CH 88

Everyone Has a Flaw

Translated by Green Cake

Edited by

I explained to Kanau-kun, who answered the phone, with all my might.

Kanau-kun listened to me in silence.

I don’t think I was able to explain well because of my anxiety, fear, and impatience.

But I knew Kanau-kun would understand.

That thought was such a relief that I felt my strength drain from my body and I fell to my knees on the ground.

The relief was short-lived, as anxiety and fear soon overtook me, making my hands tremble as I gripped my phone.

My heart was beating so hard that it felt like it was going to burst, and while I couldn’t breathe well, I just waited for Kanau-kun’s answer.

『I see…』

The voice that came from my phone sounded somewhat sad.

I wondered if I was too stupid to be taken aback.

If Kanau-kun gave up on me… 

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

Crying is not going to solve anything.

I told myself that and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my uniform.

『I can’t believe that Amane is going out of control. She’s always put herself second to others.』

A sullen sounding voice coming from my phone.

『Hahh… onii-chan is glad.』

You can hear a sigh, and after a short pause, Kanau-kun said something like that.

He said he was glad… He didn’t sound glad at all.

I thought to myself.

『Well, onii-chan only meets Amane once a year, It may be funny for such onii-chan to talk about Amane as if he knows what Amane’s talking about.』

Kanau-kun looked somewhat lonely as she spoke.

“Why do you sound so lonely?”

I asked fearfully.

『It’s not that. Onii-chan is very happy.』

The voice coming from the phone still sounds lonely.

『It’s just that… I thought that Amane was going to grow up in a place that her onii-chan didn’t know about.』

This time, Kanau-kun let out a sigh in a sullen voice.

『I wonder if Iori will bring her boyfriend someday.』

“What? Boyfriend?”

Why are we talking about Iori-chan’s boyfriend? I’m not sure where my advice went.

『Kusunn.』

I heard a snorting sound, perhaps crying, and my eyes ached.

Iori is a brocon, after all, and I don’t think she needs to worry about her boyfriend for the time being.

“Oh, um… about my consultation.”

『Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’ve been imagining Iori in her wedding dress for a while now.』

Kanau-kun replied while sipping his nose.

A wedding dress… 

My imagination has jumped from boyfriend to wedding.

『I’ll tell you what, onii-chan doesn’t know the right answer either. I don’t think there is a right answer in human interaction. It’s all about results. In addition, the result is only a process. On the other hand, there are times when what you thought was wrong all along turns out to be right in the end.』

I nodded silently at Kanau-kun’s words.

I think he’s right.

What I did for the best of reasons ended up hurting the person.

Just like Arisu was when I was a man. And this time, Takanashi-san.

『I can’t say that Amane’s outburst was a mistake. And I don’t even know how Takanashi-san feels about it.』

“B-But she seems to be angry…”

『I don’t think it’s right to make a judgment based on a letter. I’m sure we can agree that Amane’s actions this time were a bit selfish.』

“Yes…”

Yes, it was selfish.

I acted for Takanashi-san’s sake. I meant it. But I ignored her feelings, which were the most important thing.

『Anyway, Takanashi-san is trying to set up a place to talk. I think she wants to tell Amane how she feels and find out what Amane is really thinking.』

“My… true feelings?”

『No, well, onii-chan has never met Takanashi-san, so I can’t say for sure. But she’s trying to contact you from the other side. I think she wants to know what Amane is really thinking, in other words, the reason for Amane’s actions.』

She wants to know the reason for my behavior. If that’s the case…

『Just because Takanashi-san is angry, if we go along with her opinion, the problem will surely not be solved. I think you should tell Takanashi-san exactly why Amane acted the way she did. But not only should Amane tell her, but Amane should also listen to Takanashi-sab opinion. Both of you need to convey your thoughts to each other. It’s not a one-way street, it’s a two-way street, Amane.』

“… Yes.”

Kanau-kun speaks in a gentle voice. I nodded when I heard those words.

It’s not a one-way street, but a two-way. If only I could have done that from the beginning… 

There is no point in regretting it. In addition, as Kanau-kun said, Takanashi-san is trying to set up a place to discuss.

Then I should tell her what I really think, what I feel.

But… 

In this case, the root of my outburst is probably my romantic feelings.

I think it was because of that dream that I realized that.

I became a woman, became friends with Takanashi-san and the others, and had fun every day. But that was because I was a woman, and if I was a man, I thought they wouldn’t take me seriously.

But after that dream, I knew that Takanashi-san cared about me as a man.

No, it was a dream, so I don’t know if Takanashi-san really cared about me as a man.

But the thought that there might have been such a possibility made my heart ache.

I thought that this pain is probably love.

Without even realizing it, I had fallen in love with Takanashi-san. And I think that feeling led to my outburst.

