Chapter 164 - The Fox Makes Amends

As soon as his uncle left, taking all his people with him, and Chu Ming disappeared from sight, Chu Yun's mother deflated like a paper lantern, crumpling against the wall while raising a hand to her trembling chest.

Chu Yun had never seen his mother look so wan. He rushed to her side, to help her stand, worried she might faint. In his worry he had forgotten about her cruel words the day before.

She looked up at him, and her beautiful eyes filled with tears. She clung to his hand tightly, and whispered, "Walk with me."

Chu Yun shot Xiao Zai a look from behind his shoulder, who nodded in acknowledgement. They needed to talk too, and soon, but first Chu Yun would see to his mother. After all, he would be leaving very soon.

She waited until they were in one of the smaller courtyards, far away from the hot springs as well as from the hustle of servants moving from one pavilion to the next, and took a seat on a stone bench beneath the shade of a pear tree.

Chu Yun sat next to her and waited quietly for her to come up with the words she wanted to tell him.

"You always act like you're invincible," she said, chewing on the words before spitting them out.

She looked up at Chu Yun with a face full of recrimination but eyes filled with tears. "Sometimes I think it's our fault, for spoiling you all your life," she sighed, looking down at her small dainty hands. "Your uncle has always been jealous of your father, you know that. That's why we live just outside of Lanzhou, instead of having an estate in the centre, that's why your father takes on humiliating court positions, far below his station, to ensure his brother won't have reason to find him ambitious."

"I know- mother I-"

She looked at him with a glare. "No, I don't think you do. People make sacrifices, Yun-er, they bow their heads, they suffer humiliations in silence to protect their families. A smart person does everything in their power not to attract the eyes of those more powerful than them." Her fine eyebrows pinched in annoyance. "Why do you insist on doing the opposite?"

Chu Yun didn't say anything for some time.

His mother was wrong about him. 

He might not have suffered any humiliations before going to Zui, but he endured nothing else after getting there.

Time and time again, he had to let go of his pride to do what would benefit him and Xiao Zai in the long run.

In the few short months he'd been married to Xiao Zai life had taught him a great deal about humility.

But he also knew that those who made themselves small, too small, risked disappearing. Sometimes the only way to survive was fight against the forces pushing you down into the mud.

"Mother needs to trust my judgement," he placed his hand over hers. "I'm aware of the risks, but our situation in Zui is different than father's, we can't simply lower our heads and hope to be left alone. The King will never let us."

She let out a startled sob and looked away from him, holding her draping sleeve in front of her face as if it was a handkerchief. 

"You are a grown man, a married man, I won't tell you what you should do with your life" she sighed, "I can only pray that you know what you're doing."

They remained in silence for a little while longer, and then her eyes drifted to his flat abdomen. 

"If we reach towards the heavens too much, acting like lofty immortals, they have a way of humbling us." She closed her eyes and shivered. "Don't think the heavens don't notice, when we don't appreciate their gifts, and try to reach further than our hands can grasp."

"Who can say what is the will of the heavens?" Chu Yun asked, meeting his mother's eyes. "One person's miracle is another's curse." 

He chuckled, remembering the physician who was sure he was carrying the literal son of the heavens, while his colleague swore up and down that his child would signal the end of times.

Who knew which of them was right?

Personally, Chu Yun thought neither of them was -- he had always leaned towards a more mundane explanation.

His mother sighed deeply, giving up the fight. "Please be careful, I'm sure you've made an enemy of the King of Zui, and now you're about to make an enemy of your uncle." He opened his mouth, ready to placate her, but she raised a finger in front of his lips. "I know you, Yun-er, don't lie to me."

In the end, all Chu Yun said was, "I'll be careful."

His mother glared at him and then almost tackled him in a vicious hug that made him let out a bubble of startled laughter. Her strength always came as a surprise considering her diminutive size.

"When the child is born I get to pick the name."

Chu Yun hugged her to his side, resting his head on top of hers. "Yes, mama, whatever you want."

---

That night, Chu Yun sent Hua Nanyi ahead to Zui with two letters for Xiao Ziyi and Xiao Yuan.

"You'll have to leave the estate on foot under the cover of darkness and then hire a horse on the next town over," he said, giving her a pouch filled with taels. "I'll try to stall as much as I can tomorrow to give you more of a head start."

She nodded seriously and pocket the money. They exchanged only a look before she left for her quarters to get ready for the journey ahead. Chu Yun didn't need to impart on her how important it was that those letters were delivered.

That night Xiao Zai hugged him as sleep evaded them both. Chu Yun's father had drafted and signed a letter expressing his wishes to host and pay for his grandchild's 100 day ceremony. The letter was now safely stored at the bottom of Chu Yun's travel chest.

"Are you nervous?" Xiao Zai asked, placing his hand over Chu Yun's chest and feeling the frantic beat of his heart.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm not nervous"