Chapter 93 - My Costar Admits Everything

Yao Shen keeps shifting his gaze from the scene in front of him, to Xin Hulei at his side, crouched down behind the bushes.

His expression doesn't betray his feelings, but the clenched fist on his bent knee does.

Ahead, Yan Shuyi says something in a low voice, and the man in the red robes wraps him in his arms, whispering something fiercely into his ear.

Yan Shuyi tries to step away, but the man holds him fast.

Yao Shen is still confused, but one thing is clear, Xie Huan and Xin Hulei are not the same person, as he has been assuming since he found out the events of the novel were based on reality.

He can't even be sure if the man holding Yan Shuyi is named Xie Huan, but he resembles the description of Xie Huan from the novel and drama.

He's tall and imposing, and there's a decisiveness to the way he holds Yan Shuyi to him. 

In hindsight, it's obvious that Xin Hulei couldn't have been him.

This explains why his personality has nothing in common with Xie Huan's; why every time he talks about his love for Yan Shuyi he never mentions Yan Shuyi's feelings for him. 

In 'Crimson Promise' Xin Hulei might be playing the role of Xie Huan, but in reality he was Rong Zi.

When, Yao Shen looks to his side, the longing on Xin Hulei's face is plain to see. It's the same face Yao Shen saw moments ago while awake. The same sculpted jade features, the same unfathomable eyes.

"Shizun, I'll find a way," Xie Huan says, raising his voice loud enough for Yao Shen to hear, drawing his attention back towards the two of them.

Yan Shuyi shakes his head, clearly distraught. "They'll kill you if we're found out. They should kill me for leading you astray, but you know that the elder council has it out for you." Yan Shuyi looks terrified, his fine features sallow and wan under the moonlight. 

"Nothing will happen to me, we'll run away, let's just leave. There's not reason for us to stay here," Xie Huan says, running his thumb over Yan Shuyi's cheek and cupping his jaw.

But what about the demonic realm, that he and Xin Hulei were supposed so save?

At Yao Shen's side, Xin Hulei's expression doesn't change. If he's wondering about that too, there's no way to tell.

"But don't you want to help your kind? I thought you wanted Frozen Peak's relic to save your city," Yan Shuyi says, surprising both Yao Shen and Xin Hulei.

Xin Hulei is clearly surprised because he didn't expect Yan Shuyi to know that Xie Huan was a demon. While there isn't a scene exactly like this one in the drama, Yao Shen can sort of place it at the point that Yan Shuyi and Xie Huan have already embraced their feelings, but are trying to keep their relationship under wraps.

In the drama, Yan Shuyi finds out about Xie Huan and Rong Zi being demons through Chao Yue's last, desperate attempt, to drive him and Xie Huan apart.

It generates some tension in their relationship -- but what kind of love story would it be, if Yan Shuyi didn't eventually wholeheartedly accept Xie Huan?

But clearly, this is the first time Xin Hulei is hearing of it.

For Yao Shen, the shock comes from hearing Yan Shuyi call what the drama calls the 'demonic realm' a city.

On the other hand, it does put in perspective some vague comments Xin Hulei has made.

"Of course I want to help, but I don't want to put Shizun's life in danger," Xie Huan says. "Shizun is so sure they'll kill me, but honestly, I think they'll kill us both."

He's right, the elders from the various sects will find several reasons to get rid of both of them.

Yan Shuyi's shoulders slump. "It would be better for you to take the relic and disappear with Xin Hulei. I'll die happy, if I know both of you are safe."

Xie Huan lets out a deep, wounded sound, and brings Yan Shuyi's face towards his, kissing him desperately, as if he's afraid it will be the last time. 

When they part, he looks into Yan Shuyi's eyes and says, "There's no life for me without Shizun."

It's then that Xin Hulei steps away from the bushes and leaves, without a single look back.

Yao Shen follows after him, looking closely at the tense line of his straight shoulders.

There's something else Yao Shen hasn't considered.

