After finishing mandatory education and graduating from high school, we acquire the certificate that instates as adults. In the same sentence, if you drop out, that’s how far you’ll go. Circumstances and the background for your decision are something nobody will care about. It leaves a scar on your academic record. And synonymous with dropping out is being unemployed and a shut-in. That is the general’s opinion in this stormy sea. And on that note, there are many people who manage to skillfully silence their feelings whilst being aware of that. Basically, dropping out and whatnot is not going to change a damn thing. And as a student of Saigou High, it’s time to grit my teeth for one last time today.
“…Just because the festival is close doesn’t mean you should be doing anything crazy, right? That’s all.”
With these final words from our homeroom teacher, the day ended. The students from class 2-5 gave their standard procedure and then skillfully moved the desks into the corners of the room. I joined in and moved my own desk. Today, we were busy preparing for the cultural festival again.
“We’re at the final banner now! Let’s get this over with!”
“Hell yeah! Time to get painting!”
Even as the weekend ended, Kurumi didn’t come to school again. As a result of that, it felt like a hole had opened in my daily school life. Classes, lunch, more classes. Then after classes were over, I’d help at the cultural festival. That’s all it was. These days I spent…with cold, dead feelings. Two aspects of my past stayed glued to the back of my head, not allowing me to thoroughly enjoy these days.
First—The terrorism: Revenge against this school by doing the abuse broadcast. But at the same time, it would result in hurting innocent people. Getting revenge on this school while also protecting the people in the same situation as us. That day, what I was told on that rooftop…It was impossible after all. And this realization cooled any and all motivation.
Then, the second is Kurumi. As time passed on, the feelings I had toward Kurumi changed to disappointment and even something like resentment. I get she was panicking because she’d drop out soon. But, just crying like that without even stating her own feelings…That’s not right. Was the Hoshimiya Kurumi I came to admire on that rooftop really the same person? This question wouldn’t leave my head. But as I thought, people who seek out revenge can never become happy.
My story with Kurumi ends here. It’s not as clear as I wished it to be, but that’s how reality works, I guess. Our ideals and fantasies ended as just that…Ideals. We couldn’t change the school. But, it also wouldn’t be fair to say that nothing has changed over the past month and a half. Offering ourselves to our ideals like that was definitely fun. Whenever I remember the acts of terrorism we committed, it lights up my chest. I even managed to make it through the end-of-term exams. With these feelings, I should be able to make it past failing grades. I’ll live like a normal person, leaving behind this rotten high school as it continues to punch down. Just a year and a half, and I’ll graduate. That’s enough. Dreaming for a bit helped me.
“Hey, Natsume-kun?”
As the preparations for the festival were in full bloom, Tanaka-san called out to me as I stood in the corner of the room.
“You okay? Your face looks a bit tired.” She asked with a worried tone.
She really keeps a close look at the people around her. But, that’s right. I have a friend in Tanaka-san now. It’s different from me being completely isolated back in my first year. I don’t feel as much despair as I did.
“…Yeah. I was thinking about stuff.” I responded, to which Tanaka-san showed a bewildered expression.
She narrowed her eyes and muttered “I see” with a faint voice, forming a forced smile.
“Even all the pain, you’ll forget it eventually.” She placed her hand on my palm and then returned to her friend group.
Left behind, I watched her back as she walked off, sighing once again.
*
With Kurumi gone, there was no more terrorism to be executed. As a result, we had no more strategy meetings, leaving me with too much time after classes were over. I pushed my desk to the side of the classroom, tased with the question if I should stay and help or head home. And my decision was mostly influenced by Tanaka-san. If she asks for my help, I will, and if she doesn’t, then I’ll just head home. The days continued like that. And two days before the cultural festival, preparations had begun once again, as I waited for the judgment when Tanaka-san handed me a trash bag with an apologetic expression.
“Sorry about this, but could you bring this to the garbage collection spot outside?”
“Ah, sure. No problem.”
“Sorry, and thanks. I wish I could have other people help you, but we’re too busy with other stuff…”
“Huh? No, it’s fine.” I answered with my genuine feelings.
Over the past week, I’ve been helping the group with the masking tape, but the distance between us was still awkward. So, being tasked with a job where I can handle myself like throwing out the trash is something I’m thankful for.
“…I see. Then, please do. We have several trash bags, see…”
“Gotcha. I’ll be back.” I carried the trash bags like Santa Claus and stepped out into the hallway.
The second I opened the door, I was met with a wave of heat, as well as the scent of paint. The hallways were as crowded as always with students preparing for the festival. Some were writing on large billboards, others were fooling around with left-over cardboard boxes. Some were making paper flowers while ignoring others from their class. But it was clear that everyone was having fun. There were classes that had prepared signs with words like “Crepe” or “Tapioca” written on them. Some class had built lights that gave everything an orange color. It’s like the whole school finally started changing into the color of a festival.
Understandably so, as the preparations for the festival had entered the final stage. Usually, every class finishes their preparations two days before the festival, which would be today. And tomorrow, as the day before the festival, no classes will be held, so it allows the classes to finish preparations or do a rehearsal. Even classes like ours that help with decoration have to set up everything tomorrow.
As for me, I casually strolled down the hallway, stopping from time to time to check out what the other classes were up to. Seeing them all happily work on whatever they were busy with, I felt somewhat excited myself. Heading down the hallway, I made my way down to the stairs to the first floor. Passing by the cafeteria, the executive committee members were just about to carry the large gate outside. I mixed in with that group and headed to the shoe lockers. Grabbing my shoes, I headed for the main entrance…But, spotting a familiar shadow, I stopped.
“That’s…”
The soccer club’s president. He stood near the shoe lockers.
“It’s decided, so I’m counting on you. And be sure to tell the others, too.”
“…Yes, I understand. I’m sorry.”
The situation was almost identical to before, but there was another person. He was talking with another third-year student I didn’t know. Whereas the random student spoke with a strong and determined tone, the soccer club president almost sounded meek in comparison. And after a few more words, the unfamiliar third-year student walked away. Waiting for the president to be alone, I quietly talked to him.
“Hey, Iwata-senpai.”
“…Hm? Oh, Natsume.”
The president spotted me and faintly raised his hand.
“Sounded like you were in a bit of an argument. Are we dealing with some sort of trouble?”
“No, nothing like that…But, I guess I should tell ya.” The president wouldn’t give me a moment to ask and just one-sidedly dropped the bomb. “That stall we talked about? I feel bad for saying this after I asked you to stop by, but…That’s been canceled.”
“…What? Did you decide against the BBQ or something?”
“Nah, not that. Our class isn’t doing a stall in general.”
That’s what he meant by canceled? Why would that…I failed to come up with a reason, just staring at him in a daze. He must have realized how much of a shock this was, as he explained.
“That guy I just talked about? He’s in class 3-1, and he’s constantly been asking us for materials and space because he wants their stall to be massive. I kept answering on hold, but he went to reach out to my homeroom teacher. Had to apologize thanks to that.”
“Apologize? Why? I don’t understand.”
“Hmm, I don’t know what else to tell you. I just stated the facts.” The soccer club president just shrugged his shoulders.
From class 3-1 means he’s in the higher-ranking class. That one is also shrouded in mystery, but what I don’t get the most is this reaction from the soccer club president. He had his place and materials stolen from him, right? How can he be so calm about it?
“So you were talking with him about handing over everything, right?”
“Pretty much. Since I’m the class rep, he probably came straight to me.”
“And you’re just going to let this stand? Why are you simply listening to his demands?”
“Huh? I’m not accepting this or anything. But…” He scratched his cheek. “What good would complaining do? The teachers are siding with the higher-ranking classes anyway.”
“…”
“Can’t go against them. That’s the law our school operates on, right? Haha.” He answered and then showed me the smile of someone who had given up.
Immediately as I saw that, my body started shaking. It felt like I saw something that would destroy your mind. A shiver ran down my spine, and yet I felt like I was sweating profusely. A bit of dizziness and the urge to throw up filled me. This is bad. I tried to take a few deep breaths, questioning myself as to why I would be this shaken. Raising my head, the soccer club president gave me a look of confusion and worry.
“…Natsume? What’s wrong? What are you so angry about?”
That…I don’t know myself. I just feel so…restless. My thoughts wouldn’t form properly. I couldn’t hold a proper conversation. But, there is one thing I wanted to hear.
“And the people in your class are fine with this?”
“Well, I guess. That way, we can all take it easy during the festival, so they just let it slide.”
