CH 59

Su Yang stood there in a daze; his mind was completely blank.

The silence stretched on for a long time.

After a while, Gu Feidi finally couldn’t help saying: “Su…”

Su Yang startled awake and shoved Gu Feidi’s hand away like he had been electrocuted, staggered and felt his way along the stone wall and ran out of the room. 

Once he reached the stone chamber where the fire was blazing, Su Yang drew in a deep breath. He lifted his hand and grazed the back of it on his lips. He could feel his cheeks and ears burning up, his heart beating extremely fast and his whole body seemed to have melted until it was feeble and unable to exert any strength.

He did not want to guess the meaning of Gu Feidi’s kiss, nor did he want to reflect on the implication of Gu Feidi’s last sentence.

But the thoughts in his head were completely out of his control and he couldn’t risk revealing them.

Gu Feidi…… loves him?

Was it because he’d accidentally hijacked the heroine’s storyline which caused Gu Feidi to develop mistaken feelings of affection towards him?

Or was it because he’d repeatedly seized the heroine’s scenes and continuously displayed obvious homosexual attributes while he was in the Jianghu that had caused Gu Feidi to misunderstand something?

Besides, it wouldn’t be because of his attractive looks and charm that a decent protagonist like Gu Feidi would come to be bent*!

(*TN: opposite of straight, i.e. gay)

…So, what about himself?

What kind of thoughts did he have towards Gu Feidi that made him feel that the earlier kiss seemed electrifying, making him numb from head to toe and almost dizzying?

This shouldn’t be.

He never thought that he would feel this way about a man’s kiss.

But the warmth and softness that he had just felt in the dark still lingered on his lips, to the extent that he even began to reminisce about the light kiss Gu Feidi gave him before they began detoxifying the poison.

His pounding heart still hadn’t calmed down and the extremely strange desire in his body that was inexplicably awakened by the kiss was a glaring reminder that——perhaps, he hadn’t regarded Gu Feidi as an ‘innocent’ bro or a schoolmate friend for a long while already.

But this was all too sudden.

At that moment, Su Yang didn’t know how he should face this situation that had suddenly appeared.

There were some slight footstep sounds behind him. Su Yang turned and saw Gu Feidi standing under the arch doorway gazing faintly at him.

Su Yang abruptly shivered internally and he subconsciously took two steps back.

Gu Feidi’s eyes were dark, his eyelashes drooped and he said softly, “Thank you.….. for detoxifying me.” 

Seeing that Su Yang hadn’t spoken for a long time, the corners of his mouth twitched and he revealed a wry smile: “Just now, I was impulsive. Apologies.” 

Su Yang hurriedly avoided Gu Feidi’s stare; not daring to face him. He bent down and started to tidy away their belongings from their bundles that were spread out on the couch desk.

He muttered, “Okay, your poison is detoxified, it’s time to head out. Today we will return to Iris Island, tomorrow—”

“Su Yang.” Gu Feidi interrupted.

Su Yang pretended to be calm: “What is it?”

Gu Feidi walked over to Su Yang who was squatting on the couch. He lowered his head to look at him and spoke in a low voice, “Although, I want to apologise for the offense to you, but…”

Su Yang was afraid to breathe and had a strange premonition about what he was to hear next.

He heard Gu Feidi ask: “…Do you understand how I feel about you?”

Suddenly, it seemed like the dust had settled.

Su Yang closed his eyes and sighed.

He leaned back from his squatting position and sat weakly on the couch with his head bowed.

His thoughts were chaotic and he couldn’t tell his true feelings at that moment.

Was he overjoyed? Maybe he was a little scared. Was he pleased? There was a bit of inexplicable nervousness. In addition, it felt a little unbelievable, a little anxiousness about gains and losses and a little bit of… wanting to escape.

These complex emotions seemed to quash Su Yang’s thinking ability out of his brain. After a long pause, he hadn’t deliberated carefully and could only say:

“Gu Feidi, I’m the Devil Sect’s Young Saint.”

Gu Feidi half-knelt beside Su Yang, his voice was low: “I know.”

Su Yang continued, “And you are the son of the Martial Alliance Leader. We are destined to be rivals. Your, this feeling… it will not end well.”

Gu Feidi stared at Su Yang: “… So what?”

Su Yang was in a state of confusion when he heard this. His heart felt like it was filled with thorns, anxiously stabbing and with no option for relief.

