Chapter 235 - But... I Love You So Much.

Ch-234

"I know…  I am tainted by him. But for once I want to be selfish. I also want to be loved and cherished by you. After being divorced I never thought… I could find someone who could love me and pamper me. I always thought acting like a hedgehog would drive you away. But as days passed… I didn't notice that I fell for you. The thought of you being in another woman's arms made my blood boil." She said, 

"I don't know why I am jealous. I feel like you belong to me, only me. I never imagined myself being kissed by Arthur. I thought marrying him and getting little care from him was enough. But with you, I wanted to do so many things. I wanted to marry you, sleep with you, cuddle you, kiss you and do so many sinful things. But  I am afraid that you would leave me knowing that I am not a virgin anymore. 

"Whenever I am within your close vicinity, I feel my body was on fire. I wanted you to make me yours whenever I see you. Whenever we kiss, I want to feel your lips on every inch of my skin. But again… I know…. I am not worthy of you. You are the king of Basilisk, and the youngest king the world has ever seen. You made many contributions. You are a business Mughal in the human world. But I am just a pampered princess, with no powers or achievements in my name. I am a second-hand woman. I lost my virginity to a beast. I am tainted by him. But you chose me. I can't see you suffer and feel grievances because of me. I know I am unworthy of you. Don't shut me out if you don't like me or feel uncomfortable. I know I am selfish… But I felt that having you in my life is not a wrong thing. 

"I just feel… after so many things in my life… I deserve a bit of love and care like another woman. And I wanted to feel that love and care from you. The moments that I shared with you are the most beautiful and unforgettable moments I had in my life. I am so selfish that I wanted to make many more of those memories with you till I had a chance with you. I am sorry. I am not a good wife. I… I.. Am so sorry," she choked out.

Esther felt lighter after venting her frustrations to him. She wanted him to have a better woman, but she couldn't imagine him with other women. Was it wrong for her to be selfish while ruining his happiness? Was she cruel? Why was she so clueless with him? Esther doesn't know what to do. She cried like a baby in his arms. 

Cyrus patted her back continuously as he tried to calm her down. He never has so many insecurities being with him. Indeed she was pressured to be with him. He felt sad for her. He always thought about himself but never thought of her insecurities. Cyrus berated himself for not thinking about their relationship from her side. He should have understood her insecurities and made her feel relaxed. At the same time, he was burning with rage. That bastard Arthur made her feel unworthy of love and care from others. His woman deserves all the love and care in the world. He also blamed God for her situation. He gave her a hard life in her past life and even now. What did she do to experience all these things? He held her tight in his embrace, almost crushing her bones into his body. 

"I…I… am... So.. Sorry. But… I love you. I love you so much…" she choked out in her low voice like a rabbit. Cyrus was distressed with her words now. He wanted to tell her that her thought was wrong and she deserves love. 

Cyrus broke the hug and cupped her face in his palms. He gazed into her eyes deeply, as if trying to see through her soul. 

"Esther… Do you know… your eyes are so beautiful. I can find myself in your eyes. I feel content being with you. Do you know… I am so afraid that you leave me one day after knowing my shortcomings. Every day… I used to wake up with nightmares. Those nightmares are the worst reality in my life. I am five hundred and thirty years old. In the past two hundred and twenty-four years… I did my best to cultivate myself. Every day… when I realized that I lost you because of my incapability… I hurt myself every day. My sister Shakti noticed my changes and asked me to get stronger to protect you when you're born again. With her help and my clan master, I did everything to make myself stronger as days passed. In the past two hundred years…. I became stronger. But twenty-five years ago… When I got clues of the man who killed you and made you suffer hell, I went to him and fought with all my might. That day… I realized I am still weak enough to fight with him. I wanted to grow stronger but… I slept in coma for twenty years straight. By the time… I got to know you and your rebirth… you are marrying Arthur. That day… All my two hundred years waited and my hard work went into vain. Do you what I used to wish the god? I used to wish God would ask him to separate you and Arthur. Every second was an eternity to me. When I heard everything Arthur did to you in those three years, I kept myself sane enough to not kill him by slaying his body into a thousand pieces. Every day… when I get the report from Nicholas about your mistreatment… I felt like ripping him apart and making him suffer something more than hell. 

"Finally, gods might have heard my pleas. They separated you both. But…"