Chapter 172 - The Fox Hears A Tragedy

The Queen must have seen the look of abject terror in Chu Yun's face, because she reached towards him and patted the back of his hand, as if trying to reassure him.

She thought of something that made her chuckle.

"That's not true actually, in many ways Xiao An is responsible for his death too, and he's still alive." She shrugged. "I suppose he won't be for much longer, though."

Chu Yun swallowed drily. He was aware he might regret it soon, but he couldn't stop himself from asking, "May I ask what happened?"

She made a humming sound and looked towards the window behind Chu Yun. Night had fallen outside the room, and she probably couldn't see anything, but she still gazed out into the dark. Maybe she found some comfort in it.

The thought sent a chill down Chu Yun's spine.

"We managed to hide away in a small village for some time. The villagers knew we were both omegas, but they didn't care, common people can be very straightforward, as strange as they can find others, at the end of the day their lives are too busy, and sometimes too hard, for them to worry too much about anyone else's." She paused, twisting her knotted fingers. "We were left alone."

"In this case the problem wasn't so much that you were both omegas, but that her Royal Highness was betrothed to the late King." Chu Yun couldn't imagine how the court, and Haolin, might have reacted if they found out. 

The Queen Dowager scoffed. "He couldn't tolerate the humiliation. Imagine the omega he was betrothed to since birth preferring another omega over a virile alpha like him?" Her thin lips curled in distaste, revealing her yellowed teeth. "It drove him insane, he was determined to find me and drag me back at all costs."

"How long did the two of you manage to stay hidden?"

"Three years." She paused, as if contemplating the number. "The shortest and most blissful of my life."

Chu Yun didn't know what to say. 

That seemed to him like such a small number. He couldn't imagine only having that time with...with Xiao Zai.

"We were always looking over our shoulders, but we were happy. Tang Fan was not only beautiful, so beautiful he looked like a painting, but he was also caring, loving, and incredibly funny too. No one has ever made me laugh as much as him." She smiled faintly as she recalled this, the deep folds at the corners of her eyes deepening. 

"We wanted to have children, even though it's almost impossible between omegas. Still, we tried."

In Chu Yun's opinion it wasn't only the chance of having a child that moved them. "And you thought that if you got pregnant the King would no longer want you."

She gave him little nod, but not because she was ashamed of admitting it. "We were...naive. At that point it had become a matter of pride for him. He wouldn't stop until he found me."

"But I did manage to get pregnant."

Chu Yun's eyes widened. "Then...the child?" As much as he wanted to believe that somehow it had survived, nothing about the Queen Dowager's demeanour gave him that impression.

She flattened her lips into a thin line, and ignored his question. "As I was saying, I did get pregnant, and we couldn't have been happier, Tang Fan said it was a miracle. Proof that we had the heaven's blessing." Her expression grew darker. "But not two months into my pregnancy, we were found out."

"We fought as hard as we could, but not hard enough," she said with a self-deprecating half-smile.

"I was brought back to the palace, where that dog insisted that I marry him anyway. Of course, first he locked me in a room, and made servants hold me still as he personally fed me abortive tea for days."

Chu Yun didn't know what to say, other than, "I'm sorry."

The Queen Dowager startled at the sound of his voice. She had been so focused on telling her story that she'd forgotten who she was even telling it to.

Chu Yun didn't take it personally.

"Anyway, he wasn't going to marry a woman pregnant with someone else's child. At that point I was sick, from the tea, with worry for Tang Fan, I said I'd do everything he wanted, as long as he told me where he was, what had happened to him."

She went very still, all expression disappearing from her face. "For as long as I live I'll never forget his words." Her voice dropped a register, becoming even deeper. "He said: "I want an alpha heir from you, which is all you're good for. Well, one of two things. Your lover I gave to my men to do as they pleased with."

A powerful wave of disgust came over Chu Yun so that he had to close his eyes against the vertigo it caused. 

The Queen Dowager looked like a shell of a person as she recounted these events. "Later I found out that he survived for four days and four nights, before finally being granted the release of death." Her paper-thin eyelids trembled with grief. "You see, I had to get revenge for him so that his soul could finally rest. So we can see each other again in the next life."

Chu Yun remained in silence, too stunned by what he'd heard to say anything of substance.

The Queen Dowager got up from the chair with a shuddering breath, and reached for her walking stick. She pointed at Chu Yun's abdomen with it. "My miracle child never had a chance. It had to die so that Xiao An could be born." Just saying it made her furious, her thin chin trembled with rage.

She blamed Xiao An as much as his father for the tragedy of her life.

Her rheumy eyes met Chu Yun's clear gaze.. "Take good care of yours," she said and then left her own room, leaving Chu Yun alone with his thoughts.