But I can’t tell her that.

I’m a woman now.

I can’t say that the reason for my outburst is because I love Takanashi-san.

If I said such a thing, people would think I was a pervert.

I have no choice but to hide my romantic feelings.

『It’s impossible to completely understand the human heart. Even married couples who have been together for a long time can never fully understand each other’s hearts. That’s why people use words to convey their feelings. But words are not a cure-all. That’s why they sometimes misunderstand each other or argue. That’s how we confirm each other’s hearts and shorten the distance between our hearts.』

Kanau-kun’s words sunk into my heart.

We can’t understand each other’s hearts just by looking at each other. That’s why we use words. But words are not a cure-all, so there are times when we fight. But that’s not a bad thing, it’s a necessary thing to shorten the distance between our hearts.

『Onii-chan only sees Amane once a year. I don’t know if it’s fair for such onii-can to speak so highly, but I think Amane is afraid to step into people’s hearts. That’s why she kills her own will and goes along with others. I can’t believe that such an Amane would ignore the other person’s will and act accordingly. This is the reason why it is so important to have a good relationship with your partner. Onii-chan is a little jealous of you.』

I was afraid of stepping into people’s minds.

That may be true.

It would be easier if I suppressed my own feelings and went along with the others.

That’s how I’ve been running away.

When did I become like that?

It seems like I’ve been like this since Alice’s personality changed.

She was a spoiled brat with a very cute smile.

She suddenly became rebellious and started to restrict my actions.

I didn’t know what she was thinking anymore, and I took the easy way out without even trying to find out how she felt.

I should just go along with Alice.

That’s what I thought.

If only I had discussed it with her then. If only I had tried to understand her feelings.

『Amane, just to confirm, Takanashi-san is a girl, right?』

“Huh? Ah, yes.”

I nodded anyway.

『She’s really a girl, isn’t she? Really, really, a girl?』

“It’s a girl. She has black hair with twin tails, and she looks a bit strong, but she’s very kind and cute.”

I explained to Kanau-kun who kept asking me the same question over and over again.

『Amane, I’m going to say something now that I’ve wanted to say for a long time.』

“Yes?”

Something you’ve wanted to say for a long time? I wonder what it is.

『Amane, you are much prettier than you think you are. As for Alice, she’s an exception. It’s just a miscalculation of the Mizunazuki family, but you’re more than cute enough. And you also have a good personality.』

I couldn’t help but gaze at Kanau-kun’s sudden indulgence.

And if Alice is the miscalculation of the Mizunazuki family, what about Kanau-kun?

Alice is cute in appearance, but her ability value is not that high.

In contrast, Kanau-kun’s looks and abilities are high specs.

He’s a bit of a siscon, though.

『Amane, if your self-esteem is low, then Alice will also suffer.』

“Huh?”

『For Alice, you are the embodiment of the ideal sister, a target to aim for, but also a barrier that cannot be overcome. If your self-esteem is low, it will also bring Alice down.』

If I have low self-esteem, I’m going to bring down Alice.

Oh, yes, you’re probably right.

There’s no doubt that Alice adores me, and I can feel her desire to follow in my footsteps.

And yet, if my self-esteem is low, I’ll be stepping on Alice’s toes.

For Alice’s sake, I have to stand tall as the sister she should be aiming for.

『Amane, you should have more confidence. It’s the same with Takanashi-san. You may have been selfish in some ways, but it was born from your strong feelings. Sometimes it’s good to just go for it. Let your feelings come out. Takanashi-san is a person who can make your heart go crazy. I’m sure she will respond to your feelings. Onii-chan think so.』

I couldn’t help but laugh at Kanau-kun’s words.

Kanau-kun thinks too highly of me, you know. He’s also too lenient with me.

Also, if I had been a man and asked for similar advice, I’m sure I would have been told the same thing.

Whether I’m a man or a woman, Kanau-kun would still be Kanau-kun.

When I think about it like that, it’s kind of funny…

“Yeah, I’ll give it a try.”

I replied to Kanau-kun.

My outburst was a clear failure. It was a foolish action that ignored Takanashi-san’s feelings. But I couldn’t help it, I was thinking about you so much.

I’ve always been in love with you, but I love you more than I thought I did.

I can’t tell her how I feel about her, but I can tell her how I feel about her, not as a man, but as a woman, as a friend, as a best friend.

『Amane, Takanashi-san is really a girl, isn’t she? If it turns out that she’s actually a boy and it worked out because onii-chan pushed you, onii-chan will cry, okay?』

He’s saying it again.

The way he’s acting, he’s going to go crazy if she finds out I have a boyfriend.

Well, I’m not worried about that.

After all, my body is a woman, but my heart is a man.