CH 12

Translator: Abo Dammen

Trigger Warning: Panic attack, suicidal thoughts  

“Hik, d-don’t get rid of them!” Bai Tang’s voice abruptly rose and shattered. His tears flowed freely and he suppressed a sob. “I’m sorry, sir, I’m sorry. It’s my, it’s my fault… Don’t take them away… it’s me, it’s me who killed them, It’s my fault, I’m sorry…”

All the memories that Bai Tang was most reluctant to recall and that were buried deep within his memory surfaced. 

▪︎•°°•▪︎ 

Without a shovel at home, he numbly dug one small hole after another with his hands. His fingertips were cut by stones and covered in small wounds with blood oozing out, and he buried the birds, tears and blood covering the ground, like a marionette.

There were 12 little birds in total.

▪︎•°°•▪︎

Jiang Yunshu frowned. From Bai Tang’s sporadic narration, he surmised that a similar situation had occurred previously, but he didn’t know the specifics, so he didn’t dare to rashly comfort him out of fear of agitating Bai Tang, so he could only follow. “We won’t get rid of it. It’s not Bai Tang’s fault.”

Bai Tang was stunned when he heard the alpha’s voice, and his fingertips that clutched his clothing turned white. A previously unseen emotion erupted in his heart and engulfed him; he was suddenly overcome with hatred for this alpha. Jiang Yunsu ordered those people to spray poison on the tree. It was Jiang Yunsu——

Breaking his left wrist, locking him in a dog cage, piercing his gut with sharp objects; he was treated inhumanely and humiliated daily. All this extreme suffering, he had been able to endure, but now, at this moment, he abhorred it.

Why didn’t this alpha die? Why didn’t Jiang Yunsu die? Why do people who do bad things live well?

So many accidents happen in the world every day, such as pedestrians being killed by objects falling from a great height, elderly people falling down stairs and hitting their heads, and children drowning after falling into water. Why was Jiang Yunsu‘s name absent from this unanticipated book of life and death?

He clearly had a car accident, clearly declared brain dead, and they clearly said he would never open his eyes again, but why now—why did he wake up all of a sudden?

Bai Tang firmly gripped his hair and desperately opened his eyes. Tears streamed down his face, and he was gasping for breath as if he couldn’t breathe.

Why why why——please, someone, anyone, come and kill this alpha.

Bai Tang stood in the raging hellfires and screamed. 

Dea cb.

Qlatbea atf jiqtj’r qgbafmalbc, atlr kbgiv klii vfnbeg tlr bwfuj.

Djl Kjcu ofia jr atbeut tf tjv ojiifc lcab jc fcvifrr jysrr, reggbecvfv ys j tjhs vjgxcfrr atja kjr ribkis mbcrewlcu tlw. Lf qjlcoeiis yla tlr ilqr ecali yibbv vglqqfv.

Snfc atbeut tf klrtfv atf jiqtj vfjv, tf ralii qgjsfv obg atf jiqtj’r rjofas fnfgs cluta ys atf klcvbk.

Contradictions tore through his soul, and the pain emanating from his heart spread through his blood vessels to every part of his body. Bai Tang felt selfish and disgusting. The oxygen entering his respiratory tract was diluted, and the more he breathed in, the more suffocated he felt. Death’s breath encircled his neck.

Then——Then just die. Bai Tang closed his eyes and waited for his death.

He’s given up. He was too tired to hold on any longer.

“Bai Tang!! BAI TANG!!!” Jiang Yunshu squeezed Bai Tang’s shoulders and repeatedly shouted his name.

The omega in his arms appeared to be in a worse condition than the last time his PTSD attacked, and his breathing gradually became weaker, as if only his body remained and his soul had long since left. His lips were bitten so hard that they were badly mutilated, the bite not loosening a bit.

Jiang Yunshu had to forcibly pry the omega’s teeth apart in order to insert his finger. Instantaneously, he felt a dull ache in his fingertips.

“BAI TANG!!!”

▪︎•°°•▪︎

“The patient has been sedated and will probably wake up in about two hours.” The doctor stood at the foot of the bed and told Jiang Yunshu, “Please send him to the hospital on time the next time you encounter a similar situation.”

“Okay… Thank you.” Jiang Yunshu lowered his head. He struggled to utter his response, as if his throat were obstructed.

“Do you want to bandage your hand?” the nurse on the side asked.

Jiang Yunshu glanced at his hand and saw that there were two neat little holes on his index finger. His hands were full of dried up blood. It looked quite scary. “No need, thank you.”

The doctor and nurse went out, leaving only the two of them in the single ward.

