Chapter 58 - : Doubts

"The Virtouse thought that after what they did, all the spirits would stick with their characters, but they didn't expect that things become worst. With the limitations, most spirits started to get frustrated and do things against the plot. And it continues until now. Although there are some spirits who succeeded with their task but most spirits don't, and they are now stuck in this world. Just like us," Soiartze explained.

So, that's the reason why I couldn't take full control of my body? I frown when I suddenly remember something that the Virtouse told me.

"But the Virtouse told me that the reason why I co-exist with Csille is because of the imbalance between two worlds."

Aaline nods her head. "It's also true. We cannot exist as ourselves in the fictional world because we're not originally from it. And we couldn't just set aside the spirit of the real owner of the body because the fictional world would notice its missing spirit. We, sharing the body to the real owner, is like a camouflage so we wouldn't be noticed by the fictional world."

I frown. The Virtouse didn't explain it further to me. I thought we just co-exist with the real owner because of the imbalance they are talking about. Now it makes sense.

"But what will happen if the fictional world notices our existence?"

Aaline and Soiartze look at each other and shakes their heads. "That. It's better to ask the Virtouse about it. I heard from Earl that they will call you soon. Just wait for it." Soiartze said.

I'm still thinking what's the answer to my question when suddenly Aaline stands up abruptly. "Oh, oh. I suddenly remember. I have a question for you, Ysa."

I look at Aaline with a frown. What question does she want to ask that she stands up abruptly?

"I've been thinking about this since the first time I met you. I just forgot to ask because I was too happy to talk to you. I'm just wondering why aren't you afraid that you won't ever come back to the fictional world or the real world? Aren't you concerned?"

Come to think of it. The first time I woke up in here, I didn't felt scared but more like confused. And it never crosses my mind that I will also be stuck in here despite me, not knowing most of the things in here. 

I look at the eagerly waiting Aaline, and even Soiartze is waiting for my answer. I sigh because I don't even know why I'm confident that I would return to the fictional world. All I know is I would definitely come back.

"You need to be careful there, Csille. Please, come back home. You need to come back home, my Queen," Prince Fraser whispered in my ears while hugging me from behind. He remains hugging me for a few minutes before he let me go. "You need to come back. Promise me."

I suddenly remember what Prince Fraser told me before I enter the alley. Is it because of that promise? 

"Ysa?" I heard Aaline asked me.

I shake my head at them. Trying to shake off any thoughts about Prince Fraser. Why do I always think about him?

"It's not that I'm not concerned, but even myself don't know why I don't feel threatened or afraid of staying in here. It's probably because I know that I still haven't finished my novel, and even the Virtouse didn't mention about me being stuck in here. Also, It's probably because I know there are people who are waiting for me to come back home."

Aaline nods her head. "It's probably great to know that you still have people who are waiting for you to come back home." Aaline sigh and try to hide the sadness in her eyes.

I stand up and sit beside her and comfort her. Aaline then laid her head on my shoulders and cry. "Ysa, what does it feel to have someone waiting for you? I already forgot the feeling of it."

I look at Soiartze helplessly. I don't know how I should answer Aaline with her current state. I just don't want to make her feel worst. 

Soiartze inch closer to us and gently massage the back of Aaline. "Aaline," she softly whispered. I could also hear pain in her voice.

When is the last time they saw their loved ones? When is the last time they felt the warmth of having their loved ones by their side? It's probably too long that Aaline even forgot how it feels to have someone wait for her return. It must be awful to feel like that. 

"It's heartwarming. It's like the first day of spring after the winter season. That after the cold winter season, you could see things becomes alive again. You become alive again. Like a bud of flower enjoying the warmth of the sun." I answered her while gently caressing her arms.

Aaline looks up at me and smiles sadly. "It must feel good to experience it. I miss experiencing it, Ysa." She scoffs. "Will I never experience it again?"

I look at Soiartze to ask for help. But even Soiartze doesn't know what to do. She just sits there and spaces out. She probably feels the same way as Aaline. How devastating it must be to know that you would never see the people you love the most.

"Aaline, I'm sure you will experience it. Life isn't about sadness. Remember, after the rain, there is always a rainbow. It's a sign of hope for everyone. So, don't be sad. Even if you couldn't see them, you can build your own family in here. Not because you got stuck in here. It means you'll sulk in the side forever. Life is too short to be sad, Aaline."

Aaline shakes her head at me. Soiartze is even shaking her head. Did I said something wrong? 

"It's different in here, Ysa. Remember, we're not originally from this world, and even if this world let us live in here, it doesn't mean it accepts us as it people." Soiartze said. She probably sees the confusion in my eyes.