…I see. Well, that’s good enough. It’s not my place to tell them how to feel.
*
The next day arrived, right before the day of the festival. Lunch break had just ended. The school was busy with rehearsal and other preparations, but the various classes seemed satisfied.
“And now, we’re done! Good work, everyone!”
The girl acting as the leader of our class said so, to which the other classmates cheered in unison. The finished banner was opened up in the classroom, colored in blue with the words ‘Connecting Legend and Bonds’ written on it. That’s this year’s slogan for our festival. And this was our third and final banner done. With this, class 2-5 had finished its duty.
“Hey, where do we hang these up?”
“I think the rooftop would be the best! We should have space for three of them! Right, Sensei?”
The group of girls went to get permission from our homeroom teacher.
“All right, we’ll take care of it! You guys can start cleaning up.”
They left the room with our homeroom teacher. They’re only taking the juicy part with them. But, our other classmates didn’t seem too bothered by that.
“Let’s get everything cleaned up before they get back.”
“Oh, wah…There’s color all over the floor. Think we have to clean through this with a cloth.”
My classmates started cleaning while engaging in conversations like these. I realized I should probably do something myself. Can’t just go home since it’s not even afternoon yet. So, I looked for Tanaka-san. She stood in the corner of the room, talking with a few of her girl friends. That’s…a bit hard to call out to her. Then again, I don’t need any orders, I can just clean up some trash from the corner of the room. While cleaning proceeded, we quickly put everything back in the place it belonged. And finally, the girls returned.
“Ah, welcome back! How does it look?”
“It’s crazy! Putting it up makes it even bigger!”
They were talking like in the middle of recess. However, the teacher moved to the front and stood behind the teacher’s desk, silencing all noise. Once they looked across the class with a sour face, they spoke up.
“…Okay. Good work everyone. I think you did great. Since you don’t have a stall to look after and no shifts to fill, you will have plenty of time during the festival, but I suggest you don’t fool around too much. We have students cutting loose and causing problems each year after all…And that will be all from me.”
With a final roll call, this short homeroom ended, as more noise filled the classroom again.
“Where should we go tomorrow? I wanna check out the cotton candy class 2 made!”
“Sounds good. Should we walk around with the other guys?”
The day before the festival, all classes who finished their work would leave the school. And while the students discussed their plans, they slowly left the classroom. I think I should head home, too. I grabbed my bag and followed the crowd outside the room. Our class just happened to be done early, but a lot of the other ones were busy food testing or practicing customer service. Everywhere you look, you realize that things are kicking up into full gear. Amidst this atmosphere, the students from my class headed to the shoe lockers as a group.
“Hey, we don’t have to do any cleaning after the festival, right? Should we do an early celebration?”
“That sounds great! Let’s get a reservation somewhere!”
This conversation reached my ears. No way they would invite me, and it’s got nothing to do with me, either. I should just head home. With that thought, I decided to quickly grab my shoes and leave, but then—
“Hey! Stop right there! Tsk, you guys are so noisy! It’s bothering others!” The one to interrupt this gleeful atmosphere was a sharp male voice. “You’re standing at the front entrance! Not your damn classroom. This is a public place, so keep it down, you worthless trash bags.”
We quickly spotted the origin of that voice. It was math teacher Furukawa, rushing over to us.
Silence befell the air. All the excitement and good mood were ruined instantly. He looked at all of us and then clicked his tongue.
“…Class 5, huh? Listen, you might get excited because the festival is tomorrow, but don’t forget you’re supposed to be studying. Some of you even forgot what you learned in middle school.”
The classmates that got scolded stood frozen stiff, looking like they did in class. All their movement stopped, like they were waiting for a storm to pass.
“But seriously, I really don’t think you should be allowed to be fooling around at the festival. Your grades were just awful during the last exams.”
This shitty teacher, he’s even lecturing us now? How ridiculous. I’ll just let him be. I broke off and headed to the entrance—but was stopped.
“Especially you, Natsume.”
…What did he just say? Did he use my name? I slowly turned around, and met Furukawa glaring at me.
“During the last end-of-term exams, you really kicked the bucket. 37 points? Really? You barely avoided any failing grades. Are you looking down on me or something? I’m gonna slaughter you.”
It felt like someone whacked me over the head with an iron plate. I felt shivers running down my spine. A cold sweat escaped every fiber of my being. When did I last experience such excessive abuse? Probably since March…Right, I tried to fight against this school once before I ran into Kurumi. I had all forgotten about it, just accepting my current life. But once you start attending this school, you won’t be able to live an ordinary life. The fact that I wasn’t getting insulted wouldn’t stay forever should’ve been obvious.
“Well, it’s what you would expect from a moron who made it to the higher-ranking classes, only to fall back down immediately. Get a grip, already.”
“…”
“Hey, what’s that look about? You got something to say? Do you want to write another written apology? Don’t get it unless you do that? Just quit school already, I swear.”
The moment I heard that line, it felt like all the blood rushed to my head. All my cells were screaming, telling me to never forgive him. My right hand formed a fist, as my arm moved up. From there on, it went in a straight line, making direct contact with Furukawa’s left cheek. I put all my strength into my legs, as he got blown off. Once he landed on his butt, I stepped on his face, crushing it. I made sure to inflict a trauma that would leave him unable to ever spit abuse at his students ever again—Just kidding.
“Tsk…Just ignoring me now? Damn moron.”
I sure as hell wish I could do that. But of course, those were all just my fantasies running wild. As always, I could only punch that bastard in my head. Furukawa seemed confident that I wouldn’t respond, so he walked off somewhere.
“…Don’t joke with me.”
The hatred filling my chest made its way to the surface, forcing me to mutter this under my breath. And then, somebody placed their hand on my shoulder. Looking over, it was a male classmate who I’d barely ever talked to.
“That was something, huh, Natsume?”
Another boy joined in.
“No worries. These things happen.”
“Don’t sweat it. We botched our exams, too.”
They acted like we’d been friends for ages, laughing together. Where did that come from? Are they showing sympathy for me after I got publicly shamed? However, their very next line told me everything I needed to know.
“Now I really feel like we can get along, Natsume.”
…They’ve just started seeing me as an equal after I was insulted by Furukawa. From a bit further away, I could see Tanaka-san smiling at me.
“Good for you, Natsume-kun.”
…What are you talking about? Is this supposed to be good? Am I supposed to be happy about this?
“…Ah! Hey, Natsume! Where are you going?!”
Without realizing it, I dashed off. Up the stairs, heading to an empty toilet. Entering the stall, I closed the door and punched the wall.
“What is this…”
It’s gross. It feels like my entire body is slimy. Not too long, I never would have known how that feels.
*
After a long time, I decided to smoke a cigarette again. But after all the kissing and acts of terrorism that happened since my last smoke, it probably won’t satisfy me in the slightest. It’ll just leave me more restless in return. Even so, I got my breathing under control and headed up to the rooftop. Reaching the upper part of the stairs, I reached a familiar place and tried to open the iron door.
“Huh? It’s…locked.”
Turning the knob or pushing it didn’t do anything. Then again, that should be expected. The people from our class just came up here to check out the banners, so they must have made sure to lock the door. So far, it was simply open because someone forgot. But, what do I do now? There’s no other place for me to smoke other than on the rooftop.
“…”
Then, I looked up at the ceiling. I didn’t spot anything like a fire alarm. Maybe I should just smoke one here. Nothing really matters anymore. I took out a cigarette and lighter from my pocket and lit the smoke while standing. I put one end of the cigarette in my mouth, the opposite end lighting up red and black. I immediately breathed out again to make sure the smoke didn’t enter my lungs.
“Phew…”
Breathing out, the white smoke danced through the sky. And this time, it didn’t disappear immediately. It bumped into the wall and remained inside the stall. As I thought, it wasn’t refreshing at all. This gross feeling in my heavy chest wouldn’t go away. Instead, the more I kept on smoking, the more disgusted I felt. It’s like I’m smoking lead.
“…Sigh.”
Did I get too used to it? Have I gone mad? How can I fix these feelings? How do I get rid of this rage, frustration, and sadness? Please, somebody tell me.
“Are we really going to do it here? We’ll get scolded if someone finds us here.”
Right when I wanted to take another puff from my cigarette, I heard a sudden voice.
“…?!”
I quickly crouched down and hid behind the small wall next to the stairs. I erase the fire of my cigarette, putting it into my container. Listening further, it didn’t seem like the owner of the voice was up any higher than this. Since I quickly hid and made no sound, I should be fine. I don’t think they found me out. But, that was way too close for comfort. Isn’t the entire school in the middle of rehearsal right now? Just who would come up here during this time?
