Chapter 193 - Existence

"Recently, you seem paler than usual, and you've been throwing up quite a bit. I do not want to push you if you're sick."

Setsura blinked, "You noticed?"

Akito nodded, "Yeah, since it concerns you."

So kind, he really is far too kind to her. Such foolish sounding kindness, and yet she can't help but fall for it. It's clearly a trap, but that's how love is. "I'm alright. Your warmth makes me feel better," Setsura murmurs quietly.

For once, she could say such honest things; she usually wouldn't be able to. But now? Now, things are different.

"Really, you're so selfish. If you say cute stuff like that, I'll attack you."

Setsura chuckles softly, "I see, so you were holding back after all?" It's hard to believe since

"Of course, I was. Even I won't be rough on you when you're sick. . ." Akito trails off, "Whenever your with another man. I become too reckless and uncomfortable. Well, it can't be helped you feel the same when I'm with Mizuna too. Back then, you didn't realize it did you? That you cared about him a lot."

"Ah. ."

How strange, he's talking about it.

Even though they can no longer go back to those times. The times at the start, where things are peaceful.

"Weren't you the one who was encouraging me back then? 'Experience it for yourself, love with someone you already care about.'"

A deep sigh crosses Akito's lips, "You remember that well, huh?"

"If I could forget so easily, would I not have done so already on many occasions?"

If, if she could just forget, then she wouldn't be doing such bold actions with anyone aside from that person. She's really sorry. But even if he vital to her, for her, the one she loves is Akito. Yet, indeed this feeling she has towards him has yet to truly go away. '

Going means returning to her former lover's side. Setsura knew what the consequence of her words were, and yet, she still took it.

"Setsura, it's all right," Akito assured her.

Was it showing on her face, huh? When she is in front of this person, she is so transparent.

"Don't you think it's unfair of me?" Setsura questioned.

It's unfair, even if she did lose her memories. Why did she enter a new relationship, just like that?

"It is. But I've also been selfish, well it's not like were children anymore so I can't whine and complain even though I want to. Back then, I encouraged you to go out with Ichinose because I knew you cared a lot about him."

If, if he is going to talk about back then, aren't there more important things he should say? If he will not say that, then she should. She should. All this time, since she has met with him, she has wanted to ask. She has wanted to ask him, yet those words never left her lips.

Was she afraid? Afraid that if she said it, he would disappear and leave her again. But even if she didn't say it, he ended up leaving her anyway, didn't he? Although it was unavoidable.

"Will you ever leave me, Akito?"

Is he not going to answer? Setsura looked up only to find that Akito had stood up and suddenly leaned forward, placing his hand to the other side of the railing, his body leaning over hers.

"Are you scared? I won't do anything to you, even though there isn't anyone here right now."

That's why it's even more unbelievable.

"I'm not afraid. Akito, are you trying to intimidate me?"

"Who knows? I've always been a pretty ruthless guy."

He is wrong.

To her, Akito has always been so so very kind.

"Setsura, remember what I told you back then? About me traveling a bit?"

Oh, he's talking normally now. But he isn't changing his position at all. "I remember."

"Travelling around the world and visiting different places all on my own and not staying in one place for a long time. But things changed. You know I met a kid on one of my journeys then who asked me why I was traveling and asked me if I was lonely. I told him,' I'm fine, as long as I have my freedom. I don't want to be tied down to anything, and I don't want to tie down others. The further away I go, the further away that I get from people who know me. And the more I feel that I can get away from everything.' It was supposed to be like that but after I met you that changed. I found myself wanting to become attached to something, to have a place called home. To carve a piece of my existence somewhere."

It wasn't just her. It wasn't just her who was having such powerful feelings this entire time. Powerful feelings that she could not understand very well and yet she knew they fit under that category of affection and love. Something she had longed stripped herself the privileges of. Yet whenever she thought of Akito, she couldn't dismiss it. Ah. ..

"Could it be you.."

"I met that kid again when I was with my brother, and he told me that I was selfish,' a sorry excuse of a person' is what he said to me. Truthfully as annoying as it was, I couldn't disagree with what he said. Even if I had such powerful feelings like that, the truth is I'm a guy who thinks about nobody but himself. Someone like you shouldn't be with me, that's why I left."

"Then, then why? Why did you return?"

At that comment, Akito leaned forward and trailed his lips against the nape of her neck. The mere contact made her shudder.

"Because after a while I couldn't stand it anymore. I don't know whether Natasha told you, but I found myself growing rather frustrated, and before I knew it, I was a complete mess. I wanted to see you again, no matter what the consequences are."

It's the same as her, their the same. Then again, didn't she know that from the very start? This person and her are the same. But that's exactly why she no longer wants to hide anything from him.

"Inside a room isolated

from the summer heat,

I feel bliss

upon hearing your words.

Will, I ever turn the

corner and find you?

I can only wait for

a dream or a miracle…."

Poem 77 from the famous 100 hundred poems.

Akito draws back from her, "Setsura that's--"

"Akito, you dummy, you always say the words I always want to hear. I've always, I've always loved you."

The first time she is telling him honestly that she loves him. The previous times she said these words, she added some Shakespeare to it. Usually, she would avoid it. However, for some reason, Setsura feels this is the right moment.

Setsura didn't want a response, and he knew that. So, when she felt his lips on hers, Setsura relaxed. He really is a fool. Does he have any idea how long she has wanted to hear that? To listen to those words that align with her thoughts. To know that she wasn't the only one.

She never saw Akito as a friend or benefactor. Indeed, she could not say those words with confidence. Once the kiss broke, and he intertwined their hands together, she feels her cheeks heat up and yet smiled.