Chapter 105 - Pain Part 2

She moved her hands to her head and gripped onto her hair. She wanted to yank it off. Then maybe this pain would go, she wanted to pick up that piece of glass and cut herself again. She tried to relieve the pain with another source. But, even that method stopped working. Setsura dropped the glass piece onto the ground. The moment she did, the red color splattered across the wall. No, across the room, everything was stained with the shade of red.

Setsura rocked back and forth, trembling. The pain wouldn't go away. At this moment, she felt like the entire world hated her. She always felt so miserable, so lonely and sad even when other people surround her. Setsura thought she had gotten used to it by now. This feeling, but since she came to the Meiji era. She forgot all about it for a while because of her messed up memories. Maybe it would be better for her if she stopped remembering these things. This way, it wouldn't be this painful.

Setsura rocked back and forth, hands on her messy hair. 'This is awful,' Setsura thought. Awful was an understatement. Akito wouldn't mind her trashing the room. He would tell her that it didn't matter as long as she were safe. However, Setsura didn't know how to explain how this situation came about. Akito knows about the power thing, of course. She couldn't hide it from him and told him about it.

Like usual, whenever it comes to anything abnormal. Akito's reaction is the same. It's not like that guy has a belief in the supernatural or anything. But then again, it's not like he has to believe in it. Akito is like herself; he believes what he can see.

She has to calm down, unlike earlier, she can think straight. Calm down, Setsura.

Suddenly Setsura felt a pair of soft hands on her shoulders.

It was him, of course, the one she had been with all this time. Akito had brought a blanket with him and dr.a.p.ed it around her quivering figure. The entire time it felt like she couldn't speak, she felt like if she spoke, it would come out as screaming. So, Setsura kept it to herself - hoping it would go away. But now..

"Akito," it was small and so very quiet. But Akito heard her.

He gently pressed his lips on her forehead and drew her closer to him, " You shouldn't do this when I'm gone Setsura. You'll wind up in a hospital, "he said gently, taking her bloody hands into his own.

"I'm sorry..."

She is sorry to cause him so much grief when he is going through harsh times too.

"Hush. I'm here with you. Don't be afraid."

Setsura hated it. In this situation, she's weak.

She really is fragile. This entire time, this entire time, the only reason why she could able to remain strong was because she knew that eventually, he would be back. He was her reason for living, that's why that's why now that he's gone. Everything else seems worthless. Everything is worthless. Setsura didn't like it; she was afraid. Afraid...afraid.

This is an awful side of her. A side that should not exist. Yet it does, Setsura didn't want to look Akito in the eye. She was afraid of what she would see. One second she is acting all arrogant, and the next, she is weak like this.

"I'm acting childish, why aren't you mocking me?"

"Don't be foolish, Setsura. I'd never do that."

"Just because we're dating doesn't mean you have to console me.."

Akito smiled, "At least allow me to do this much," he gently caressed her wounded hands. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Judging from that tone, he already knows.

"I don't know where to start, so if you know already..."

She didn't know where to start, because she is pretty sure 'depression' didn't exist in the Meiji era. At least when mental illness is involved, people don't react well. She can see it now. Even if it doesn't formally exist, there must be some cases of it lingering in these times. Crazy people like her. She needs to tell him, that's something Setsura understood. If she keeps it from him, and she suddenly has an off day, how would he react?

Akito isn't stupid, eventually, he would notice. He's undoubtedly noticed by now. Those nightmares, waking up in tears. Feeling unbearably lonely, it isolating herself. She has to tell him, because if she doesn't and he abandons her for keeping it from him then... Then what would she do? Just go about her mission normally?

Setsura felt the pain in her heart grow heavy. It would be hard to avoid him since he's in the military police, they'd have to keep in contact. But, she can't bear the thought of him not talking to her and not saying her name with that fond expression.

"Akito, you see, I..."

Akito wrapped his arms around her and murmured a few words in her ear. Her eyes widened, "You, idiot."

"Yes. I know," Akito caressed her hair. "You know Setsura, I've gone through a lot of things too. I'm not going to compare our experiences with each other. Since that would be stupid, however, I want you to understand something. I want you to understand that no matter what happens, I will always be here on your side. You can be more honest with me. I won't judge or resent you for it. I know it's difficult to speak about these things with another person. But it's worse to keep it bottled up. You have me, Setsura. I will not judge or resent you. I will listen and help you overcome these things."

100 points...

Even though he's usually an inconsiderate guy who is oblivious about everything, once in a while, he says things like this.

"I've heard a lot of people say such things," Setsura mumbled. So many people have told her the same thing. At some point, all those words became superficial to her; it lost all meaning. However, when Akito says it - for some reason, she believes in him. "How do you expect me to believe you? Those people said the same. For a while, it looked like they would help. But then, they all left in the same way."

All of them left her behind. They all told her the pain was too heavy for them. They called her a burden, a liability. They threatened to send her to that place if she didn't 'behave.' If she didn't 'stop pretending.' In their eyes, she was only making a huge fuss about nothing.