“I was about to celebrate with my friends, you know?”
“Sorry, sorry, I just felt the urge to see you right now.”
“Geez, you always call me here out of the blue…”
Two voices talked with each other; A boy and a girl. From the tone, I could tell they knew each other quite well. They must be a couple of sorts. Surprisingly, since these kinds of relationships are prohibited at Saigou High. But now that they were standing in my way, I had no other choice but to wait until they left—when suddenly, none of that mattered anymore.
“Come on, look at me. And raise your head a bit.”
“…Like this?”
…Now hold on. The girl’s voice sounded awfully familiar. There’s no mistaking it. I just heard it a while ago…No, even just a few minutes. There’s no way I could forget this soprano voice. I carefully raised my head just a bit above the wall. And the scenery in front of me was—
“Yumi…You’re so cute…”
“Mmm…That makes me happy…And you’re so cool, too, Takumi-kun…”
At the stairs right below me, Tanaka-san was kissing a random boy I didn’t know. They looked at each other, bashful gazes intermixing, as they moved their faces closer, rubbing their noses together. From that on, their bodies intertwined and they pressed their lips onto each other’s. Because there was a faint difference in height between them, Tanaka-san had to look up. I could see that her cheeks were red. Her eyes looked drowsy.
“Nhn…Yumi…Mm…”
“Takumi-kun…Wait…Mhm…Kiss…”
I put my back against the wall, sliding down on the ground. I sighed once more as if to let out the remaining smoke in my mouth. How do I say this…I really ran into a bothersome situation right here. Now that they’re all over themselves, there’s no way I could just walk away.
“Nn…Yumi…Mm…Yumi…”
“Bleh…Takumi-kun…Mmnn…”
Their exchange mostly consisted of heavy breathing and the sound of saliva mixing. With my current mental state, I really didn’t feel like watching other people be lovey-dovey. What kind of torture is this? But right when I was about to cover my ears, the kissing sounds stopped.
“Phew…Oh yeah, Yumi? How long are you gonna stay in the lower-ranking classes anyway? I’m taking time off my own studies to help you despite entrance exams being around the corner. Come up to the higher-ranking classes already.”
“…Yeah.”
“You shouldn’t be staying with those idiots for too long. Someone from the higher-ranking classes like me is going out with you, so you should get my level already. You’re just embarrassing me.”
“…You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“I wasn’t saying that just so that you apologize…Mhm.”
Their fluffy conversation ended, as they once again began sharing passionate kisses. The indecent sounds of saliva and water pierced my ears. And inside my head, the image of Tanaka Yumi was slowly beginning to shatter and break apart.
“…”
At one point, I had to think about it. What is Tanaka Yumi to me? And from the sounds of it, that boy is from a higher-ranking class. That’s fine and all…but was Tanaka-san so sullied that she would respond with “I’m sorry” after being told that “Someone from the higher-ranking classes like me is going out with you”? And I was happy to receive sympathy from her? What an idiot I was.
“Nnnn…Yumi…Come closer…”
“Nn…Nnn…”
How long are you gonna keep at this? Can’t you just get lost already? A kiss isn’t supposed to be a means to let out your pent-up sexual urges. It’s supposed to be more grotesque, dark, and yet pleasant enough to dispel your worries. Don’t overwrite my…No, our memories by using some stale proof of love.
“And you can brag to your friends because you’ve got a boyfriend in the higher-ranking classes, right?”
“…That’s true.”
Hearing those words of agreement from Tanaka-san, I grit my teeth. Higher-ranking classes, lower-ranking classes—Being insulted and abused, and not being insulted and abused. Normally, when you’re going out with someone, these things shouldn’t matter. Or, is this what’s normal nowadays? Giving in to the values forced onto you by your surroundings, adjusting your own position…All that? Not standing your ground and giving up against people who apparently deserve more than you. That’s not friendship or affection or anything. You’re just pretending to experience youth while you’ve given up already.
Studying? Grades? Saigou Law? Don’t make me laugh. All the things that make you human…They’re twisted. Why won’t anybody realize? I was wrong. Just bringing back the cultural festival wasn’t enough. I shouldn’t have suggested quitting our plan. I just gave in to the easy way out, but nothing changed. I made the wrong choice…I made the mistake of picking the right choice. Right now I realize…You need to destroy everything once to rebuild it from the ground.
“Nnn…Takumi-kun…Bleh…”
“Puwah…Huff…Yumi, just a bit more…”
Since they pressed their lips together again, I opted to kiss my precious cigarette. I grabbed a new one, put it into my mouth, and lit one end. I don’t really understand much about cigarettes, but the brand my dad is smoking must be a heavy one. Yet oddly enough, today was the first time I thought about that.
*
Without giving me any reprise, time moved on mercilessly. Blinking once, it was already the day of the cultural festival. During the morning, the first homeroom was a lot noisier than usual.
‘This year’s Saigou High cultural festival will now begin.’
The entire class listened to this school broadcast. It played the announcement that the cultural festival was now opening. Generally, we’d get a lot of visitors, which is why the opening ceremony is looked after by the student council and the executive committee. The average student would just listen to it.
“My friends from class 6 are doing a crepe stall, so let’s check it out!”
“Where should we start? I don’t wanna line up, so let’s go somewhere with not many people.”
The students who didn’t have to look after any stalls basically had free time after this opening ceremony. My classmates gathered up with their friends and made plans for where to head. As for myself, I decided to leave the classroom as soon as the festival opened. I’d rather not get wrapped up in a mess like yesterday. I grabbed all I needed and quietly left the classroom. I succeeded while doing so. Not even Tanaka-san looked over at me.
“We’ve got a customer coming in! Kitchen staff! You okay?! Are you done preparing the ingredients?!”
“Class 4 is open now! We can let you in right now!”
The hallway was already noisy, full of students who already had their shifts. In order to make the best profit, they tried to get as many visitors and beckoned them over like this was some sort of bar. I wouldn’t want people to think I’m actually enjoying all this, so I moved away from the crowd, aimlessly wandering around. I looked away from the people and whenever I heard any noise, I turned around on my heel. Sweet scents, upbeat BGM, singing voices resembling screams, I just kept walking. Before I realized it, I followed the crowd of people heading outside the building.
“…So hot.”
Passing through the entrance, I muttered these words to myself as I wiped my forehead. We were in the dead-set of summer, the sky above being a clear blue. The smoke of planes drew arches through the sky. Early summer had passed, and the sky made me get my hopes up. But at the same time, it’s so incredibly bright.
“Welcome, welcome! Would you like some fries?”
“We’ve got a lot of customers coming in, so you can keep making more food!”
There were stalls built all the way from the gate to the front entrance, like it was some summer festival. Several tents around had the words ‘Potatoes’, ‘Okonomiyaki’, ‘Frankfurter’ and so on written on a billboard.
“Excuse me! For two people, please! Is 1000 yen good enough?”
“Are you in middle school? Do you wanna try some of our yakisoba?”
They had all opened up already, with students even from outside Saigou High here to visit. And lines had been built everywhere. Especially popular among all of those was the stall from class 3-1, which sold grilled skewers. Stealing the space and ingredients from the soccer club allowed them with two-times the space and material as much as they needed. Even right now, they were serving customers.
A girl from middle school ordered grilled chicken. The one taking orders gave the information to the students doing the cooking. Once it was done, the cook handed the student the meat. All the people present were smiling. It was such an off-setting scenery that I was subjected to. I couldn’t keep looking, and yet it felt like I had to for some reason. Because this is the cultural festival I protected to the point I made Kurumi cry.
“…”
Smoke came from the tent of the stall that class 3-1 owned, probably to grill the meat as quickly as possible. Looking at the smoke vanishing into the air reminded me of my cigarette. It took me back to the days I just rotted away while smoking on the rooftop. And even though it reminded me of that, I had no urge to smoke. I got sick of the scent they had, and yet looking at random smoke almost paralyzed me. My mouth, at least…Ah, so disgusting. What am I even doing?
Our class has no shifts, so I could have just faked being sick and taken the day off. Feeling this depressed, I shouldn’t have come to school. But, I had hope about one thing at least—That I could maybe see Kurumi. I have to admit it, I wanted to talk with her again. I didn’t know what exactly there was to talk about. What I wanted to tell her…but I was certain that I needed to talk with her once more in order to get rid of this melancholic and dramatic feeling inside of me. But when I checked, she still hadn’t read my message. Radio silence from her end, as always.