In the novel, Yan Shuyi doesn't die, he just become deathly ill, and has to meditate in seclusion for a couple of years to restore his energy. Which is of course a source of great angst and suffering for Xie Huan.

Except that according to Xin Hulei, Yan Shuyi is dead.

Yao Shen assumed that Xie Huan was just a different name the novel's author came up with for Xin Hulei, so of course he thought he survived.

Now he's not sure.

As he follows  Xin Hulei, in his Frozen Peak disciple robes, through the sect grounds, Yao Shen wonders.

In the novel, it's Rong Zi, moved by jealousy, that almost gets both Yan Shuyi and Xie Huan killed.

What does that mean for Xin Hulei? Is he responsible for Yan Shuyi's death?

Before Yao Shen can get any clarity the dream dissolves around him.

---

He wakes up with the first rays of sunlight streaming in through the half closed blinds. Behind him, Xin Hulei is still sleeping, spooning him from behind.

Yao Shen tries to move, but Xin Hulei pulls him closer by the arm he has wrapped around his waist.

"Early," he mumbles sleepily into the back of Yao Shen's neck. "Go back to sleep."

Yao Shen would love to, but his mind is reeling from all the dream's revelations.

It's clear Xin Hulei has no idea about his presence in the dream, Yao Shen doesn't even know if he's aware of dreaming at all.

After some time, Xin Hulei must notice Yao Shen's tension, because he asks, "What's wrong, did you have a nightmare?"

'No, but you did,' Yao Shen thinks the words but doesn't say them.

He doesn't know what to make of the knowledge that Xin Hulei and Xie Huan are two different people.

It makes perfect sense, but it raises so many other questions.

Unable to stand it any longer, Yao Shen turns around on the bed to face Xin Hulei.

"You're not Xie Huan, are you?"

Xin Hulei gives him a confused look. "No, I'm Xin Hulei...are you experiencing character bleed?"

Yao Shen sighs and clutches his pillow tighter. "No, I mean in real life. I always assumed you were Xie Huan, like, that you experienced those events, but that wasn't you, right?"

Xin Hulei's expression shifts, a self-deprecating smile twists the corners of his lips upwards. "Ah, so you've figured it out."

Having confirmation doesn't make accepting the information any easier. "But, you said you loved Yan Shuyi."

Xin Hulei nods. "I did, but I never said he loved me back."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yao Shen asks. He thinks that more than anything, he's bothered by that.

"Because I didn't want you to look like that," Xin Hulei says, combing a strand of hair away from Yao Shen's eyes.

"Like what?" Yao Shen asks, but he already knows the answer.

They remain in silence for a long time, and then, Xin Hulei eventually says, "Like you're wondering if I killed Yan Shuyi."

It's a terrible thing to ask someone, but it's a worry Yao Shen can't move on from.

What will he do if the answer is 'yes'?

How will he react if Xin Hulei tells him that since he couldn't have Yan Shuyi no one else could.

Instead of addressing the issue directly, Yao Shen side-steps it. "What about Xie Huan? Is he still alive?"

Xin Hulei shakes his head. "Dead too"

So, the events of the second half of the novel are almost certainly, completely made up, since both Yan Shuyi and Xie Huan are alive and well, and end up living happily ever after.

What possessed the mysterious Shi Shi to write something like that? A novel half based on reality, where the ending is changed.

Is it a warning? For Xin Hulei or someone else?

Is it a genuine desire for things to have worked out differently? A clumsy attempt to rewrite history in the hope of changing it?

Xin Hulei's gaze remains fixed on Yao Shen. He observes every shift of his eyes, every contraction of his muscles, trying to read his face as if it were a book.

"You can ask me," he says gently, while running the pad of his thumb across Yao Shen's jaw. "I don't mind."

Yao Shen knows that as soon as the question leaves his lips there won't be any taking it back.

He reminds himself that 'ignorance is bliss', that maybe, he's better off not knowing.

But in the end he can't remain willfully ignorant about something like this.

"Did you kill Yan Shuyi and Xie Huan?"

Xin Hulei nods, his gaze unwavering. "I might as well have."