CH 88

Gu Feidi stared fixedly at Su Yang; his eyes betrayed a complicated expression.

After some time, he said softly: “Yes.”

Su Yang’s fingers were still on Gu Feidi’s nape. Now, they slid slightly down on the side of his neck to stroke his collar.

Gu Feidi was only wearing inner garments. The neckline of his shirt was loose and not tightly fastened. Su Yang pulled it a little and it became messed up.

The setting sun’s rays from the window cast a faint orange-red light on Su Yang’s face, reflecting a warm light brown in his eyes that seemed to glisten.

Gu Feidi immediately understood what Su Yang wanted to do.

“Shixiong,” he sighed softly, “Your body……”

“My body is fine.” Su Yang deliberately moaned and tried to act coquettish. “Just a little lacking in strength……So, shidi, take the lead, alright?”

As usual, Gu Feidi refused : “Elder said that your body is weak and you mustn’t ……”

Su Yang blinked and regarded Gu Feidi: “You said you’d fulfill my wish.”

Gu Feidi: “But not including……”

Su Yang: “You said you’d fulfill my wish.”

“Be good, I cannot…..”

“You said you’d fulfill my wish.”

“Shixiong……”

“You said you won’t turn down any of my requests.”

Gu Feidi clutched Su Yang’s hand that was tugging at his shirt and helplessly said: “You should rest more.” As he spoke, he turned to leave, but Su Yang grabbed the corner of his shirt.

“Don’t let me have any regrets when I leave, alright?” Su Yang whispered.

Gu Feidi trembled violently all over. He couldn’t help gripping the medicine bowl firmly and there were light, clear cracking sounds from the porcelain. The porcelain pieces fell to the ground and shattered.

Su Yang was startled and he immediately sat up, “Did you get hurt?”

Gu Feidi silently put aside the broken pieces in his hand. He looked down at the two small cuts and pressed his slightly trembling fingers against his lips to suck the blood drops.

Seeing that Gu Feidi had turned his back to him without saying anything, Su Yang instantly felt a little flustered.

“I’m sorry.” He lifted the quilt and was about to quickly get up, “I was saying nonsense just now, don’t be———”

The second half of the sentence was stifled by an abrupt kiss.

Gu Feidi seized Su Yang by the collar of his inner shirt and pulled him towards him. The unrestrained anger from the kiss slowly turned soft and finally melted into profound affection.

They never separated.

When Su Yang started to have difficulty breathing, he nudged Gu Feidi’s shoulder twice. Gu Feidi gradually left Su Yang’s lips.

Gu Feidi’s eyes flashed with an extremely complicated expression filled with pain and hope. His voice was low and hoarse: “…You won’t leave.”

Su Yang gasped for breath and tried to adjust his heartbeat back to a normal state.

After a while, he managed a weak smile as he looked at Gu Feidi, “Give me some heartfelt memories.”

Gu Feidi stared at Su Yang’s eyes. His throat was trembling but he couldn’t speak.

“Also for yourself……” Su Yang continued, “…..Leave behind something you’ll never forget, alright?”

Gu Feidi hugged Su Yang close and buried his face in his neck. Su Yang embraced Gu Feidi and quietly waited for his answer.

After some time, Gu Feidi let out a sigh near Su Yang’s ear, kissed his forehead and turned to leave.

Su Yang immediately felt a little disheartened and sat back on the bed, holding onto the quilt before covering himself under it.

He didn’t want to say anything more on this matter, otherwise it would appear as if he was asking someone for charity.

However, Gu Feidi quickly returned to the bedside. He placed a small round iron case he was holding next to the pillow, gently embraced Su Yang and kissed his lips.

“You must tell me if you feel unwell.” He stared at Su Yang and said seriously.

Su Yang glanced at the iron case and raised his eyebrows to look at Gu Feidi.

“Oh,” he couldn’t help suppressing a smile and deliberately teased, “Isn’t this an ointment to prevent mosquito bites? What did you bring it here for?”

Gu Feidi: ……

Gu Feidi sighed helplessly: “Must you ask this type of question now?”

Su Yang grinned: “I just remembered—”

……his voice dissolved with Gu Feidi’s seemingly endless kiss.

……

……In the western horizon, the last crimson hues gradually dimmed and the pale clouds turned into a deep blue-purple.

Starlight serenely illuminated the skies. It was a clear winter night without snowfall. There was only the rising steam lingering noiselessly from the hot spring in the peaceful courtyard and occasional water dripping from somewhere onto the stone bank and emitting light tinkles.

Suddenly, the wind stirred up and blew ripples on the pool of warm spring water, billowing the evergreen trees at the side of the hot spring. The snowflakes on the branches fluttered down creating a light snowfall in the courtyard.

Clumps of needles-leaves swayed with the wind’s rhythm, the rustling sounds giving the small courtyard a sense of liveliness.….

……

Gu Feidi pulled Su Yang into his embrace from behind and kissed him softly on the hair at his nape.

Su Yang’s entire body was languorous, he didn’t even want to move his fingertips. Strangely, he didn’t immediately fall into deep slumber because of the exhaustion. Instead, he felt that his body and mind were more relaxed.

——He didn’t know if it was because he’d wept while in the midst of an abyss of despair intertwined with yearning, which had released all the negative emotions in his heart.

The two cuddled each other quietly for a long time before Gu Feidi whispered in Su Yang’s ear: “Shixiong…”

Su Yang made a soft nasal ‘ng’ in response.

Gu Feidi asked: “Are you okay?”

Su Yang was silent for a moment, his voice still slightly hoarse: “…..tired.”

Gu Feidi gently kissed Su Yang on the cheek and said softly: “Hold on for a while, alright? I’ll make the bed.”