That means…Other than meeting her directly, I won’t be able to get a proper conversation going. And since the festival was a public event, even Kurumi should be able to visit even after dropping out. If she feels awkward at responding to my message this late…if she, just like me, wants to talk one more time…then there’s a good chance she might be mixing in with the crowd of people today. And this faint hope is what led to me coming to school like this.
…Of course, I know how sissy this was. But, what other choice do I have? I don’t know where she lives, let alone which station she takes. I can’t do anything other than wait and hope to meet her. That’s all I can do, after pretending I did all this just because she threatened me.
“…How ridiculous.”
I looked away from the stalls, as my feet once again carried me away from the crowd. I returned inside the building, looking for quiet places and areas that would let my heart rest. And while I walked on and on, the scenery around me slowly began to change into something very familiar to me. The hallway was dimly lit, as the doorplate invited me inside. The place was far away from the noise of the festival like it was a separate world altogether—the old school building. Going deeper, I stopped in front of a certain door, like the first time I had come here. Whether this was consciously or not, I didn’t know. Either way, I ended up coming to the astronomy club room again. I placed my hand on the door, which turned out to be not locked.
“…Kurumi?”
Thinking that maybe someone was sitting inside, my heart jumped for joy. However, when I opened the door, my excitement was dampened immediately. Inside the room were a long table and two chairs. As well as a shelf. The inside of the room hasn’t changed one bit. Yet, Kurumi was nowhere to be seen. It’s like her entire existence had been erased.
“Not here, huh…” A sigh escaped my lips.
If she had really come to school to meet me, I was hoping she would be waiting for me here. I was hoping she would give me an awkward “Ah, Senpai? Hello…” greeting. Yet, my hopes were all crushed. It’s too late now. The line that connected us was long erased. It’s painful, but that’s how things are. I wanted to make sure again, so I checked my phone. No new message from her. Only notifications that my stamina for a mobile game had refilled. I set foot inside the room, pulled on the chair, and sat down. I ran my fingers across the table, but all traces of her tears had disappeared. Looking at this room, I could somewhat guess the reason she cried.
She didn’t want me to become a ‘person of the lower-ranking classes’. I have to trace back to my origin. Why is it that I began admiring Hoshimiya Kurumi when we met up on the rooftop? It’s because I was happy there was someone who absolutely despised this school like I do. Because she was different. She shone brightly, unlike the teachers, the higher-ranking students, and even the lower-ranking students. I absolutely despise the teachers at this school. I can’t stand those snobby higher-ranking students who think they’re a gift from god. But at the same time, I equally despised those worthless lower-ranking students who just accepted this awful treatment they suffered, doing nothing to fight against this discrimination.
During the last strategy meeting we had, I arrogantly said “Can we really hurt everyone?” but now I realize. Yes, that’s perfectly fine. Ruin all of them. Because I—We hate everyone at this school.
“Ugh…Aaaaah…!”
The person just like her that Kurumi wished for…wasn’t referring to someone from the lower-ranking classes. I’m sorry, Kurumi. I was wrong.
“Shit…What am I even doing…?!”
A wave of emotion strong enough to burst out assaulted me, as I slammed my fist down onto the table. A dull sound rang out, followed by a sharp pain in my hand. But thanks to that, I could see a bit clearer. All this time, I tried to live my life without committing any mistakes. Regretting something so much…was a first for me. I kicked the chair away and wiped my tears. I tried to control my feelings, but the emotions gushing out of my heart were too much. I don’t want to look at anything else. I don’t want to exist in this world. So, I closed my eyes. I let go of my consciousness, as if to run away from this reality.
*
I had a dream while I was asleep. Kurumi and I met each other under normal circumstances and became closer like that. We were both part of the same club, junior and senior. One day after classes, we would start talking about this and that instead of focusing on our club. Kurumi would make fun of me and say something crazy, to which I retorted with a comment of my own. That was our daily life. Finally, we would listen to each other’s problems, growing even closer. Knowing how hard it was to live in this world, we became boyfriend and girlfriend to support each other. Our first kiss happened in the club room, in a sweet atmosphere.
“And, how was your first kiss, Senpai?”
“Hm…tasted like strawberry.”
I would say that while blushing, and we’d both laugh. Could such a future…truly have been possible?
*
I was woken up by a severe headache. While groaning, I raised my upper body from the desk.
“Ouch…”
Because I had been in this position for a long time, my body felt extremely heavy. I could feel pins and needles all over, too. Just how long have I been sleeping like this? My view was still hazy as I looked outside the window, seeing that the sun was reaching its zenith. And considering they issued warnings for heat strokes, I figured it’d get even hotter with time.
“…Huh?”
And that’s when I realized that something was off. This room…wasn’t hot at all. In fact, it was comfortably cool. I rubbed my eyes once more to regain a clearer vision. Nobody was around. But even so, the A/C was quietly running above me. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t on when I got here. I also don’t remember ever putting it on, either. If so, there’s only one possible conclusion—
“…Someone cake here?”
At the same time as I mumbled these words, my hand ran across something that felt familiar. I spotted it laying on the table and almost fell from my chair in shock. My heart began racing faster, as my consciousness suddenly became sharp. My self-indulgent expectations had changed into reality. First, there were the same cookies we ate during our first party. And then, there’s a notebook. A new page had opened on it, with the words ‘This is a present for you, Senpai’ written on it.
“…Kurumi?!”
I jumped up and dashed out of the room. I looked both sides once I got out into the hallway, but I spotted nobody else. I called for her name, too, but only the silence responded. When did she come here? Why did I not realize? I headed back inside the classroom. Still, Kurumi was here. Maybe she just enjoys seeing me struggle, and there’s a possibility she might be hiding inside. I looked beneath the desk, opened the drawer of the shelf, and looked behind the curtains. I checked out every possible spot, but Kurumi was nowhere to be found. Out of strength, I sank down on the chair.
“…What is this?”
Why is she not around? I thought she came to school again because she wanted to talk? Why wouldn’t she wake me up? So this is the end? Giving me one last present before she vanishes forever? Is this supposed to be some bitter-sweet ending of a drama? No way. I…still haven’t been able to apologize to Kurumi properly.
“…”
No, this isn’t the end. I won’t let this be the end. I reached for the notebook, looking at the cover. As expected, it was yellow. Enough of a hint for me to tell that this was Kurumi’s Revenge Note…I’ll have a look. Maybe there’s some hint that will allow me to meet her. Thinking back on it, I never once read this Revenge Note of hers. Flipping over the first page, I quickly realized that this was a collection of her various plots for revenge—as well as her own personal diary.
May 15th,
Even though their daughter decided to drop out of high school, Mama and Papa didn’t seem fazed in the slightest. It’s the same as when my grades started dropping. They just said “It’s okay.” But…I can’t accept it. Everything I do pales in comparison to my brother, so how could they be okay with this? Someone deciding to drop out of high school couldn’t possibly be okay. And yet, they keep saying that with a straight face.
I want them to look at me. To see me for the useless person that I am. That’s why I decided to get revenge on this world. Because this world doesn’t see me for who I am…I’ll make them recognize my existence. I want to become someone who’s even more not okay. I want Mama, Papa, and my brother to understand that this is not okay. So, starting today, I think I’m going to work on a notebook full of revenge ideas. What I am writing down today is the first step towards being who I really am.
May 16th,
Getting revenge on the whole world is pretty difficult. That’s why I opted to get revenge on my school. If that rotten school didn’t allow its teachers to abuse and insult their students, I might have been able to live a decent high school life, learn about my limits, give up, and then lead a normal life. That brings up the question…How do I get my revenge? I’ve been thinking about it, but for now, I only came up with the idea of making imitations of the teachers go around the school.
June 2nd,
Yesterday, I met a strange senior smoking a cigarette on the rooftop. He said he despises the school, and is smoking a cigarette to rebel against the school in his own way. I thought it was girlish and sissy. But, he apparently tried to rebel before. Listening to that, I thought that I could maybe make him my ally. Someone rotten who absolutely despises the school like him has the will to fight back. And I thought I could use this. I would need more allies to realize my plans, anyway. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to work on some genuine ideas. I thought of using eraser stamps to spread malice—And I call it the ‘All-Student Abuse Distribution Campaign.’
