Chapter 246: Chris’ Feelings
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Chris let out what felt like her umpteenth sigh of the day from the coachmans seat of the carriage carrying Liselotte and the others. She was acutely aware that she had been sighing a lot lately, and she understood all too well the reason behind it.
The cause was Antares. The impending separation from him was drawing closer by the minute, and the desire not to part ways was tormenting her.
From the moment Chris became aware of her surroundings, her world had been filled with harsh labor, unreasonable violence, and foul-mouthed abuse. She did not know who her parents were, but it was certain her mother had been a slave. Her mother had died from childbirth fever, and Chriss fate as an expendable tool had been sealed from the moment of her birth, without even a name given to her.
As the child of a slave with no special skills and having suffered severe burns in an accident, the young Chriss value as a disfigured slave was almost nonexistent. She was forced into backbreaking physical labor every day, and at the end of it, she had to stuff her belly with rotting food.
This hellish existence gradually wore down Chriss spirit. At the same time, she felt as if her death from exhaustion would come soon, almost as if it were happening to someone else. Listening to the footsteps of death draw nearer, Chris genuinely thought that dying might be easier.
At that time, Chris was tasked with caring for the battle beast Antares. It seemed like the scorpions two previous caretakers who were both slaves, had been killed. Moreover, it was rumored that both of them died in a gruesome manner due to poisonous stings. As a result, the role of caretaker was deemed akin to dying.
Chris was then singled out for the task. The harsh and blunt reason for her selection was that her life was considered expendable.
Yet, desiring an escape from her living hell, Chris accepted the role without protest. Despite initially being terrified by the imposing figure of the large scorpion, she dutifully cared for him, resigned to the possibility of death at any moment. The sad reality of a slaves existence is to work diligently even while harboring a desire for death.
Her turning point came during one of her care sessions when Antares began to molt. She was shocked and wondered if she had done something wrong, and she was afraid that she would be killed. Chriss rationality made her want to die from the bottom of her heart, but her biological instincts made her fear death.
Chris, who had never before doubted her wish to die until that moment, found herself wanting to live when faced with real danger. However, Antares did not kill her. Instead, after molting, he presented her with his shed poisonous stinger which was detached along with his exoskeleton. The stinger was sharp and yet sturdy; it was transparent and hollow, with a smooth surface and a strange coolness.
The stinger once used to fatally sting others, was by no means an appropriate gift for a woman upon calm consideration. Yet, for Chris, it was the first present she had ever received from someone. At that moment, she felt acknowledged as a human being for the first time.
Thats why when Antares was forced to fast and was forced to extreme hunger and directed his bare hunger towards her, she suggested that he eat her. Her role was to care for Antares, and despite being ordered by her master not to feed him, she felt obliged to offer her life if that was his desire. This was the result of a life coerced into such a mindset.
However, even though she thought so rationally, her eyes betrayed a fear of abandoning life, and her body couldnt help but tremble. Antares who was struggling against his hunger averted his gaze from Chris, who was desperately asserting her willingness, and resisted the urge to eat.
That Antares prioritized Chris over his own hunger was astonishing to Chris at the time. Having always been used as a tool to fulfill others desires, this was the first time she had made someone restrain themselves for her sake.
When was the last time I smiled normally in front of someone other than the young lady or Miss Hilda?
Yet she recently realized that she had been smiling naturally. There was only one event that could have marked such a turning point. It was her reunion with Antares.
Although their initial encounter almost led to a fight due to a huge misunderstanding, it was only because they both continued to hold each other dear. They quickly reconciled and were overjoyed to learn that each of them had survived.
Youve become well, how should I put it? Yes, beautiful.
!
When they reunited, Antares looked straight at Chris and said those words. They were straightforward, unlike the elaborate compliments she received from the young noblemen who attempted to woo her. Their attempts at flattery seemed naive and trite in comparison.
However, the moment she remembered his words, Chriss face turned bright red. At the same time, the thought of their eventual parting made her chest tighten with pain.
I see, thats it. I was in love with Antares.
At that moment, Chris became aware of her own feelings. She had probably felt this way since she was young. But since Antares had the form of a giant scorpion, she had thought her feelings were merely fondness.
Yet upon reuniting with Antares, who had been a constant emotional support for her and who was now a demon who looked just like humans, their bond deepened. They exchanged words and ate meals together around the same fire, which was impossible at the time, and they were able to understand each other better.
In this way, the feelings she had cherished for so long grew stronger, and unwilling to face the reality of parting, she began to distance herself. Ironically, this caused their relationship to become awkward, which was the complete opposite of her intentions.
Ive decided. Today, I will talk to Antares. Unless I express my feelings in words, he might never notice, and I would regret it.
However, it was fortunate that the increased time spent in contemplation allowed her to recognize her feelings, even if at the last minute. While Antares claimed to have grown accustomed to the subtleties of human emotions, from Chriss perspective, he remained quite oblivious. Without her taking the initiative, he might never realize her feelings.
Chris resolved to confront Antares with the full extent of her emotions tonight. However that conversation never came to pass.
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