CH 82

Um, Your Highness, I’m not sure what to start the first sentence with. I’m just writing this letter because I heard that people who return to the past will pay the price someday.

I regressed on September 9th, 1515, before Your Highness graduated from Rosielt Academy. I still couldn’t believe it, but since Your Highness is alive, it’s enough. I’m just relieved.

Did Your Highness also regress on the day you visited madam? That’s why you treated His Grace like that, and Lillian… Your Highness didn’t accept her.

I couldn’t believe Your Highness ended your life in Helsen Prison. How did Your Highness end up in that place? No matter how hard Your Highness tried to live, you shouldn’t do that. Why? Why did you do that? Just… wait a little bit… please. Why did you go away so vain?

His Grace didn’t even hold the funeral for Your Highness. But he missed Your Highness later. Do you know why? It’s because Lillian couldn’t keep up even with half of the work Your Highness was doing. There were often times when Lillian said something wrong, and His Grace apologized on her behalf.

So that’s it. It’s not that His Grace didn’t think of Your Highness as his daughter, but he seemed too burdened to become a father.

When I first saw Your Highness, I thought… you were just a precious girl who had good parents and lived without worrying about food, clothes, or sleep. But Your Highness didn’t get to know your parents well, and you had to be careful even for taking a sip of water. Your Highness always worked hard to wear appropriate clothes that you couldn’t even sleep comfortably.

I’ve never seen Your Highness complaining. Still, I remember that Your Highness said you worked hard to be recognized.

Could it be because I was abandoned by my parents as soon as I was born? I couldn’t understand why Your Highness was trying so hard to be loved by them. Actually, I still didn’t know. I just feel sorry for Your Highness.

I hated people who made Your Highness’s life became difficult. So I informed about it to madam. I apologize. But don’t worry Your Highness. Madam wasn’t weak enough to be shocked by that.

Your Highness, I… was lucky to be noticed by madam and came to the duchy. I used to live in a place called Elpinis Orphanage, and whenever I slept, I always dreamed of my friend dying. To be precise, it was a dream in which I killed that friend.

Honestly, it was mean of me to say immature things to my friend who became a noble lady. So I left that friend and ran away. But why… did I do that? No, actually, I know it. I must have wanted to be loved. I was envious of my friend, who would grow up in an environment where she would receive love.

I didn’t have a mother or father… I didn’t even know how old I was. Did it rain or snow on the day I was born… I didn’t know anything about it.

When I said this, Your Highness replied, ‘You don’t have parents., and I have parents, but it’s like they do not exist, so let’s be siblings to each other. You said that family is not just parents.’ When I heard that from Your Highness, it was the first time I felt fortunate to be born. And… that day… it was my birthday, something I’d never told anyone before.

From then on, I approached people, laughed, chatted, and got along. I wanted to be of help to you. I wanted to show Your Highness my bright side. Because the first compliment I received in my life was from Your Highness.

It reminded me of the day when I was with Your Highness. Your Highness’s hand, which gently stroked my hair, was so warm. I wanted to be a younger sister that Your Highness could be proud of… Was I that kind of sister?

Your Highness would never see this letter unless I die. If you’ve seen it, don’t be too saddened. I only ask Your Highness’s times for two days. Thinking of what happened with me… And the next day, please organize my things and live the day of your life with me buried in your heart. That was enough for me.

If, very later, I got the time to be with Your Highness again, then I wanted to be born as madam’s daughter and become Your Highness’s real younger sister. A mother who loves us. And… living with my older sister, who is kinder than anyone else in this world.

Didn’t you know? There were so many things I wanted to do. I’m not a kind person at all. Still, I was glad that Your Highness stroked my hair while saying that I was a kind person.

My wish was that Your Highness wouldn’t ever read this letter. It wasn’t because I was afraid of dying. It was because I think Your Highness would be saddened because of me. In my next life, I wanted to be reborn and fly around freely.

In the past, there were so many times when I wanted to die because the life I was living was so difficult, but it was all thanks to Your Highness that I came to think of wanting to be born again.

If that time came, I wanted to protect Your Highness. I would protect you from heaven so Your Highness could live in peace.

If one day I suddenly disappear, don’t blame yourself. Don’t ever think that… you couldn’t protect me, or I’m dying because of you.

Your Highness, there is one word I’ve always wanted to say in my life, but I’ve been holding back. I still didn’t have the courage to say it, so I’ll write it here instead.

Sister. Sister. Sister…

I was so happy to live as Sister’s younger sister. Thanks to that, every moment was warm, and I learned how to smile without worrying about anything. I found out that I could be loved by someone and become a precious person to someone. Thank you for holding my hand and being my sister.

—Lari, who always be a proud younger sister to Older Sister.

* * *

“Lari.”

“…”

“My… Sister.”

A sad feeling surged from Charelize’s heart. Her tears choked her throat, and she was speechless.

Charelize finally knew why her mother had known of her death. The truths unraveling one by one penetrated her stomach sharply. She felt resentful for never asking her.

Charelize was well aware of Lari’s behavior, and there were a few times she knew that Lari had lied to her. But she didn’t want Lari to get into trouble, so she didn’t ask, thinking Lari would tell her someday.