June 11th,
Senpai sure sucked at making the stamps, but he managed to pull off our operation perfectly. It looked like he had fun executing this terrorism. And hearing that he succeeded, which led to all sorts of rumors going around at school, I was happy, too. The juice we drank for our celebration party tasted a lot better than usual. I know I was just thinking up things, but it was still special. It reminded me of the times people in middle school went to celebrate something. Maybe they felt this way, too? Not like I would know since I never joined them. Not like they didn’t invite me, though.
June 16th,
I kissed Senpai. It was genuinely on a whim, and nothing more. It was also my first kiss…But it was something else. I really felt like I understood the reason Senpai was smoking cigarettes. I kissed a boy who isn’t even my boyfriend…Not to mention at school. It felt so relieving and gave me a rush of guilty pleasure. Realizing that I became more and more “not okay”, I felt good. Also, Senpai was clearly excited, too, but tried to play it off, which was pretty cute. Though, him saying that it tasted like bitter chocolate was kinda gross.
The words written in the diary stabbed me right in the chest. It hurt. I shouldn’t have said something stupid like that. And yet, the more I read, the more I had to laugh.
June 23rd,
We decided to revive and then destroy the cultural festival. He thought of reviving the festival, and I suggested we destroy it after. With the impact it has, it should be worthwhile. I’m going to cut up newspapers to create a threatening letter I’ll be putting up everywhere around school.
June 27th,
We decided to let Senpai handle the plan for bringing back the cultural festival for everyone. As of right now, it seems to be working out. Today, we discussed our ideas regarding destroying the festival. As I thought, having these meetings with Senpai really is fun. It made me feel excited, and my heart was racing. It feels like we could go anywhere together. And in order to destroy the festival, we decided to play the verbal abuse of the teachers during said festival. I should buy some empty CDs.
July 7th,
Through some ups and downs, Senpai’s plan worked and the cultural festival was back for everyone. But to make that happen, he left me out for most of it, not telling me the true goal, so I felt a bit lonely. But, he realized I was angry and kissed me, so I forgave him. Seeing Senpai so proactive when it comes to our terrorism makes me happy, too.
July 15th,
I skipped helping my class for the festival and went out to buy CDs when I ran into them. “Them” was referring to Tanaka-senpai and Natsume-senpai. They were out shopping for the festival. Natsume-senpai is a proper student, after all, so it makes sense he would be helping. But…I didn’t like it. It makes me remember their conversation back at the cafeteria. Maybe he wasn’t all too enthusiastic about the whole terrorism thing, and instead, he just wanted to bring back the cultural festival? I guess I got my hopes up.
July 16th,
My bad feeling was spot-on. Senpai said we should not destroy the cultural festival. I guess I was wrong after all. He just wanted to bring back the festival. Probably for the sake of Tanaka-senpai. Why would we care about hurting other people? Why would we save the other lower-ranking classes? We’re not the same as them. Don’t start to reason now and run away. He didn’t even understand the reason I was crying. He doesn’t understand how I feel. He doesn’t even know how much he has saved me so far. What if I threatened him again with that picture? But, I don’t want this kind of relationship anymore. I want him to look at me because of his own decision. That’s why I set up this test. It’s a shame, but I don’t have any place to belong at this school. I just hope…I can forget my beloved Senpai soon.
When I finished reading, I once again realized I was crying. I know I shouldn’t be, but reading about Kurumi’s genuine feelings made me happy. Yet, I realized it was all too late, which left me unable to keep my tears in. I felt like I made it out of the endless pit, finally able to breathe again. Seeing our story written from Kurumi’s perspective made me feel nostalgic.
“A place she belongs…huh?”
Seeing that specific line in the Revenge Note, I understood. She only had a place to stay if it was with me. Even though I’m not motivated to study, even though I was just a worthless nobody who could only smoke in solitude…she understood and accepted me. And I wanted to be with her for that. The reason I suggested we quit our cultural festival terrorism plans was that I was happy. Being with Kurumi, supported by her, and getting revenge on the school, I was fulfilled. That’s why I began wishing for the happiness of others. I was an idiot. An utter fool who didn’t understand a damn thing.
“Haha…I should have realized sooner…”
I swallowed my words and cried in silence. Regret, happiness, and worthlessness all mixed within my chest, not stopping. I cried on and on and on, and yet Kurumi didn’t show up in the club room. Staying here wouldn’t do me any good. I should look for her somewhere else. I made up my mind and stood up when I saw something else in the Revenge Note.
“Huh…?”
There was a continuation from where I stopped. Right after the line that said “This is a present for you, Senpai.” And surprisingly enough, it had today’s date on it.
July 23rd,
Senpai, did you enjoy the fake youth I presented to you?
“Fake youth…?”
I don’t understand what this is about. But my heart urged me to continue. Flipping the page, a small piece of paper came fluttering out. It danced through the air, so I grabbed and read it.
[Club Application Form – Astronomy Club – Class 2-6 – Tanaka Yumi]
…Ah, I see. They knew each other because they were part of the same club…No, that’s not all. Something doesn’t feel right. I tried to figure out what gave me this eerie feeling. A fake youth…Kurumi wondering if Tanaka-san said something about her…the circumstances of the astronomy club…the test she mentioned in the diary. Everything connected, creating a single branch, as a certain hypothesis was born in my head—But before I could put that into words, I heard a familiar voice from the school broadcasting system.
‘A wonderful day to all our listeners. I would like to use this chance to show you the daily scenery here at Saigou High School.’
*
The moment I heard that announcement, I dashed out of the room. That ‘the daily scenery here at Saigou High School’ part of the announcement sounded awfully familiar.
“Kurumi…!”
The heat around me attempted to slow me down, but I kept on dashing down the hallway. I was heading to the second floor of the main building, the broadcasting room. All this talk about a fake youth, the meaning of the club application, and even Kurumi’s goal…I didn’t understand most of it. But, I knew that there was something I had to do right here, right now. I have to get to Kurumi before anybody realizes what she’s about to play.
‘Our Saigou High School is a place of mutual encouragement and diligent application in order to reach greater heights and be accepted in the top schools of the country.’
While the broadcast continued, I rushed to the main school building as fast as I could. So far, it wasn’t any different from what played earlier today. Everyone was enjoying the festival, they weren’t listening to the broadcast at all. Or maybe, they thought this was a regular part of the schedule.
‘So, I would like to invite you to experience what it’s like to participate here in our classes.’
I passed by groups of people, running even now. Because I lacked the necessary exercise, my legs already started to hurt, but I ignore that pain and rushed up the stairs. The extracurricular rooms were to the east of the main school building, and there were no other stalls around. The closer I got to my goal, the fewer people I encountered, until there was nothing but silence around me. Rushing up half the stairs to the second floor, I was met with a sign blocking the way that said ‘Non-Personnel No Entry.’ Needless to say, I ignored that and rushed deeper. If it’s blocked off here, then there’s no doubt in my mind. The broadcasting room is just a bit further—Together with Kurumi.
‘As we surely have a lot of visitors interested in attending our school, I would be very happy if you joined me now.’
I see it. That gray door. As well as the red lamp above that said ‘Broadcasting.’
‘Now then, let’s not beat around the bush. This is what a lesson here at our Saigou High looks li—’
I turned the doorknob, tackled the door, and rushed inside. Everything inside looked like it was put in grayscale, giving off a mechanical feeling. The walls were decorated with sound-absorbing material, various recording devices scattered around…and in the center sat a single girl, who turned around in shock to look at me. Her eyelashes were as long as always, her eyes shining like a black crystal, paired with her faint-pink lips. Even though she wore her uniform, her ashen-gray inner hair was visible from afar, and her trademark cap with cat ears towering on her head. It was the ‘mischievous girl’ emitting a little sister-like charm that I knew all too well.
“…Kurumi.”
It really is her. Hoshimiya Kurumi was right in front of me. She narrowed her eyes, previously open in shock, and showed a devious smirk.
“…Oh, if it isn’t Senpai. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Huff…huff…That’s not what’s important right now…”
Looking at me gasping for air, Kurumi loudly breathed out.
“Did you rush here or something? I’m surprised you knew where I was.”
“No way I’d miss a broadcast like that.”
“Like what? I don’t think I said anything out of the ordinary.” Kurumi looked at me without a change in expression. “I’m just trying to show what our school is like. I haven’t said anything outrageous. But you came running here because you remember our meeting about destroying the festival, right?”
“…”
“That’s why I praised you for making it here in time.”
