Chapter 91 - : The Reason, The Deal And The Kiss

I sigh. "Prince Fraser remember when I said I like you? It's true. that time I really like you." I paused. Trying to think of words that wouldn't hurt him. "However, after all the things I experienced this month. It made me realize a lot of things."

Prince Fraser breaks off from the hug and face me. "A lot of things? What is it? That you don't like me anymore? Is that the reason why you're avoiding me?"

I shake my head at him. "I still like you, Fraser." 

He frowns. "You still like me, but? I could definitely hear a but Csille."

I smile bitterly at him. "As I said, I realized a lot of things. I realized that the world is vast, and there's a lot of things out there that I need to attend to. The world doesn't revolve around me anymore, Fraser. I cannot just focus myself on this relationship," I hold his hands. 

"What does the world have to do with these?"

I shake my head at him. "You don't understand, Fraser. How can I let myself be happy knowing that there's a lot of people who needed help? I want to help Fraser."

"You're the future Queen of the Vrawyth Kingdom Csille. You will have many chances to help people. I don't understand why you are saying all of this."

I scoff. "You still don't understand, Fraser. This world doesn't just revolve around us. I cannot cage myself into the world you want me to face. I want to experience the world on my own. I'm tired of always being in the shadow of you or my father. I'm tired of hearing people that I'm just the daughter of the Count or I'm just the fiancée of you. What Doctor Lane said made me think. What would I become without you in my life? I want to know the answer, Fraser. I want to enjoy my life as Csille."

Prince Fraser sigh. "Csille, why can't you do that without avoiding me? Can you not do that?"

I take a deep breath and shake my head at him. "Fraser, if I don't avoid you, do you think I could get away from your shadow?" I take his hand and put my forehead on his. "Fraser, I'm not asking you to cancel our engagement. I just want you to let me live my life as Csille. I just want to grow on my own. Please."

Prince Fraser sigh and looks at the window. "Is this the only thing I could do, Csille? Don't we have another choice? I want to be always beside you."

"That's suffocating, Fraser. You cannot cage me with the world you are living in right now. If you are satisfied with the way you are living, then good for you. But you cannot force your world to me, Fraser. We have our own world, Fraser. A world that is different than yours. You need to accept that I also have a life I need to face. I cannot always be with you the same way you cannot always be with me."

Prince Fraser sigh. "I will always be with you, Csille. Always. That's why I don't understand why you're saying this."

I laugh bitterly. "You are always with me because it's convenient to you, Fraser. That's why you didn't see anything wrong with what is happening. Have you ever consider what I am thinking? If it's convenient for me? If you're satisfied with being the Crown Prince of the Vrawyth Kingdom, then I am happy for you. Really. But Fraser, have you ever ask me if I'm happy being your fiancée?"

Prince Fraser looks at me with wide eyes. "You...you don't like being engaged with me?"

I sigh. Why can't he understand what I am saying? "I didn't say that. I am happy being your fiancée, Fraser. I do, but we're only fourteen years old. We were supposed to explore the world and build our own identity. But how can I do that if everywhere I go, the only thing people say is my engagement with you? My world is being constricted because of you, Fraser, and I am even starting to lose my own identity. Do you know how I felt every time people would address me as the Count's daughter or the Fiancée of the Crown Prince? It's suffocating, Fraser. Why? Why do I need to lose myself just to be with you?"

Prince Fraser got silent. He just stares at me while the tears in his eyes continue to fall down. "Are you saying I am hindering you, Csille? But...but I never intended to do that. I didn't know. I...I thought y-you're okay with everything. Why?" He muttered in a broken voice. "Why didn't you tell me, Csille?"

I look at the tears in his eyes, and I cry. Everything hurts. I want to tell him the truth, but this is the only plausible reason I can give him. "Because you will get hurt, Fraser. You're so used to the idea that I am always with you. I thought if I started to disassociate myself from you, you'll eventually understand what I am doing. But I was wrong, and I'm sorry for confusing you, Fraser. Trust me, I don't want to do this, but Fraser, I don't want to lose myself just to have you. We're still young, Fraser. We will have time for love in the future. For now, can you please let me grow?"