“Don’t be like this, Gu Feidi.” He was almost panicked. “You are the only son of the Martial Alliance Leader. Have you considered what your father would think of how you regard me? He must be looking forward to your marriage and you starting a family.”

Upon hearing this, Gu Feidi didn’t speak for a long time.

Su Yang also didn’t say anymore and decided to let Gu Feidi have some time to understand. He would let himself have the opportunity to sort out his emotions, so silently turned around and continued to pack.

Both of them didn’t bring many things and there wasn’t much to pack. Pretty soon, Su Yang finished tying up their bundles and at last, looked at the neat stack of papers on the desk.

These were the scriptures that Gu Feidi had written from memory during this time. Su Yang reached out and picked them up, browsing through them to calm his mind.

Gu Feidi’s handwriting was very beautiful. Since he had been writing scriptures, he had used lowercase in conformation with societies’ norms. Even so, the tip of the brush displayed an air sharpness making each stroke pleasing to the eye.

He turned over the papers page by page, when suddenly, a semi-cursive script of a different lowercase caught Su Yang’s attention.

Compared with lower case, semi-cursive script could better reflect the writer’s temperament. It stands to reason that since Gu Feidi’s lower case letters carried energy; the semi-cursive script would be an even more imposing display.

But for some reason, Su Yang looked at this page of the script and felt a touch of tenderness and continuous affection attached to it.

“It’s the song you taught me.” Gu Feidi said suddenly.

Su Yang subconsciously turned his head to look, but Gu Feidi was eyeing the piece of paper and not at him.

Gu Feidi said: “The original song was too sad, so I redid the lyrics.”

Su Yang’s gaze flickered over the rows of lines and stopped at the last eight words ‘I wish to be with you in this life’ and felt his heart burning and flustering.

“Su Yang.” Gu Feidi continued, his voice soft and low, “I can actually tell that you are very lonely.”

Without waiting for Su Yang to answer, he quickly went on to say: “I vaguely felt it when I woke up before dawn and saw you practicing swords in the courtyard at the farmhouse outside Lesser Jade House. Later… do you still remember the cliff before we came to the stone forest formation?” 

Su Yang nodded, recalling the scene at that time.

Gu Feidi said, “You were standing alone on the edge of the cliff. When I saw you, I always felt that… you wanted to jump off.”

Su Yang was startled and refuted it: “I didn’t.”

Gu Feidi smiled and continued, “I also remember clearly how you looked when you had fallen asleep on the boulder near the stone forest formation exit. I also distinctly remember the sound of your sigh that time Di Ling shijie forgot to light the lamp on the pitch black mountain road. Later…when you and I lived in the same room for half a year, it was enough time for me to observe you…… you seem to have no attachment or concerns in this world.” 

After a pause, he closed his eyes as he struggled to speak: “It was as if even if you died in the next moment, you can calmly abandon this world.” 

Su Yang heard this and was speechless.

Gu Feidi laughed lightly again, “But I don’t understand, if you’re like that, why do you risk your life to practice swordsmanship? Why did you… risk your life to save me?” 

“I…” Su Yang was stuck.

“…three times.”

Gu Feidi pressed on.

“You came to find me under Jade Mirror Pond, you blocked a blade for me during the Wasteland melee and, knowing full well that the blood Gu is savage, you still wanted to detoxify the poison for me. You have risked your life to save me three times.”

Su Yang said helplessly: “Gu Feidi, I…”

“I don’t believe that you regard me with just a schoolmate relationship, Su Yang.” Gu Feidi stared earnestly at Su Yang, “I can’t really believe that everything you did was just because we got to know each other when we were together in Lesser Jade House for half a year. Even if I don’t mention that, neither Pu Lingyun nor Xu Yunzhan, who’ve been friends with me since young for over a decade, wouldn’t be like you; gambling your life on me without hesitation.”

After he finished, he lowered his eyes, bit his lip and said softly, “I still remember the words you said when previously confronted the Sect Leader.”

“I was just…” Su Yang said anxiously, “…just, just…”

Gu Feidi said nothing, staring fixedly at Su Yang, waiting for him to give his verdict.

Su Yang gritted his teeth and said heartlessly: “…I lied to him.”

The entire room fell silent.

After a long while, Gu Feidi suddenly reached out and took the paper with the new lyrics from Su Yang.

