CH 145

‘Johann really wants me.’

I realized that at least half of what he said was true.

I didn’t know if we fervently indulged in each other, but he desperately wanted me.

“This is my love, Berylia.”

Of course, instead of pure affection and hot passion… I felt a destructive longing.

I stopped at the dimly lit stairs and leaned against the wall, trying to calm my racing heart.

“Ha…”

The lamp flickered, creating a shadow of me.

Why did I do that earlier?

I slowly groped the arm that Johann had touched.

‘It was so strange.’

My pulse pounded in my ears, and the place he touched seemed to burn.

As I turned my back on Johann, the inner feeling of looking back to him continued to rise.

Suddenly, I had this assumption.

‘What if the memories with Johann remained in the body?’

Just as fondness remained when I looked at Rixus.

…If I really did cheat with Johann and that desire remained.

I shook my head as I set up a terrible idea.

No way.

When I was confused, it was effective to think objectively from a step away like a third party.

The fact that the two of us were ‘in secret’ was only Johann’s one-sided claim.

It was a relationship that no one else could testify to, just like the relationship with Rixus.

‘It could be that Johann wanted me unilaterally.’

But if he was taking advantage of my memory loss and trying to hold me and confuse me.

‘This is more convincing.’

Would it have been possible for me to indulge in Johann while lovingly wishing for Rixus?

“……Nonsense.”

I cynically chewed and spit out that word and started walking again.

As I tried to think rationally, my mind quickly calmed down.

I pondered the situation slowly and repeated it.

“No one knows, and no one has seen, that the two of us were in a relationship like that.”

Of course, it could be because of the nature of the ‘secret relationship’, but how easy was that excuse?

In the end, it meant that the evidence was not certain and there was no evidence.

While I was making up my mind and meticulously arranging the situation, all of a sudden I arrived at the eastern warehouse of the Imperial Palace.

The guards patrolling the area were startled and came up to me, showing their manners.

“Your Majesty, why are you in such a shabby place without an escort…!”

“Right. It’s to look at her work.”

I came here on purpose, without bringing a ‘listening ear’.

As we approached the entrance of the warehouse, the stench was already apparent.

I took out a handkerchief and went into the warehouse, covering my mouth and nose.

Then I saw a silhouette in the corner of the warehouse, curling up like a big rat and wiping the dirty floor.

It was Deborah, covered in dust.

“…Y-Your Majesty the Queen!”

She prostrated herself as if she had truly became a slave.

It was the hands of how much she had suffered all the time, and her clothes were nowhere to be seen.

‘It seems that the threat of beating with a whip was effective.’

The warehouse was remarkably tidy. It was really surprising.

I looked down at her as she laid on the floor with cold, unsympathetic eyes.

“Deborah.”

“…Your Majesty the Queen, I was doing what you ordered. Just a little more, and the warehouse will be cleaned soon.”

“Raise your head.”

“!”

Deborah fell wretchedly and raised her head.

‘I’m really curious.’

‘Why are you so obedient?’

‘What is the reason for doing this while saying something that doesn’t even make sense, ‘I will pay the price for my sins’…?’

Besides, her body had been trembling ever since we first met during the day.

Why was she shaking with fear, as if she was being chased, as if she was being threatened?

Her fears seemed not at all undiluted by the hard work of the day.

I asked bluntly.

“What the hell are you afraid of?”

“……Yes?!”

“You’re constantly afraid of something. I know you’re not doing this just to make amends. I know.”

“!”

Deborah frowned and bowed her head, avoiding an answer.

I bent over and lifted her chin with the tip of a finger.

Then I glared.

“Don’t even think about glossing over it.”

“!”

“Are you receiving any threats? Why are you doing this forcibly?”

Before long, Deborah, who had been quivering as if standing at the entrance to hell, opened her mouth as if in resignation.

And the answer was enough to shock me.

“What I fear is… Your Majesty the Queen!”

“What?”

It was an unexpected answer.

…Was she doing this because she was afraid?

Deborah looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“I, I have witnessed a secret meeting between Your Majesty the Queen and Archduke Marquis.”

“!”

“Your Majesty the Queen knew that fact, and after that… in order to shut my mouth, you made my sins public and made me a death row prisoner.”

“!”

“After losing everything I had, I was barely pardoned until after I promised never to speak. Still, I am so afraid. Your Majesty!”

My head was spinning at the unexpected remarks,

I felt like I was falling into a deep pit.

“If you regain your memories, I’m afraid that you’ll throw me away again. That’s why I’m offering my allegiance like this…!”

* * *

The residence of the Archduchy of Marquis.

Johann was anxiously looking out of the darkened window.

[Will Deborah do what she’s told?]

“That’s right. If she doesn’t want to die.”

With dry words, he picked up a bottle of wine, half-dressed.

Padak padak— Toulouse asked, sitting next to Johann like that.