Prince Fraser avoids my gaze. He is still crying, and I could see his fist clenching. 

I'm sorry, Fraser. I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. But I'm only doing this for you to be happy in the future. Even if that happiness doesn't include me. 

After a few minutes, he sighs and stares back at me. "Okay, I will do what you want. Although I still don't want you to do this, but I'll compromise. For you, Csille. I will compromise. Just promise me you'll still end up with me, okay?"

I want to laugh at him. End up with you? That's impossible Fraser, because even if I want to be with you, you will not choose me. Why would you even choose the Villainess if you can be with the female lead?

I nod my head at him. He sigh. "What will you do then? Will you avoid me now?"

I nod my head at him. "Yes, I need to, Fraser. If I want to create my identity, I need to avoid you. But it doesn't change anything, Fraser. It won't change anything between us."

"Promise? It won't change our relationship? You will not cancel our engagement? I warn you, Csille. I am only agreeing to this proposal of yours because I care for you and I want what you want. However, it doesn't include the cancellation of our engagement. You cannot cancel our engagement no matter what."

I smile at him and mess his hair. "Don't worry. I wouldn't dare to do that." 

I don't need to do that because you're the one who will cancel our engagement and not me. So, technically it's not me who will break our promise. 

What they said is true. Promises are really made to be broken. But at least Ysa, Prince Fraser will be happy with Princess Paislee. Happily ever after, remember? 

And I will return to the real world and be the writer I wanted to be. But do I still want it? Do I still want to return to the real world? I sigh. I don't even know if I would want to. 

Prince Fraser looks straight at me. He leans forward and whispers, "I will wait for you, Csille Lauretré Astalieu. I will always wait for you. Forever." He then kisses my forehead for a whole minute. 

I immediately froze on my spot. What did happened? Did he just kiss me on my forehead? Waitt! It wasn't supposed to happen. His first kiss is supposed to be Princess Paislee. He would kiss her on her forehead too. But why am I the first person he kissed on the forehead? This doesn't make sense!

I heard him chuckled. I look at him. "You look so cute when you blush, and it is making me take back my decision."

I instantly covered my cheeks with my two hands. "You cannot take back your decision. You already agree. Be a man and stick with your decision. You cannot change it. If...if y-you cha-change i-it I...I will hate you!" 

Why did I stutter? He would make fun of me because of that. I look at him, and true to my words, he is really enjoying this. He had a teasing smile on his face. 

"Why are you stuttering, Csille? Are you flustered?" He leans on the door and looks at me teasingly. "You know we can always cancel the deal. I can adjust. I wouldn't mind."

I pout at him. "Fraser!"

He laughs at me and put raise his both hands. "Okay, I'm just kidding. I know you wouldn't change your mind. I am just taking chances. Maybe you can still soften and eventually change your mind."

"I won't change my mind, Fraser. I need to do this. Not just for myself but for you too and for the whole Vrawyth Kingdom."

Prince Fraser frown. "What do you mean for me? For the whole Vrawyth Kingdom?"

"Aren't I the future Queen of the Kingdom? I want to be the Queen that you needed. A wife that will help you and not be a deadweight for you. I want to be a Queen who has done something on her own and created an identity out of my title. I want to be the best version of myself when I am with you. Not this insecure girl who doesn't even know what I am doing in my life. I want to be the Queen that all the Vrawyth people deserve. If I will be your future wife and future Queen, I want to be deserving of that title. So please let me grow, Fraser."

I don't even know why I said those words. Is it to convince Prince Fraser or to make myself get lost with the idea that I could be with him? Just for today. 