Kurumi shrugged her shoulders, which allowed me to understand the sarcasm. “You were so against our plan, yet you sure managed to remember the details, huh?” is basically what she was saying. I want to disagree…But I didn’t know what to even say. What did I want to do after meeting Kurumi? Apologize, ask her something, tell her something, it all mixed together and left me speechless.
“Hey, Senpai?”
Before I could say anything, Kurumi stood up. She took a step toward me, looking up into my eyes with strong conviction.
“Did you enjoy the fake youth I gifted you?”
From her mouth came the same expression that I had read about in the Revenge Note. That’s right, I wanted to know more about what she meant by that.
“You said that in your Revenge Note already. What’s that about?”
“You still don’t understand despite all the hints I presented to you?”
She must be talking about the club application form. But, that alone wasn’t enough for me to reach the answer. Because rather than that, I was solely focused on making it here on time. She looked at me, who had remained silent, and sighed in disappointment.
“I swear…Fine, I’ll tell you. It’s about Tanaka-senpai.”
“…What about her?”
“Didn’t you think it was weird for a random girl to suddenly appear and be all kind and friendly with you?”
“…What do you mean?”
“Hmph, you really are stupid. Then I’ll tell you.” She showed me a ridiculing smile as she began speaking with the tone of a villain revealing his masterplan. “I invited you to join my revenge, right? But, back then, I still couldn’t trust you fully. I was unsure if you genuinely despised this school.”
“Right…And?”
“So, I had to find out if you were worthy of joining my ranks. I thought about how to figure that out…when I remembered that Tanaka-senpai was in your class. She was actually a club member of the astronomy club, and one of the ghost members now. She felt guilty for leaving me alone here.” Kurumi looked into my eyes. “So, I used Tanaka-senpai to test your will for revenge.”
“Test my will for revenge…How?”
“It’s nothing too complicated. I just pretended to be worried about you, and asked her to ‘Look after a boy called Natsume Ren, because he’s all alone in his class.’ That’s all it took.”
“The hell? How does that turn into a test?”
“For better or worse, Tanaka-senpai is a student at this school. If being approached by her, and treated kindly by her was enough to soften your desire for revenge, then I can’t count on you as my partner.”
I see. I was deceived while I got to know Tanaka-san better. Without realizing that it was all a trap, I was seduced by the sweet hallucination of youth.
“So that’s what happened…And that’s the fake youth you mentioned.”
“Yes,” Kurumi answered and faintly nodded.
Now that I knew about everything, I was reminded of something that had always felt off to me. When I went with Tanaka-san to go shopping, we happened to run into Kurumi. Even though we exchanged a few words, Tanaka-san never seemed surprised that Kurumi and I knew each other. That’s because she already knew that Kurumi and I were friends. The reason Tanaka-san called out to me…the reason she was kind to me…it was all a setup. It was painful to hear, but I wasn’t particularly shocked. Rather, everything fell into place. I always saw Tanaka-san as a single flower blooming in the middle of a toxic wasteland. No matter how cruel and grotesque her surroundings were, she would never forget to be kind. I thought she was that sort of miraculous existence.
But, it was impossible from the start. No such person could exist here. I was foolish to believe there could be. This is reality, not some pipe dream. Girls don’t just treat you nicely for no reason. The reality I had witnessed for 17 years was not wrong. It still continued…and it made me feel relieved.
“…Hmph, I hope you don’t misunderstand. I called it a test of your desire for revenge, but I still meant it as a present for you.”
Suddenly, Kurumi had averted her gaze in an awkward manner.
“Because if you failed my test, that would mean you and Tanaka-senpai were a much better match, right? If that were the case, I would have seen you off. Watch you become a normal student. Because that would have been the best possible ending for you.”
I see…so if I pass that test, she’ll take me as her comrade for good. And if I don’t, she’s gonna see me off to become a normal student. That’s what she had going while interacting with me. In a way, it was very much like her.
“Now, do you get it? This is what’s been going on behind the scenes for the past three months.”
A fake youth—Paired with a present. I now understand it all.
“Though, the results left much to be desired. After all, you failed my test. You got along with Tanaka-senpai, got tired of revenge, and even suggested we should stop our plan to ruin the cultural festival.” Kurumi shrugged her shoulders and took another step forward.
She then bumped into my chest.
“I hate this weak Senpai. Please, leave.”
So she said. Her cap hid her face, so I couldn’t see her expression. I reached out for her with my hand and then pulled it back. As much as it hurts to admit, Kurumi is right. I couldn’t answer her expectations. It’s not like I gave up on revenge completely, but with Tanaka-san and the club president in mind, I genuinely thought it would be better to stop this instance. Now that she said she hates me, there’s nothing I can do. Apologizing is pointless. I can’t take back what I said and did. Right now, I don’t have any right to commit any revenge, as well as to be with Kurumi—But.
“Kurumi.”
Right when I placed my hand on the door, I stopped. I experienced this before. It’s the same as when I left her behind in the clubroom. And I hated it. Because…If I were to leave now, I would accept the values of this school and return to being a puppet who lives his life as he’s told. And then, I’ll regret it all over again. I don’t want that. Being all by myself while feeling that way…I can’t do that again. I turned around and decided to struggle one more time.
“You’re not much better than me.”
“…What? What are you talking about?”
“Why did you place the Revenge Note next to me while I was sleeping?”
The moment I said those words, Kurumi’s shoulders shook.
“You wanted to let me go back to being a normal student in case I failed your test, right? So, why did you write about all that ‘Fake Youth’ stuff in it? You didn’t have to make me read it. And you should have had no reason to confess everything right now.”
“Th-That’s…”
“Couldn’t you have just let me go? Let me leave with the girl that only gave me the wrong impression anyway? I don’t understand why you left the Revenge Note with me..”
That’s right. I don’t see any merit in doing that. Nobody will become happy because of that. If she wanted to cut off our relationship, then she should have just let me be.
“All that…is it supposed to be revenge against me?”
The question I asked was sucked up by the soundproofing on the walls. Only the sound of breathing filled the silence, and it must have taken at least ten seconds.
“…Yes, that’s right. This was my revenge against you.” Kurumi faintly raised her head and glared at me.
Her eyes were filled with rage and contempt. But at the same time, they were teary-eyed.
“You read the Revenge Note, right? Then you should know how I felt. So don’t ask such an awful question…”
“…”
She continued to glare at me for a while, but eventually gave up.
“…Okay, I understand. I’ll tell you everything. I tested you with Tanaka-senpai because I couldn’t put my trust in you. But…Somewhere along the way, my feelings started going crazy. I actually began wishing you wouldn’t return to being a regular student.”
At first, there were only a few drips.
“Because…I had fun…! Doing those strategy meetings with you, plotting our next act of terrorism…celebrating our success, indulging in a guilty kiss…I’ve started to truly love those days!”
But soon after, it started raining. And it only made this heartfelt confession hurt even more.
“I was oppressed. Worried. Isolated…So, being by your side gave me strength. It made me want to be with you more! I wanted you to stay with me! I didn’t want you to go back!” Each time she voiced her words, more tears appeared. “That’s why I was so hurt when you said we should stop our terrorism! I was so sad, I couldn’t stop myself from crying…and I wanted to forget about you, but I couldn’t! That’s why, with all these lingering feelings, I left the Revenge Note next to you…!” While conveying her fierce emotions, her hands dropped. “…That’s right. The reason I left the Revenge Note by your side, and the reason I decided to put the operation in action today…is all because I wanted you to come to me…!” Kurumi took off her cap and threw it at me. “We’ve shared so many kisses…and yet you chose Tanaka-senpai in the end…What even is going on with you? I feel like an idiot for caring this much.”
The hat hit me and fell to the ground. Having lost her symbol of being a minority, yet with her ashen-gray hair in plain sight, Hoshimiya Kurumi was neither good nor bad girl. She was just a normal girl. And then, I realized. Just as she had saved me many times, I became an emotional pillar for her. Being threatened and all that didn’t matter. The both of us were always one. We’re both weak. So weak, we can’t fight back unless we do it while holding hands. That’s all this was.
“…Haha,” A self-deprecating laugh escaped her lips. “Honestly, I don’t even care anymore. You came here to stop me, right? To protect the cultural festival. Congrats, you made it in time.” She said and turned around to reach for something, then offered it to me.
It was our live bullet of fifteen minutes. The CD with all the verbal abuse burned onto it.
