Chapter 274 - Can no longer return

*UNEDITED*

Setsura was gradually getting bored waiting. So, she started firing some shots with her gun. It was still vague to her, but she remembered how to use it. 

' At the beginning I wanted to be selfish and keep everyone to myself. I wanted them to keep them all beside me despite having no intention to return their affections for me. Yes, I wanted to be selfish. But the more I watched over the situation I knew I couldn't do that, that's why I'm letting them all go. Besides, if I keep this up anymore someone's going to start sulking before long..'

Now that she thought about it, she said something about being selfish before. But, sacrificing everything just for the sake of another person. Setsura wondered why such thoughts even crossed her mind in the first place. She was obviously no saint. If somebody hurt her, she would hurt them back. However, when it came to vengence, she did not care for it. Setsura believed in a eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But, she disliked the idea of completely destroying another life just for the sake of that petty vengence.

If somebody is wrong, it's only normal to point out those faults and hope that your words can help knock some sense into that person. But, even if the words do not get to them. It is still okay, because you did not turn a blind eye to it. There are limits however, it is impossible to completely change a persons mind. 

People are stubborn creatures. Once they've decided on something, they will stick to that conviction to the very end. Seldom people are moved by others words or actions. However, there are those who do change - those who listen. Only a small portion of the population, but it's better than nothing.

Setsura left the spot and decided to walk around. Her hands tired of firing shots randomly. It's no good just firing randomly, after awhile it causes pain to appear in her wrist. It was completely dark. For a place that focuses on recuperating, it gave her an awfully creepy feeling. Still, she supposes it was better than staying inside. If she stayed inside, there is a strong chance of overhearing that conversation between Akito and Yang. It was the last thing she wanted to listen to. 

'Once again, she's running away from reality.' By the end of this day, Akito and her will no longer be a couple. That's an unavoidable fact, she can't change that. Even if she were to change her mind. How could she explain what happened between her and Yang? Akito will forgive her no matter what. He would say it was because she forgot. But, even if he forgave her. Setsura could never forgive herself.

She walked down the steps, and eventually arrived at another row of trees. However, it wasn't just her this time.

Not too far from where she was, she spotted a man blonde spiky hair, his deep eyes flowed brightly. A fitting contrast against the moonlight sky, "Kat-" Sersura paused, as something caught her attention. She spotted something bright floating towards Katakura. A familiar yellow butterfly. Recently, whenever she sees butterflies. Setsura ends up acting paranoid. It's unavoidable after all that has happened. However, even then it's not like she dislikes it. How could anyone dislike something so beautiful? It resembled something else though, something she saw before.

Where though? Setsura placed her hand on her forehead. What complicated emotions, once again she is recalling things. Flashes, snips and pieces, rapidly flashing through her head. Unfortunately, since it all rushed back so fast - Setsura did not know what to do. It was hard to make out which memory was for what.

It's not a good thing, remembering so much at the same time. Even if the process takes a long time, she would rather deal with one memory at a time. One memory at a time, one step a time. What is she doing taking her time though? She clearly does not have the luxury of time. By the end of the year - she will have to go back. If she fails, then her soul may be stuck in limbo forever.

Her thoughts broke off when somebody wrapped their arms around her. She knew immediately who this person was. Why would she forget him? But, even then something felt peculiar to her.

Setsura shuts her eyes and opens them again,  " I see so you can tell. Perhaps it's good timing that I met with you today. Your right I won't last by fall and it will be a miracle if I make it through to the summer. My body is burning and destroying itself, bit by bit I can feel myself loose a apart of me. Your right, I can't be stubborn anymore. I have to do something about this but if possible for a short while longer. "

That's right, just for a little while.

Just for awhile longer you can spend time with him. Because not even she knows what she will do when she next meets with him. Setsura knew how selfish she was. So very greedy, and yet she cannot cave in to those emotions of longing and desire anymore. If she does, she is well aware that this pain will stop - that you would no longer consume her and things will return to how they were before. 

But even if she were to escape the pain of the curse she cannot escape the illness she has had since birth. If it means remaining faithful to him, even if she's being destroyed inside… Truly, women are foolish creatures. But this is something she decided to do, because there is someone who is willing to remain by her side. Someone such as herself who is selfish, greedy and cursed. Someone whom, cannot understand peopled emotions and unconsciously hurts them. Someone like her who causes misfortune to befall on those around her.

"Even now, you're so very foolish. Why do you choose to do these things that cause you more pain? Cause you to suffer? Do you really want to do this?" 

"Yes," Setsura said with so much resolve that she didn't think was possible. "We also need to talk," she trailed off and shifted uncomfortably. He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her neck. It made her shudder knowing Akito was doing more than he was supposed to. 

He was placing light kisses down her neck, and one hand brushed against her thighs. Light m.o.a.ns passed her lips, why does this feel good? It's wrong, the two of them can no longer do these things. Mustering all her strength, Setsura pushed him away from her.

"Akito, unngh, stop!" Setsura exclaimed.

Akito looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"You know we can't!"

They can't, they can't do this. How could she possibly let Akito touch her after all that has happened? Memories or not, what she did was unforgivable. What's more, 'She chose to drink that medication.' Even if she had to live a lie, Setsura wanted to escape from the frightening discovery she made.

Didn't she indirectly betray him then? It's already far too late for them to return to the past. It was never his fault. Setsura understood that better than anybody. Akito has done so much for her, he has sacrificed so much.