Chapter 82 - Dreams Not Wishing to Wake Up
It was a dream I didn't want to wake up.
He was like a pair of wings in front of a French window, while I was just a coquettish flower blooming on a country road. There was too much difference between us, too much uncrossable.
After that day, it was as if I got busy, and every day I couldn't see him before I closed my eyes, nor could I see him when I opened them.
But I know he came back every night.
Even though the marks on the pillow remained the same, there was no change at all.
I never took the initiative to ask about the reason for my return, nor did I have the opportunity to.
Today, I lay on my bed as usual, wanting to seriously talk to him about our relationship. After thinking about it countless times, I finally mustered my courage.
It was already completely dark outside the window. It was already 10 P.M., and I hadn't come back yet. I had been sleeping since 8 P.M. the other day.
I had turned off all but one of the lamps in the room, which shone with a faint yellow light, which seemed to indicate something.
I looked at the halo, as if seeing it for the first time, slowly ignoring my struggles to force me, and insulted me with a thousand yuan.
At that time, when she slowly looked at me, I'm afraid that she was already looking through me to look at other people, right?
It's just that at that time, I was too focused on struggling to see the complicated emotions in my eyes.
Afterwards, for various reasons, I became a gentle lover. In this period, from the beginning of our relationship to the end, I had unknowingly fallen in love with this man who cared so much about me.
However, after my heart had been moved, the deep pain woke me up.
Would you let me go if I didn't slow down all this? Will you agree to divorce me?
Every night for the past few days, as I lay on my bed, I couldn't help but think about those past few days. Those scenes became clearer, and my gentle eyes became clearer. He didn't see me in front of him, so I didn't want to continue.
There was a commotion in the hallway. I tightly hugged my legs as I sat on the sofa, but my eyes never left them.
I may have cared about him in the past, but now, I don't want to.
"Why are you sitting here?" When he saw me, he slowly changed. He then took off his jacket and put it on my body in a familiar manner.
There was still a slight warmth remaining on the coat.
But I wasn't happy at all.
Because on the thin shirt, there was a smear of red that pierced my eyes.
Sure enough, he didn't come back for the past two days just to see that woman, right? The woman he would rather have exchanged our children for that day, the woman he could have scolded me for leaving.
My eyes were a little sore. Even though I had already thought about it and wanted to clarify it, looking at these scars, I still felt very sad. My heart, seemed to no longer belong to me.
The numbing pain.
"Slow down."
"Yes, I'm here." He slowly looked at the tears at the corner of my eyes, as if he was at a loss of what to do. He gently wiped them off with a tissue on the table.
His heart felt as if it was being tightly bound by something, and even breathing was difficult.
Tears were more like the tide of a breakwater.
"Be a bit more gentle. Since you've never liked me before, let's get a divorce. I'm begging you, let's get a divorce. I don't need anything you give me. Can we get a divorce?"
I tried my best to open my eyes wide and look at him slowly. Even though I couldn't see his face clearly due to the tears, I was eager to see him nod.
As long as I gently nod my head, I won't have to endure any more of this.
As long as he gave a slight nod, I would be free.
I thought so.
"Lin Xiang, what nonsense are you talking about?" The one with gentleness pushed me away and looked at me incredulously. That look, should be incredulous right?
After all, my double didn't want to be manipulated any longer.
I'm just a double. Without me, you can still find a lot of substitutes, but I can't treat myself as Zhang Mancha, and you can't even try to maintain this relationship with me right? I don't want to be a double, do you understand? "
I almost yelled it out.
I don't want to, I'm willing to be a substitute. I just want to be a good substitute for my Lin Xiang, not Zhang Mancha.
"Impossible." "Lin Xiang, you don't have the qualifications to make such a request from me. Since you know that you're a substitute, then prepare your substitute properly for me. Before I say I can stop you, you can only be your substitute!"
As he said this, he raised my chin with one hand. "Since you're in such a hurry to leave me, it can't be that you're looking for your new partner, right? Lin Xiang, do you think that I am the kind of person who would tolerate the relationship between my woman and another man? "
I shook my head in fear. No, I didn't seduce another man.
"Shaking your head? Shaking your head, won't I find out about you and Zhao Xiyan? You've just lost your child and now you're hooked up with another man without thinking twice about food, and now you're asking me for a divorce? Are you worthy? "
Slowly, forcefully shaking off my face, I strode away.
"No, I didn't. I didn't hook up with anyone. It was you, you lied to me first. It was you who let down our relationship first. It was you who never had the so-called liking for me, I didn't. I just want to start the life I used to live. I didn't. " On the sofa, I tightly hugged my legs, unable to control my tears.
For the past few days, I've been in silence. The rumors about me and Zhao Xiyan on the internet have been suppressed by him, bit by bit.
I thought that he slowly believed what I said that day, but didn't expect that in his heart, I had always been this kind of woman. He never really believed me, right?
No, because he doesn't care about me, he cares about me being tangled up with others while holding up Zhang Mancha's similar face, right?
In the end, I didn't have the position or the status to bring up a divorce.
How long can this unemotional marriage last?
Was he trying to push me to death? Why do you have to be me, why do you have to hold on to me so tightly, so gently, so gently.
I should have known about it since a long time ago. Why would the young master of the Bo Family be interested in me, a rank 188th that I have never heard of,?
But I've already been punished for losing my first child. Why are you still treating me like this?
In the corner, holding onto a cigarette, he looked at the circles in the air, feeling a little irritated.
It's because of Mancha, that's why I treated her like this. She destroyed the image that Mancha should have in my heart.
As he thought about it slowly, his mood did not improve at all. He felt a bit irritated. Back then, Mancha wouldn't have done this, wouldn't have gotten too close with other men, and wouldn't have said anything that would have angered me.
Lin Xiang, this woman, must have thought that I was being too nice to her, so she brought up divorce without me knowing her identity.
She actually dared to say that she was going to get divorced. How could she so easily get divorced after marriage? Did this woman know that after marriage, it would be husband and wife? How long had it been since she dared to say that?
After that day, she had not seen Mancha anymore, but someone said that Mancha was living a blissful life, and that was already good enough. As for the woman in front of her, she could forget about escaping.
Although I have always been a gentleman, it doesn't mean that I don't have a temper.
He slowly turned around and entered the study room. He didn't take another look at Lin Xiang.
What an inconsiderate double, how could she propose a divorce? She had always been more obedient, so how could she be the one to propose a divorce?
On the sofa, I hugged myself tighter, but unconsciously touched the clothes that were gently resting on my body.
Silent crying.