CH 13

It was impossible to say if Tong Ning was cruel or not cruel enough.

Cruel, because he had been tempted to break up time and time again, but was ultimately unable to let go, turning back in the end. Yet also not, because he could turn heel and leave after Tang Suoyan had given him that ultimatum; he didn’t call or text after that, thoroughly severing all contact.

When Xia Yuan next ran into him at a bar, the other’s mood was so poor that he could see it even if he were blind.

Tong Ning wasn’t an alcoholic, yet he’d drunk heavily on both occasions. Sighing, Xia Yuan covered his glass and asked him what happened. While Tong Ning when wasted wasn’t as untouchable as he usually appeared to be, he didn’t quite open up to others either. Even so, compared to the apathetic veneer he typically put on, being drunk would at least loosen the words “sorry Yan ge” from his tongue.

Well, Xia Yuan could certainly tell that there was a story behind this, but he didn’t want to dig into it. Adults shouldn’t snoop around other’s relationship affairs—it’s none of their concern; don’t be nosy.

“If you feel sorry, then just apologise. What’s the point in drinking?” Xia Yuan didn’t let him continue to drink. It was frightening to watch people who didn’t usually indulge in alcohol down their liquor like this.

Tong Ning shook his head. Sober or drunk, he knew that apologies were worthless.

“Psh, what’s there that can’t be worked out? Don’t be so pessimistic.” At the end of the day, Xia Yuan was two years older than him. He was also broad-minded and had a more liberal outlook on many issues. “It’s easy to see the light if you stop overanalysing it. Why make life hard on yourself?”

Tong Ning listened attentively to every word but shook his head all the same.

“You’re both reasonable people; if you’ve come to heads, then just have a talk and talk things out. Don’t just brood over drinks alone,” Xia Yuan told him.

Tong Ning had a lean figure and a sharp chin, still with the same dash of pride that drew people to him. He slumped down on the bar counter, and when he got back up, he pointed at his heart. He said that it choked him up no matter what he did; he said that he had treated so many hearts, yet the only one he couldn’t treat was his own.

Xia Yuan chuckled, patiently comforting him, “What’s there to treat? It isn’t as if you’re sick.”

Yet, Tong Ning nodded in a frenzy. He pointed at his heart. “I am. I’m sick in here.”

Xia Yuan sent the other back and left immediately without stepping into his place or showing any untoward behaviour. As he went downstairs, he’d even thought, See how polite I am?

This was the underclassman that he had spent many a year pining over, the White Moonlight of his heart. But now, he was able to patiently console and send the other home after drinking without even going in. His intentions were upstanding and aboveboard. Recounting this incident made him feel pure in heart, and he blew praises of himself when out with his friends.

“You really have no sense of shame,” Tian Yi critiqued Xia Yuan while eating. “It’s just chatting a bit when you see someone you know; look at how much you’re swelling you’re over something this small.”

Others at the table laughed. Xia Yuan clicked his tongue. “Why are you calling me swell? I didn’t try anything fishy at all. I didn’t seize the chance to sow discord even at a time like this. Aren’t I super worthy of respect?”

Tao Xiaodong picked up after him, “Uh-huh, very respectable.”

“Right?” Xia Yuan was smug. “Actually, since they broke up, I…”

At this, Tao Xiaodong cut into his words, asking, “They broke up?”

“From what I hear, it seems like they did,” Xia Yuan replied to him. “If I really wanted to hit on him now, it wouldn’t be too much. We’re both single anyway, so what if I go for him?”

“Piss off,” said Tao Xiaodong. “They’re just having a lover’s tiff, don’t act like a beast.”

Naturally, Xia Yuan wouldn’t actually do so. He was just mouthing off, deliberately saying in cheek, “How does that make me a beast? He’s single, I’m single; isn’t it free for all then?”

Tao Xiaodong picked up the tissue box by his hand and tossed it at him, denouncing, “Be more respectable. It’s in poor taste to make a pass on someone who’s attached.”