“It’s all yours. You can throw me into the hands of this school. That’ll resolve everything. You get rid of a heavy woman like me, and you get to go back to your average life. And because you protected the school’s image, you might even get better treatment from the teachers.” She showed a defeated smile. “Haha…Don’t worry, I already deleted the picture of you smoking. I won’t tell anybody that you’ve helped me. I won’t ever get involved with you. Because I hate you.”
“…”
“We won’t ever…see each other…again…” She could keep up the facade, as her voice disappeared toward the end.
“…Kurumi.”
“…!”
Our eyes met. She looked terrified of me. Her fake smile had long disappeared. She revealed everything to me. Because of my actions, she was forced to reveal it all. But…what about me? I haven’t brought my thoughts under control, yet to even reach a conclusion. While I can’t tell her what I want to, I pretend to struggle and show her this pathetic sight of me. Am I…really okay with this? No, of course not. I’m not that stupid.
Now, it’s my turn. Think. What is it that I wanted to say when meeting her? That’s…something I should know. Or, do I? What’s wrong with me? Who do I want to be? What do I want to be with Kurumi? Just waiting until I was given something is wrong. That’s why…No, this isn’t right…!
“Kurumi…”
Subconsciously, I took a step toward her.
“No…!”
She tried to move away, but I grabbed her left shoulder.
“Don’t…If you take this away…then my connection to Senpai…Everything will be…”
Kurumi closed her eyes and looked away from me, but I took another step forward. The inside of my mouth felt bitter. Looking at the live bullet in her hand, I thought to myself—I was wrong. Asking for the meaning behind that fake youth, or why she placed the Revenge Note next to me. I didn’t run here as if my life depended on it…just to make her show this kind of face. This ending filled with misunderstandings is wrong. What am I doing? Just be honest already. You know the answer, don’t you? What I’ve always wanted to do…What drove me all this way…
“…Kurumi, please listen to me. I don’t want to go back to being a normal student.”
“What are you saying, now of all times?! You’re lying! Stop saying random nonsense!”
“I’m not! Please…Just trust me one more time.”
“Trust you?! I…I would…But, I just…” She looked down as if she wanted to swallow all her feelings and emotions.
I took another step toward her, wiping her tears away with my finger.
“It’s okay. Don’t worry. I finally realized it now…And I’ve made up my mind.”
“I won’t do anything that you would hate. Because…I’ll only do what is evil.”
Kurumi slowly raised her head. She looked at me with a gaze of anxiety and anticipation.
“…What do you mean by that?”
I faintly nodded, touched her fingers, and took the CD from her. I would never throw Kurumi to the wolves while I save myself. Instead, I headed to the back of the room. More accurately, to the control panel with all sorts of audio machinery. Luckily, setting up everything was simple enough. I could instinctively tell where everything was. I opened the black CD player, and placed our CD inside.
“Kurumi! I didn’t come here today to stop you!”
Watch me, Kurumi. This is my answer. My revenge.
“I came here…to destroy the cultural festival!”
Raising the volume, I pressed the play button. A second later—all hell broke loose.
‘Do you want to be killed, you worthless bastard?!’
With that line as the beginning, everyone present on school grounds now gets to hear the enjoyable experience that is the average lesson at Saigou High. Die—Moron—Quit school already—All these types of abuse came shooting out from the speakers like bullets. Everyone present at the school right this moment was terrified. The teachers were bewildered, maybe even panicking, and others could very well be worried. Just thinking about it, an electric current like a chill ran down my spine. Ah, this is the best. I can’t break free from this pleasure.
“Senpai…?”
I moved my gaze from the control panel and turned around. I moved closer to Kurumi, who looked at me in disbelief. I took a detour. I made a mistake. And I hurt Kurumi. I was wrong about it all. Coming this far, there is only one thing I’m sure of. I just wanted Kurumi to listen to what was inside my chest, and the motivation driving me.
“Once you were gone, I went through hell and back.”
The displeasure that had built up inside my chest, the one I would have otherwise left out together with the smoke from my cigarette, now reached the surface.
“Even though we brought back the cultural festival, the soccer club president is bending his knee at some higher-ranking student. That shitty teacher Furukawa broke his promise and insulted me like there was no tomorrow. The classmates who watched this suddenly acted all kind toward me. Even said ‘Good for you.’ Like this was some Christmas present. It was awful.”
The genuine feelings I had bottled up breached and broke out.
“Standing here, I can say it with confidence. Every single person at this school is human garbage. I never should have worried about them. I have no reason to feel any guilt. I shouldn’t have to hesitate because of them. Never had, never will.”
Even if someone were to ask me ‘But there are people who study earnestly. Is it fun to get revenge on them?’ Even if someone were to shove some ‘youth’ nonsense into my face—We will stand proud and nod as we smile. That’s the kind of revenge we have to do. The type we want to do.
“Kurumi, I still want to mess up this school. I want to get revenge on it so that it changes. But…I’m a sissy man, just like you said.”
My view became blurry and my voice started shaking. But even so, I continued.
“You accepted me for who I am despite knowing how worthless I was. That’s why I want to get revenge together with you. In the truest sense, so that people like us will never appear at this school again.”
“…”
“Kurumi, I’m sorry for saying we should stop our terrorism for this festival. I’m sorry for thinking that the people in the lower-ranking classes are the same as us. I was wrong about everything. I was too naive.” I spoke with clear conviction to not invite another misunderstanding. “Right now, from the bottom of my heart, I want to get revenge. I want to be with you.” I told her without beating around the bush. “Would you please…forgive me for being so half-baked.”
A few moments passed. Kurumi looked at me and then let out a faint laugh.
“…I know. I know that I shouldn’t forgive you. I should cut you off because you already gave in to the temptation once.” Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, as she sniffed. “But…I wonder why…Seeing you act bad like that made me really happy,” she flashed a mischievous smile. “Knowing that you’re back with me, I’m incredibly happy.”
“Kurumi…”
“Fine, then. If you’re that adamant about it, I guess I have to forgive you.” She said as she rubbed her eyes with her arms, showing a crying smile. “Are you really fine with this? Not Tanaka Yumi…But someone like me, who isn’t even normal?”
“Yeah. I want you. I want to be with none other than you, Hoshimiya Kurumi.”
“Hee hee…That makes me very happy. Let’s always be together, for as long as our motivation lasts.”
We both moved closer and pressed our foreheads together, our noses touching. I feel like we’ve both been throwing around cheesy lines for a while now, but that was perfectly fine. Because…we couldn’t be happier this way. We learned about the darkness of this school. We found out how naive and experienced we are. We found out that nothing can be resolved without a kiss. But even so…No, for that exact reason, we’re happy right now. We’re happy making a path through all this misery. Kurumi and I looked at each other, narrowed our eyes, and laughed.
“Now that was a roundabout way of doing it.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“And all because you made me cry.”
“Because I’m an idiot.”
Suddenly, she pressed her lips onto mine again. Our tongues intertwined. The bitter taste left in my mouth suddenly became a lot sweeter.
“Nnn…Puah…Senpai…?”
However, I kept it to a short kiss this time around. We can’t take our sweet time right now. It’s hard to tell from inside the room, but I’m pretty sure that the entire school must be in disarray right now. And the devil’s hands will soon reach here. To ensure we get out of this safely, I opted to proceed with our final operation.
“Kurumi, the teachers are gonna be here any minute. We should run.”
“…Can we really escape this late?” Kurumi looked at me with anxiety in her eyes, but I just laughed.
I picked up her cap that had fallen to the ground and placed it on her head.
“Leave it to me. It was my job to come up with an escape, right?”
*
Kurumi and I left the room. The hallway was empty, but we still checked left and right. So far, nobody was approaching us.
“All right, no teachers in sight just yet.”
That being said, they must have realized that something was going on here in the broadcasting room. We can’t take it easy just yet.
“Kurumi, we’re running.”
“O-Okay.”
I led the way as we sped up. Because we left the soundproof room, I could now clearly hear the noises from the school. Our CD was still playing, as people were talking. The festival that everyone had been enjoying so far now was brought into chaos. We kept on running, going past the yellow roadblock, reaching the stairs. There were no stalls near the broadcasting room, so we didn’t encounter anybody.
“Senpai! If we’re rushing to the entrance, we should take the stairs from the West side!”
“No, that won’t do. We’re not going to the entrance. With this much chaos, they’re bound to lock up the exits. And if there’s a crowd of people, we might not get out. Plus…”
Before I could finish my sentence, a roaring voice interrupted me.
“Hey! You two over there! Stop right now!”
From the deeper part of the hallway, specifically the stairs to the west, a teacher came running.