He leaned forward and quietly held the thin sheet of paper to the flame of the candle on the desk.

“Ah! Don’t!” Su Yang subconsciously stepped forward wanting to stop Gu Feidi.

However, the paper was too thin and ignited almost instantly. The flames devoured the words, turning it into a pile of gray-black embers.

Gu Feidi’s eyes were red as he stared at Su Yang for a long time. Suddenly, he stood up, strode over to the narrow well in the corner of the stone chamber, scooped out a handful of water and splashed it on his face.

He half-knelt with his back to Su Yang, bracing himself with both hands on the well’s edge, hung his neck down and stopped moving.

Su Yang immediately became alarmed.

However, he didn’t know how to deal with this kind of situation and he was so confused.

His heart and mind were chaotic. In that instance, he didn’t want to think or care, he just wanted to rush up and embrace Gu Feidi. On the other hand, he felt that this scene shouldn’t have appeared, but he also thought back to the kiss between the two of them in the dark. Then he recalled the original script and the ‘I-die-or-you-die’ ending that should happen to them.

Such confusion made his heart feel a little cold. Su Yang grabbed at his lapels and frowned. The chill grew more and more intense, piercing into his limbs, bones and along his spine straight into his head.

Su Yang drew in a sharp breath, trying to disperse the chucks of darkness that appeared in front of his eyes. In the end, his body could only curl up and slowly sink to the ground.

The moment before he lost his consciousness, he thought he saw Gu Feidi rushing towards him with a look of panic on his face and his fearful call echoing in his ears:

“——Su Yang!”

Gu Feidi embraced the weakened Su Yang and anxiously called out a few times. Su Yang’s entire body had been suffused in cold air. Seeing him faint dead away, Gu Feidi tightened his grip and pulled him closer.

“I’m sorry!” He wiped the tear stains off his face, his voice choked with sobs. “Sorry… I, I shouldn’t force you like that. I just… I just don’t know what to think, I’m afraid that you… will avoid me from now on.”

Naturally, it was impossible for Su Yang to respond.

Gu Feidi closed his eyes, heaved a sigh and sat cross-legged on the couch holding Su Yang. This time, he was finally able to run his exercises, using the Red Plume Phoenix Tree inner strength that he had cultivated to warm up the frozen Su Yang.

……

After who knows how long, Gu Feidi was awoken by the sound of light footsteps outside the stone chamber.

He retained the still-unconscious Su Yang in his arms, stretched out his hand to draw the sword from the side of his bundle as a precaution and cautiously surveyed the entrance to the stone chamber.

Su Huaizhu set foot in the door and entered the stone chamber, throwing an indifferent glance at Gu Feidi.

Gu Feidi tightened his grip on the sword hilt in his hand, his face devoid of emotion. He shielded Su Yang behind him, crouching in place while staring at the Devil Sect Leader without fear.

Seeing Gu Feidi look as if he wanted to risk his life, Su Huaizhu chuckled and said, “You look exactly like Leader Gu.”

Gu Feidi calmly said, “I’m my father’s son, naturally I resemble him.”

Su Huaizhu’s eyes were gloomy, he was silent for a moment and then changed the subject: “Now that the poison Gu has been resolved, then will the Young Pavilion Master be leaving my Sect?”

Gu Feidi’s face changed slightly when he heard this obvious eviction order. He opened his mouth, but in the end he couldn’t say anything. 

Su Huaizhu threw a glance at Su Yang who was unconscious behind Gu Feidi before changing the topic, “Now that the blood Gu is in his body, although it is suppressed by the Half Withered Red technique, it is not a long-term solution. I know someone who can help him and I can give you a token to find that person. It depends… whether or not Young Pavilion Master is willing to do me a favour.” 

Seeing the Devil Sect Leader’s smile and his meaningful gaze, Gu Feidi instinctively wanted to refuse.

At that moment, Su Yang who was behind him let out a slightly muffled groan, curled his frozen body into a ball and shivered with cold. 

Gu Feidi immediately held Su Yang’s wrists and transferred some internal strength over to him.

Su Yang unconsciously wrapped around Gu Feidi’s arm, as if trying to draw a little warmth from him.

After a long while, the shivers on Su Yang’s body finally quieted down a little. Gu Feidi turned back to look at Su Huaizhu, his voice low: “…Please speak.”