Chapter 36 - Comfort and Pain

After Akito calmed down, Setsura sent for somebody to fetch her a meal. When she returned to the room, Akito was laying down on the couch. 'Is he sleeping?' The moment Setsura got close though, Akito tugged on her arm and pulled her down into the couch.

"Setsura, you know I feel very relaxed when I'm with you."

Setsura looked at him puzzled. But her gaze softens when she felt his arms wrapped securely around her waist. "Akito, about your wife. She isn't really dead is she?"

This was a question Setsura refrained from asking, because she saw how he reacted. However with the way things are now, Setsura figured she would ask. She already had a feeling how this conversation would end up anyway.

"She's missing, she--," Akito struggled to get the words out, "Left me."

"Akito.."

"I wronged her. Back then I was still talking to my parents, and my other relatives. I don't know how familiar you are with families from this time period. However, here a large traditional family like mine would be called a clan."

"Were your family against her?"

"Some were wary, but they didn't outright dislike her. But she failed to get pregnant, despite being married to me for so long."

"Ah… That's.."

Akito smiled bitterly, "I don't care whether she was infertile or not. I only wanted her as my wife. But, she couldn't bear the pain and the burden. So when I went on a major job, she used that chance to leave me."

So it was something like that, "I don't understand the values of this time properly. But, did your family try to get you to marry somebody else…?" The reason why Akito's wife felt the need to leave other than the emotional pain and burden involved..

Akito didn't answer that question he didn't have to. She could see it in his face. "I..I won't leave you," Setsura didn't know she was crying until Akito bent down and kissed her eyelids.

"Your tears are so salty Setsura."

.....

Two hours later

Setsura woke up and found an angry looking Akito staring at her. She blinked confused and sat up, the moment she did Akito drew her onto his lap. A look of pure hate and rage appeared in his eyes. "Akito?" Setsura said slowly, as she reached her hands reaching up to touch his face. Where did it all go wrong? Just earlier, weren't they fine?

She briefly glanced at the clock, only two hours have passed since then. How come he suddenly looks this way? Setsura was very confused, she didn't understand what was going on. But it seemed serious to her. So she didn't want to make a mistake and continued to caress his cheeks. Setsura found out that he liked it whenever she caressed him, so she did just that.

"No," Akito frantically shook his head, as his arms tightened further around her waist before he let her go. He slipped her out of his lap and back onto the bed.

Setsura could not understand the look in his eyes. "I'm done. And you're done too. Just forget about it all. I don't care if you think that it's worth fighting for. Or that you're indestructible. Or that everything will somehow turn out fine. Because I'm not going through that again!"

Again? Did she trigger some bad memories or something? Setsura thought she just fell asleep, and that he left to do some work, but came back.

"You fell asleep and I went out for a bit. Yet when I came back you were gone -- and blood was dripping down on the ground. When I found you were...."

She was wounded? She even wandered of it seems like. What was she doing? What exactly did she-- her eyes caught a glimpse of the state of her arm. It was covered in bandages.

Setsura glanced down at the bandages wrapped across her arm. That's right she tried to…'to think it came to this.' Setsura didn't know how things ended up like this. Just earlier didn't she say she had to support Akito? How did she end up this way? Is she that lonely? Is she in that much pain that she resorted to self harm.

"It wasn't your fault," Setsura shook her head fervently. "It was me." It's her, it's all her. Because she misses that person too much, because she is so lost and confused right now.

But Akito was beyond listening, he continued his speech with the same firm tone.

"I'm done following his path," he said. "I'm done with this. Setsura just stay with me and don't think about anything else. Shattered lives. And you…" His gaze turned back onto her. He looked at her as though he her. "When was the last time you laughed?"

It was that last question that made her self control break. Tears spilled out and she cried again. What have the two of them turned into? What will they become?

Akito wasn't done. "We're doing things my way now. To hell with everything else." Having said his piece he eventually collapses in her arms and fell asleep.

Setsura's gaze drifted onto the man in her arms. 'She won't be able to move like this.' It honestly surprised her, Setsura reached over to wipe the tears from her eyes. How stupid. Lately it feels like she keeps showing Akito her weak side. But then again, it appears to be the same for him.

Akito, he's so uneasy whenever he is by himself. She ought to stay by his side more. If her presence can comfort him then she ought to. Her thoughts broke off when she found Akito staring at her.

"If I kissed you right now, would you see that guys face?"

"Ah?" The question startled her. What is he talking about?

"Just tell me…" Akito shifter closed. She held her breath. "Who do you see when I do this?" When their lips met, her eyes widened and then slid shut. In that moment, it was like she had lost all control and sense of self because she was kissing him back.

His mouth was soft and warm. Before Setsura knew it she was grabbing his shoulder and the soft material of his hakama. The two of them are so close right now, so close. She could feel his warmth. From what Setsura has pieced from her memories. She was a selfish girl by nature, and she constantly wanted more of whatever she had. Was she spoilt? No that's not it.

Right now what Setsura wanted more of was this. She couldn't help it, though. She really couldn't, and this time it would be her downfall.

With the way he held her, so clumsily; it was obvious that he was more nervous than he let on. Is it simply because she resembled his late wife? Many of the servants said that. Setsura managed to draw herself back, "Akito," she said breathless. "We can't keep doing this."

It was wrong in so many ways. But Akito simply frowned, "Why not?"

Why is he even asking her why? "I still have somebody," Setsura answered. Even if she can't remember his name or face. The memories are still there.

*UNEDITED*