CH 5

"You’re up?" Xu Yan put breakfast on the table and raised his head to look at Shen Zhi, who was coming down the stairs, "Good timing, breakfast is ready."

"You’re up early." Shen Zhi straightened the sleeves of his shirt and did not raise his head.

"Have you forgotten, I slept early yesterday." Xu Yan smiled.

Shen Zhi only glanced at him – it was still that heartless and cold look as if he didn't pay attention to anything.

Xu Yan didn't like to talk when eating, and the two ate breakfast quietly. The driver arrived outside. Xu Yan put down his chopsticks, "I'll go upstairs and get you a coat, you can eat some more." After he said that, he went upstairs. After a while, he came downstairs with a coat and tie. Shen Zhi wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin and got up, and Xu Yan helped him put on his tie and carefully sorted it out. Shen Zhi looked down at him and then raised his hand to look at his watch.

"Will you be back for dinner tonight?" Xu Yan handed the coat to Shen Zhi and asked him.

Shen Zhi put on his coat and said, "I’ll be back for dinner." After a pause, he added, "You have an eyelash on the bridge of your nose."

"Oh." Xu Yan touched the bridge of his nose and looked at his fingertips – there was nothing. He smiled and raised his head a little and said, "I can’t see, you can help me get it."

Shen Zhi frowned, he had already put on his coat and was ready to head out. Xu Yan thought that Shen Zhi must be too lazy to take care of him, but this time he miscalculated – Shen Zhi turned around and raised his hand to touch the bridge of his nose. At this moment, the two were very close, and Shen Zhi's eyes were serious. Xu Yan stared at him, looking at his face. He was moved by this person when he was eighteen years old, and he also suffered hardships. In the blink of an eye, after several years, looking at it now, he is still very good-looking – eyebrows, bridge of the nose, lips, and jaw are indifferent and delicate, good-looking. Because he is young, there are no traces of maturity accumulated over the years, but he is already calm beyond his peers.

This moment passed quickly, Shen Zhi lowered his hand and turned to go out. The door opened and closed again, and Xu Yan turned around to clean up the dining table.

The next day was Xu Yan's last day on the job, and his colleagues knew that he was going to leave; so they specially saved a bureau to bid him farewell. Xu Yan smiled and said that there was no need to say goodbye, just to celebrate my temporary farewell to social life.

In the evening, Xu Yan packed up his things, punched the last card, and left the company with his colleagues. He sent Shen Zhi a WeChat message a few hours ago, telling him that he would have dinner with colleagues today and could not go back to cook. And Shen Zhi replied, “ok”.

At the party, people poured alcohol for Xu Yan, and he did not refuse. After all, everyone will not see each other again, it was the last meal, so just have fun. Afterward, a coworker wanted to send him home, but Xu Yan waved his hand: "You guys still have to go to work tomorrow, go back early to rest, I'll just take a taxi."

"Is your partner home? Call her and ask her to pick you up.” The colleague said.

"Partner?" Xu Yan was a little dizzy. After thinking blankly for a while, he smiled and said, "He hasn’t been home recently, I'll go back by myself." In reality he also... Really wants to have Shen Zhi take him home once, but unfortunately, despite it being a common thing between lovers, for four years, he had not experienced it. He was afraid of troubling Shen Zhi, so he never said it, but now that he thought about it, if Shen Zhi had shown even half of his love to him, he would not even dare to open his mouth about such a trivial matter.

Finally, a colleague helped him get a taxi, and after Xu Yan reported his address, he heard someone 'wow' – that residential area is not affordable for any ordinary people.

"Manager Xu, you hide so many things from us!"

Xu Yan leaned on the back seat and smiled lazily: "No, the house is my partner’s, I’m just a freeloading pretty boy."

Others expressed disbelief, and after a flurry of jokes and goodbyes, the car doors closed and the world was quiet. Xu Yan closed his eyes, the lights and shadows outside the car window flew across his face, and there was a song playing in the car: Xie Chunhua's "Borrow Me".

Xu Yan's Adam's apple moved, and he sang along:

Borrow my life

that is not afraid of crushing, borrow my fierceness and recklessness, do not ask about tomorrow,

lend me a ray of light to illuminate the dimness,

borrow me to smile as bright as spring.

Borrow me to kill mediocre feelings, 

borrow my indulgent pathos and cries, 

borrow my heartbeat like the past,

borrow my comfortable morning and evening ...

He sang completely out of tune. Finally, his voice trembled and hoarse, and the driver looked at him in the rearview mirror and asked, "Do you want tissues?"

"No need." Xu Yan opened his eyes – he did not cry. He said, "Just tired, how long will it take to arrive?"

"Five minutes." The driver looked at him again and replied.

"You’ve worked hard." Xu Yan smiled.

After arriving home, Xu Yan stood outside the door and sobered up for a few minutes. But it was useless, and his head was still dizzy. He rubbed his face, opened the door, and entered the house. He went upstairs and noticed Shen Zhi had not gone to sleep yet and was in the study. Xu Yan knocked on the door and said, "I drank some wine, but it's okay. Do you want a late-night snack? I'll go make some for you.”

"No need." Through the door, Shen Zhi answered him, "I'm going to sleep in the guest bedroom today."

“Okay." Xu Yan pressed his forehead against the door and said with a smile, "Yes, I reek of alcohol, in case I go crazy and disturb your sleep... Then I'll go to bed first.” He said to himself, saying those plausible reasons for Shen Zhi.

Without waiting for a response, Xu Yan swayed as he stood up straight and went back to the bedroom. After drunkenly washing up, he fell face-first on the bed, and his whole face sank into the pillow – it was Shen Zhi's pillow. Xu Yan took a breath, closed his eyes in the dark, and made a little slurred voice in his throat –

Borrow me a beam of light to illuminate the dimness

Borrow my smile as bright as spring

...

Borrow my heart to beat like the past,

borrow my comfortable morning and evening

...

Later he fell asleep.

The next morning, Shen Zhi went back to the master bedroom to wash and change clothes. Xu Yan woke up slowly and looked at his mobile phone, it was still early. He got up from the bed, rubbed his eyes, and went downstairs. His head hurt a little as Xu Yan warmed the milk, baked the bread, and brought it to the table. Shen Zhi had already put on his tie and coat when he went downstairs – Xu Yan looked up at him and made sure that the other party did not give him a chance to help him sort out his clothes.

"Going to the company so early today?" Xu Yan was just about to eat bread and remembered that he hadn't washed his face and brushed his teeth yet. So he lay on the table and casually started chatting.

"I have matters." Shen Zhi said.

"Oh..." Xu Yan sat up and stretched, "Then you eat first, I'll go upstairs to wash, I just forgot." Shen Zhi lowered his head to eat breakfast and had no time to answer him.

By the time he finished washing, Shen Zhi had already gone out. Xu Yan went back to bed to catch up on sleep, the feeling of the hangover was really bad. Fortunately, he didn't have to go to work, he closed his eyes and slept comfortably.

After sleeping until noon and finally sobering up, Xu Yan slowly climbed out of bed. He walked to the cloakroom with slippers and pulled out a travel bag. He stuffed the laptop, charger, and wallet into it, and put on a jacket and gloves. Carrying his travel bag and camera bag, he went downstairs and collected the trash in the living room.

The weather was beautiful; the sun was shining, and the wind was blowing through the leaves, rattling and shining golden, moving at a fair pace – a normal winter afternoon. Xu Yan closed the door, buttoned up his coat, and put his hat on. He descended the steps, and walked away without looking back.