“S-Senpai, what do we do?! We’ll get surrounded in no time…”
“It’s okay. Just follow me.”
I took her hand and started running once more. No other choice. I have to follow through with the plan I cooked up earlier, at least to ensure that Kurumi would get away. We didn’t go down the stairs, but rather up. Up and up, cutting through the darkness. Finally, we spotted the familiar no entry sign, but we continued up. What waited beyond was pretty much like a familiar scenery. We arrived in front of the iron door.
“Um, Senpai? What are you going to do here?”
“Can’t you guess? We’re gonna jump off the rooftop.”
“…Say what? Are you being serious right now? You’re insane.” Kurumi looked at me in disbelief, but I maintained a straight face.
“If I was sane in any way, I wouldn’t be thinking about revenge and whatever.”
“Wait, wait, wait, that response is not helping…”
Well, there’s no need to be this worried. I thought of something already. But the details…I’ll leave for later.
“Let’s go. They’re getting closer.”
I grabbed the doorknob, turning it. At the same time, I pressed my shoulder and arm against the door to open it. However, the door didn’t budge at all, and I was reminded of something crucial.
“Ah, crap.”
“What’s wrong?” Kurumi looked at me with a concerned look, and I had to respond while scratching my cheek.
“Um, Kurumi…You don’t happen to have the key for the rooftop on you, do you? I forgot it’s locked…”
“…” Kurumi looked at me in disbelief.
Oh, she’s tired of me—Or so I thought, but she suddenly burst out laughing.
“Haha, you can never finish anything right, huh? But lucky for you, I have the key with me.”
“Wait, for real? I wasn’t expecting you to at all, to be honest…”
She took out a key from her pocket, showing it off to me with a smirk.
“Well, duh. I’m the president of the astronomy club, after all.”
Hearing those words, everything in my head clicked into place. Ah, I see how it is. I was always wondering if somebody had just forgotten to lock the door each time…but it was Kurumi. The day I was smoking up there was the first day we’ve ever talked.
“Let’s go, Senpai.”
“…Yeah.”
I accepted the king and unlocked the door, opening it.
*
A pleasant breeze greeted us, as our view opened up. The bright sun blinded my eyes, as the clear blue sky seemed invigorating. It was the sky right after the rainy season. The floor beneath us consisted of tiles, reaching into every direction until they collided with an iron safety fence. This is the rooftop. This is the place where we promised we’d change the school.
“So, what are you going to do now, Senpai?”
“Gotta get past the fence. Right ahead would be best.”
“Are we…really jumping down from here…?”
We slowly walked forward, reaching the fence in the back. I got beneath Kurumi to assist her in getting across the fence, and then climbed over it myself. There was only a brief space to stand on between the fence and the air. And we used that to stand next to each other.
“So high up…but, what a sight it is. Like I’m standing in the air.”
Just as Kurumi said, the sight was beautiful. From up here, you could see into quite the distance. The river, residential district, the vending machines, the cars driving, the school gate, and the front gate. It was probably because of the abuse broadcast still playing, but there weren’t many people right below us. I took a deep breath to fill my lungs, indulging in the summer heat. It was a summer filled with anticipation and premonition. Back then, I never would have thought I could fly from here. But now, I’m sure of it. I’ve got wings with me today. With Kurumi by my side, we can fly as far as we want—No, we’ll fall asleep as we need.
“Hey, Senpai?” She took my head.
Kurumi looked up at me, her eyes filled with worry.
“Can I really believe you? That we’ll make it out of this unscathed.”
“Yeah. It’ll be just fine. I’ve got a thought of my own.”
“Is that so…Well, I’ll surrender myself to us dying together right here,” she said with a quivering voice.
“Kurumi, it’s fine. Don’t worry.” I tried to calm her down and took her hand to caress it gently.
Kurumi looked at me in disbelief and then snorted in contempt.
“Heh, is this the time to make-believe? You’re not calming me down at all, you know?”
Oh, huh? So this isn’t good enough? Well, I guess there’s only one surefire method that’ll help ease our nerves. I grabbed the newsboy cap Kurumi wore on her head with my open hand, leaning forward to approach her face. I then pressed my lips on hers, intertwining our tongues.
“Mhmn…Phew! Hee, hee, how could you suddenly kiss me like this…”
So she said, but her face looked a lot calmer than before. I put the newsboy cap back on her head. This should be good enough, so it’s time to head out.
“We’re at our time limit soon. Are you prepared, Kurumi?”
“Yes. Let’s go, Senpai.”
We brought our bodies closer, looked at each other, and then nodded. This was our signal. I gently embraced Kurumi with one arm and then wicked my body off the final foothold. Immediately, I felt like I was floating. Between the line of life and death, my body melted into the summer sky. Because of our body mass, we began to speed up downward—But right before that, I turned my body around and reached for the wall of the school building. I had already confirmed that what I was reaching for had been there. It was a single piece of cloth that ran down the wall, which I now grabbed firmly. After shaking left and right, our bodies stopped in the air.
“Ah! Senpai, this is…?!”
Inside my arms, Kurumi raised a shocked voice. She must have understood what I was planning on doing. The object I grabbed—was the banner. It’s the same one that our class had prepared for the festival.
‘Hey, where do we hang these up?’
‘I think the rooftop would be the best! We should have space for three of them! Right, Sensei?’
I found out where they put the banners thanks to the conversation between my classmates. That’s why I thought we could use this to erase the momentum of our fall.
“Kurumi! We’re gonna fall now, so hold on tight!”
“Okay! Got it!”
I carefully lessened my grip on the cloth to adjust our sliding speed. My plan was for us to reach the closest to the ground…but of course, a cloth is still a cloth. It couldn’t keep itself connected while supporting our weight, and began ripping apart. The slogan of the festival, “Connecting Legend and Bonds” was starting to split in two. It was like opening a large zipper, as Kurumi and I fell. It wasn’t exactly as I’d hoped, but it killed most of the momentum. We’re going down like this.
“Eeeek?! This is a lot faster than I thought!”
“Just a bit more, so put up with it! Ugh, that shit hurts…!”
The further we went down, the more my hand began hurting from the friction. It feels incredibly hot to the point I probably suffered burn wounds. But letting go is not an option. Not right now. Not when I have Kurumi with me! The sky grew more distant, the clouds smaller. The explosive noise from below came closer. The ground was right in front of us. My heart was racing faster than ever before, my brain working at top-speed. My soul was screaming to hold out only a few more seconds.
“Kurumi! We’re gonna land! Can you jump off by yourself?!”
“Huuuh?! Ah, I swear to…! I’ll do it! Here I go!”
A few more meters from the ground, Kurumi let go of my hand and landed first. Kicking off the wall, I followed after. The air cut past my face as my feet landed on the ground. I tried to brace the impact from the fall, but only god knows if that worked. I rolled along the ground for a moment until I finally stopped.
“Huff…Huff…Senpai, that was ridiculous…” Kurumi was next to me, laying on her back as she stared up at the sky.
“Cough…cough…Phew, we’re saved. Kurumi, you hurt?”
“I’m fine…somewhat. I’m exhausted, though…Hup.”
Kurumi got up to brush the dirt off her hip, and I followed after her. We’re both able to stand, so we should be okay.
“Kurumi, thanks for believing in me. I told you we’d make it out safely.”
“I don’t know if I would consider this safely…But, that’s Senpai, all right.” Kurumi flashed a devious smile, and I had to laugh myself.
Being praised by Kurumi felt so oddly nostalgic, and it made me really happy.
“Hey, did someone jump off here just now?!”
As we laughed, we heard a voice in the distance.
“Damn it, they saw that. Kurumi, we have to leave. Can you run?”
“More running…? Barely, I guess. But you will have to pull me along with your hand.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll do just that, so let’s go.”
“Hee hee, yay.” She smiled happily as I took her hand.
She had such beautiful and slender fingers. And it was warm. While holding hands, we ran towards an empty area.
“I’m really glad I met Senpai.”
“Yeah. I feel lucky that I got to meet you, Kurumi.”
As I thought, people who devote themselves to revenge won’t be able to achieve a happy end. Kurumi has already dropped out of school, and we haven’t changed the school completely, either. Our terrorism brought misfortune to other people, and it won’t be the last time, either. But, that’s fine. I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll just continue to run away. I’ll act according to the urges within my chest. Scream, hold her hand when I feel worried, kiss her when I need to vent. Because, this is our happiness—the happiness of the people who didn’t end up twisted in this wretched place.