Chapter 322 - For now

*UNEDITED*

'Love is a joyous experience, it is something that can change you. For girls it is something that makes them brighter. Wanting to look good in front of the guy you like, wanting to receive compliments from them, wanting to be told your cute or the prettiest person they have ever seen.

Such things are common for a girl in love. But at the same time one must bear with the hardsh.i.p.s and pain of love. Being rejected, having a one sided love. Having a complex romance. Wanting to be with that person, each side thinking this and yet they cannot be together. Love itself is a double edged sword, you know how one side of the blade is sharp and the other dull?'

' That's what love is. It's similar to a blade, it can be smooth sailing and happy. Whereas on the other side it can be sharp and painful.'

One of her other mentors, Kori Ayaka-san said it then didn't she? That love can be smooth sailing and happy - as well as painful. Perhaps a part of her already understood the nature of those words. Setsura understood it without really understanding. How contradictory, it isn't like her at all. But, now that she is in a relationship. Setsura is starting to think about a lot of things she didn't before.

Those three guys, she wonders what they even saw in somebody like herself. If somebody could explain it to her, then she would really like an answer. Why do they cling to somebody like herself? When there are so many fish in the sea, some more beautiful, more intelligent and most of all. 'Not messed up, not an emotional train wreck.'

Ever since she got back here, Setsura tried to keep her emotions in check. However, it was difficult for her to stay calm, knowing that she was back home. Back at the place where everything started. She has so many memories in this place, but she can't remember it all. It's frustrating, 'Why?' Setsura understood her mission very well. But it's not like anything would change if she remembered. Do those people think she will toss her mission aside and leave?

The reality is, she probably would. As much as she grew to love the Meiji era. Setsura felt suffocated all the time. In that place, no matter how much she works and keeps her mind occupied. The shadows followed her everywhere, they lurked in every corner.

Setsura tossed and turned on the bed, hoping to get some sleep. But she knew it was futile considering her current state. She felt very restless and uneasy. So she stood up and walked over to the balcony. It was very cold, as one would expect - a cold gust of wind sweeped through the moment she opened the doors. This didn't bother her at all, she needed this.

The story of their love has been quite a roller coaster, Setsura understood that well.

From the very moment he reappeared in front of her she already knew that her future would be in his hands. From the moment she first kisses him.

Perhaps it was more of a experiment due to the feelings that had been building up inside her heart. And yet despite it being a experiment - it was something she hadn't been able to forget. Even though shortly afterwards she went to his side. In the back of her mind, something told her, that the kiss that was imprinted in her mind wasn't that guys but Yang.

And the many moments after that, so so many moment's. So many memories.

She only started dating him because of his resemblance to Akito - on the surface that's what it seemed like to him and probably to the others too. But underneath, she already fell for him a long time. It's funny, in the future too. She dated Yang because he resembled that person. It's the same reason, but even here she liked him quite some time before.

Feeling footsteps from behind her, she turned to spot red hair by the door, " Your going to be chilly if you go out like that." And yet the red head didn't move, he remained completely still. To her it looked like he froze on the spot.

'He's in pain.'

Setsura recalled the conversation she overheard, that woman really does like him. And if she were to truly let him go then perhaps he will be able to move forward like that and yet at the same time, if she does that will she not only damage his heart further? She made her way over and grabbed her poncho from around her neck and dr.a.p.es it around his head, "Yang," Setsura said softly.

"Setsura.... I--" he averts his gaze. This was the first time Setsura could see it properly. Something Yang hid from her this entire time.

His guilt, sorrow, pain and loneliness. This person has always suffered, even though he's found a proper place to belong to. Even though he has found his own road, even though he has his own dreams. Setsura saw it an unwavering sort of loneliness in his heart and a red thread that binds them so tightly together.

She brushes their foreheads softly against each others, his eyes went wide at the contact, " I'm sorry Yang. I, should have said it more clearly and perhaps I did you wouldn't of had to suffer so much. Even now I still don't plan to properly say those words. I'll carry on being selfish, because I still wish for you to be my side. That person always said it before that in nature humans are selfish and yet there are those who still love. It wasn't until a few years later that I realised the meaning of those words. Even now perhaps I don't truly understand them. But I'm searching for it, I am constantly searching for it as I live. That's why until then please wait."

That's right, this is all she can do for him now.

Her eyes widened when Yang claps their hands together, "You really are stupid. But, I'll wait. I've already waited so long after all. Waiting anymore won't make much of a difference. But please promise me, when you do find your answer it is something that will make you smile."

"Yes, so the two of us..."

Yang squeezed her hands, "I still want to date you, call me selfish or whatever. But, I will not change my mind."

"You really want to keep insisting on me, I wonder why. I wonder why even now, you love me so much," Setsura mumbled. "I do not think I am worth fighting for Yang."

"On the contrary, you're the only girl worth fighting for," he caresses her hair. "I apologize for my behaviour the last few days. I was just upset, and emotional. I don't know what to do if you left me and went to someone else."

"Why would I go to anybody else?"

Yang sighed, "If they didn't suppress and censor your memories, you'd certainly return to him if you saw him. I understand very well, that even when we first went out you dated me for that reason. Because I resembled him, because he wouldn't act on his emotions."