Chapter 179 - The Will to Live

Cherry pondered on the meaning of the song, and her tears just didn't stop falling. If mothers are angels, then how could her mom betray her? Of all the many people, why did it have to be her? Only now did it occur to her that the most profound reason for her stubbornness was the humiliation that it was her very own mother who inflicted that most painful wound within her soul. A wound too difficult to treat because it existed in her mind.

Yet, if she looked back to her childhood days, she could neither deny the memories of her love and protectiveness.  She could see herself very well in this little girl before her, whose heart swelled with gratitude towards her mother.

Who was she, she thought, to judge her and her weaknesses? Her mom never bothered her with her burdens as a child. She never remembered seeing her cry. She knew that she, too, had her own heartaches that perhaps, she just kept to herself. And maybe, she pretended to be brave and strong despite her emotional troubles, that she may always be a hero in her eyes. 

Standing by the hospital bed of her mother a few hours later, she watched her closely as she laid there in somewhat troubled sleep. The beeping sounds of the apparatus and the flickering numbers in green and red lights kept the cubicle alive. Only then did she realize that her mother suffered alone, even in her sickness and struggles.

She then turned to the nurse, who was on her table, scribbling something in the chart. "Miss, is there somebody else who came before me?"

The nurse lifted her head up and looked at her. "No, ma'am."

"How is she?"

"She was awake a few minutes ago, but we gave her another dose of relaxant to let her sleep."

"Why do you have to do that? She had been sleeping all through the night, I think."

The nurse smiled and replied, "Her heart needs it, ma'am, in order to recuperate."

Before she could ask more, the doctor whom she talked the day before entered the cubicle. She smiled as she saw her before saying her greetings. She supposedly wanted to ask about her mom's status right away but the nurse handed her the chart. The doctor then flipped through its pages while darting her gaze from the chart to the patient. She then stood up and ran her eyes through the monitoring apparatus before she held her stethoscope and moved it at intervals across her mother's chest.

After some time of listening to her heartbeats, the doctor looked up to her and smiled. "She can already be transferred to a regular room if she has a companion to stay with her. I hope this time, you can help her find someone to look after her. She has always been alone in her previous admissions."

"I will personally take care of her, doc," she smiled, but a pang of pain started to wrap up her whole being. She was not too numb to miss what the doctor implied in her statement. She knew she was suggesting her the other way around, and not someone else whom she may suggest.

"That's wonderful. Who knows your presence could help her stop the progress of her illness? You know how loneliness or stress as a whole can kill a person."

She locked her gaze at the doctor, confused about what she meant. "Doc, do you mean to say that stress is the cause of her present condition?"

"What I really mean, Miss Perez,  is that loneliness takes a person's will to live." 

The doctor's words hit her hard like an arrow, making her cringe in guilt. She shifted her gaze between her mother and the doctor, fighting against her urge to cry.

With quivering lips, she took the courage to ask her the most dreaded question which haunted her since yesterday. "Doc, how long is she going to live?"

Her question jolted the doctor from where she stood. She was never prepared to answer this question. Other questions like what was her illness or anything related to her condition would have been more acceptable than her straightforward one. Nevertheless, she tried to find a kinder way to answer her.

"Our lives are in the Master's hand, Miss Perez and it is He who decides. I am only a doctor, His instrument in caring for the sick, but true healing comes only from Him."

The doctor's words moved her again, and this time, tears spilled from her eyes. She brushed it away, hurriedly with one hand and chuckled afterward. 

"So, doc, how is she?" she dared to ask,  in between her tears stifled sniffs.

"She is suffering from a heart failure called dilated cardiomyopathy."

Before she could ask for a detailed explanation, the doctor continued, "I am sorry to say that her case is drug-induced according to the series of tests conducted to her. I hope it's not about her negative coping  against her loneliness that prompted her to take the substance."

Cherry's eyes widened in both shock and disbelief. "Do you mean, doc, that she's taking drugs like methamphetamine, cocaine, or marijuana?"

The doctor shook her head, and her expression was one of sadness and frustration. "It's more powerful than methamphetamine or any of its derivatives. The substance can be identified in the blood of those few who are taking it but the compound has no name yet. The researchers are now looking into this since as of now, the source of this drug is not known yet."

Cherry frowned and her brows furrowed. She could not understand what the doctor really meant. If the substance could be identified, why didn't they know the source?

"Why not ask my mom?" she asked, her tone slightly raised in disgust. Why not tell her honestly about it instead of beating around the bush?"

"We already did, but it appears that either she cannot point it out. Or perhaps, she is just too stubborn to confess."

"Doc, what really do you mean?" she asked further, now irritated from the suspense and fear that her mother might be a drug user. Was she too desperate to cling on to drugs for comfort and companionship?

The doctor shook her head and said, "We are afraid, Miss Perez, that's it is the underworld's new and innovative product, more powerful than the present narcotics."

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