But what Soiartze said made me confused even more. What does she mean by that?

Aaline shakes her head. "That's all we can say to you, Ysa. It's probably better if we look for the seniors today. So, they could answer all your questions."

I nod my head at Aaline. I've been curious about these seniors since day one in here, and I've been dying to meet them. Can I get the answers I wanted?

The three of us walk through the hallways for a couple of minutes now. And throughout our way, I've been looking around like a child who visits the museum for the first time. 

Everywhere I look, there are huge doors just like the door in Paraiso. Every door has weird cravings I couldn't understand. Some have colors, but most are just silver or gold. 

I also see some spirits going in and out of the doors. Aaline explains to me that behind those doors, there are different worlds. Although it's different from the real world and the fictional world. Those worlds behind those doors are all illusionary, just like the Paraiso.

Every door also symbolizes something. Take, for example, the Paraiso, which symbolizes Paradise. There's also Temor which symbolizes fear. Every person who enters Temor will experience or face their greatest fear in their life. Aaline said that those spirits who have done something against the rule in Kosmo would need to undergo Temor for few days. 

"That is really terrifying," I shivered. I couldn't even see myself entering that door. I'll probably die just a second after entering it. 

Aaline nods her head. "Hmm. That's the reason why most spirits living in here follow the rules of Kosmo without complaints. They are scared that even a single mistake would lead them inside Temor. However, Kosmo's rule isn't that strict. As long you don't hurt anyone physically, mentally, or emotionally then you're good."

I sigh in relief. I don't want to ever enter that door, not even if someone threatens me to enter that door. I would rather die than enter that door. 

After walking for another couple of minutes, we arrived in front of a huge door. But this door is quite different than the doors we've passed through. This door is made of wood and looks like those typical wood carved doors in the real world.

Aaline looks at me with a smile. "Come on, Ysa. I heard from Earl that the seniors are free today. I'm sure they are dying to meet you. As far as I know, the moment they knew that there's a newcomer, they started preparing to meet you."

I look at the door with awe. I don't know why but I feel something warm coming to this door. It just looks like a normal door, but among all those huge doors I've seen in Kosmo, this is the only door that I could feel something. It feels warm.

Aaline looks at the door too. "You also feel it? The warmth?"

I look at Aaline and nods my head. "What is it, and what's inside this door?"

"This door might look like a normal wooden door, but this wood comes from the real world. Even the carvings are carved by humans living in the real world." Soiartze answered.

This door is from the real world, and even the carvings are carved by a human from the real world? "But how could it be possible? I thought once the spirit failed their task, they couldn't get out of here? Is it those spirits who succeeded in their task? Did they come back here to give this?" 

Both Aaline and Soiartze shake their heads. "Ysa, once the spirit succeeds in their task, they cannot go back in here or even in the fictional world."

"But if it's not them, who brought this? How come it's in Kosmo?" I stare at the huge door. This door requires a lot of woods to make, and even the carvings would probably take more than a week to carve. Also, with how big this door is, how come it is in here? 

Aaline sigh and looks at me. "Ysa, as we told you, we cannot explain most of the things in here. As much as we want, but we're tied, Ysa. The Virtouse have eyes and ears in here, Ysa. They could easily know what a spirit said to another spirit. Those spirits who spilled information that only the seniors and the Virtouse could say will be thrown into Temor for a couple of days to reflect with their actions."

That's how strict they are when it comes to information? But what are they afraid of? What difference does it make if a spirit heard it from another spirit or from the seniors? What secrets are they trying to keep?

"Ysa?" Aaline clings to my arms and looks at me worriedly. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head at her. I'm just thinking, why does the seniors and Virtouse are doing this. What could they get from doing this? I suddenly remember what Aaline said to me before.

"They said that this world helps struggling artists to become a real artist, but I don't think that's how it works. This world feeds on our desires so this world can exist so that the Virtuose could have power." 

So, Virtouse could have power? Are Virtouse really guiding the spirit, or are they using the spirit for their own advantage? 

"Ysa?" Aaline call to me. 

I look at her and shake my head. "I'm okay. I was just thinking about something."

Aaline blinks at me before she nods my head. "What are you thinking, Ysa?"

I gently messed her hair. "Don't mind it. It's nothing." I look at the door. "Isn't it time to show me what's behind that door?"

Aaline immediately beams at me and runs towards the door. She slowly opened the huge door like it was nothing. She then smiles at me. "Ysa, come on. I'm sure you'll like it in here."