Lari would always be by her side, and this time Charelize would protect her no matter what. That’s what Charelize thought foolishly. She was even more saddened that Lari must have felt the same way when she died in the past.

Charelize still stayed in Rosnia. Around dinner time, Hailey packed a meal for her and left it in front of the door, but she didn’t eat. It wasn’t until dawn, when everyone was asleep, that Charelize left the mansion with a frustrated heart.

A few knights patrolling nearby only lowered their heads from a distance, and no one approached Charelize hastily. As she walked aimlessly, she was out of the duchy before she knew it. Then she arrived at the deep lake.

When she was young, she often came to spend time with Lari there, so she wondered if her feet remembered it when she was distracted. Charelize started at the lake for a while without moving.

“Your Highness!”

It seemed like a long time had passed, and she was about to return, but she heard Lari’s voice from somewhere. Looking back, she saw Lari standing in the middle of the lake.

“Lari…?”

Approaching Lari, Charelize’s feet met the cold water until her knees. Then the water reached to her thigh.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t protect you, Lari.”

Lari tilted her head with a smile.

“If there is a next life for us, I will be your older sister too.”

“…”

“Because you’re my sister… I was happy…”

Her legs gave away, and she sank into the lake. Charelize knew she had to get out immediately, but she was getting weaker and weaker. Soon, she was running out of breath, and her body kept sinking down. She couldn’t face the vain ending again, so she stretched out her hand. However, it wasn’t enough to get her out.

Charelize pondered if she should just give up and accept this. Everything felt bothersome to her. It was hard for her to live.

“Lize!”

She had no strength to hold anymore, so she was about to lower her hand. Suddenly, there was a big wave, and someone hugged her, kissed her to give her a breath. Light purple eyes were seen in her cloudy eyes.

Arensis gave strength to his hand that had grabbed Charelize’s body, as to never miss it and moved her hand over him. Charelize recalled the day she chose to die. Now he could understand why Arensis felt pain and longing for her.

In an instant, she came out of the lake and gasped for breath, which she hadn’t been able to do before. Her lungs, which had been filled with water, functioned again.

“Are you crazy?”

“…”

“Were you thinking of dying? Leaving me alone again? Why? What’s wrong, Lize! Tell me anything.”

“…”

“If you don’t find your memories with your own strength, everything will go wrong, that’s why I just watched… If I let you find your memories… If you remember what happened between us… Do you want to live with me and stop dying? Please… tell me you’ll never do something like this again.”

Arensis ran angrily through his wet hair, then grabbed Charelize by the shoulder. He felt so frustrated that he eventually burst into tears.

“The time without you was so painful. Every second I breathed felt like hell. If you find your memories… and live by my side like before… So if you live the rest of my time, I can do anything. Charel, please come live with me.”

“…”

“There are so many things I want to do with you. When I was young, I put up with it, fearing that it would harm you, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live by your side for a long, long time, and I want to see you become a duchess.”

“…”

“I want my last name to be Marsetta, taking after you, not Peschte that I’m sick of.”

Charelize knew right away he meant what he said that he wanted the last name to be ‘Marsetta’, not ‘Peschte’ that was given to a member of the imperial family. She didn’t feel bad about it. Rather, she felt good.

Arensis risked his life for her several times. He jumped in without the slightest hesitation. He was completely the opposite of Delphir, who betrayed and left her. Charelize thought that she could trust a person like him.

While she hesitated all this time and backed away in fear, Arensis was slowly closing the distance. It seemed that only a single strep was left for him to reach her.

“I remember. Find you. I want to find you. I don’t want to die. I want to live. I… really want to live.”

Charelize thought she regressed to avenge Royal Princess Elizabeth and her mother, but she wasn’t. She realized it too late why she had regressed and why she was living the moment with her eyes open again.

She wanted to fix it right now and be happy. She wanted to live. It would be better if she was with Arensis. This time, she wanted to live a meaningful life.

“Li, ze.”

Arensis embraced Charelize. Her heart was beating. She lived. She was alive and breathing with him now. That fact alone filled his empty heart.

“…Thank you. Thank you for living, for telling me that you want to live… Lize.”

Charelize suddenly noticed Arensis’s hair color. It wasn’t light blue. As it went up, his hair faded into silver.

“Why is your hair color… Rather, how did Your Royal Highness know I was here?”

She used honorifics, but Arensis noticed she wasn’t meant to put up a wall.

“…This is a question that can be answered all at once. My hair color becomes like this when my companion is in danger.”

“Compa…nion.”

“Yes, Lize.”

It was still a very awkward word. Charelize realized that the title Arensis used to address her had changed.

“You left it in my villa… The letter, I read the letter. I knew why Lili’s eye color was like that…”

Arensis looked at the slightly trembling Charelize. Even if he wanted to give her what he was wearing, it didn’t seem to help much because it was already wet. After thinking for a moment, he snapped his fingers and teleported to Charelize’s room.

“When I leave, call someone to dry you up, Lize. When you caught a cold in the old days, I remembered how hard you had suffered for a few days, so I was worried…”

Having said that, Arensis stood up to leave, but Charelize held his sleeve.