Prince Fraser smiles widely at me. "Future wife? Future Queen? I like that. I will be waiting for that day then. However, since you will avoid, does it mean I need to avoid you? Can I not talk to you?"

"Yes, you need to avoid me as much as you can. But if it's necessary, you don't need to. We're still the same, Fraser. I don't hate you. We're just giving each other the time for ourselves. Our individuality. Because once we become official Fraser, everything will be both of us. We will decide together, do things together, and such. So, take this time too to build your own identity. Don't you feel suffocated with your title?"

Prince Fraser shakes his head. "The moment I become aware of my identity, I already accepted the fact that I will live forever with this. Csille, you don't need to take your title away just to know your identity. You can have both without sacrificing one."

I smile bitterly at him. "Fraser, you know how to adjust with it, and it feels comfortable for you. But for me, it's not. I just want to rebuild myself and be Csille. Just Csille."

Prince Fraser sigh. "I guess I couldn't change your mind. But remember, no matter what happens, I will always wait for you. Always. So take your time, but I really wish it won't take long." I laughed at his words. He then hugs me. "I will miss you, Csille, and please, can you stop interacting with Leander or Rufus or even Sir Farren. I don't like it."

I push him a little, but he didn't budge. "Fraser, you're doing it again. Please, don't try to trap me with the things you like. Rufus, Leander, and Sir Farren are my friends. You cannot restrict me from interacting with them."

"But I'm your fiancé, and you don't want to talk to me. How come they can talk to you? Isn't that too unfair?"

I roll my eyes at him. "That's the thing you're my fiancé, and they are just my friends. Why are you making a big deal out of it? Do you want to exchange positions with one of them?"

Prince Fraser immediately shakes his head and hugs me tighter. "No way! How can I let any one of them take my place? That's not going to happen. I would break their bones if they tried."

I shake my head at him. It's just words. I know in the future, no matter how much I talk with Rufus or Leander, he wouldn't get jealous. Not even care.

Prince Fraser takes a necklace from his pocket. My eyes immediately widen when I recognized the necklace. It's the heirloom of their family. It will be given to the wife of the oldest son. But why is he taking it from his pocket?

"Here, I will give you this as a sign of my promise that I will always wait for you. Forever."

I immediately refused it. How can I dare to take the necklace that he is supposed to give to Princess Paislee?

However, no matter how much I refused, he still insisted. When he sees that I wouldn't dare to take the necklace, he put it on my neck. "Why are you so worried? I'm just giving you the necklace that is meant for you. So, please take care of it."

I really want to take off the necklace, but Prince Fraser said that if I return it to him. He will take back his decision. I sigh and just let it. I'll just make a way to give it to Princess Paislee.

Prince Fraser looks at me expectantly. I frown. "What?"

"Won't you give me something in return too? Something very important to you. So, I will be assured that you will honor your promise."

I frown. Why do we need to exchange things? We will not even end up together. Will it make things more complicated if we want to take back those things? 

I sigh. But Prince Fraser looks like he really wants it, and if I didn't give him anything, he would take back his words. And I cannot let that happen. I look at the things that I have. But I couldn't see anything that can be comparable to the necklace he gave me. 

My eyes immediately widen when I remember the anklet my father gave me. He said it would protect me at all times. But since it's too loose for me, I decided to just keep it. 

I rummage into my bag, and I smile when I found it. Good thing I always bring it with me. "Here. Although it couldn't be compared to the necklace, you gave me. But my father said it will always protect the person who is wearing it."

Prince Fraser's eyes widen when he saw the anklet. "This anklet! This is one of the oldest charms in the Vrawyth Kingdom. They said the first King used to wear this as protection, and it really protected him from harm. Csille, are you sure you want to give it to me? I think you need it more than I do. Especially the Strzalka is after you."

I shake my head at him. "No, just take it. You'll need it more than I do."

I won't be needing it. There's nothing bad will happen to Csille, but something bad will happen to you, Prince Fraser. So, please take it.