Before, when he had mentioned Tong Ning on the plane, Tang Suoyan hadn’t said much. In Tao Xiaodong’s opinion, they were simply having a small spat recently; it was only normal to have friction when people were living together.

Xia Yuan knew his limits. He wasn’t someone without morals. He was only saying it in good fun at the table and didn’t actually act on his words after that.

Oblivious outsiders assumed that this couple loved each other deeply. Those with more knowledge also just took it as a minor disagreement, for a relationship that had spanned over a decade wouldn’t fall apart so easily.

However, only they knew what was truly going on between them. No matter what, dragging this out was not a solution; drag it out long enough and Tong Ning would have a change of heart, returning to Tang Suoyan. He’d say, “Yan ge, forgive me” with his lashes lowered. He’d cast down his pride, let himself be coaxed, and this matter would pass—as it always had.

One day after work, Tang Suoyan messaged Tong Ning: When are you free this week? Let’s go out for a meal.

After a long time, Tong Ning then responded with a word: Okay.

Tang Suoyan packed the clothes that Tong Ning had yet to take away into a box. Tong Ning usually wore dress shirts, so those had been taken away; the remaining were the clothes that he didn’t often wear. Actually, he looked good in anything. Back in school, Tong Ning preferred to wear simplistic clothes fitting for students, such as short-sleeved T-shirts and whatnot, which lent him a clean and pretty image.

During those days, though Tong Ning was still rather withdrawn, he smiled more than he did now. In recent years, his smiles were few and far between, and looking back now, he truly wasn’t having the best of times.

Tang Suoyan neatly packed Tong Ning’s clothes as well as some of his personal belongings. When he was done, the house was utterly devoid of any traces of Tong Ning’s presence.

After this one “okay”, Tong Ning disappeared again without following up.

Tang Suoyan later called him, telling him, “I’ve packed your stuff. If you don’t want to eat with me, then find time to come over and collect them yourself.”

Still, Tong Ning only said one word, “Okay.”

Tang Suoyan asked him, “When? Give me a time.”

Tong Ning deliberated, before saying, “Tomorrow.”

“All right.”

Translated on ninetysevenkoi.wordpress

– ❀ –

Please do not repost or retranslate.

Tao Xiaodong was in the midst of tattooing and teaching when Sang Bu’s call came in. He requested for a moment, then went to one side to pick up the call. Over the phone, Sang Bu informed him that Mei Duo’s eyes were recovering very well, thanking him and the doctor profusely.

When he enquired about the condition of Mei Duo’s eyes, Sang Bu said that she had already gone through surgery to protect her eyesight. Although she still had blurry vision, it was much better than before. She still had to go through chemotherapy, but the doctor said that she didn’t have to worry too much; she just had to cooperate with the hospital’s treatment and she would be fine. He kept saying thank you over and over again, grateful to Tao Xiaodong and the doctor.

Tao Xiaodong asked, “Which doctor?”

Sang Bu said, “One of those that came from your side; your friend. He’s a very good doctor.”

Tao Xiaodong was a bit stunned. After a pause, he then laughed, saying to him, “I’m glad to hear that the surgery went well. Take good care of her. If you face any difficulties, just drop me a call.”

The person on the other end immediately denied needing help, even telling Tao Xiaodong, “I don’t need your money. Give me your account number, I’ll transfer you some. I’ve more than enough for myself.”

Tao Xiaodong turned him down, but Sang Bu was adamant over the phone, saying that he had money, even chortling and saying that he was rich after herding sheep for so many years.

With that, Tao Xiaodong laughed and relented.

In fact, Tao Xiaodong was unaware that Tang Suoyan had made the trip. When he was in Tibet, he had helped Mei Duo get in touch and be admitted to a hospital, depositing money for her treatment. As for Tang Suoyan, Tao Xiaodong was under the impression that the other had determined her treatment plan remotely. While Tang Suoyan had mentioned that he could make a business trip, Tao Xiaodong didn’t actually want to bother him.

