CH 3.4

When the sun goes down and it is dark everywhere, the time for everyone to sleep, I lay on my bed, open my eyes, and stare at the darkness. There are times when I’m doubting if I actually am still stuck in the basement and that all of this is my delusion, or that I’m really crazy, as others say. Don’t look at me like that. I’m really fine, okay? I vividly remember both the day I was trapped in the basement and the day I came out.

The first day in the basement, no one came to see me. For the next 15 days, the only visitor was an old maid who brought porridge once a day. I couldn’t even wash up and was left unattended. The old maid said I made a big mistake. She threatened me that this time my father wouldn’t forgive me easily even if I asked for forgiveness.

I was scared. Of course, I’m Tite Rivero of the Rivero family. I’m a versatile Young Lady Rivero, but I was also a young daughter of my parents. Not only was I worried about my father being so angry, but I was also intimidated by a bad environment I had never experienced before.

I stayed alone in the cold darkness and organized my thoughts. If the old maid is right, I must have done something wrong. Let’s figure it out and ask my father for forgiveness. However, I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong.

Is there something wrong with the way I gave him the gift? Did the Temple warn him because it was such a very surprising gift that they thought it was a cardinal assassination? But how can a powerless 14-year-old girl break through the holy knights and the priests, then assassinate His Eminence, God’s blessed cardinal? Moreover, the girl loves the boy?

It seems like there are people in the world who want to kill their loved ones because they love them so much. But my love wasn’t like that. My love is love that wishes for the happiness of my loved person. At the same time, it is love that wishes for our happiness. Yohan and I are inseparable, so it is meaningless if we aren’t together. So why would I kill him?

However, people look away from the truth and only see what they want to see. I didn’t know that there might be someone who misunderstood my love with such a vicious heart. Someone might have told my father that I was trying to assassinate Cardinal Yohan. If I was trapped because of that, I should say it’s all a misunderstanding. That’s what I thought.

My mother came to visit me on the 16th day since I was trapped in the basement. Instead of the old maid, my mother stepped into the cold, dirty basement with the thin porridge.

“Tite, ask for forgiveness from your father. Say you won’t do it again.”

“Mother, I didn’t try to assassinate His Eminence.”

“Tite. That’s not it. Your fault is not that.”

“If not, I’ve done nothing wrong.“

“Tite! Don’t you really know what you’ve committed?!”

“I really don’t know. If you know, please tell this unaware daughter, Mother.”

I kneeled before my mother and begged. My mother told me that every act I showed him was wrong. That he doesn’t love me. That I’m staining our family names. I cried.

“I love Yohan and Yohan also loves me. Why do you doubt our relationship? Did I tarnish the family’s name for being so immoral? Mother, trust me. Nothing happened between us.”

“Of course! Of course nothing happened! Who in the world would doubt your relationship with His Eminence! Who doesn’t know you’re pure! Would His Eminence put a finger on your body?”

“Why do you do that if you know?”

“Tite. My lovely daughter, please. His Eminence does not love you. He doesn’t have any feelings for you. No, he probably loathes you.”

“I’m sure he loves me dear.”

“Tite… my wise and gentle daughter. What did blur your intelligent reason and make you blind…”

“Those who fall in love is blind.”

My mother sobbed silently and left the basement. I ate cold porridge. The bland porridge tasted bitter and salty because of my tears.

The next day, my mother came back. My mother brought a basin with warm water and washed me herself. She washed my injured feet because I was stepping barefoot on the stone floor of the basement and wiped my face that was stained because I couldn’t wash for many days. I almost cried because my mother’s kindness and motherhood that treated me like a child reminded me of the hard life in the basement.

“Tite. This mother understands how you feel. Which woman can forget a man like His Eminence? He’s so beautiful and kind. You are not the only girl in the capital who falls for him. Some of them abstain from eating and drinking. I also heard that there is a girl who barely woke up after suffering a lingering illness. It’s different from you, but they also suffered from a fever of love like you. Tite, love is such a scary and dangerous thing.”

“Oh, poor thing.”

I couldn’t help but sympathize when I thought of the girls, who were abstaining from food and drink or were sick in bed because they fell for Yohan. I was so sorry for them. They love Yohan so passionately, but their love can’t come true. Because Yohan loves me!