Xiao Zai could tell Chu Yun was stalling.
They'd been soaking in the pool for minutes now, and all Chu Yun had done was thread water.
No one liked hearing the words "I need to tell you something", followed by a prolonged silence.
He was trying not to let his anxiety show, but his chest tightened each time Chu Yun swam over towards him with a conflicted expression on his face, only to swim away again to the other side of the pool.
"Have you changed your mind about talking with me?" he asked, when he finally couldn't hold it in any longer.
Chu Yun stopped his aimless swimming, and drifted over to Xiao Zai's side, his gaze intent but turned inwards. He was having some internal discussion with himself. By now, Xiao Zai was well aware of how that looked on his face.
Once Chu Yun reached his side, Xiao Zai looped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest. The two of them sat on the bench running around the pool's perimeter, letting the warm water lap at their shoulders.
Haltingly, Chu Yun asked, "what if I told you something that changed your view of me?"
Xiao Zai considered the question carefully. He could answer at once, and swarm Chu Yun with promises of undying love and loyalty -- which would be true, but wasn't what Chu Yun wanted to hear. He was never this faltering, this reticent.
Whatever he wanted to tell Xiao Zai was deeply personal.
"Why do you think it would change my view of you?"
Chu Yun looked up at him, his sharp features softened by the look of uncertainty in his dark eyes. "Because I'm ashamed of it."
His grandfather was a old man, and his face was hardened with lines that made him look older still. He rarely smiled, but Chu Yun imagined he saw in him some warmth.
One day, his grandfather told him he'd be staying at the palace after his lessons, because they would be going on a trip.
Chu Yun could barely contain his excitement, and barely paid attention to what his tutors said all day.
He was a little disappointed when his grandfather came to fetch him in the company of his three cousins. Who not only weren't nice to him, but could only talk about shooting down birds with their slingshots.
Their grandfather shepherded the three of them into a carriage that took them out of Lanzhou's gates and into neighbouring proprieties.
Chu Yun felt the thick scent of smoke in the air long before he saw the first flames cut through the night sky.
The carriage came to a stop in front of what must have been a grand estate before the fire at laid siege to it.
The King led his grandchildren through the burning gates and into an ample courtyard, free of the flames that were burning all the surrounding pavilions.
A group of palace guards was holding four people down on their knees in the middle of the courtyard. Chu Yun recognised one of them immediately. His friend, A-Yin. The other three people were his relatives.
The King looked dispassionately at his crying subjects and pulled out a sword from the scabbard of one of the guard's next to him.
Chu Yun shuddered at what he thought his grandfather was going to do.
But nothing could have prepared him to see him turn the pommel towards his cousin Chu Ming, and say, "Each of you is going to kill one of them. You go first."