Chapter 80 - (1895: Case 02) Part 7

Natasha warned them.

She already gave them a warning, so Setsura was prepared. Chauncey showed her the other investigation reports too. But, no amount of preparation could have prepared her for this dreadful game.

Such a lovely looking house is a setting for a battlefield. Even long before they kidnapped the other victims, how many people died here? Hundreds, no thousands of people died.

It felt like she was drowning again.

Drowning in water would be better than this. Better than drowning in a sea of blood.

Over the years, she has disappointed a lot of people. Even with her memories as vague as they are, that is something she cannot forget — the looks and faces of those who cared about her.

No matter what she did or said, she would end up disappointing them.

That was fine; she understood why they acted that way. The reality was she was a disappointment; she had no goal for the future. To be an artist? To write? In the long term, would those give her a better standard of living? The reality is no. As much as she would love to make a career out of her hobbies, Setsura knew that reality is harsh. Only the talented and those who work hard will survive. Then how about those people who worked hard but are not rewarded? She would fit into that category. No matter how many days she spent working on things to the point, she lacked sleep and neglected her health. If there are no results, then that effort is scr.a.p.ed into nothing.

Anything you cannot say out loud

Convey it through other means

Somebody like her has trouble communicating with others, that is why she turned to writing. For her, the world inside those books was so pleasant and yet, at the same time, sad. Those beautiful words are written from the very bottom of the writer's heart. Maybe that is why, while it started off as something for her to use to convey feelings that she could not...why, she stuck with it even as she grew older, and her condition improved.

She could see into another world and learn about the emotions and feelings of the writer. What did they think about when they wrote this passage? How were they able to write such a scene? What was the weather like, what environment did they write this in? Were they alone, who were they with? But most importantly, how did they feel?

The nightmares did not start here in the Meiji era; they started in the future. For as long as she could remember, she always had them. Before long, they became a part of her daily life. It became normal to have them, so while there were some nights where she woke up shaking in fear.

Nights where her heart would clench up in pain, nights where she would feel like screaming, but no words would come out. Those nights were the most painful for her; even if she wanted to scream, she couldn't. It felt like somebody had stolen her voice from her.

What a cruel fate - even when she wants to speak, she cannot. It became the norm for her, but that did not mean it was typical for other people. The moment she confided in her feelings with someone was the moment things went wrong. Whenever feelings or emotions are brought up regarding her, people would have various reactions. But the ones she could remember very well are these ones. She has nothing to feel unhappy about, nothing to despair or get nightmares over. She has everything, a roof over her head, family, money..

Someone like her cannot feel despair; they cannot be depressed. If she is, it is her fault, because she does not try to change. Everything adds up, it is all the same, and nothing changes.

A person like you is only trying to gain attention; you are only pretending.

How many times did she hear such statements? Far too many times, she lost count. But there was never any need to count from the beginning. She would hear those words forever. For the rest of her life. This would become the norm, the moment she discloses her feelings with anybody. The moment she got close to someone, and they saw what was inside her heart, they would think these things.

She does not have the right to despair - a person like her has nothing to worry about. If she does anything deemed odd like express her feelings, if she cries, they deem her as clinically insane. She becomes abnormal, a crazy person,

Don't think, just listen.

Those four words from a book she read remain in her mind even now. Just listen? Right now, all she hears is the sound of lives ending, but normally? Usually, she would hear the voices of those dissatisfied with her; they would replay in her head like a terrible spell.

People have always said various things about her, but Setsura would always look straight ahead. It does not matter; she is used to it already. It's fine; she is fine. But then it would come back to her at night; it would come back to haunt her. If it weren't the voices, she would see such violent scenes like the one before her now — the sounds of people screaming, the color of blood. The sound of a gunshot, somebody ending their lives - sometimes that person would be her.

It would be her falling from a high place, a balcony, a rooftop. She would remember each sensation very well, the feeling of getting hurt physically or falling, falling from such a high height until the very last second where she would hit the ground. The agony and pain that came from that fall, right before her own life would end.

So, when people claim she is not sane, then perhaps they are right about her. What normal person would see such things? Even somebody with a distressed heart would not think such things, only her. The fact that she is not normal has crossed her mind. But a person who has such nightmares, someone who cant open their heart to others. What place do they have in society?

The answer is right before her, nothing.

In the eyes of others, she is nothing but trash that is not worth mentioning.

No, she is not even trash anymore. The word trash would be too good for somebody like her.

That is why Setsura looked up. Both Chauncey and Natalia had been fighting back, desperately not trying to harm anyone. However, it was difficult since the entire place had turned into an execution ground already. How about her? Did she fight too? Yes, she did, she followed along. The meaning for her existence, even now she is still searching.

Searching and searching, how long would she search for?

Until the end of this life?

…

Setsura does not remember falling unconscious. She does not recall when she dropped the blade, considering how tightly she was holding it. When did she switch to using a knife when she was using a gun this entire time?

A frantic voice was calling out to her. Somebody was trying to wake her from her slumber. Why? Why would anyone wake her, she is so drained already. "Setsura?!! Setsura!!!"

Ah...this voice, it's familiar. Setsura knew this voice. Of course, she does — the voice of somebody who has not given up on her yet. A voice filled with hope. Setsura opened her eyes, and sure enough there he was.

"Akito?"

"...Your alive, thank goodness. You're alive…" Akito was trembling violently, and she wanted to hold him back. But it was difficult to move about because of the wounds. So, instead, Setsura lightly moved her head.

"Sir Long and….Natasha?"

"Both of them look awful," a familiar voice said.

"Victor?" despite her slight blurred vision, she could make out the friendly face of Akito's companion.

Victor smiled, "You hung in there. Now care to tell us what happened?"

"Victor, not now," Akito wiped her face with a handkerchief. "Setsura, are you okay? You'reYou're so pale… you lost so much blood. Don't worry; we will get out of here."

"Ah, but…"

It shouldn't be that easy to get out of here.

"Victor is here; it will be easy to get out. The problem is," Akito glanced around at the hall filled with blood coated bodies. "We need to get these people out for a proper burial. Victor, do a headcount. Is everyone here?"

Natasha weakly raised her hand, "Buried... I buried a few people myself out on the second floor. I realized that leaving them in the yard will make their bodies rot…"

"Chauncey is in a terrible state!" Victor suddenly exclaimed.

Setsura recalled what happened, and her face color turned pale. She left Akito's arms and rushed over, sure enough, it was like Victor said.

Ah…

Akito scooped her back up, "Don't look."

"Akito, it was because of me.."

"Don't worry about it," Akito looked around and turned to Natasha. "Is this the end of the game?"

Natasha nodded, "It should be. I've been keeping count. This...was the last batch of people, nobody...nobody but me survived. I...I…"

Setsura felt sorry for the girl. This entire time she must have been doing her best to survive without severely harming anyone. Judging from her state, she could have easily escaped a long time ago while it is indeed challenging to get out of this place. Someone with Natasha's skills could escape. She wanted to say some comforting words, but Setsura felt so very tired and drained of strength. So, she simply closed her eyes.