kurumi reached out to me with her hand. “Won’t you join me in becoming the chivalrous thieves who will change this school?”

“Chivalrous thieves…who change this school?”

Ah, it hurts. It hurts so much. It sounds like an adult who can’t escape their own immaturity. This is the kind of pain Hoshimiya Kurumi’s words gave me. But to me, a helpless naive idiot, it couldn’t have been more charming and seductive. Her invitation made it sound like I could actually change this rotten world. I swallowed the saliva that had built in my mouth. Maybe…I could change something. Maybe I could mess up this whole system of teachers abusing the students, and higher-ranking students bullying the lower-ranking ones. I might be able to clear up this birdcage we find ourselves in. This resentment, hatred, suffering that I could only cope with while smoking, I could let it all out and get revenge against the teachers.

“Come on, Senpai.”

Hoshimiya Kurumi tried to seduce me further by pushing her right hand toward me. The possibility kept on replaying in my head. My heart began racing faster. It felt like the world was suddenly bristling with colors. I reached out for Hoshimiya Kurumi’s hand—only to pull it back shortly before we touched.

“…I can’t. I’m sitting up here smoking cigarettes because I don’t have the guts to get my revenge.”

“Oh my, is that so? What a shame.”

Yet, Hoshimiya Kurumi accepted my decision rather smoothly, just shrugging as she took a step back. Maybe she never was too serious about scouting me in the first place? That…does sting a bit. Well, whatever makes her boat float. My answer is the right one, no doubt. Sure, the grudge I have towards this shit school and shit teachers doesn’t magically vanish now. But, I don’t want to pick the wrong choice to make my life even harder than it already is. This revenge that she speaks of is definitely wrong. I see no way this is working out in her favor.

And even if she somehow managed to succeed, I highly doubt this result would lead to happiness. Acting out revenge always brings its own problems, and you’ll regret it down the line. I mean, I’m not one to talk as the person who’s already caused several problems, now smoking cigarettes all by myself. But, I don’t have the courage to take the final leap and go for something as big as revenge. Even if my heart is filled with rage, I’m only bold enough to smoke a cigarette here. I’m such a half-baked, half-assed type of person.

“…Ahh, I’m so sad. What a disappointment.” A sigh escaped Hoshimiya Kurimi’s lips. “I really would have wanted to have you as my ally, Senpai.”

“Sorry. It’s an enticing offer, but it doesn’t seem realistic.”

“Is that so…What a shame. I guess I’ll have to spread this picture after all…”

“…Picture?”

“Yes. Please take a look at this. It’s a great picture, don’t you think?”

She showed me her smartphone, with a picture of myself on the screen. And this picture depicted me, as I was just in the middle of smoking my cigarette.

“Wh-When did you…?!”

“I snapped this when you were busy telling me your life story. Tehe~”

She stuck out her tongue with a wink. It might look cute, but what comes with it is not cute in the slightest!

“Why the hell did you do that?! Stop fooling around and delete it already!”

“Huuuh? Don’t wanna! I’ll keep this forever!”

I leaped at her in an attempt to steal the phone, but she evaded this easily, following up with another devilish grin.

“Hey…Senpai? What do you think is going to happen if I hand this picture to the teachers? Leaving aside suspension or expulsion, I wonder how they would insult you…?”

“You plan on ratting me out?! You better not!”

“Hee hee, you’ll be broken beyond repair, your heart in tatters…Surely, you’ll come to hate this school even more and then decide to help with my revenge.”

She smiled like she didn’t even understand the concept of guilt. I thought she was a bit of a cheeky brat, but she’s more like the devil. Having the teachers find out about me smoking is one thing, but I’d much rather avoid them contacting my parents. What would happen if that old man of mine found out? Would he even say something? And what would it be…with what kind of expression?

I don’t know. But that’s also why I’m so terrified of it. Man, what a mess all this is. Another lesson learned, I guess. For now, I have to make her delete that picture. However, I saw no way out of this. Should I take a picture of her with her dyed hair open to see? No, her offense pales in comparison to mine. And she’s gonna quit school anyway. So, I lost against the fear, announcing my defeat.

“I’ll do as you tell me, so don’t spread this picture around.”

“Huuuh? You’ll listen to whatever request I have? Hm, I don’t know…There’s nothing I would ask from you other than becoming my comrade.”

She’s just putting up an act yet again…

“…Okay, I’ll help you.”

“It’s not ‘You,’ okay? My name is Kurumi. So make sure to call me Kurumi-sama.”

“…Yes, I will do just that, Kurumi-sama.”

“Pfft! Hahaha! You actually did it?! I was just kidding. Keep it to Kurumi, everything else is gross.” Kurumi held her stomach as she laughed gleefully.

Yeah, her personality is seriously messed up. Well, as you would expect from someone planning revenge on a whole school.

“Ah, that was great. You’re so funny, Senpai.”

“…Why, thank you.”

“Hee hee…Okay, I’m counting on you from now on.”

“…Yes.”

This time, I took the hand Kurumi offered me. And with that contract formed, I will become her ally to change this school. I don’t like it one bit, but such is life…