Chapter 38 - Ritual

When Akito mentioned 'Ritual.' Setsura hesitated at first. She wasn't sure whether it would be okay. But, when Akito explained what it was for. Setsura didn't hesitate to accept. Lyra leads them to an odd underground looking chamber; a large sphere stood in the center of the room. It looked strangely familiar to her, but Setsura could not recall precisely where she saw it before.

"Setsura," Akito's voice snapped her thoughts, "I will stand over here, okay? If you need me, just call me."

Setsura slowly nodded. She knew that doing a ritual to bring back some of her memories will cause her some harm. But Akito clearly did this because he could no longer stand to see her wake up in so much pain.

...

There it is that pitch-black color again. Ah, is that what you'd call ' Darkness?'

From the very second she was born, the first color she had seen is that murky darkness, color, and yet it was different. It wasn't bright or sparkly; it wasn't the first thing you'd expect a newly born infant to stop.

A monotone world, from the very moment - call it fate or whatever. But maybe there was already something that began to tie her to that person. However, if you looked at it in that logic, then she too may have been longed connected to several others. In that instance, the whole notion of destiny completely disappears, doesn't it? But she was sure that even if it were true, even if it were true, she wouldn't believe it because that would be illogical.

Setsura closed her eyes, that's right. There wouldn't be any sense to it. The term destiny doesn't have any information to back it up with. In fact, you can merely call it an illusion of individuals, something individuals have romanticized in their heads and brought forth due to their desires. It is human nature to want to dramatize a mere thought, that's why it is ' normal.'

When there are individuals who step outside of what is considered the norm, they are immediately shunned by others. That is something she has longed accepted, that's why it isn't new. Why people were giving her strange looks after that recent test. It was only natural for them to do that, and she doesn't blame them for it at all. If someone who is usually average suddenly turns out to be above average and complimented highly, then, of course, it would be deemed strange.

She really was out of it; she wasn't thinking straight. Usually, she would work hard to ensure that her answers seemed somewhat normal. But her thoughts had been distracted. Aha, it seems like they'll be talking about her more again. Hiding at this rate would only be foolish, yes it would be foolish. She could imagine it now what they'd say if she held back now, ' You're looking down on us, aren't you?'.

No, that's not it at all — your completely wrong. But explaining anything in those circ.u.mstances would not be worth her time. If there are people who see a drastic change in such a short period, it's only normal that they won't accept it. That's why there is no need to explain it.

Since it is something like that, then there's no need for her to bother correct? And yet why do you look at me those eyes as if you understand? What do you understand?

What exactly does he know about her?

What exactly are you trying to get at?

' It's because I know you that I fell in love with you?'

Ha? They only just met. Our interactions back then were only brief too. How could he have possibly have fallen in love with her? There isn't any sense in at all. Yet those eyes showed no lies. Yes for sure that person isn't lying at all. But she couldn't do it. In the end, she is still weak.

Hesitations are a sin.

Setsura has always believed that and thus has ensured that she buried away any signs of those hesitations. Buries it all away in the furthest corner of her mind. She didn't cry in front of others since crying is a sign of weakness.

That's why she didn't shed a single tear in front anyone, anyone except him. She recalls the last words he said it to her. The words he last spoke to her before she thought he died.

' I'll always be watching over you and lending you strength no matter what.'

That was the first time. It was that event that truly traumatized her, and she knew that ever since then. Something hadn't been the same. Yet after a while of being apart. Setsura had picked out the meaning of those words. She deciphered it and realized what it meant.

A real idiot, she really thought that. But it gave her strength knowing that if she just waited. Waited that she would be able to see him again. When she did though, she didn't expect it to be like that. Setsura didn't expect to run into his arms and realize.. realize that he genuinely would leave her this time. That's right; it was something she noticed from that very second.

She recalls the words he said to her almost a year ago now.

'Sorry, I won't be able to show it to you anymore. A world of color.'

Come back; she swallowed those words if she told somebody about this dream she had regarding him. They would most likely think she is crazy. But Setsura didn't mind that at all, as long as she could see him for a bit.

Maybe she should concentrate on it now? That scene from the accident - she vaguely recalled it not too long ago. So is it not alright? That day, she wanted to take him there. They headed to the clock tower right after their graduation ceremony was over.

Then...and then what? She woke up and found herself alone; she was locked up in a huge birdcage. Flames surrounded the entire place.

Then, she met up with him. That's right; he found her and helped her out of that floor. The two of them were trying to escape the flames. Just when they almost got out, she saw it - a shadow from the back. He saw it too and protected her. Just when they both thought they escaped from that strange shadow. It appeared again, that shadow --- spoke.

'I cannot allow you two to live happily.'

'Your fate is sealed; you will die alone. Die as a puppet controlled by others.'

Before she knew it, there was blood everywhere. It was not her blood. She was screaming.

'No matter where you go, I'll find you Setsura.'

Setsura shivered, and she wiped her head around. It was still the same white-colored space as before - and yet, it felt like someone was watching her. That voice, did it come from the present or the memories? Is it here? Did it follow her all the way to this time too? Setsura didn't know...

She screamed.

She threw the small book she had in her pocket into the empty space of nothingness. It felt like she could gradually hear it more loudly, that same mocking voice from before.

Before things could get worse, she was immediately pulled into Akito's arms, "Lyra! That's enough, stop it right now."

Lyra sighed, "Akito, it's only been five minutes.."

"I don't care," Akito snapped. Setsura wanted to tell him, no; please continue. She wants to recall more, but ...her body felt so weak. Soon the surrounding light around her vanished. Akito cradled her in his arms, "Setsura, it's okay. Just take deep breaths. Deep breaths."

"Akito..."

"Ssh, I'm here. I'm right here."

Is he? Setsura held him tighter. But, won't he get taken from her too?

"Setsura, it's okay. Calm down; I'm right here."

No, she doesn't trust those words. He was right there too. But he left. He was so close to her, but he. Her thoughts broke off when she felt Akito's lips on hers. "Sssh," he mumbles against her lips. "Don't be afraid."

"Akito, I.. I..." Setsura still couldn't get the words out. She doesn't know what to say. What was that? "I'm scared," she hated being so weak. So feeble and defenseless. But just now she felt petrified.