Xiao Zai left Xiao Yuan's estate feeling winded.
The conversation had smoothly transitioned from Gu Wei to Ru Long and the threat he posed after Xiao Yuan's comment -- but Xiao Zai kept turning his brothers words around in his head for the whole meal.
And even now that he was returning to the royal palace, he couldn't help pondering on them.
The hardest thing for him was conciliating the image of Gu Wei as a caring, selfless parent, who sacrificed so much for him and his sister, with his self-serving actions.
But Xiao Yuan's words had made him wonder if perhaps Gu Wei saw them as 'necessary evils' -- if instead of selfishly pursuing a road that would benefit him down the line, he was perhaps fooling himself into believing he was just doing what needed to be done.
It was hard to forgive outright cruelty, but what about a misguided sense of duty?
He knew Gu Wei wouldn't explain himself any more than he already had, nor would he ever apologise for his actions. It wasn't in his nature to regret what he had done.
Xiao Zai suspected that if he started doing it, he would have to follow that chain all the way to the decisions that put him in Xiao An's path, and inside the royal palace -- the mental toll would be too great. And so Gu Wei ignored it, and moved on.
Xiao Zai couldn't say that the conversation with Xiao Yuan had help him make up his mind, but it had loosened some of the tightness around his chest, giving him some breathing room. He didn't have to come to a conclusion now, there was time.
He turned the corner towards his quarters but came to a sudden stop when he saw Hua Nanyi standing in front of the closed doors to their suit of rooms, something clenched tight in her fist.
She was hesitating between knocking, and walking right in, as she was at liberty to do.
"I think you should have a talk with her," Xiao Zai said, smiling when Chu Yun let go of his hand with a frown.
"She's being difficult on purpose."
She could very well be. Hua Nanyi and Chu Yun had a lot in common in some aspects.
"I think she's scared of change," Xiao Zai said, pointing out one such similarity, "I think the whole Xiao Ziyi 'engagement' thing made her wonder about her own future, what she wants from it, what it would even look like."
A notch of confusion appeared between Chu Yun's eyebrows. "She can keep doing exactly what she always has."
Xiao Zai raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him. "Even when she's 50? Older than that even? She's going to keep climbing ceilings and sneaking into your enemies' houses?"
That brought Chu Yun to a stop. Xiao Zai knew from experience that he was capable of long term planning, but only if it came to strategy. Five-year plans, ten-year plans, twenty-year plans and beyond but only as they applied to an entire nation -- never a single individual.
Xiao Zai hadn't brought it up to make him feel guilty, he just wanted him to see that while the rest of his life extended in front of his eyes in a clearly defined path, Hua Nanyi's didn't.
"What does that say?" he asked, nodding towards the crumpled paper, switching the subject smoothly.
Chu Yun unsealed the letter and scanned it quickly. "It's from the Queen, she accepts out invitation," his eyebrows climbed up his forehead. "In fact, she says we can expect her and the Third Princess to arrive soon after this letter, as they'll be leaving for Haolin immediately."
"Very eager," Xiao Zai noted.
Chu Yun folded the letter and stuffed it inside the pocket of his sleeve. "Things in Su must be even worse than we thought."