CH 81

Yiyoung remained seated as she looked out the window, her ears trained on the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. The rainy days were over, and the leaves had turned into a vivid green. Summer was approaching fast, and Yiyoung had a panic disorder. She had believed herself to be stable, but she was shattered mentally. She had seen her trembling reflection in the mirror, so there was no denying it.

“You knew about it, didn’t you?” Yiyoung had questioned Muyeol after the incident.

“How could I not?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And if I had told you, then what?”

“You’re talking as if it’s nothing because it’s not your life.”

“Even if I had told you, what difference would it have made?” Muyeol had been scarily calm as Yiyoung questioned him. Perhaps he would have been stoical even if a bomb exploded in front of him. “Now that you know where you stand, consider what we talked about.”

“About taking a year off of work?”

“Yes.”

After that, Muyeol left to take a shower, and he still hadn’t come out, almost like he was making for all the days he had missed out on showering.

“How could he say that I should know where I stand…” Yiyoung shook her head in annoyance. Who else knew better than her how hard she had tried to get to this point, only to have it all fall apart in a day?

“What have I done so far? Nothing.” she complained, thinking all her effort and time had gone to waste.

And what did Muyeol mean by taking time off work? In the first place, she didn’t even know how to rest properly after years of grinding away.

Right then, Muyeol slid open the bathroom door, his aura shining bright after the shower. And with just one look at Muyeol, Yiyoung’s frustration faded away. The view in front of her was great.

Yiyoung whistled crudely. “Oh, don’t you look handsome?”

Muyeol ignored Yiyoung’s comment as he approached her, instead asking, “How do you feel?”

“I feel fine.”

“Then you might be able to manage.”

“Manage what?”

Instead of responding, Muyeol pressed the call button. A nurse immediately entered the room.

“She’s going to take a shower, so please remove the needle. Also, find another spot to put it,” Muyeol told the nurse.

Yiyoung looked at the IV; it did seem like she needed a new one. But she was confused why Muyeol asked the nurse to put the needle in a new spot.

“I think her vein will rupture if the needle is put in the same spot again.” Muyeol pointed to where the needle was currently inserted. There were already bruises on her arm from the blown veins.

“Alright. We’ll take it off.” The nurse quickly did the needful.

Yiyoung internally agreed with Muyeol; the vein on her arm was swollen, seemingly on the verge of rupturing. After the nurse left, she asked, “How did you know?”

“I just saw it,” Muyeol explained, “But, you’re a doctor. You didn’t even notice it?”

“Doctors are human, too,” Yiyoung exclaimed sheepishly, “We can’t prevent negative outcomes all the time.”

When it came to checking out her patients’ condition, Yiyoung was always on the top of her game. However, she never bothered to check when it came to her body. Without intending to, she had neglected her health. And of course, Muyeol noticed that straight away.

Before Muyeol could say anything else, Yiyoung stood up and walked toward the bathroom. It had been a while since she last took a shower; Muyeol had been wiping her hands and feet and putting dry shampoo in her hair everyday. She also decided to think about her future while showering.

However, just when Yiyoung was about to close the door, Muyeol put a hand in between.

“What?” Yiyoung questioned.

“I’ll do it for you.”

“Hey!” she yelped at Muyeol’s next move. He had started unbuttoning her patient gown.

It shocked her so hard that Yiyoung couldn’t bring herself to do anything. Sure, they had kissed once, but this was too much.

“You might faint because of the seizure and fall,” he explained.

“Are you doing  this because you’re worried?”

“Yeah.”

“Then I can just keep the door open while I shower!”

“And what if you fall because of the slippery floor while you have a seizure? Do you want to be hospitalized for longer?”

Yiyoung couldn’t form a reply to that, and before she even realized, the gown top fell to the floor. Muyeol hugged her by the waist, lifting her gently before pulling down her pants.

“Cha Muyeol!” Yiyoung turned red.

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed. I’ve already seen everything.”

“That doesn’t matter! I wasn’t conscious then—” she began to protest before the realization sunk in. ‘Wait. What did he just say?’

“You’ve… seen everything?”

“Yeah.”

Her underwear had always been clean, so she had known that someone came in to change her clothes everyday, but she never thought it would be Muyeol.

Not an inch of fabric remained on her body, and before she realized, Muyeol lifted her into his arms.

Yiyoung felt like her mind had been laid bare as well. It almost felt like she was seeing herself naked for the first time.

Muyeol carried her into the shower area, and as they passed by the mirror, Yiyoung saw her reflection. She looked like a stranger, with her wide eyes, pale face, and puffed up hair. Her lips had lost all color from the trauma, and her shoulders were too skinny. As she struggled to hold onto Muyeol’s neck, Yiyoung looked so ordinary, so human.

She teared up, finally realizing that all this time she had been striving to be something that was never truly her. She’d been forcing herself to be strong, not realizing that her real self was weak, which was normal.