CH 48

Ian Kerner was lost in thought. Thinking was one of the things he did best. He liked it, too. Having to empty his mind was what bothered him the most during the war.

War was an unanswered problem. The more you think about it, the more complicated and worse it gets. Maybe that was why he was broken from within. Thoughts that were supposed to be dealt with later came rushing in all at once as soon as he sat in the cockpit.

The thoughts that haunted him were more guilt than regret. He always knew the weight of his choices behind that steering wheel. And from moment to moment, he made the best choices. So he never thought ‘maybe’, ‘if I did that’ and ‘what if’.

So… he didn’t regret it. 

Because there was no other way.

Choosing the Air Force, following unreasonable orders, broadcasting propaganda, gaining unwanted honor and becoming a hero.

But the moment he stood in front of Rosen Walker, he began to feel meaningless regret. Like standing in front of a tangled thread, not knowing where to start. Come to think of it, he felt like that from the beginning. It was annoying and awkward. Unwilling to admit that to himself, he turned to Rosen with anger, as if she were an old foe.

If he hadn’t chosen the Air Force, he would have been on the ground instead of in the sky. If that were the case, would he have met her in Leoarton earlier? When he met her at the ticket office, he would have been able to protect her.

No, actually, that was just an excuse. He had many other opportunities.

When Rosen first broke out, he should have visited the jail when he saw Rosen’s face in that newspaper article, using curiosity and compassion as an excuse. At the very least, he should have looked Rosen in the eyes and listened to her story.

He should have gone to the courtroom instead of cheering for her secretly. He should have been on Rosen Walker’s side, who loudly proclaimed her innocence, and he should have sat down and judged his own guilt.

But he just stared. He shouldn’t have left Rosen to handle everything alone.

If he had, would something have changed? Would he feel alive again?

[I will protect you.]

Rosen had always believed in him. The distant words which were sincere but had no grounds to support them.

And now the end was coming. As soon as the ship arrived at Monte Island, his mission would end. But Ian Kerner could no longer complete this mission on his own. He rose from his seat and opened the sea chart, knowing that there was no answer.

‘I can’t let you cross the sea. You’ll die in pain. But that doesn’t mean I can kill you. I can’t… I can’t do that.’

‘You are the only one I saved.’

‘You must not die in front of me. You shouldn’t go to such a prison for a crime you didn’t commit. You….’

He looked at the chart for a long time and then touched his forehead. There was no way out. Like that time six years ago, he finally had to put his head down on his desk without finding an answer.

There were more things that he couldn’t do on his own.

-Come on, Sir Kerner. You too.

So Ian Kerner made a wish on a cake for the first time in his life. Walpurg only loved girls, and his prayers would not reach the ears of the great witch. But there were moments when he needed magic, too.

One drop of blood, one wish, and some magic.

If Rosen were a real witch, it would have been nice if the price was blood. He had it, too. He had innocent blood on his hands, and the little blood flowing through his body would not be enough to repay it…

***

As the sun began to rise, a knock was heard. Ian didn’t bother waking Rosen from his sleep. He waited quietly until Henry Reville unlocked the door with his key.

Henry stared alternately at Rosen, who was asleep without handcuffs, and him, who was standing in front of the desk with a tired face, and sat down, clutching his head.

“It happened. I knew it.”

Henry was already convinced of what he saw.

“You like her, right? D*mn it! Why is my gut instinct always right?! I saw her kissing Sir on the deck yesterday.”

“You are noisy.”

“Look in the mirror now. Look! Look at yourself and deny it.”

“I don’t deny it.”

In response, Henry grabbed his head. His boss was a man of infinite rationality in public affairs, but terrible with personal affairs.

“I told you not to deny it, you aren’t anymore… she really lives up to her name.”

“…”

“In fact, this ship wasn’t the first time you met her, was it?”

“Tell me what happened this morning. If it weren’t urgent, you wouldn’t have come.”

“Is there anything more important than this right now?”

Henry wrinkled his eyebrows and started to cry. Ian stood tall and looked down at the youngest soldier in his squadron and the only lieutenant left by his side. The child, who had once only reached his chest, grew up and now came to his nose, proudly facing him and nagging.

“Why do you make your life so hard? Why are cold-hearted people so foolish about personal matters? You always do crazy things when it’s critical. You left the army and navy that were barely hanging on, and refused to reverse your choice!”

“Also the Air Force.”

“I’m not talking about that now!”

“…Henry.”

“Why would you ruin a life that you’re comfortable with? I’m sorry, but that’s why I risked my life for ten years and fought a war. I said that after the end of the war, you could live comfortably, but now you’re in love with a woman who will die soon? A prisoner hated by the whole Empire?”

“…I asked you to tell me what you wanted.”

Henry ignored him and walked to the bed. Henry sullenly pulled his pistol from his belt.

“Sir, can you really kill her? I mean, do you mind if I shoot her instead? It’s better than going to the island.”

Henry was holding the gun as if he was about to pull the trigger. Henry’s anger was fully conveyed even through his level voice. But Ian was arguably more angry than Henry. He struck Henry’s elbow to take his pistol, then threw him to the floor.

“Look, you can’t kill her…”

Henry didn’t react at Ian as expected. He just stared at him sadly, with eyes weeping like a puppy.

“I don’t know, Sir Kerner. I really don’t know about this… ”

“Just tell me why you came and what happened.”

Ian picked up the pistol from the floor and handed it back to Henry. Henry barely stuttered out an answer.

“…You have to go to the Captain’s office. The ship won’t move at all. A group of beasts surrounded the ship.”

“You said it was okay.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. This is why I hate the sea. This is the first time in my father’s life that this has happened. Worse than that, there was a commotion on the deck.”

Henry’s eyes turned to the sleeping Rosen. An ominous feeling enveloped Ian. He put on his robe and beckoned to Henry. It was the signal to come with him to the Captain’s office. But Henry shook his head and stopped him.

“You’ll have to put Walker back in a holding cell. People are looking for her.”

“Why?”

As he asked, Ian Kerner realized the reason. He didn’t need to hear the answer. People never looked for Rosen after good things. They found Rosen only when they needed someone to throw a stone at.

“…The witch stopped the boat with magic. Everyone is crazy. Like a bunch of monkeys—”

“Wake her up and take her. I’ll go to the Captain’s room.”

He interrupted Henry and ordered. Ian Kerner watched Henry wake up the half-asleep Rosen, throw her a cloak, and drag her out. The door slammed closed. On the floor, there was a red scarf that Rosen had taken last night. He sighed and picked it up, wrapping it around his neck.

When people needed a witch, a hero had to appear. He had to go outside to pull gazes away from her. Now it was time for him to return to being the fighter pilot in a red scarf.

-Do you think the world wants to know the truth? No one is curious about that. Pretend not to, but you need witches as much as heroes.

But it was time to move on again. An object stood out in the corner of his vision. He paused for a moment and turned his head. Something inside the glass bottle on the desk was glistening gold in the dark of the bluish dawn.

It was the lucky coin that Rosen gave to Layla.

No, it was a fairytale.

-Why did you give Layla the coin?

-Coin?

-Rosen didn’t lie. It really is a lucky coin. I thought I was going to die, but I’m alive!

Now it could no longer be called a fairytale. 

It really turned into gold.