Jiang Yunshu investigated. The Imperial Capital Hospital nearby was well-known. It was one of the few hospitals that employed Omega doctors. They once directly fired an alpha doctor for insulting an omega patient. It was a more reasonable, open-minded, and omega-friendly hospital.

Jiang Yunshu stared at Bai Tang, who was lying quietly on the bed with his eyes closed. Even the smallest hospital gown was too big for Bai Tang, hanging loosely on his body. . The sleeping body covered by the quilt would slightly rise and fall in sync with his breathing. His body was so thin that it was embedded like a sheet of paper in the bed.

Jiang Yunshu covered his face. He regretted it. He knew perfectly well that Bai Tang’s mental state was unstable, so WHY didn’t he go to the yard to inspect it beforehand? WHY didn’t he discover the corpses of the sparrows earlier than Bai Tang? And WHY wasn’t his second bachelor’s degree in psychology?

At that moment, the feeling of powerlessness he had felt when he learned that Zhou An’s cancer cells had metastasized to his lungs returned. He looked at his hands. Instead of the familiar vertical and horizontal lines and thick calluses, in their place were smooth and delicate palms.

He is a doctor, but he couldn’t save the people he wanted to save.

The minute hand of the wall-mounted clock continued to move. Jiang Yunshu raised his head, moved his aching legs gently, stood up, and partially drew the curtain. The room immediately became darker.

He paced to the hospital bed, pushed the black hair that had already covered Bai Tang’s eyes behind his ears, watched him silently for a while, and then went out.

Only those with ID cards were permitted to enter the ward. If anyone other than him and the medical staff forcibly entered the facility, an alarm would sound and he would be notified.

After ensuring that the ward was secure, he went to the front desk and asked, “Hello, do you have a psychiatry department here?”

▪︎•°°•▪︎

The psychological consultation room was warm and calming, with warm yellow lighting, a pale green fabric sofa, a row of green plants on the shelves, and a large landscape depicting various locations hung on the wall. The glass on the wooden table was filled with fruit tea, atop which floated two mint leaves.

A man wearing gold-rimmed glasses sat on the chair opposite the sofa, smiling gently. “It’s warm and relaxing here, isn’t it?”

Jiang Yunshu sat on the sofa and was straightforward. “Hello, doctor. I’m not a patient, so you don’t need to give me psychological suggestions.”

“No wonder.” The doctor showed a surprised expression, but he maintained his gentle smile and scholarly bearing. “I was surprised to see you enter the room. After all, in this society, alphas, the darlings of the gods, rarely have psychological issues, and if they do, it is typically mania or something else.”

“Are you not an alpha, Doctor?” Jiang Yunshu observed him politely.

“I am.” The chain on the gold-rimmed glasses swayed, and the doctor said with a smile, “Hello, my name is Qin Zhongnan.”

“Dr. Qin,” Jiang Yunshu went straight to the point. “I want to seek advice about my omega’s matters.”

“Oh?” An even more surprised expression showed on Qin Zhongnan’s face. Jiang Yunshu noticed that the man gave him a meaningful glance full of earnestness, approval, and seemingly appreciative glance. “There are very few alphas who seek advice specifically for their omegas.”

Soon after listening to Jiang Yunshu, Qin Zhongnan’s two positive emotions ceased to exist, and only four words were visible in his smiling eyes: you are not human.

Only the doctor’s professionalism kept his smile intact. “Mr. Jiang, in this case, if you want your omega to recover, you must spend a lot of money and exert a great deal of effort. If you lack this level of enlightenment, I advise you not to begin, otherwise giving up halfway will only hurt your omega more.”

“I’m aware,” said Jiang Yunshu without hesitation. “I’m troubling you.”

Qin Zhongnan stopped smiling. He raised his eyelids, clenched his hands into fists, and stared at the extraordinary-looking alpha in front of him, as if contemplating whether Jiang Yunshu was telling the truth.

Jiang Yunshu only felt a strong sense of oppression and physical discomfort. He didn’t realize that Qin Zhongnan was emitting pheromones at the time until much later.

Jiang Yunshu frowned but generously allowed Qin Zhongnan to look at him, while he himself gazed into Qin Zhongnan’s eyes with equal intensity, neither arrogant nor submissive.

After a lengthy pause, Qin Zhongnan chuckled, “Based on what you’ve said, you’re the source of all your omega’s fears.”

“Yes.”

“In that case, then during the omega’s recovery process,” Qin Zhongnan’s eyes curved into an arc. “that is, for a while, you should meet your omega as little as possible, Mr. Jiang.”