[But, it seems like you pushed the queen too far!]

“Otherwise, I would have never been able to turn her doubts alive.”

Because she was such a quick-witted woman.

If Deborah’s work caused suspicion, it would be a dangerous situation, so there should be a strong shock to shake the suspicion.

So first, Johann went forward, and then Deborah would support him.

“If you shake it from all sides…… It’s hard for her to keep her balance.”

It was a meticulous calculation.

It was a sneaky plan.

Toulouse smiled, widening the beaks in all three heads, as if it was delighted.

[Haha, as expected, you are a human who will succeed me! I like it so much!]

“….…”

[You’re so good at acting? Really like a crazy person!]

He… was not acting.

It was his sincerity. It was really true that his longing for her grew stronger.

However, he held it down all this while, and this time, he just showed it all.

Johann silently picked up the bottle of wine and took a sip. His hands were covered in bandages soaked in blood.

It was a sign that she was defending herself.

The defense of shivering bitterness that stood against Johann on that day remained a deep wound on his hand.

Johann suddenly whispered.

“…The day of opening ‘Marsephone’s Gate’ must be advanced.”

[Eh?! Suddenly?]

When that ‘door’ located in the Illuminati Mountains would be opened, this world would begin to be covered with monsters. It was the end of this old world and the birth of a new one.

“Yes. I want to enjoy this game more, but… I’m nervous.”

Johann remembered the woman who said ‘No’ in front of his eyes.

He wanted to advance it by even one day, or even ten minutes.

The moment when he completely held Berylia in this hand.

[But, to do that, you need to receive my magic faster… Then your heart might explode because your body can’t hold on! Is that okay?]

“I don’t care. Don’t you want to see the world at our feet soon, Toulouse?”

In an instant, the crow’s greedy eyes gleamed.

[I’m okay! Then when?]

“A week later.”

“!”

Melfis, who was listening quietly, was startled. Although his expression did not change at all, he could not hide his surprise.

The same went for Toulouse.

[Huh?! A week later?]

According to the original plan, it would only be completed after one more season.

However, having the world collapse in a week.… With everyone crawling on the floor screaming in pain.

When it thought of the people who would struggle from being oppressed by sin and violence… It was indescribably thrilling.

Almost like a man who climaxed in bed.

Toulouse couldn’t hide his joy as he burst out laughing, shaking like he was having a fit.

[Johann Marquis, you are a real madman! Ok, fine!]

“…….”

[Then prepare for the ceremony well. I’ll go to Marsephone and tell them this, and get ready for work!]

As if in agreement, Johann looked at Toulouse and briefly held up his bottle of wine.

It was a bland answer.

The place where Toulouse disappeared; Johann stared at the spot quietly and passed the wine down his throat.

And then… He remembered something slowly and chewed it.

The moment Toulouse evaded from answering the cause of his own death in his previous life.

And the time the barbatus dragon turned and refused him.

Doubts that sprouted from that time became sufficient enough to suspect the ‘corrupted demon’ who he had been living and working together with for over 10 years.

“…Not necessarily because of Berylia, Toulouse.”

Johann’s jaw muscles, chewing his molars, were severely distorted.

* * *

[Tomorrow, we should go look for memories together, beautiful.

I’m looking forward to it strangely.]

I saw the note I received from Rixus, my face went hot. As usual, it was a note enough to elicit this retort, ‘Don’t call me like a rascal.’

Seeing the pure sentiment of anticipation, I might have felt that he was a little cute.

However… I didn’t feel that way right now.

The story I heard from Deborah kept ringing in my ears.

‘Has anyone witnessed a secret meeting between me and Johann?’

‘Of course I don’t believe it 100%, but…’

I already knew that Deborah was a good actor.

However, it was enough to shake my ‘I do not believe it’ heart because there were no ‘witnesses’ to my ‘relationship’ with Johann.

Besides, I couldn’t even discuss these concerns with anyone.

“Ha.”

Thinking of Rixus warmed my heart and aroused feelings of affection.

No matter how cautiously Rixus approached me, his feelings were clearly felt.

But Johann…

The man felt as if he was hiding in mist, no matter how clearly he approached me. So he always confused me.

It was when I was suffering.

Even though it was late, there was a person who requested an audience.

“Who is it?”

Laura, who had stayed by my side until late, answered.

“Madam Verdi is here, Your Majesty.”

……Madam Verdi?

I knew the name.

After the memory loss, I got as much information as possible  about the nobles with whom I had contact from Duke Orléans and my maids.

One of them was Madam Verdi, so it kept me from asking stupid questions like who she was.

“Tell her to come in.”

After a while.

Madam Verdi came in.

She spoke to me politely.

“Your Majesty, I have seen the official letter. I am the last person you met… on the night you lost your memory.”

“!”

“What ‘secret’ did I tell Your Majesty that day?”