After speaking, he turned over and got out of bed, easily wrapped Su Yang tightly in a quilt and carried him to the couch on the side. He lit a lamp, took out a new set of bedding from the chest and replaced the messy ones on the bed, then prepared a change of clothes. He drew a large bucket of water from the hot spring in the courtyard and carried Su Yang over.

After cleaning up and taking a bath, Gu Feidi used his internal strength to help Su Yang dry his hair. The two changed into dry outfits, extinguished the candles, lay down and cuddled each other.

But for some reason, Su Yang suddenly didn’t feel sleepy.

He closed his eyes and stewed for a long time but couldn’t fall asleep, so he opened his eyes and looked to his side……and immediately slammed into a pair of eyes that were glistening in the darkness.

Gu Feidi was surprised: “Shixiong didn’t sleep?”

Su Yang blinked and said in a low voice, “…not sleeping, can’t fall asleep.”

Gu Feidi retracted his arm and brought Su Yang closer to him. He called out: “Shixiong…”

Su Yang: “Ng?”

Gu Feidi paused for a moment, his tone hesitant: “Shixiong. Earlier, did you like that feeling?”

When he heard this question, Su Yang didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and he couldn’t tell if it was due to shyness or annoyance, his ears became hot.

“Why do you ask this…” he muttered.

After being silent for a while, Gu Feidi raised his hand to softly caress Su Yang’s cheek. He whispered, “I want to know, just now……, was it a beautiful memory or an unbearable memory for shixiong…”

At that moment, Su Yang didn’t know how he should answer.

He was nurturing a sacrifice-like emotion, hoping to make this relationship burn even more intensely during its final moments…Even if it was a fatal attraction or he was going to his doom, they would at least be able to engrave something that would never fade in the deepest recesses of their memories……

He disliked the despair in the emotion, but love burns to the extreme, igniting into a moment of fireworks that irradiated everything. Damn, it was glorious…

Even if he sank into the darkness, he wouldn’t begrudge it.

……In any case, he wasn’t sinking into the darkness now, but…… it was as if he had been reborn.

Gu Feidi was still prompting in a low voice: “Shixiong, did you like it?”

Su Yang pursed his lower lip and grabbed Gu Feidi’s finger that was tracing his ear. Then he immediately sidestepped and changed the subject:

“I’ve been curious all this while, since when did you start calling me like this? Before…didn’t you just call me by my name?”

Gu Feidi didn’t reply straight away.

His eyes were downcast and his fingers slowly slid from Su Yang’s face to land on his back.

Separated by his inner shirt, Gu Feidi could not directly touch Su Yang’s skin. But he knew that there were some old scars that had healed a long time ago, and those scars formed a curse that penetrated bitterly into the depths of his soul.

After a long silence, Gu Feidi said, “…I just don’t want to relate to some unpleasant things.”

With that reminder, Su Yang also recalled the sixteen-character curse on his back and that his name happened to be part of it.

Su Yang……a disaster doomed by fate. Emanating a tragic air of predestination.

If you thought about it that way, it truly wasn’t a good name.

“It’s too weird to keep calling me shixiong…” Su Yang said, “How about you call me by my pet name.”

Gu Feidi was surprised: “You have a pet name?”

Su Yang observed the other person in the dark whose eyes seemed to twinkle with stars and smiled: “It’s my soul’s pet name, before… my grandma always called me that.”

Gu Feidi asked, “What did she call you?”

Su Yang bit his lower lip: “Xiao xiao.”

Gu Feidi was blank for a moment and asked: “Xiao xiao? Which one? The xiao for ‘dawn’ or……”

Su Yang said, “The xiao for ‘small’…”

Gu Feidi smiled. “An adorable pet name.”

Su Yang asked, “What about you? Do you have a pet name?”

Gu Feidi shook his head, “I don’t know. Since I can recall, my father and mother have never called me by a pet name. Perhaps, I’ve never had one.”

Su Yang said: “Then what do I call you? You can call me by my pet name, I can’t be calling you by your full name……”

Gu Feidi suddenly laughed out loud.

Su Yang asked: “What?”

Gu Feidi gently caressed Su Yang’s cheek and whispered: “Next time, why don’t you…… just call me like you did earlier?”

Su Yang didn’t react for a while at what Gu Feidi had meant by that.

After he gave it some thought, his face became hot and he gnashed his teeth, “Gu Feidi!”

Gu Feidi grinned: “Earlier, you called out ‘Gege, Gege*’ so intimately, but after that you’ve become so fierce and intimidating?”

(*TN : elder brother or a form of address for a boy/ man older than you)

Su Yang huffed: “I’m older* than you!”

(*TN : 大 dai = older)

“Is that so? Which part of you is bigger* than me?” Gu Feidi approached and teased, “Your pet name is xiao xiao, how are you……bigger than me?”

(*TN : 大 dai = bigger. This ‘dai’ has two connotations; the first being their ages and the second being the size of their *ahem*)

Su Yang: ……

Su Yang’s face was in flames and feigned disdain to shove at Gu Feidi: “Are you Teddy*? Again? I’m exhausted……Previously, you said you couldn’t bear to touch me……”

(*TN : Chinese online slang meaning that the person being referred to has a strong sexual desire)

Gu Feidi ignored the words that he didn’t understand. He found Su Yang’s lips and kissed them gently.

“I can’t bear not to touch you.” He chuckled twice, held Su Yang’s hands and intertwined all their fingers together on his chest without any further fuss.

As the dusk darkened, the evening breeze stopped all of a sudden and silence was restored all around.

The heavens were filled with stars and a crescent moon lit up the entire sky. The dim light shone into the room through a gap in the window frame and spilled onto the two figures cuddling and sleeping together.

Tranquil and glorious.