CH 4.2

“You don’t have to deceive me. I know. You love me. You fell in love with me.”

“Lady! Please!”

I wonder if he almost confessed his love. He shouted emotionally and then calmed his mind. In the meantime, the necklace on his neck came out of his clothes and swayed. My eyes didn’t miss it. It was a locket that could hold something inside. It was very obvious what was inside.

“That’s a locket, right? There’s my hair that I gave you that time inside, right? I know everything. You don’t have to hide it, my love. Admit it honestly. You love me.”

“Young Lady Rivero! Admit the truth! I don’t love you. You mean nothing to me! Oh, I see. You’ve become a loathsome person. Congratulations, Young Lady. You became the first person I hate.”

“Don’t say such a harsh word. I get hurt even if I know it’s a lie.”

Yeah, I was hurt. Even if you know that it’s a lie and it’s not true, if it’s expressed harshly, you’ll get hurt. Besides, I was mentally weak because I was trapped in the basement for a long time and abused. It was hard to put up with such verbal abuse even if he was my loved one.

Yohan put his face close to me. I stopped crying and smiled because it was my first time seeing him so close. Then he turned his head away. I think he was embarrassed. If it was my first time, then it would be the same for him.

“You are right, Young Lady Rivero. A priest doesn’t mean he doesn’t know love. I am also a 17-year-old boy. Loving a girl is not something to be ashamed of and hide. Although as a priest I can’t propose and have a formal relationship, I can have someone in my heart.”

“Yes, that’s right. Now you admit it.”

Finally, finally. He was trying to acknowledge his feelings. I tried to listen to his confession with the widest smile I could make.

“I have someone I love. That’s not you, Young Lady Rivero.”

I knew he was hiding his feelings for me and humanity. But he didn’t have to lie like that.

He put the biggest lie in his mouth.

Even if I knew it was a lie, I cried because it hurt so much. I tried to hold it in, but tears just flowed down. I was parched enough to drink urine, but tears just came out.

“Lie. I know everything. You love me.”

“What’s inside this locket is the hair of the person I love. It’s not… it’s not your dirty hair.”

“I know. When you open the locket, it contains my brilliant blonde hair. I know. Your Eminence fell in love with me when we first met. I know. Your feelings won’t change. How do I know? Your eyes shook when we made eye contact.”

“None of that is true.”

“I won’t follow you anymore. I won’t send you a letter anymore. I won’t send you any presents as well. I won’t shout I love you on the street. Please don’t tell such a painful lie. It hurts. It hurts so much. Look, I can’t stop crying.”

“I’m not lying.”

I was so sick, so sad that I wanted to affirm what he said. Yeah, I really did. But I couldn’t admit it. Because I knew.

Yohan loves Tite.

We are meant to be. Denying his feelings denies our fate. Then how do I live? How does he live? He didn’t know anything. Because I love him and he really has no idea what would happen if I didn’t love him, because he was ignorant, he could lie so proudly and denied our love.

Or he was a real fool. Because he only lived in the Temple and didn’t know what love was, he didn’t know that this attraction between us was love and he mistook it for something else. Otherwise, why would he deny and hide his feelings so much? Otherwise, how could he have acted and told such a cruel and painful lie?

“Shall I open the locket and show you the inside, Young Lady?”

“No, I don’t need it. There’s probably false evidence inside anyway. You must cut off the hair of a woman you don’t love, you asked for someone’s hair, whoever it was as long as it’s not golden hair. Put it in there and lie to me. I know everything, Your Eminence. The fact is that you love me. I know that your feelings will never change.”

“No, I’ll show you. I want to show you.”

He persistently tried to deny love. I closed my eyes tightly. Because I didn’t want to see such fake evidence, the lies he was telling me. I closed my eyes and shouted. Because it hurt so much.

“Get out! Please get out! Your Eminence! I love you, I love you more than my life, but I’m really hurt by the lies you told me today! I’m so sad! I’m weak enough and I might collapse when I see the fake evidence! So please stop and get out!”

“Young Lady Rivero. Open your eyes and look inside the locket and you’ll see the truth.”

“Please get out!”

I love him, but I don’t forgive him blindly for hurting me. That’s how I grew up.

Click. As I closed my eyes, I heard the locket being opened. I tightened my closed eyes and turned my head away. Then Yohan said,

“Before I came here, I dared to make a bet with God.”

“Go!”

“Tite Rivero. If you accept the truth, I dare to leave behind the mission given to me, confess my love to my loved one, and live as an ordinary person.”

“I’m the one you love! And you always lie! Today, you even brought in evidence and lies! I know it’s a lie, but it hurts so much! So get out!”

“Young Lady Rivero, please open your eyes.”

Was it because of repeated lies? Yohan’s voice trembled in agony. It was very sad. But I wasn’t fooled. When I opened my eyes, there would have been a lock of hair other than blonde in the locket. Yohan was excellent at acting and was good at denying love. I was weak enough. Because of that, when I opened my eyes and saw the false evidence, I would break down enough to admit it. So I couldn’t open my eyes.

For my love, for Yohan, I couldn’t open my eyes.

“Young Lady Rivero, if your love for me is true. If you love me, please open your eyes.”

Please.