This was the reason why Tao Xiaodong was stunned to hear Sang Bu’s words, for he truly hadn’t expected it.

That night, Tao Xiaodong called Tang Suoyan.

Tang Suoyan picked up.

Tao Xiaodong said, “Dr. Tang, you’re not going to rest yet?”

Tang Suoyan said, “It’s still early. What is it, Xiaodong?”

Tao Xiaodong spoke of his call with Sang Bu and thanked him.

Tang Suoyan chuckled. “I almost thought it was something else. Don’t mention it.”

Indeed, there was no need for verbal thanks for something like this; insisting only made things awkward. It would do to keep the gratitude in his heart. This was why after expressing his thanks, Tao Xiaodong moved on, simply saying, “We still haven’t fixed a date for the meal we talked about last time. I’m free the next two days. How does tomorrow sound? Are you free?”

Tang Suoyan considered it. “I have something on tomorrow. How about the day after?”

Tao Xiaodong immediately said, “Sure. I’ll call Tian Yi along; we can all get together.”

Tang Suoyan agreed.

Translated by luckykoi

Since Tong Ning said that he would be over the next day, Tang Suoyan made certain to keep this time free. There were words unspoken that needed to be said, and this undefined relationship needed a clean break.

Tang Suoyan went home after work. He waited until the sky turned dark, and he waited until half past nine in vain.

His calls went unanswered. Frowning, Tang Suoyan called again, still to no response.

And so Tang Suoyan stopped waiting. He took a shower, changed into his pyjamas, and read a book. When the time came, he went to bed, not waiting a single second more.

Some people were so used to being indulged that they were often capricious, and even now they couldn’t tell what was appropriate behaviour.

Tong Ning came at half past ten. He unlocked the door with his fingerprint, making a noisy entrance.

Not yet asleep, Tang Suoyan walked out of his room, and his brows raised at the sight of Tong Ning.

Tong Ning was wasted. He reeked of alcohol.

Tang Suoyan asked him, “Did you drink?”

Tong Ning looked at him. The drink had turned his eyes bloodshot. He nodded once, and he said, “I’m sorry.”

The two men stood face to face, neither speaking for a time. Tang Suoyan had intended to explicitly lay things out, but in view of Tong Ning’s lack of sobriety, nothing he said would carry any weight. Eventually, he sighed, asking him, “How did you get here?”

Tong Ning said, “I called a cab.”

Tang Suoyan asked, “You came over to collect your things like this?”

Tong Ning nodded first, then shook his head. He looked at Tang Suoyan, his gaze cast low, like a child who had done wrong.

A bit worn out, Tang Suoyan told him, “Just stay here for the night. Don’t leave when you’re this drunk.”

Tong Ning nodded again. He looked too obedient now; it had been a long time since he was as obedient as he was now.

Tang Suoyan didn’t pay him heed, turning around to return to his room.

But before the door closed, Tong Ning stopped him, hoarsely calling, “Yan ge.”

Tang Suoyan turned his head back to look at him.

Pursing his lips, Tong Ning said quietly, “Can you… give me a bit more time.”

Tang Suoyan looked at him, shook his head, and said, “No.”

Tong Ning stared at him and repeated, “I still want some time.”

Expressionless, Tang Suoyan simply asked him, “How much more time do I need to give you?”

Tong Ning didn’t speak. Tang Suoyan said, “I won’t be giving any this time. You don’t need it either. Don’t act like a child just because I said you haven’t grown up. Be more mature.”

He initially had more to say, but afraid that Tong Ning would make a scene in his inebriation, he left it at that.

Closing the door, going into the room, he reflected on how the two of them had walked step by step to today, and he didn’t know what exactly he was feeling right now. Tong Ning’s eyes were bloodshot. Besides alcohol, it was maybe also that he was feeling down. He always seemed very sad.

So be it. After this, he could find happiness.